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 Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:49 pm
It was so strange to be able to see oneself dying, looking on from so high as the world you had once known crumble around as the infections of the illness took hold and didn't seem to want to let go. It was so tempting to turn away but yet Juliette could not, a part of her wanting to see those last memories before they too were pulled into Creation just as she was fading herself into it.
She understood. She did, but it was still a little hard and she could only appreciate the last glimpse of her last month of living that Creation had granted her. There were painful memories, for sure, through so many of the doors. Terrifying acts that had befallen them all, things she never imagined herself to be able to perform especially at her age, and wonderful bonds that she would have always cherished but could only imagine would just be one more for the collection.
So, it surprised her, nonetheless, to find the two reflections within the Green door. Both with so many questions for her, both with such sad thoughts and wonders as they gazed upon her with remorse. What they both seemed to have, though, was a choice for her as they asked their final inquiry. It was so easy to answer, as painful as it could be. Juliette gently cupped each of their cheeks in her hands and looked upon them fondly before making her decision.
It was so simple really. For someone who had lived as she had, all an old woman could have now were fond memories, she had lived as full a life as she could have already filled even as set in her ways as she had been; she still had love, she still had her adventures. If she could now be of use to someone else, aid them in their own journey then really there was no question to what she was going to do now.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:59 pm
EMOTIONS:
As hard as the choice was to give up her memories of all the time spent with her friends the past seven days, the idea of not being able to make any new memories didn't bode well with her. Without a doubt, she choose her emotions over memories.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:14 pm
[Sa...??? chooses EMOTIONS]
As 'it' handed his helper's headphones to ones who went to retrieve him, many fragments of himself, lacking the vines to gather and bind them together, are claimed by the tower. It was weak, and so small now-
In the other side of the town, 'Saul Goodman' can't sleep. It was the 6th night; meaning, anyone-or ANYTHING that will save them from this place, if they remembered the promise, will came and-
---huh?
Nothing. Suddenly everything beside him shattered into colorful dust, including himself. Why...
And it was done. Everything in 'this world' was disassembled into what it once was.
Memories. For there wasn't anything real in this world; for they are just a piece of temporary consciousness, given 'memory' and 'identity' to accumulate even more 'memories'. For everything alive will experience something; something that resound with their souls, and remained there until they ceased to be, memories.
'it', which got enlightened by the giant construct moving them, which is Creation, then watches as the other 'memories' are harvested, in a form of lines of light, converging into thick lines, just like a tree's roots.
Suddenly, from the flickering shards of memories 'it' can see 'his'. The familiar town, the familiar faces of people. 'his' past memories...
-wait a minute.
There's parts of this that 'he' himself never experienced. It's like-there's one more 'him' out there, after 'it' was awakened as a lump of something inside the tower.
Then who is the real 'him'? The one with all the memories, or the one out there, succumbing to the 'infection' that was really-a process to retrieve memories?
'You understand now', it whispers, and then you are heavily aware that you have been separated and how oddly alone it makes you feel. 'I am a legacy that cannot be used to destroy. As all memories are harvested, they are also given creation'.
'For memories can only be gained by something alive-and conversely, anything with memories will be alive.'
Before 'it' can respond, before 'it' can even think what to respond with, the small speck of memories that regained its' sense of 'self' are nudged forward again. 'There is one last thing I would like you to see'.
And then there was series of doors, aligned in a straight line. 'he' remembered this doors; as 'he' was made to experience things inside some of them.
The first door was red, just like the first 'door' he entered in the dreamscape; will he experience the continuation of the dream? The door opened, beckoning him to enter. Inside of the door was 'his' memories, one which is filled with conflict and turmoil. His daily battles against the Undyings, the strive to get food and drink even if it means battling another faction's member, the chaos at the bandit's hideout---
The rage, the anger, the emotion inside him burns-something was awakened again inside 'him'. What was it? Before he can assess what is different with him, the vision disappeared and another door was in front of him, swinging open. It repeats for two times, before he enters the blue door.
Strange. He was seeing...himself?
'he' was moving rather sluggishly, Saul Goodman in his back. Suddenly 'he' realized that this wasn't his own memories-rather, this is taken from his rescuer. 'He' snickers when his rescuer said that this old man needs to exercise. Rei's memories were played back, complete with his inner monologue and the unbending will to save 'Saul Goodman', even if he was told that 'he' was not even a human.
A drop of something exited his eyes, wherever those be. If it's him---maybe he will remember 'me', even if I faded.
Those small emotions gathered, solidifying the small clump of memories once more, giving it more human-ish shape. There was three doors left.
And the end of the doors was a green door. Unlike the one from before, this door does not beckons him to enter, nor forces him inside.
It was waiting for his decision.
He grabbed the door, now not with a shadowy body, but a mist-like form which glows from inside with seven brilliant colors.
Inside the door was 'him'. Another him, the body of 'Saul Goodman'.
The body, devoid of emotions. The 'soul', without a body to contain the memories; both sides of a coin that can't exist without each other.
"So." "What should we do now?" Both of them spoke to each other, fully knowing what will happend to them.
In front of them was two doors. One will dismantle 'him' into pure memories, creating power that can be used to create 'things' that may help others. The other will unite them into one being with a 'life', an actual life unlike the illusion he lived through in this six days' time.
"...well, since we're both 'me' then-" "-you know which will I pick right, 'me'?" Again, both of them spoke once again to each other, confirming their decision.
