Welcome to Gaia! ::

It was silent for more than he could possibly bare. Desperate, he laid Deskri back down, he drank from the bottle himself, tilted Deskri's head slightly and attempted to force the liquid into his mouth. The noise in his mind was deafening as it grew louder and louder. Voices, and lots of them in his mind, screaming out, pained and tormented.

After forcing as much as he could through to Deskri as he could, he didn't bother to wipe his mouth as the charcoal had spilled out during the exchange. Rhun waited a moment, "Deskri?" another moment. "Deskri!" a bit louder now. He froze up, his eyes darted about then focused back on his body. Another second, or was it a minute? Time was melding together, his head was swelling with thoughts. He shook Deskri. Waited. Shook him harder.

His eyes grew cold as they fixated hard on the features of Deskri's face. His frail body. The bags that were still apparent under his eyes underneath all that eyeliner. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. Rhun closed his eyes as tight as he could, hoping that if he wished hard enough, that he'd wake up from this nightmare. His eyes fluttered open, scanned the dark room, focused once more on Deskri.

The silence broke as Rhun let out an anguished wail that filled the house. It lasted for more than a few minutes until his voice grew hoarse, cracked, then faded to a whimper.

Silence.

His body was moving on it's on now, before he could track what was happening, he had grabbed the edge of the desk that occupied the room and over it went, toppled onto it's side as Rhun threw it with all his anger. He lashed out at almost every piece of furniture in the room, leaving the bed untouched, being at least careful enough not to damage anything towards Deskri as he ripped posters from the walls, knocked over furniture, punched the doors. Another wail escaped his lips as his body arched back, he was no longer in control. His eyes darted to the only other piece of untouched furniture in the room, the large dresser adorned with a very large mirror. He peered at himself, the monster he had become. The anger that planted its seed within him too long ago. This is everything he tried not to become. The temper that he struggled with every day. The mask that he hides behind. The true monster beneath that mask.

This is all your fault.

Another sound filled the house, shattering, as Rhun punched through the mirror and broke it into a million pieces. He shifted his gaze over to Deskri again, stumbling over to him. His vision was blurry through all the tears that now occupied his face. He took one last glance around the room and picked up Deskri, walking out of the room, closing the door, and moving him to another bedroom. When he laid Deskri down, Rhun fell to his knees beside the bed and laid his head next to his body. The glean in his eyes were dying down as he carefully watched for Deskri to breathe. It was shallow, but still there. He always felt tired after an episode, so he closed his heavy eyes. His hand lingered to intertwine with Deskri sleepily.

"Sleep sounds good. If he wakes up.. I'll be here. Hopefully, the medicine will help speed up the process."

"I'll be here when you wake up."

Rhun was never fond of sleeping to be honest. Even after an episode like earlier, his body would force him to sleep. His dreams deceived him constantly, even after the influence of illusions had long been a thing of the past. It would show him the beast within him, show him his wrongdoings, his regrets, his fears. The illusions would never hold back and continuously tried to do worse than the last. Though, he was slightly comforted this time around. A feeling usually accompanied by happiness but all he felt was dread. He was never truly safe, so comfort almost always led to betrayal.

Just a little longer.

A memory was starting to surface. Who was that? Why did he feel like he never wanted to wake up? Like this was the only time he'd ever feel secure. Warm.

A shriek broke through, rattled him to the core as he jolted back to waking reality. The blood that enveloped his arm from his earlier wounds pooled together into his hand and took shape into a sword. Acting on pure instinct, he pulled it up to point at Deskri in the blink of an eye. Who was this person? An illusion? "Deceiver!" he cried out in anger, his eyes cold and calculating. Blood thirsty. The illusion did not fade. This was real. He was real.

Rhun's eyes opened wider at the fear in Deskri's eyes. "Wait.. I can explain." he retorted quickly, another mental kick as he realized that line never works in any situation. "...please..." his voice softened, still slightly hoarse from his earlier battle to control his rage.

