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 Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2015 6:27 pm
"Yea well, your not the only one. I don't understand it either. To be honest, my soul is too simple for all of this - Escapism is my forte." He would rather be on a dance floor, bottle in one hand and hot chick in the other. Rurik was a dog, and had his own way in which he handled stress.
He sighed, what was he even meant to feel? He was not too sure anymore, maybe he was just emotionally broken. He looked down at her with a puzzled face, wondering what he could possibly do to ease her mind?
He had loved Kia, he could never dent that, he imagined waking up next to her every day for the rest of his life. But she was not here anymore, there was no getting her back and he knew she would want him to find happiness again. Heck, if he would have been the one to kick the bucket and she was moping around he would haunt her a** until she took action. He would want her to go out, have fun, travel with Jo and meet someone who would treat her like a Princess in his absence. Was it cruel to presume she would want the same to him?
Was it insensitive to think that he deserved happiness despite his past? He was in his twenties, and not ready to wear black and mourn for the rest of his life. Why did everything come back to this anyway? Who was it for anyone else to say when was an acceptable time for him to carry on? To be honest, it really pissed him off.
He pouted and tried to form coherent words, words that would convey what he was feeling, but he was afraid he was not that kind of guy. Not the kind who was able to be poetic or comforting, he was no good at this, and far too used to fixing problems in the bedroom. "Nothing has changed Zoe, things were exactly the same as they were - you are just more clued in to what has been going on behind the scenes now. Bad stuff happens, life goes on and I am going to keep on living it, for the people who can't anymore. I do not know what else I can say - does that make me a total d**k?" He asked, the question quite serious despite the small chuckle that followed it.
His next words did make his face sour, more hurt than angry.
"So. It's easier to give up? You mean...
Forgive me but, that does not sound like you at all."
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2015 9:15 pm
"Nothing has changed for you." It was sharp-edged, as if she were insulted that he said it so dismissively. Yet there was no anger on her face as she watched him, contemplating her next words and deciding, very carefully, how she wanted to say them. For a woman that used verbal expression as a weapon, she knew all too easily how things could escalate. "I'm sorry for your loss, but past that, I don't care so much about who she was. This isn't a matter of jealousy." She sighed, irritated by her own words, by the whole discussion as they were having it. Leave it to her parents to make her life so impossibly complicated when all she wanted to do was escape in a smoky basement somewhere else. "I feel foolish for not knowing and for letting myself be blind sided by something so important to so many people." Pride, injured pride. She knew what the lingering hurt was now and what name to put to it, even if she wouldn't admit it to him out loud. It had been such a long time since anything of such caliber had surprised her, given her natural affinity for information digging and observation. Maybe if she'd just snooped around in his apartment a little more, instead of getting distracted by his lips. She glanced at them now, the way his sour expression tugged at the corners, and felt the small flare in her that wanted to press her own lips into them. No, she wasn't giving up. "That's not what I said, either." A cross expression lighted on her face as she reached up with her free hand and pressed a light jab into the center of his chest. Not hard, nearly playful - or it would have been, had her expression been kinder. "I'm annoyed with you for not telling me, and with your friend for treating me like I'm somehow the villain in all of this. I don't think it was wrong of me to want my space, or to be distant, until I had my head back on straight." Zoe's facade was important to her and she prided her ability to keep her cool. She wondered, idly, if this was the reason her mother always took retreat getaways whenever her father upset her. Probably - and the similarities were irksome. The only difference was that Zoe knew she had to be honest now - about her annoyance, the way she felt, all of it. "If your mother hadn't come by today and told me everything," there was a slight raise of her brows for emphasis - she really meant everything, "I probably still wouldn't be ready to talk to you. So no.. this isn't me giving up." It was her, still wounded, letting him back in before she'd put her bricks into place again. It was Zoe, more fragile beneath her hard chrysalis than she usually felt.
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Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:29 pm
Rurik winced at her comment. Fine, Nothing had changed for him.
"So... Your mad at yourself and I am off the hook?" He smirked, if it was not jealousy and she truly was more annoyed with herself, then he guessed that was okay. However, he did not understand it very much. Zoe was complicated and if he had learned nothing else, he had learned that her brain and his brain were both wired very differently. She was a conundrum, that was for sure. Though, he was sure that was part of her charm. Still, maybe a small part of him was hurt she was not jealous, that he could relate to, that he could reassure her about. That he could handle.
When he mentioned his friend his face became serious. He was very protective of Joseph, and his first instinct was to defend him. This was his fault, not the fault of the blondes who's only crime was to act out on the pain that was inflicted on him. He felt horrible for putting him in the situation and was ready to take all responsibility. "He treated you like the villain? I am pretty sure it was me who got assaulted, in my own living room I might add."
He pouted, had a stranger really hurt her so much? Rurik's face softened at the thought, why did she care so much of what Joseph thought of her? Was she upset at the thought of one of his friends taking a disliking to her? He was puzzled, and knew that Joseph held no bad blood towards Zoe. She had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time; which she would not have been if she had left when he had asked her to - but he kept that thought to himself. Still, it was a shame, he imagined the two would get along if the situation had been handled better.
His best friend and his wife not getting on was just something that could not happen.