The [Salvation Engine] maybe only an illusion of purpose, given to them by Creation as a mere backstory, but now they has gained another...no, an actual chance to make one, there's only one way to choose.
"-I wonder if that kid will be surprised." "Even if my memory of whatever happened inside this simulated world will be gone afterwards-"
"-let's greet him with 'hey, can you help me with this machine?' "
And thus, both of them-also 'Saul Goodman' chooses to preserve his Emotions-one which is truly him, borne from the memories implanted by Creation. For even he will lose the memories, it was not him; for what drives him is not alone memories-
'Memories can be falsified-but each of your response to it---was truly of your own. Nobody can falsify them.' A sound lingers, a bit sad, but happy all the same.
For one of its Creation has took flight-for it not a 'thing' anymore, but a 'being'.
[END]
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:18 pm
Mia stood there for a long moment, weighing both of his options. He knew that he couldn't choose both - it was either one... or the other.
The grass was always greener on the other side, wasn't it?
For so long, Mia had gone through life worrying and lamenting over things that had always been there, or things that hadn't been there...
It was so tiring. So emotionally draining.
He didn't want it anymore.
For so long, Mia had wondered what had happened to his memories - had he gone crazy so long that he'd actually forgotten them? Or had he forced himself to forget because it was too painful to remember them all?
The blond didn't know, and ended up shaking his head to push away his thoughts, his emotions. He was already becoming riled up, becoming frustrated, becoming... lost.
A sigh escaped him as he let his feelings dissipate, staring at his hands. He would finally remember it all... and at least he'd remember the feelings.
Maybe it would be better, not to feel anymore. Not to feel scared.
But... he wouldn't feel love, either.
I'm sorry, Third. For once, he had... he had to think about himself.
He hoped Third would understand.
Clenching his fist, Mia took a breath and turned to regard Creation, his eyes steely.
"I choose MEMORIES."
He didn't want to forget anymore. He wanted to remember.
Mia wanted to remember everything.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:20 pm
Rook - Emotion
While memories made a good point, in the end he'd be just that. A memory. It was true, that he may be allowing his emotions to control his choice, but at least this way he could personally continue to stand by those he cared about. The choice was clear.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:22 pm
It was time. The vines began to twist away, her mind fading to be one with creation. It was weird, she didn't feel anything, just accepting her fate. Was this even real?
Kammy didn't expect a response, but she got one. She gave herself one, as now she understood. And as everyones memories became one, she began to see so many things.
Until she was separated, creation giving the girl her sense of self again, memories returned. Creation spoke to her, saying it could not destroy, which made no sense. She had seen so much destruction in the past few days. She was then shown one last thing.
The doors returned, and with them came a host of emotions, the events that had transpired linked through the theme of each door, each event resonating with her in a different way, making her feel something different. Happiness, joy, sadness, anger, grief, she felt them all in so many ways.
She looked at them all until the green door was last, and once it opened she could see a perfect replica of herself.
A choice was given. It didn't take long for her to choose, as even if she could help everyone, she could not give up something so important. She was herself, and she had so many things left to experience.
Memories where important, precious, but Emotions would allow her to create new ones.
And this is what she chose.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:24 pm
EMOTIONS
One last thing to see.
The memory that was Calab was brought before a door, red-
-gold, white, blue, violet, black, green. With each one, he was different, he became more. That thing he'd been looking for, it was not knowing... it was feeling. He was able to speak of being grateful, but he hadn't felt it... it had been an echo from being human. How had he not remembered how it was to feel and not just to think?
There, in the green door, he comes face to face with that part of him who had not just gained emotion, they were simply memory. A question, what was it like to feel emotion, is asked. Emotion is- something that can't be understood with words, it must be experienced. It is something simple memory can not do.
And then he is purely memory once more and though he questions the part of him that is Emotion, he knows that he isn't enough... What Creation wants... he can not give, not yet... perhaps not ever.
There is but one choice for him, Calab, and he had made it before Creation asked it of him. A Legacy is something left behind, and he had not been wrought by enough trials to make a lasting impression.
For a moment both copies are one and he is sad. He would miss the connections, thin and frail as they were, he had made to the others during these events. Still, it was time to go forward- alone for now.
What to you, is Creation?
He would go back. And he would forge new memories. For now though, he was held by the emotions lingering for a life hardly lived. He had so much to do, to enjoy (and to ache) and it wasn't a choice, it was something he had to do.
He was a being of emotions.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:28 pm
For once, Leiah felt like there would be hope. She took a look at every one around her, smiling as everyone from different factions came together to fight, chat, and make alliances. Really they were all survivors trying to survive and thrive in a world that just didn't want them to. If they kept going like this, then they would all survive together, hopefully finding a new place to settle and call their own. As much as she liked the mall, she was so tired of being dirty and smelly. Besides if Jeff were here, he'd be all up for finding a new spot for the mall rats to call their own anyway.
Maybe they could find some way to start over.
Leiah smiled and looked up at the sky for just a second, feeling quite peaceful, content. Help was on the way, they would be able to make it! They would--
Leiah had been wandering the various halls of the tower, tracing various cracks and crevices with her vines, pondering and thinking. As Jeff started to become one with the vegetation around him, a particular emotion pulled at her, one that wasn't there before: A sense of knowing. Jeff wasn't dying, he was simply becoming one with a lot of incomplete souls, joining creation to prepare for the enlightenment that was sure to come fairly soon. This enlightenment was something that she was constantly thinking about ever since she left her rescuer outside to live.
