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 Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 8:07 am
Fighting with Fiona usually didn't pan out for the other person because while her nails were sharp, her tongue was sharper. And she didn't like arguing, but she also didn't hold back, not when she was upset and boy had Fritz upset her.
"Being wrapped up in your own head is not an excuse you can use when you've treated people like s**t," Fiona snapped, knuckles turning white from how tightly she gripped the counter. She recognized that he was apologizing, or trying to, but it didn't change the fact that she felt like it was an excuse, a cop-out.
In the end, Fiona put up with a lot, more than she probably should have but she was a person who often cared too much. Which was why she was so upset. "God Fritz, all we asked was for you to talk to us and what did you do? You not only put your life at risk but your brother's fiance's because you chose to ignore everyone else who gives a s**t about you." She let out a shaky exhale of breath as she shook her head at him.
"Who did you go to?" There was a twisting of fear in her stomach when she thought of the general's he might have sought out. Didn't he know that none of them took failure well?
She pressed her palm against her forehead, pushing her bangs back and closing her eyes. Her body was trembling slightly and she was glad that there was enough space between them that he probably wouldn't see it. "Fritz," she sighed, sounding more tired and less angry. "You've got me okay, don't think you ever don't. Don't - '" she stopped, uncertain of where she was going.
"Family isn't just blood," she said finally because she didn't know what else to say. Fiona had her blood family, safer overseas than in the city, but Fritz was practically family too as far as she was concerned, and maybe that was the most frustrating thing about it.
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 12:09 pm
He flinched violently under her words. "I know - I know it's not," said Fritz quickly. "I know. I don't have an excuse or any way to justify myself, because there's nothing I could do or say that would take back how I've treated you, nothing at all."
He lifted a hand and ran his fingers through his hair closing his eyes.
"Whatever - whatever sickness, whatever...this is," he said quietly. "It weighs on me, it suffocates me. It's like trying to think through a cloud, and that's not me trying to reason anything away, but I just...I couldn't do anything, I was just..."
Paralyzed was the unspoken word. His mind had repeated the words over and over again - you're not good enough, you will never be good enough, you will never, ever do anything.
You were a mistake.
"The Code, it...when I visited my Wonder," It seemed like ages ago now, a lifetime. "It was there, and it told me I was mistake, that I was never meant to be a knight, and I couldn't get that out of my head," said Fritz, sounding pained as he looked across at Fiona. "It told me that, over and over again, like nails driving into my skull, it just - I couldn't get it out, it's still there, still telling me that I don't belong here. And after a hundred times of hearing it, I had already felt worthless, this just...made me feel like all my thoughts were right."
He looked down at his hands, curling them together in his lap.
"I was wrong, I know that," said Fritz softly. "I have more to live for than I thought, and you have stood by me for so long, and you've tried to keep me afloat and sometimes that was all that did keep me afloat. I owe you so much, and I treated you like - like crap, I'm sorry."
His hand rose and pressed to his face, Fritz rubbing at his brow. He did not want to say who he had gone to - but he had promised to be honest. He'd promised to do the right thing from now on, and that did not necessarily mean the easy thing.
"I found him through a sign he put up," said Fritz. "His name was Labyrinthite."
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 1:37 pm
He flinched and Fiona sighed, pushing off the counter and crossing the expanse between the living room and the kitchen. She sat on the armrest next to him and slid an arm across his shoulder, pulling him into her. "So, this code," she said slowly, exhaling a long breath because if she didn't she'd still be holding up all of her anger, "it's the voice in your head."
She wasn't sure what the Code itself was, but it had to be important to knights if Celsus thought it had the authority to tell him he was a mistake. "Why don't you take me to where ever this thing is and I'll let it have a piece of my mind," she suggested, still working on calming herself down. Fritz was sorry, she knew that but -
It was hard when his words felt like a slap across her face.
"I would've helped you, you know. Saving your brother when his fiance didn't believe you." She would have dropped everything in a heartbeat. Probably would've found said fiance and had some choice words for him depending on her mood. "But when you say things like that, when you do things like try and get corrupted, it's insulting."
It made her feel inadequate.
Mismatched eyes followed the movement of Fritz's hand while she waited for his answer and when she got it -
She felt sick.
"No. No, no." She pulled her arm back and wrung her hands together. "Please tell me you got his name wrong. Fritz - I don't think you understand how dangerous he is." Fiona couldn't help but pray that Fritz had mispoke but she knew better. "I hope you're prepared because he's going to come after you."
It'd been five years and he was still after her.
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 6:58 pm
He felt somehow that he didn't deserve the kindness as she sat next to him, her arm around his shoulders. It was a testament to Fiona's incredible generosity that she had not slapped him or kicked him out, and heaven knew he deserved one - or both.
"It is," said Fritz quietly, closing his eyes against the whispers that still plagued his thoughts, letting himself lean against her in spite of his shame. "It's always there, it's like a constant, draining, nagging voice that just...needles away at my thoughts until there's nothing left of them but it."
He had not been back to his Wonder since then and he was not sure that he could go back now. Fiona's offer was like a balm to his heart, even if the words that had followed were necessarily harsh. A breath shuddered out of him, and Fritz leaned back to look up at her.
"I'm sorry, truly," he whispered. "Please, tell me what I can do to make it up to, I'll do whatever it takes to get back in your good graces, Fiona, I owe you that much at least."