"But that is a fair one. I should have told you, then again, looking back there was not a thing I would have done differently. If telling you would have ruined any one of those moments we shared, I would rather still have them all and cope with the cold shoulder." He was nothing but honest, he wanted to show her the best side of himself, the part of him that she might actually like. All of his sensitive parts had been paraded infront of her, but she had not shown him that vulnerability in herself. If she wanted him to show him all his scars, all his dark secrets and imperfections she better be ready to do the same. He felt on display, completely naked and judged. What was he meant to do? What was he meant to say to make this better?
He made a small meeping noise as her finger collided with his chest, he reached and grabbed her wrist tightly, but not to the point of pain. Pulling her into his arms and hugging her tightly. Squeezing around her middle securely as his chin rested on her shoulder. "No it was wrong, completely wrong. I do not care if I am yelled at, punched, insulted or bring hurt by people. But don't you ever run away from me Zoe, that is my one rule. I am meant to be the person you run to."
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Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:37 pm
There was a brief moment of tensing as Ryan's wrist closed around her own, a small flare of defiance, right before he used his strength to pull her close. For a moment she considered rebelling - simply pulling away or pushing him off - but then his arms settled around her and she felt his warmth sink down into her flesh. The tensing in her muscles abated and she let herself lean into his body as she buried her face into the crook of his shoulder. The annoyance at him lingered even as he spoke, but the smell of him was all comfort and memory. She sighed against his coat and shifted her arms from between them, until they slipped around his ribs and locked behind his back. "I don't yell and punch or hurt people," she mumbled into his shoulder, her words muffled by the cloth of his jacket and spreading warmth through the fabric as she spoke, "and I don't run to anyone." The end of her sentence seemed to carry an implied but and the air about her seemed to hang expectantly for a moment while the room waited for her to finish her train of thought. It was hard, though, the heart to heart. Her eyes had long closed against him so that she didn't have to see his face, but she felt his chin resting on her shoulder and the soft brush of his cheek against her temple. Sometimes, simply making herself speak was the hardest thing of all. When it seemed like she might have just given up, she pulled her head away from where she had buried it into his shoulder and turned it so that her cheek rested into it instead. She drew one deep, satisfying breath of fresh air and stared blankly into the fire crackling near them, watching the flames throw colors and light onto the walls of the hearth. "If that's what you want, all I can promise is to try my best, because you're asking me to change part of who I am." Yet she understood the importance behind it. If they were really and truly going to try and make a real go of the marriage, which was barreling toward them even if they weren't ready - if they were going to have even the slightest hope of being an actual couple, she had to expand her barrier from one person to two. Rurik had to fit neatly inside of her wall. Her arms tightened around him at the thought, like she could pull him through it physically and just be done with it. "I'll give what you give, Ry."
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Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 9:04 am
"I am not asking you to change anything, I like you just the way you are. All I am asking is that you let me in. Help me understand."
Help him understand what was going on. Help him help her. They both were experiencing new situations and feelings, circumstances that not many people could relate to. The situation was strange and it made it all the more important that they were honest with each other, he was beginning to realise that now. He could not protect her by keeping her in the dark, she was going to be part of it all soon enough. He pouted, once again feeling a pit of guilt in his stomach.
He had been in the dark for the past week, every attempt he made to reach out had been rejected, he was at a complete loss at what to do. Despite that, as soon as she had sent that message he had sprung into action. Sure he took the journey rather leisurely as he pondered what to say, but never the less he had come. At the end of the day they were a partnership, if it was leaning towards romantic or not was redundant, they had to stick together, for better and for worse.
"I told you when we met, I hate being the cause of that sad look on your face. I do not think I would ever forgive myself if I hurt you again.
I am sorry, Zoe." He sighed.
There was no turning back now, not with this Gala planned and the reality was finally starting to sink in. Despite all his efforts to keep things as casual as he could, it was getting very serious very quickly.
He squeezed her back, and then leaned back slightly to free his arms. They raised to her face and his hands cupped her cheeks. He rested his forehead against her own, finding solace in the closeness they shared. "Would it be very inappropriate if I kissed you right now?"
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Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 9:52 am
"I'll try," she answered softly, trailing her fingers across the dip in his back, as much to comfort herself as it was to comfort him. There was no resistance as he pulled back away from her a little and moved her face to look up into his again, pulling her eyes away from where they had been staring trance-like into the crackling hearth. It was hard to look up at those golden eyes when she felt so vulnerable, but she didn't try to resist the gaze. He was right, and she knew that. At some point soon she would have to stop thinking of her life as Zoe vs The World - because her parents had seen fit to give her a partner. Not for the first time, she was thankful at least that they hadn't stuck her with Quasimodo. "Thank you," his apology, though she hadn't really expected it, soothed some of her frazzled nerves immediately. She was beginning to realize that Ryan was a caring, emotional man that was going to force her to face her own feelings head on - because she a distant, contemplative woman. She could have laughed at the role reversal, but she only smiled instead, watching his golden eyes as it tugged at the corners of her lips and brightened her face just so. "I'm sorry, too." Her own apology tasted almost foreign on her lips, but there was some fault in the situation she had to own up to. Perhaps he had lied, or hidden the truth as it really was, but if she had left when he had asked then perhaps they would have avoided some of the melodrama. She might have been miffed at her dismissal but they probably would have made up, days before. She drew a long breath as he leaned his forehead into hers, glad for the closeness. The warmth of his skin against hers and the gentle touch of his fingers felt comforting in the wake of the small rift that had been standing between them and bit by little bit she felt it closing. When he finally spoke again, a small laugh did bubble past her lips, and she let her shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. "Probably," came the whisper, "but I'd rather that you did."
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