The more she thought, the more passionate the rebellious part of her became. She didn't want to stay here! She wanted to live! To grow, and most importantly, to be human. Being human meant that she would be able to feel, to touch, and...To love. Drew.....I miss you.... she couldn't afford to just stay here and make something up about the fate of her boyfriend, she had to know what happened to him. She leaned against the wall, sliding down into a sitting position much like she did in the hospital, lowering her head as she fought with herself.
It wasn't till a bit later that her vines slowly started unraveling, revealing more of the small light that lied underneath. Instead of panicking, she felt calm, collected. Was she to be apart of the enlightenment that she never truly wanted? Or was this another dream?
'In a way', whisper all the vines around you.
She was fading once more, becoming just a light without a form, joining what could only be enlightenment.
Jeff and Lease would be there...Maybe this wont be so bad...
'I am a legacy that is used by others. Such decisions are not my own'.
Next she was splitting, becoming two instead of one. Her memories went right, her emotions went left, leaving her feeling, remembering nothing.
She felt like she was floating endlessly once more like before, merely watching as she sees a big tree rooted to her town, collecting thousands of tiny spheres made up of different colors. She had come to the realization that these were not people, but their memories, memories being used for a greater purpose. She casually floated through a lot of the memories that were not hers, feeling nothing. She would've felt curiousity if she had the emotions to do it. She traveled through the roots of the tree, thinking she would look very much like a synapse in a brain network, sending signals to creation.
Pretty soon, Leiah came across memories that were starting to look familiar. She saw everything from the university to the mall along with everyone that worked so hard to stake a claim, on the place that they would be calling home for the next month and a week. She saw her self after along with all the decisions and actions she made up until the sixth day, her form flickering slightly when her body succumbed to infection on the seventh day.
Wait...What?
Her form flickered once more, blinking rapidly. She succumbed to the infection?! What?! Wait!!
Then it hit her:
Everyone is infected.
'You understand now'
Then she was hit again, wishing she had a form so she could curl up. She was so cold inside, lonely, and she had been separated in two...There was an odd feeling of pain at the thought of being split, her small ball flickering even more.
'I am a legacy that cannot be used to destroy. As all memories are harvested, they are also given creation'
But!--
She wasn't even given a chance to question, to know more and to understand what was happening to her before she felt like she was being nudge forward.
'There is one last thing I would like you to see'
It spoke once more as she was ushered forward towards several doors.
What was this?
She should've known going into this little zone area would bring chaos...
She could see everything as if she was watching a show in high-definition on her living room t.v. She saw herself along with everyone from every fraction, including the bandits. She remembered what happened before hand, with the bandits that attacked the mall, how one of them dislocated her jaw...
Suddenly anger, raw and unchecked ran through her like butter, all those times she ran around like some sort of errand girl! Fetching information for them to probably use against them, risking her life to hear from a ******** radio! Why couldn't they do it themselves?! They had the gun power to take down most of the infected in the surrounding area! This was evidenced buy the fact that they had grenade launchers! If you have that kind of fire power, why weren't you out gathering information and risking their lives?! Selfish, inconsiderate, manipulative, un-appreciating, self-serving!--
As quickly as the memories came, they dissipated, leaving Leiah feeling different in a way...
The next door Leiah was lead to was gold instead of red. She blinked before floating through, becoming lost in her memories once more...
She jumped up in her seat when she saw that she won four coins right off the bat! Nice!
The first thing Leiah noticed once more was the smell. She hated the smell of cigarette smoke and stale alcohol, it made her nauseous and it also reminded her of why she choose to stay on campus instead of staying with her parents. Bad smell aside, everything else was okay, she even remembered the sweet fruity taste of the drink she had! If she had eyes, they would sparkle and twinkle as she remembered playing the slot machines, wining coins by the pile, conversations she thought she would never have! So much to do! So little time to earn! She just HAD to win more and more and MORE! Leiah sighed contently as she sat back and just lost herself to the feeling, taking it all in at once.
It was euphoria.
Time seemed to stop as she just stayed there, reminiscing.
It seemed like forever had passed when she was slowly moved again while feeling just as different as the last time.
Its just voices mommy....Don't pay attention to them! You only need to worry about me! IM the one that DIED because of your selfish decision! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!
The next door gave Leiah a sense of dread. If the red door was bandits, the yellow door the casino, then that meant that this was the one door she dreaded.
When she entered the door, she was immediately slammed with feelings that made her feel so pained and claustrophobic, looking through the memories of her time in the hospital. Memories all the way from her time spent in the fog with the infection slowly creeping up on her to guy’s trial creeped through like a drug. She was drowning, wishing the memories would stop! This was not her best moment, being trapped in that hospital with nothing but the illusion of a demonic child she never had, one that never came to be because he was conceived when she could barely take care of herself.
She thought back to the night in the mall that she spent crying her heart out, telling Drew her deepest regret. In the end, it strengthened their relationship that much more and she cried once more in the morning because she knew Drew would’ve been a great father. Maybe, one day they would get a second chance if they ever returned to their bodies…
As she began to leave this door and head into another, she left feeling even more different, but she wasn’t sure in what way she felt different.
”Im so sorry human but you weigh sooooo much!”