His eyes softened with relief then flipped into pain as he was relieved that Deskri was, in fact, okay. However, he was not mentally. He longed to scoop him up and coddle him like a scared child. He had read somewhere that maybe it wasn't a good idea. Despite the fact that he could easily overpower Deskri into a close embrace, he knew nothing of Deskri's experiences and how that might affect his capacity to handle physical sensory of any sort. What could he do to soothe him in this state.

His eyes shifted to the sword in his hand. "I could start by not being armed..." he begrudgingly sassed himself. Something he picked up along the way in absence of the illusionist that plagued him many years ago. He was gone, but the voice remained, egged on by his own subsonscience.

He came to a gradual stand as the sword seem to become pliable, melt and form back into his open wounds. Once the sword was gone, the small lacerations begin to bleed a bit as normal.

He thought long and hard about what to do. He should know what would help, but nothing would surface. He shifted his gaze away with guilt, assuming he had been the one to scare him in the first place. "Are you hungry? I doubt there's any substantial foods in this house, but the pantry items should be fine if there is any. If there's flour, I might be able to bake something." his raspy voice rambled on softly, just trying to say anything that might spur his forgiveness. "I know it's not much, but at least it's food..." he mumbled, keeping his distance so he didn't cause any more problems.

Rhun didn't actually seem phased by Deskri's reaction, he felt even more guilty, as though he hurt an innocent animal. He shifted his gaze to the cocoon and watching the purple-haired meta peek out. His face lightened, trying to be as soothing as he could muster at the moment when Deskri spoke. This was good. His eyes genuine as he adjusted his stance so that he seemed a bit more.. collected.

"...I had a feeling." he whispered, a smile begging to find a welcome place upon his lips.

"Do you need help to the dining room?" he offered, extending a hand to him, judging the situation carefully to first off make sure the Deskri was going to remain alright, if he was able to recover well, and finally if he was finally beginning to adjust to him.

Rhun was relieved that Deskri felt anywhere near comfortable enough to touch his hand. His chest fluttered slightly as the smile finally found a place to nuzzle into his face. It felt well deserved, a moment that could last a very long time tucked carefully into his memories for safe keeping.

But alas, the good emotions were always so fleeting.

As Deskri spoke, Rhun's eyes met with his, trading places to shift down to his own hand. The smile remained valiant however as Rhun was not really worried too much about that. "It will heal soon enough. I'm sure you know by now I'm not exactly human either." he retorted calmly. He wanted to forget everything that had pained him if even for a moment just to enjoy this one. It had been too long since he was allowed such things.

Then, there it was.

Yes, why were they there. Where? He looked around the room, taking in the scene as it slowly dawned on him exactly the place they had been. He couldn't even come up with a good answer. He blinked suddenly, staring at Deskri once again as his lips opened to release words, but they didn't come.

"s**t. You have to say something." "Is this not the home of Dr. Kae Broken? I was a fan of her research, I figured a woman of her caliber would have some kind of medicine to help you in her house."

"Seriously? That's what you came up with?" his thoughts hissed as he averted his gaze to the door. "..let's go." He took a deep breath and gently lead Deskri to the kitchen. He guided him to the dining table and took to the pantry to see what he could find.

Rummaging about, he did find some instant pancake mix. He was actually quite skilled at cooking, so it wouldn't be hard to make them. Rhun's lips twisted quizzically as he scanned the pantry once more. Cocoa mix? What an excellent choice. He could make them into some sort of chocolate pancakes. Then at least it won't be so bland.

He set the pancake mix on the counter and turned to grab the cocoa mix. In all the excitement now beginning to buzz in his head, he hadn't set the box fully on the counter and it tipped over. Rhun's eyes caught a glance and was able to catch it in time, but some of the flour escaped and spilled on the front of his clothes. "Good job, maybe you should have found an apron first.." he sighed and ignored the thought. He accepted that he would have to change later, but he might as well finish cooking first. He took a glance into the fridge, but it was empty. This was just going to have to do for now until he could get the cafeteria stock piled later.

