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 Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 7:44 pm
"Is it going to happen again?" he asked in turn, an alertness in his eyes even though his voice remained quiet. "Because some of the things you pulled in Canada were too blatant for them to ignore, Chel. Are you going to be more careful about it?" Because he knew telling her to stop was out of the question and not an option he wanted to pursue anyway. Penumbra had been informative, if eclectic in members.
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 8:01 pm
The question he asked was probably the reason she had immediately returned to her room and gone to sleep. She knew it was the next logical step, that she would end up in trouble again and so people would say "just don't end up in trouble."
But she had meant what she had signed: I am danger.
Her gaze faltered back to the ground and she felt another wall between them, the same as when crystals had torn them apart. "I can't stop bein' me." Chel was nothing if not stubborn, bull-headed. Sorry again. "So yeah."
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 8:20 pm
That was probably the crux of it, the problem and the assurance all in one: that they'd never stop being who they were, for better or for worse. It made Jack wonder if, should that Hawthorn curse honestly be real, was it that trouble found them or were they just doomed to be attracted to it?
"You need to remember," he implored her, wishing for once they could stop this dancing around and just face each other, seeing not a wall but a rocky road, terrain he was familiar with, not more distance, not more separation, "what you do affects me too." And of course others around her, but it was his heart she was holding, him that mattered most. Even now he could feel an ache in his throat just talking about it.
"I'm not telling you to stop. Just...Please be more careful, Chel."
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 8:58 pm
"Jack," she said softly, horrified at the idea that Jack- Jack ******** Hawthorn would plead for anything.
They were caught between a rock and a hard place, as always. "You- It-" She let out an exasperated noise, unable to filter through the noise in her head. If that was even her noise. She let go of his hands and wove her fingers through her own hair, fingernails pinching at the edge of her scalp.
How did she explain that she remembered that with every fiber of her body? That it sang in all of her actions and she was unable to communicate to him: If being like me, if being with me is hurting you-
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 9:14 pm
His arm slid off her shoulders, and he grabbed one of her wrists. There was no attempt to stop Chel; he just didn't know what to do and merely reacted, merely held on. Even almost a year into this relationship, he still saw it sometimes as a set of values, and equation that required a certain amount of this or that to solve. With Chel, the numbers truly were variables, even when the problem should have been simple to solve: What can I do to make it stop hurting?
"I'm sorry," he said after a moment, voice and eyes drooping under some weight. "This isn't how you should've been greeted. I should've..." He let her wrist go and ran a hand through his hair, murmuring just loud enough, "I'm still ********' s**t at this."
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 9:57 pm
The grab was enough to make her fight back, pull her wrist away from his. Inevitably Jack's grip was too tight, she just ended up a slightly closer to him because of the pull.
She actually thought about shielding herself for a moment. She knew the motion too well.
You shouldn't be afraid of the people you love.
"Yeah you are," she told him, but it was the first time she'd cracked even part of a smile.
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 10:06 pm
He couldn't smile, even though it was good she could. "I shouldn't be." No excuses at this point.
Losing the feeling in his legs, Jack winced and sat proper instead of kneeling. Pins and needles ran through both. "Would you stop hurting yourself and come here so I can welcome you back proper?" he asked, extending an arm.
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 10:15 pm
"I dunno, you gonna welcome me proper?" she said crossly.
Rather than join him, she forced herself up, away from that spot. She didn't want to be reminded of that place anymore, and even moreso she didn't want Jack to fill it. Maybe someday she could explain to him why.
She offered a hand, at least. Chel was depressed, not dysfunctional. Not a robot. Not hers. She reminded herself of these things. She had to. "Come here."
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Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:31 am
He bit back a retort because he was too tired and too relieved to be able to even have that snippy response fired at him to bother. Taking her hand, he helped himself up with a small grunt and felt some of the wet carpet spots on his knees layer unpleasantly on top of the pins and needles feeling.
"I missed you," he said. Chel might claim she hadn't left, but it hadn't felt like that to him.
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Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 9:26 am
Chel had been intent on marching to the couch, but was stopped by the three word phrase. It was the same as hearing Jack plead; too soft. All wrong.
< Look what you've done. >
She paused and turned to look back at him, but not enough to meet his eyes. She wasn't ready (worthy?) of that yet. "I didn't leave," she insisted again, because she needed to feel some connect between the two people she'd been this last month. Chel remembered forgetting, remembered listlessness. She knew she was different, but the idea that she might be gone was not one she wanted to explore. She didn't want to remember Caelius had that power. It was her own strange rebellion to deny Caelius the satisfaction.
Arms wrapped around his waist enough to give him the hug he deserved. The one filled with ten thousand apologies to cover both the past and future, what she had done and what she would do. "You're stuck with me."
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Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 9:55 am
It had been a month since he had held her this tightly. Just a month: what a ******** softie he was.
"Good," he murmured into her hair, almost pulling her off her feet. "Doesn't matter how many times we ******** up, after all." Words she had assured him with one Christmas ago.
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Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:25 am
"You still remember that? God." But she didn't seem displeased by it. Only worried for what it was coming to. Crystals, houses and now memories.
He was the first to let go because Chel would have stayed as long as he needed. Even after she hooked her hands in his and continued leading him to the couch as was her initial plan. They had already slept and she didn't feel like sleeping, but standing around awkwardly wasn't cutting it either.
She elbowed him lightly before reaching down to take off her jeans (they were damp and uncomfortable from the bath mat- she probably should have thought of that before sitting there). "Sorry we didn't get to do your birthday right."
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Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:45 am
Jack yawned as he collapsed on the couch, rubbing at his face as he tried to push the last of his drowsiness away. "S'fine. We're alive. And now I have the sappiest goddamn letter in my possession," he added with a hint of a smile. "You shouldn't have."
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Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 2:30 pm
Chel made a face and maybe her sour expression was the most human thing she'd done since.
"Shouldn't have given you that," she grumbled, melting into his topside on the couch. Knees pushed between his and she wondered vaguely how she could ever forget these motions. "Meant it."
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Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 3:02 pm
"I know. It was the best present of them all, and I love it," he told her with as much cheese as he could, even though the sentiment was genuine. Taking advantage of their position, he cupped her face between his hands and pulled her in for a kiss, finally breaking into a smile as he did so.
"Well, maybe not as good as the neck massager," he amended, keeping close. "You wanna give it a go?"
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