Leiah’s light flickered in a mock form of jumping as the door caved, revealing memories that were not hers. She was stumped, thinking that some mistake was made until she saw herself attacking this person wildly with her knife, the feeling of it meeting something quite ridged and squishy. This wasn’t a random person at all, but the person who tried to rescue her! The one she saved! Her plant! She started to feel uplifted as she saw just what this poor thing did to make sure she was alright and well. She barely had any memories of this time since she was mostly unconscious when it all happened.
But she was forever grateful to the one that took care of her when no one would, feeling a bit of hope once more. There was someone out there that cared, that tried and even succeeded at rescuing her. She started to feel guilty that she had hurt the poor creature, but even more so when she saw just how her rescuer came to be in the tower. If she’d only known! She would’ve tried something. But at least she was sure the creature was being cared for by one of their own.
She left that door feeling different once more, floating to the next door with more….She didn’t know how or what, but just more.
We can do this!....I feel so alone....
When Leiah stepped through the violet door, she herself outside, fighting the infected and making friends. She saw herself pause and look up at the sky with hope in her eyes at the thought of actually surviving this...
On the other hand, she saw her plant self, aimlessy wandering and always asking why. She felt a sense of hoplessness and confusion as she saw this version of herslef go through the loss of Jeff and question her importance here in the tower. The two versions of herslef kept movinf, never knowing about each other or how they almost mirrored themselves at some time...
It created a sense of Duality with in her, seeing it made her feel hope and fear, thinking that her fate would be either that of a conciousness or death by infection.
When she left, she felt extrememly different, and it scared her.
When Leiah entered the the black door next and came out, she couldnt remember anything from before. It worried her...
She didnt linger much longer as she was lead towards the final door, noting the fact that it was green before stepping inside, reliving all of her memories up until this point. When she came across the two halves of herslef, she had already made her diesicion along time ago. She wanted to live, to hope, to love, to be human. "Memories are what defines us, but emotions are what give us purpose. Without our emotions, how are we able to build relationships or families?" Her light began to dim as she talked, "But without our memories, we cannot feel the emotions from those relationships we were trying to establish."
She was barely lit now, her conciousness lowering instead of ascending.
"I am Leiah Sanderson. I may be a screw up, a mistake, and a girlfriend that tries to keep her secrets buried, but most importantly, I am human."
She was getting closer now.
"I choose to live, to feel my emotions."
Memories are what defines us, but emotions are what gives us purpose.
Leiah's light finally gave out and she didnt feel sad, knowing she made the right choice.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:42 pm
The sounds of that warm voice in her head made her giggle. Sunday purposefully kept her vision dark, because she wanted to hear what it had to say, without losing her mind to the sight of what it was - what she was - what they were.
It took her through the doors again, one by one. It forced her to relive her last days there, as if there was something she might have missed. Something she wanted back. As if it was just making sure..
She walked through them with no regret.
What is it like to experience emotions? She asked herself. What a silly question. And yet, she had no answer. There was no point to the struggle. She couldn't even try.
Her other self had no chance.
With one last, echoing giggle, Sunday gave in to what Creation was offering. She was going to be something more, something greater, something true and strong and fulfilled. She was going to rise to great new heights.
And most of all, she was never going to be alone. Ever, ever again.
Sunday Bernadette
Memories
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:49 pm
It was really confusion that was driving him now. A mixture of every emotion and memory under the sun merged to create the confusion while his mind ticked away at what to do next. Or what he should have done? Memories of before the incident exploded into this mess of suffering and futility were bubbling under the surface.
Beers and fun.
Oh how he wanted to smile thinking over it all. Surely they all had to be somewhere... Something was amiss now. Outside? Inside? "Aaron..." he whispered out, looking around for him. Wasn't Aaron just right here? Next to him?
Slipping... The voice was internal.
Everything's slipping... away....
He'd heard that in a song somewhere, but it would be the last comfort before the words came to fruition. Expectation and movies would have told him that he should be angry, sad, scared or something that involved a lot of exposition and cursing the end while flipping the bird in the air. Or perhaps something fiery like an explosion or saving a child... This "end" was far more silent than expected and yet he felt nothing.
Apathy couldn't even describe what he was feeling as the surreal scene played out. Was he even here? A whisper came from above him somewhere, resonating deep within his emotionless state as it delivered it's message in a matter-of-fact way. All of the words he could have said were gone from his mind and all that could remain was an understanding, though that was weak at best.
Isn't there supposed to be pain?
A small voice chimed in and he felt something internal pull away suddenly, leaving him to whisper a gasp. It was the end that was meant for him. The confident, funny, idiotic pick-pocket brother was meant to go this way - even if he'd always wished for something more grand. That memory was missing now of course, as was anything that would have even resembled wholeness.
Gazing upon Creation the world began to fold over itself and then unravel like a ball of yarn. Memories. Somehow he knew exactly what it was as they began to compile into a sea of memories. It was a flood of images he couldn't keep up with, though his mind fathomed that they were not his own. They rose and fell like waves in a storm, and he a lost soul among them. A castaway struggling to stay afloat.
Time is passing.
"Is it..." He couldn't be sure if he was actually speaking, or hearing for that matter. All he was sure of was that his vision was not failing him. This was something he was meant to see. Concentration, however, was more than difficult. The images moved over each other again to paint a picture as they rolled back in and out of the tide. This was a place he knew, a home he knew. Areas he had roamed since he a small child, all the way up to that bitter end.