He began to work his culinary magic and within a matter of a few minutes, the chocolate pancakes were done. He opened the cabinet above him and took plates out. He made two plates of pancakes and set them on the dining table, one in front of Deskri and the other he set at the currently empty chair. He grabbed some silverware and brought those to the table as well.

He contemplated whether to change already or at least eat first. Food first. He sat down at the table and took a bite. Rhun looked over to Deskri, to see if he enjoyed his creation, if he hadn't been paying attention, he probably would have been sporting a pretty dumb smile right about now, but he stayed composed as he took another bite. Not his favorite flavoring, but better than plain pancakes any day.

The meal was going well, then Deskri began to present more questions, more holes to his story. Why was he slipping this badly. He knew it would be a risk even being around Deskri, but he needed help. He needed him. This was bad. "...so how fast are you going to back pedal this time..."

He shook the voice. His thoughts were turning to static as he tried his best to come up with something to say. Lies covering more lies. That's all he was good at. "I did not personally know her. At least not that I remember. It's been, what, 20 years since this place was closed. I was too young to remember her or my experiences in this school if I had any." a sense of pain glinted in his eyes. "He's going to be so pissed at you.... But then again, he would have been either way."

His head was starting to hurt, thankfully not out of anger this time or anything. He didn't even finish his pancakes as he stood up from the table. "...excuse me. I should change." he mumbled as he avoided eye contact with Deskri. He moved into another open bedroom, closed the door and began to remove his jacket, vest, and shirt. He opened the closet and was met with a selection of adult clothing obviously for a male. The pants would have run a bit small but thankfully he only needed a shirt for now, and the ones located in here would fit him well enough to get by. He selected a shirt and threw it on the bed. He sat on the other side of the bed, facing away from the door as he rested his head into his hands for just a moment.

"...god dammit."

Rhun took a few deep breaths, trying not to light the flame of rage once again. It was always more dangerous when he was angry at himself, that consisted of the worst episodes he'd ever had. He trailed through his memories, the good and the bad. Most importantly of the ones he had here. When he was here. Rhun searched his mind for answers to his burning questions.

Why him of all people? Why did he have to be the first to be here? Why was he even worse?

Was this my fault?

Of course it was. He was never there when he really needed him. And when he was there, he caused nothing but trouble.

Selfish

That word burned like a hot knife in his heart. Everything up until this moment was just him being selfish. Even trying to take responsibility ended up being sullied by his selfishness.

"You love seeing me like this, don't you?" he whispered into the silence of the room, as though expecting a response from something that was no longer there. "You always do this to me..." It was like he was holding a conversation on his own, yet Rhun only heard silence. He hated that.

"How long before you take this away too?" he muttered slowly, the anguish slowly creeping back into his voice as he ran a hand over his shoulder and over the distressed skin of where his wings used to be. It had healed a long time ago, but it was still very obvious that it was not any sort of professional removal judging by how big the area of discolored skin was. Despite being the largest injuries to be seen on his body, many healed abrasions and cuts dotted his pale skin like a map of constellations drawn by an angry god.

It took a couple minutes to clear his mind, he tried to remember what he was taught when he was just learning to control his temper. Focus. He closed his eyes and came to a stand. Breathe. He took in a deep breath, opening his eyes on the exhale. What was step three again? That wasn't exactly a good sign. You can't have a three step plan, and forget what the final step was. All the commotion had caused his mind to slip. Normally, he could handle his usual insomnia, but with Deskri added to the equation and all that they went through only several hours earlier, he was desperately trying to keep his mind from swirling. It was always disorienting waking up from sleep, he had a lot of trouble distinguishing reality to an illusion even though he hadn't actually been faced with the choice in quite a long while now. His brain desperately tried to cling to something that was coming up blank. Who taught him to control his anger? What was step three? Who was step three?