He caught the look on her face, the sudden anguish, the stricken realization that made everything worse. Fritz swallowed hard and gave a shake of his head. "It's...I've made things worse, in a way, I know I have going to him. And I have to figure out a way to fix that, to protect my brothers and you and Corvus and everyone I hold dear, I would fight to the death for any of you even if I haven't shown that, even if I've been a coward."
It did not take a genius to figure out that she knew just who Labyrinthite was. Fritz did not want to know why, but it was bad, and the guilt burned through him, making him feel slightly ill, but he swallowed hard against it, pushed it back down. Now was not the time to throw a pity party.
"I will make things right again," he said desperately, firmly. "I will, Fiona."
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 7:48 am
"It's wrong, you know," she said quietly, trying to calm the rapid flutter of her heart. "That voice saying those things. It doesn't know what it's talking about." Fiona was worried, understandably so, about Labyrinthite but that's not what she felt Fritz needed to see.
He needed to see her strength so he could remember his own.
"I've only known you like this," she reached for his hand because she needed something to anchor her. "And you try so hard despite all of it. You're never not fighting for something you care about and if this stupid code can't see that then maybe it's not as all seeing or as all powerful as it pretends to be." Of course, Fiona didn't know the first thing about the code but she refused to believe in anything that told Fritz he was mistake.
Not everyone was really suited to don the magical mantles they were given, but as long as they tried and as long as they persevered then they were meant for it. "You choose to power up every time because you have something worth protecting and you do just that - you protect people Fritz."
Everything about the invasion had been about protecting each other, as far as she was concerned.
"That in itself means you were meant for this because it's so much easier to turn your back on things than to face your demons and keep moving forward." Sometimes her faith in the people she loved was astounding. "As for him," she couldn't help but grimace because he'd been her personal boogeyman for cosmos knows how long. "There's no way to fix the problem, unless you're trying to kill him and - " she frowned, looking away because she still didn't know if that was something she was capable of doing. "Don't. I wouldn't - " She wanted to tell him that seeking Labyrinthite out in attempts to protect them was a terrible idea, but she was worried about even giving him the idea. "Don't do anything reckless, we're better, stronger as a unit that can support each other. You can protect me by letting me there to protect you too."
Fiona would sleep better if she knew Fritz was being reckless with her rather than without her.
"If you want to make it up to me, then let me help you face your demons.' However he needed it.
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 3:58 pm
Fritz gave Fiona a wan smile, tinged with sadness around the edges. "In my heart, I know at least that I have something to offer," he said quietly, and his fingers twined around hers, holding securely to her hand, needing the anchor just as much as she did. "But convincing my head when all it's telling me is that I'm useless is a struggle I wasn't ready to fight."
Her belief in him made rise inside - but it also came with a powerful surge of gratitude and relief. After all he had done, after all that had happened, Fiona still believed in him, still thought that he was worth the trouble of staying with and supporting. Fritz could not quite put into words how much this alone meant to him - Hitch, Rhys, Fiona, Corvus; all of them should not have ever been put through what had happened, and yet all three of them still were at his side.
He did not deserve them, but they were incredibly precious to him all the same and he would protect them - and what he had with each one of them - with his life.
Fritz gave a nod of his head. "I'll tread carefully around him," he said quietly. "I promise. I...don't know if I could kill him, so I promise, I won't do anything reckless anymore, especially not with him or anything or anyone else. I can't promise I won't be stupid sometimes," he added, with a slight smile. "But I can promise to do my best."
His throat felt thick, and Fritz lowered his gaze, fingers tightening ever so slightly around Fiona's.
"Thank you," he said softly. "Truly."
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 8:54 pm
Blue and green eyes drifted down to their twined hands, which she squeezed. Self-doubt was a scary thing and she knew the struggles of getting lost in your head, whatever Fritz had gone through she wouldn't ever really know or understand but she was willing to try at least. Empathy was something Fiona understood and she liked to think that she was very good at it.
"Just know I would be there in a heartbeat if you ask me to." That was a promise she could confidently offer. Being alone had been a terrible thing when Lucien had left Destiny City for his own safety and sanity. She couldn't blame him, even if she couldn't leave herself, but she knew what it was like to feel like there was nothing even when surrounded by other people. Things were better, she had a little gaggle of people that she held dearly and would do anything to protect.
"We're stronger when we stand together," she said again, a long exhale of breath accompanying it when she lifted her eyes to meet his. "I don't mind reckless as long as you're not alone." At least if they were together, they had the ability to have each other's backs.
She slid off the arm rest and tugged at their joined hands. "Come on, help me make some tea and then, we can figure out where to go from here, together. Okay?"
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2016 2:42 pm
Trying to quantify how much gratitude he felt towards Fiona at that moment was difficult. Fritz knew that he'd made a mess of things, but here she was, still trying to support him, and still encouraging him after everything that he had done and all the mistakes he had made.
"Thank you," he said quietly. "And the same goes for you, I promise. I will be there for you whenever you need me to be, in whatever capacity that I can be there in."
We're stronger when we stand together. He knew this, knew that it was much better to spend time working together and not alone, in spite of his head trying to convince him otherwise. Fritz exhaled a long breath and gave Fiona's hand another squeeze as she slid to stand, pulling him with her.
"Okay," he said, and if he had been a little more secure in his own self again, he would have hugged her, but he wasn't quite ready for that yet. Instead, Fritz just closed his eyes momentarily, opened them again, and smiled at his friend.
"We'll figure it out together."
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