His mind combed through the places and the people. It tugged and prodded at him as the faces appeared. First came people he had maybe seen once, then more acquaintances, friends, all fighting over each other until a wince shook his core at seeing his brother's face, though no sorrow came. And then this body... No you idiot! It was a scream that lasted for an undeterminable amount of time. The choices this man had made and things he'd done, now only solidified to these memories. The word resounded in his head as it unfolded: Idiot, idiot, idiot.. The visage of the body had fallen to the ground soon after, one of the infected despite all of their (dumb) efforts to remain alive.
That sucks.
A truck hitting him would be less painful as the jolt hit him and he felt himself jump. "...Me." At least he was used to being called an idiot. Before he could come to terms with it the narrative voice returned to him. Loneliness was not something he often had felt when he was whole, but now it roared loudly inside of him. He wanted to scream at it, tell it that it was wrong. Tell it where to shove it or even something less eloquent than even that. But... nothing. He felt a shove forward, collapsing in front of a myriad of doors, the colors blinding to him though he was pulled to them.
Dammit, Bandit.
A dull rage entered his body as he looked back on that time again. Pain was driving him to that anger as he was shot at and exploded. Then darkness. That was right, that crap had made him completely blind for 2 days. Whatever fear had existed from that was overwhelmed with anger and he screamed upwards towards nothing in particular in a loud roar that shook his body.
That injury. The injury THEY had lovingly bestowed on him. Helpess and hurt and yet they had expected him to work for them. For what purpose? A sick joke? It was degrading enough for him to have to be tied on a leash to his brother, but then carried and forced to fight like a drunken mole? It unnerved him greatly and he let out another deep cry of anguish. Blood was boiling and he wasn't even sure if he had blood anymore. Warmth erupted from him and he sat there in the anger's flames.
Those assholes. How did I let that happen?! It was directed at no one and yet everyone at the same time. Flames were washing over him until there was a sharp cold pain as he was thrown from it. His entire body felt heavy now, like it was holding onto something. Something - yes he saw it glittering there, moving towards it.
The Casino...
Odd how it was that he could remember the casino yet this feeling that rose from it was unfamiliar. It felt like a foreign entity had possessed him as he thought over his encounter there. Hadn't there been a deeply rooted anger here?
The glittering of coins grabbed his attention and he laughed as it dropped more and more from the slot machines and he grabbed, fought and clung to them. "Better than gold!" He exclaimed, though they were gold themselves weren't they? The laughing stuck to him and he chuckled a few times remembering how big of a pot he'd won at bingo. He'd enjoyed drinks and company just like a high roller.
Damn it had been an experience really. There was a grin stuck to him from the memories. "All of that was mine. A life for me." The words were foreign too but he went over it again. Winning. Drinking. Getting whatever he wanted. The good life for sure.
It was not by choice that he was ripped away from the unfolding vision and he coughed as he was shoved on. That heaviness had gotten worse, or was it his imagination? Staggering, he moved towards a bright light in front of him. ...Damn it, it was another door... but why did it feel like it was probing at him?
Fog.
It had been a maze then and it was even worse to see a second time. Kaethus was reminded of those strange eyes and began to shiver as he recalled trying to fight his way out but walking in circles. Darkness from the hospital or the blinding whiteness from the fog, either extreme put him on edge and he could feel his hair standing up on edge just to think about it.
What was really out there?
Did I do the right thing? A heartbeat picked up, though he wasn't sure if it was his or not. I left Aaron and Judas, how could I do that to them?! He yelled at himself and frantically ran through the whiteness. Am I so selfish? The questions were a barrage on his mind and he ran into something. An Undying?
A squeal parted from his lips and he jumped back into the whiteness, holding himself firmly with his arms for comfort. They are here. But you do not want them here. That is why. Surely that couldn't be his own voice? "I should have gone back..." He repeated aloud, the swirling mists of the fog rolling over him again. A booming voice was in the distance and he made his way out.
"Aaron."
He had been there... hadn't he? It was hard to tell. Something was askew from reality. "Hnnn..." A groan of anxiety left him and he shivered as it took over his senses. Breathing picked up, sweat and a pit in his stomach. "I shouldn't have wandered off!" Kaethus cried aloud, shaking his head violently.
"I'm a coward!"
At the word coward an eye opened and the white had receded. Staring ahead there was a glimpse of blue. It was the calming color, right?
Rescued?
...Was that a rabbit? It had to be a rabbit. Two lenses of his vision were focused on separate things. One was filled with darkness with the occasionally blurry scene when he tried to open them again. That was a memory in itself of fighting against that death grip of sleep. Yet the other...
It bounced and chimed in a sing-song voice. Hunger. It didn't NEED to eat yet it yearned for it consistently. And himself... "AH don't do that!" He cried out as his vision focused to grabbing his own hair, yanking it in both hands forcefully. Wincing, he continued to watch the horrifying struggle of really small hands grabbing a hold of his head and dragging him around like a ragdoll.
An eyebrow twitched. Did I just call myself Fluffy? Kaethus was suddenly really glad he was unconscious for most of it. Though he felt a sense of gratitude and hope as this small being continued to pull and prod him. Those fingers jabbing him certainly made bruises, as far as he could remember, but despite how small it-she? Yes it was a she. Despite how small she had been there was a tenacity that failed to leave her.
You can do it! He encouraged through his vision.