It would probably be better to assess the situation at hand at first and then work on his formerly broken psyche.

Rhun turned slightly, looking down at the bed and picked up the shirt. He put it on, buttoning it up and adjusting it to fit comfortably. He inspected his jacket for flour, and surprisingly didn't find any so he put the jacket back on. He decided he would merely come back for his dirty clothes later, it would be a while before he could get around to washing them anyway.

He tugged the sides of the jacket forward to situate it in the proper position and moved towards the door. Rhun did not like the idea of leaving Deskri alone for too long, he couldn't imagine that going over well. It never does. He looked down at the lacerations on his hand and sighed as they were almost completely healed up but still visible. Opening the door, he hoped to find some way to convince Deskri that he didn't mean him any harm. To trust him.

Maybe this could work. Probably not, but he certainly wished hard enough that he could just catch a break. Just this once.

Rhun made his way into the hallway, instantly catching sight of Deskri who had seemingly been peering into Rasiel's room with what he recognized was a tearful face. It was all too familiar, the look of his tears smeared across his eyes within a heavy enough layer of eyeliner. He tried not to let it get to him this time. He was stronger than before, he could take this.

Right?

Rhun walked up to Deskri and shifted his stern gaze into the bedroom, still unkempt as the day it was abandoned. Delilah had probably left it that way on purpose, seeing as every other room in the house he had been in looked very well kept. He was trying desperately to distract himself from looking directly at the small meta next to him.

As Deskri began to speak, he glanced down at him every now and again. Was he.. reminiscing? Rhun listened intently to his words as he mentioned a few familiar names. The son. He knew exactly who that was, even though he was reluctant to scrutinize how Deskri spoke of him. He didn't want that pain. His heart was beginning to quicken, fighting back the memories he desperately tried to forget. Even though the malice he had encountered had made it incredibly hard to distinguish an illusion from reality, he was sure this was real. These feelings were very real.

Dr. Broken. he repressed the urge to twist his face in disgust at the name. Maybe Deskri hadn't remembered enough to notice the emotions buried deep within him, crying out to be released. Begging for mercy.

Mercy.

He didn't deserve that.

Mercy. It was louder now. Please. He didn't know what it was yet, but he knew it was coming.

Alice.

His chest panged as his hand twitched, itching to grasp at his heart tightly. By now, his emotions about Deskri were beginning to rangle inward, it was getting easier but not by much. He was holding out as long as he could with that. But her name.

At least with Deskri, he was already hurt when everything went to s**t. However, she was a different story entirely. His mind flashed with images that had long been burned into his mind. Even if he had tried to forget, the malice would never let him fail to recall in vivid details of the last thing he wanted to relive. It enjoyed his pained regret so much that it couldn't bare to change a single detail of the memory. His body was beginning to tense up despite his mind pleading it to stop.

"...mercy.." one word, a small wine, had escaped him.

He cletched his teeth as his gaze hardened into the room they had been observing. "You giving up already? You know that word means nothing to us anymore..." the voice in his head scorned.

"Please,... continue." the voice commanded.

Rhun began to repeat the steps in his mind, but it didn't seem to be working anymore, especially when he still couldn't muster remembering the third step. Without it, the words he repeated were useless now.

Think of something. Anything else. You know what will happen if you keep thinking about it.

"...but what do I say?" He had to calculate precisely what he would say next if he didn't want to tip Deskri off, unknowing that he may have already done so by now. Thinking over all the things he had done wrong, everything that could have given him away. He had to make sure that Deskri would not think too hard on him. Something to solidify his existence. But what? What could he say.

"No wonder you look pained. I'm sure what happened affected you greatly. Maybe it's best not to think too hard on the past." he focused hard on keeping his voice from cracking from his anguish. His eyes rigidly locked on the bedroom as a glimmer of longing beckoned behind them. "You're terrible at this." Rhun had stopped tensing up, but he wasn't relaxing either. The aura about him was becoming stagnant as he was obviously thinking about something intently. "...I know."