His hands had been tied around her waist as they moved onto the Vespa down the highway and he shrank at seeing the monster through her eyes. Was something so small truly so brave? A pang of guilt smashed into him. Even when she was smashed and probably broken she continued to pull and push him, yanking arms and legs to try to get him there yet...
Oh right he'd punched her in the face.
"Dammit I'm sorry." He muttered, but she still was there fighting for him. A protector for him when he thought he probably was going to die. "Thank you." Kaethus whispered from his lips as he moved back from the world of blue and turned his attention onward.
Ugh.. that Tower...
Something was greatly amiss. Like before there were two sets of visions through him. Slinking vines were around him and at the same time he had been as he always was. It was like looking at a Beauty and a Beast at the same time. Good looking regardless. The thought was brief as he could see himself back in his faction, working against some large tree thing.
Meanwhile there was a sadness brewing withing the vines. A tangled mess of himself was pouring out to another one nearby. "Aaron..." They both shared the same fate. Did that mean there was another Aaron somewhere too? Inside he felt like he was splitting back into two all over again, yanking away from the other.
The human body was full of hope and pride, laughing as he casually attacked and helped to defeat a monster. Yet the other WAS a monster, coiled up like snakes inside of himself. Loud. Both emotions were loud but completely for different reasons. Happy yet sad. Proud yet timid. "Dammit! This doesn't make sense." Hands moved up to grab at his head. Was he two people? One person? As he trudged away there was a conflict inside.
But, much like the truth of it all, he was suddenly plunged into-
WHY IS IT SO DARK!
...Wait wasn't there a DOOR there? Kaethus felt confusion and his head reeled from something. "How do you blackout without alcohol.." A bitter laugh followed. Out of the darkness there was a bright color, a lush color.
The Green Door?
He was falling now, or floating? There was nothing sure but the images and voice in his head as he felt a slow plunge to no where. A picture book? There was no will to groan at this point as he moved further and further down. Somewhere he had heard this before. "Artifact." He repeated. The sinking sensation stopped and he was popped back into place, opening his eyes slowly.
His hand had never left the handle, though the door was wide open now.
". . ."
Surely a mirror hadn't been placed here by accident, had it? Kaethus slowly moved a hand out and poked at the body, his body, staring straight back and cringed when he made contact, staring at it with a tilt of his head. It began to speak.
"What is it like?"
To have emotions? Internally he screamed, trying to speak or yell to his other self. Emotions were what made him, and everyone else, them. It was that impulsive side that he loved, the chaos of life he loved. No words were spoken.
"Do these emotions dictate your choices?
Even a whisper, just to get it across. Just that one thing. Emotions were the tie back to himself, his real self rather than what he had become now. A life, his life. Those emotions welled up inside of him threatening to overflow. Happiness of living. Sorrow of loss. Fear of the unknown. How could this other him not understand? Whatever was happening to him now wasn't right.
"I do not understand" The statement was like a knife in him, cold and stinging.
A ripple happened between them. Now it was memories looking on to emotions, staring blankly on as he had his turn to speaks. Words were exchanged between them like it had been rehearsed. Kaethus was not going to die, there was an immortality in this purpose. How was that not fulfilling?
Fear.
Naturally... Memories had figured that much already.
The memories swirled as their conversation progressed and seemed to react to the word Crossroads. Yes, what would happen now? Words poured from his mouth while they remained still, staring at each other. It was mutual knowledge that a decision had to be made. Neither could exist if both tried to exist.
"What to you, is Creation?"
There was no hesitation when it came to the answer.
"EMOTIONS." Kaethus spoke aloud.
That image of his brother was still standing there in the back of his mind. A smiling portrait of everything that was Aaron. Kaethus felt himself smile and a warmth welled up inside. "I made friends here. Respected people here. Survived with them, but... in the end it's always been my brother that was there for me. I ain't gonna abandon him now."
Fear still remained. Perhaps he would forget him entirely? There was no guarantee as he felt the memories shatter, scattering themselves to the wind and he shuddered as each one broke and moved away. It was like he'd promised to Aaron, they were going to find another way. Another life. All of it was going one by one and his body slumped to his knees.
And he laughed.
"They didn't win after all. Just like I said, Aaron."
Blood is thicker after all.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:53 pm
Outside the tower, Megan had been fighting off undying. She could keep living like this. It wouldn't last forever. There were always supplies, somewhere. She was already looking forward to the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. No help was coming. They'd have to make their own help. Their numbers were slowly dwindling as those less resourceful or less fortunate succumbed to hunger and thirst and cold. She was sure the factions would eventually crumble and reunite as a single whole for survival until they found a way out. The bases were lost, taken over by the trees they thought they'd destroyed but kept growing. They'd have to run. The highway was free. There would be more supplies to find. And even when they ran out of ammo to fuel their shotguns, they had melee weapons and those didn't need ammo. They could run until they succumbed to their own infections one by one, and take out each undying spectre as it rose before running farther. But surely someone would survive long enough to find someone else, at least long enough to tell a tale of those who fought here, and they would not be forgotten. This would not have been in vain.
These thoughts were what kept her pumping her shotgun, swinging her fishing rod, until everything cut out, like pulling the plug on a TV set.
-----
Within the tower, Megan had been sitting quietly in the room where the mall rats had found the rooted Jeff. She would have cried for him as he allowed Creation to take him, if it wasn't for the sudden realization that he would become something so much greater than himself. Perhaps... perhaps it would be so for her as well. Or maybe not. Her only regret was that she hadn't been able to find Rebecca in the tower, that she hadn't been able to say sorry for being weak and useless in battle, for running instead of trying to retrieve what was left of her before fleeing the shadows. Maybe she wasn't even here. Maybe she'd died without being infected.
She could feel herself unravelling at an alarming rate as the whole tower shook, but she couldn't bring herself to run anymore. There was nowhere else to flee. Her form quickly crumpled into a shapeless pile.
-----
She swam through the endless sea of memory for what felt like an age. It felt right to be here, like a fish in the ocean, watching memories flying past from all different eyes and lenses. But soon, it dawned that all the memories around her were now coming from the same source. What source was that? Where did these all come from?
And yet as her view shifted, she found a single, familiar form among the others. Small, with black hair, dressed in white with blue accents, and yes, with a chain still on her hand, struggling to continue walking before she fell at last to the ground, completely spent. This was the real end for Megan Lam. Wandering the ruins in search of supplies until she weakened enough from hunger that the infection could finally overtake her.
These were her memories, she realized. Hers and no one else's.
Creation would whisper to her then, and she realized, she could no longer feel the presence of anything else. She'd been pushed into this corner with herself, so that it could show her, and help her to understand. And everything melted away, leaving only a sequence of doors.
Each one in succession gave her back her emotions, things that had made her an individual. Anger, pride, fear, sadness. The naive optimism of the girl who would have been her savior -- she had a name now, Vashti -- and the horrifying despair as the vines tried to take her. Would she know "her" human had saved her? At the very least, she would not be forgotten. Then came the realization, that her body had been alive even when she awoke in the tower, still trying to survive, clinging to that hope for survival even when everything felt lost. Even when she was being followed by that accursed horse. And as her human self fought to survive with increasing ferocity, her subconscious in the tower had already given in to despair.
Through the final door, she found a copy of herself. Smaller, adorned with a flower crown and a cape of thorns. The smaller Megan would beg for understanding, to know what it would be like to know emotion, to know why they would have such sway over one's own fate. The taller would argue, that emotions are what make you who and what you are. They provide strength of spirit, a reason to continue even when your body is broken, the strength to stand again despite crippling pain, the resolve to run and scream and warn others even when your lungs don't work. And her emotions... they were why she always felt so, so small.
We can become part of something so much larger. Urged the Megan made of memory. We can become so much more powerful.
But at the cost of everything we are. A struggle leaves great suffering in its wake, from that suffering comes new strength, more reliable strength.
Besides.
The easy way out was cheating.
The two of her took each other's hands, and for a moment she felt her vines wind around herself. She felt again, felt fear, apprehension. Fear that Creation would take it all away again.
One of her crumpled.
The Megan made of emotions walked free again.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 11:12 pm
[ Memories ]
Slowly and surely, Rich Filth slowly faded into the conglomerate of Creation, feeling the sense of self drip and drain into a much larger pool of green. A rift created as he fell slowly, memories and the emotions attached to them sieved from one another like pulp from juice. It was in the last few moments of self given thought that Rich noticed how indifferent he was to the whole situation, having finally accepted that this was how it was always meant to be. Escaping from his mistakes to Delta had not cost just him his freedom of self, but his family as well. This was penance, atonement for a multitude of sins.
Creation, the mass of neural vines and pulsating emerald, saw all there was to see. The mall, the bar, every interaction and smile, the laughter shared between comrades. It saw Rich's adventures in the Mall, the journey through the radio tower with Sam, the girl being butchered in the Casino, the madness of the Hospital. The highway, the rugged boy in the white coat and green scarf.
Then it saw Rich, on his knees and sickly. The body crumpled, blood dribbling from his mouth into the already matted beard. Still on the highway, alone and probably afraid.
Another wrenching, a sharp pull away from the conglomerate consciousness. Creation spoke, then nudged Rich forward with a sense of urgency. Something else to see, something it thought Rich needed to see.
Seven doors lay ahead of him, and it was obvious that Creation wanted Rich to see everything that was inside them. The red door opened first, and Rich saw the Harbinger camp, the bandits running around with their guns and their open fire on the survivors, the Undying, the Infected. A cold anger burned inside Rich at the sight of his friends, some now dead, being shot at - having grenades thrown at them. He saw Rebecca being eaten by the apparition mouth, saw Sam narrowly escaping. The anger burned until Rich opened the gold door, immediately swamped in hubris and pride. He'd been so good at those games, a poker champ in his own right. The pretty ladies, despite wanting to eat him alive, were indeed pretty - and the drinks were just fine. Hell, the casino wasn't so bad when he thought about it.
The next door was white, and Rich had already started to learn the pattern. This one led him into the Hospital, right to the patch of grass where they'd played the twisted bingo game, where they had tried to decided Guy's fate. Despair washed over Rich, regretting his inability to lead the Rats at the time, cursing the tragic fate of the young man's sister and his own stupid revenge. The blue door beyond led to the brief memories of Alexei - that was the boy's name - frantically rushing to do something for the unconscious Rich, fleeing from a massive horse and ending up near stranded when promised safety. It was all too familiar a sensation.
Violet lay next, leading to a dual view of the vine shell and the true body. Both hadn't done much, weary from their travels. The body had lay down inside a car, intent on letting things pass until the rumors were fulfilled or he died. The vines did nothing but weep tears not real, because it knew how hopeless this entire month had been. The black door was the next to open, but Rich couldn't remember going through it - but there the green door lay.
Inside the green door was Creation's own memories, a telling of how it came to be and why it was. Then, two Rich's were in the room - one with all the memories, one with his emotions. The memories searched, asking why, and the emotions did the same. Why? What was it like, on the other side? How could it be described?
But the choices were clear to both. Only one piece would remain, and they had to choose. If emotions remained, memories would fade. Memories of Coral, Lora, Chief Swanson, Jeff, Sam, all the rest of them. Memories of the past week would be swept away as if they'd never happened.
Wouldn't that be nice?
But memories...memories had always driven Rich Filth. Memories kept a man anchored to the world, kept him mindful of his choices and just what he'd done. Memories were necessary, emotions - emotions he couldn't deal with, in the long run. The crushing defeat of losing his loved Rats, the painful loss he'd felt since the beginning. He always knew Coral and Lora were dead; it was inevitable.
But he could avenge them, in a way. Their deaths, all of their deaths, could mean something bigger in the end. Creation could make them into something great.
This was Rich's final penance. Memories would stay, emotion would fade.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 11:51 pm
From the moment Rufus started to realize what was going on, he fought it. He fought even as the voice took him through the doors, and made him see memories that he apparently didn't care about. He fought as the voice pulled him apart into two, and each side presented it's argument. Somehow, he pulled himself together, and he fought.
"I know there was some bad stuff. But there was good stuff, too." He told the voice, that waited for his choice to be made. "I'm not giving up who - what I am, just because you think you can make me better."
He watched those memories fade away, and he turned, refusing to look back. Rufus Moran was a damn good human being, and nothing was going to change that. Ever.
Rufus Moran
Emotions
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Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2015 12:09 am
"Our father who art in heaven," He whispered into the darkness. "Hallowed be thy name."
He could feel himself fading, and closed his eyes, clasping what he considered his hands in front of him.
"Thy kingdom come,"
And it came, in the form of a loss so deep, Micky could not feel the flutter in his chest that he'd always assumed was the holy spirit. He felt nothing, anymore.
"Thy will be done,"
Still he prayed, and the vines carried him on his knees through door after door. The visions of parades, of marches, of sin and pride sent his rage boiling, until he couldn't remember why he was so angry, anymore. Something pulled him away, and he whispered out quickly the next line of the prayer, before he was shoved into another door again.
"On earth, as it is in heaven."
The gold door disgusted him with the decadence of the casino, and he turned from it completely, refusing to revel in the memories. He was torn from it without a fight.
"Give us this day," The white door left him shaken. "Our d-daily bread," And the sight of that girl, that barely clothed wisp of a girl who needed saving but instead saved him began to torment him still.
"And forgive us.." The violet door left him confused, but it all disappeared when he entered the black. He exited with no memory of what had happened, and repeated;
"And forgive us.."
What is it like?
Forgive us our tresspasses.. As we forgive those, who tresspass against us.
What is it like to experience emotions?
He cried, then. For the first time in so many years, he finally cried, because he knew that he had lost his way, and there was no more turning back. He sobbed, even as the words drifted, and his echo told him he didn't understand. It asked him why he struggled, and he shook his head, because he did not know.
He thought - but now - he did not know anymore.
"I am afraid." He whispered. "Afraid of what happens if we remain."
We will become powerful. We will potentially save countless lives, we will potentially forge countless empires.
"And if I go home?"
We will become separated and weak. We will struggle, fade, and die, but remain as we once were.
The loss of his immortality. He had one final choice to make, and if he wanted salvation, he knew; it could not be the selfish one. Not anymore.
He held his hands out to be taken, and with the last words he as a human could speak, he whispered.
"And lead us not into temptation." He begged. "But deliver us from evil."
Micky Norm
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Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2015 12:23 am
So tomorrow I need to once more check the fence, I think there are a few weak spots near- He was cut off as things simply stopped being, and he joined.. Something, another him, part of him, part of a larger being, but still there was a him there, another looking at him, as if judging and asking. Then he saw, the infection spreading, so much happening and his own body, falling, dying. NO! No I can't be dying, that can't be me! He felt like he was banging his fists against an invisible bubble, watching a horror movie but it was him. No! Please no! And doors, more doors again they were back, and he was forced to go through each of them, to walk a path forged of his own memories. Anger, the bandits, the undying fighting to stay alive during the start of the infection. WHY? The anger filled him more and more...It was like an infection in and of itself, filling him to bursting, than he was free... The casino, the money, the intoxication so much happening, so very much, he could have had it all, but did he want it all... the gold, glitz and glamour? Melancholy, hospital... trying to get through, to get past all of the undying, all of the infected, and all of... who was real, who could be trusted why had he been left to fend for himself? That girl. Oh her... yeah she tried to save me didn't she? I hope she is okay, she will remember me. She still holds a spark of what I was, even if she doesn't know me... I am Vayne.. I am... nothing part of all of this. No I did so much... but you were just here you were not doing anything there... No.. I was... I was... I am... ..... I could be more.. I could be part of the fight, by being something to be used, to make someone more powerful. That is why.. But will I be me still? EmotionsToo much had happened and though a lot of it was things he would like to remember he still wanted to be human. There was so much to do, even if it resulted in him dying, he could leave his mark this way. He would go on... I would not be me if I was a tool, it is making the choices I do that makes my life have meaning. I will keep fighting.
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