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 Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 3:43 am
It wasn't even about love; no, he did not love Archer, and he was increasingly sure that what he'd thought was love was nothing but a quiet, aching, desperate loneliness, and back then, Archer had been the one person to step in and try to fill it. Lorne had just been so glad to have anyone, he'd - no, it wasn't about love. It wasn't about love. It was that Archer still influenced him, still have some degree of control over him, and that scared him. It scared him more than he could say.
Even so. Even in spite of that fear, he felt more secure with Colin there, stroking his face and pressing their foreheads together, reminding him in his own warm, affectionate way that Lorne didn't have to be scared. That even if sometimes he worried that he was taking advantage of his friend's kindness, it was unwavering and unyielding and always there, in the dead of night as Lorne stumbled through alleyways with half-dried blood on his chin, or in the middle of the day as he tucked himself away in a bathroom with his heart pounding, anxiety squeezing his chest like a vice and making it hard to breathe. Colin and Nadia, they were both always there, and Colin was right now promising him that this was not something he would have to face alone, green eyes staring intently, soothingly into his own yellow with that familiar smile on his face.
Something wet and warm slid down his cheek, and maybe it was because he'd been through a lot lately - or maybe it was because he felt vulnerable, more than usual after Archer, and needed something more. Or maybe, simply, his feelings of boundless gratitude and adoration for the blond had just bubbled up and overflowed. There were a million reasons why it could have happened, and maybe they were all true. Or maybe none of them were; maybe it just felt natural, and so it was without thought at all.
But abruptly, there was a 'clink' as a mug was set down too heavily, too clumsily on the table, and Lorne's now free hand slipped to cup the back of Colin's neck. With a low, shaking breath, he tilted his head and first ghosted his lips over his friend's, then did it again, still tentative, but there was no mistaking what it was.
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Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 7:41 pm
In a thousand years, Colin - or some version of him - would still be there for Lorne, whomever or wherever life's journey took him. At least, he liked to think in those terms, but really who knew? Sure there were people who seemed to have dreams (nightmares?) about a horrible, bleak future...but he'd already figured out that this future wasn't set in stone..more like it was some odd alternate reality that the blond hoped never came true. It sounded awful. At the very least, the danseur could offer support and caring to his friend at that very moment; Lorne really did not have to face Archer and his evil machinations alone - not now and not ever again if he didn't chose so. Lorne would have done the same for him. Colin didn't need to test this out to know it for an absolute truth. Colin had been gently wiping at his friend's tears when he felt more than saw the man shift to set his mug down. Before he could pull back or inquire if anything was wrong - more wrong than the situation already - Lorne had put a hand to the back of his neck and breathed a ghost of a kiss over his mouth, twice. It wasn't so much that kisses were foreign among their group, but usually not like that - it wasn't the usual friendly or playful smack, but a soft and questioning thing. So tentative a request that the blond was too surprised to do anything but breathe Lorne's name with a hint of question. He wasn't upset, just slightly confused and wondering though if what Lorne needed was some gentle physical affection, Colin would give it. A kiss cost nothing when given to someone so deeply cared for; the danseur pressed a soft kiss Lorne's mouth as an offering. He could do at least this much without having to worry too overly much about whether or not he'd get in trouble with Nadia or not.
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Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:30 pm
It'd be a lie to say Lorne wasn't thinking on Nadia on some level, because he always was. She was the woman he was in love with and that would never change. But in his mind and heart, Colin just occupied a different and unique space than anyone else, even her, and -
There were two ways Lorne's brain worked, and it showed the best and brightest when he was Mont Blonc: there was overthinking, mulling over every detail and the consequences so long he hardly got anything done, and the act of just doing without thought of the later. Entirely because this was Colin, and because they'd both - Nadia and Colin alike - made him more comfortable with affection, especially now, only from them -
He needed affection right now from someone trusted. He needed to prove to himself that he didn't belong to Archer, that things really had changed, even if in the moment they felt like they hadn't. And he was just so grateful to Colin, so inspired by him, so comfortable with him.
Lorne froze for a half a second when he heard Colin whisper his name in question, his fingertips at the base of his hair. But when his friend moved and kissed him, now, softly and sweetly the way he always did, a surge of warmth laced through him. Lorne gave a soft sigh and returned it, winding his fingers into curls of soft hair and shifting a little closer.
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Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:30 pm
If he thought back to his first, disastrous relationship and how he would have felt if Adrian had shown up like Archer had, Colin could well understand something of what Lorne was feeling - and what might be needed. With only a hint of hesitation the blond let his hands go from Lorne's face to his shoulders, purposefully taking a more submissive role in the kiss. Archer was aggressive and pushy, so he tried to not give off that sort of feel as he allowed Lorne to pull him closer. Ultimately, it was a bit awkward like that, so without really thinking about it Colin climbed into Lorne's lap so it'd be easier to kiss him without getting a crick in his neck or worse. Being tucked into someone's lap and kissed was something pleasant he'd not had since things had ended with Björn and he'd missed it, though Lorne was not like the gentle giant in who's hands Colin had thought he'd stay. They did share a few things, though - Colin loved them both dearly and would have thrown himself bodily in the way of harm for either. The biggest difference was that Lorne was there and Colin could give him some ease of mind by simply offering up his lips and smoothing over Lorne's shoulders with strong hands.
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Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 11:04 pm
A small sound escaped Lorne when Colin slipped into his lap. It wasn't the first time he'd been there, so he didn't really think to question it, and really, Colin had kissed him before too. It was just the first time he'd kissed him. It was a lot of the same things they'd already shared. The same, but different. Right now, all he knew was he was happy to have Colin there, that it was more than okay.
If he'd known that, even a little, he was giving Colin something he needed, Lorne would have been quietly thrilled. Here he was, in a way, taking again from his friends and their kindness, even if honestly he was both taking for himself and his own comfort and trying in his own way to display to his friend how amazing he was. How much Lorne actually adored him.
(How much did he adore him?)
It was unlike kissing Archer at all, too. For one, Archer would have never crawled into his lap like this. Archer would have never allowed him to dictate the pace of his kiss. He'd been kissed by several people since Archer, and of them all, Colin was the least like him, and the most like Nadia.
He enjoyed those hands on his shoulders, stroking him soothingly like Colin was so good at doing. Without really thinking, he parted his lips and slid his hands down Colin's sides - because he'd seen how strong he actually was, and even felt it, but just - different. Different but still safe, right?
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 1:42 am
Every time that Lorne - or one of the others, for that matter - gave him attention and affection they were giving the curly haired blond something he needed. Colin was definitely the sort of person that required plenty of physical contact to be happy, and the fact that one of his favorite people was showering him in it - regardless of the reason(s) behind it - just made him feel good. If he were surprised that Lorne deepened the kiss it didn't show, he just slid his arms up around the other man's neck and gave over to the pleasant sensations of being needed, being kissed by someone that cared about him. After some time he pulled back just a bit to look Lorne in the eyes, one hand moving to rest on his friend's chest, fingers curved lightly over his heart. Colin gave the dark-haired man a soft smile and leaned in once more to place a kiss to the corner of Lorne's mouth.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 3:27 am
In the past year, now, Lorne had been kissed by more people than he had in his life; Colin and Nadia and Ploutonion and Scholomance and even more than that, even the young negaverse officer that'd been on the train with them. For whatever reason, it just kept happening. But the list of people he had willingly chosen to kiss himself, with no pressure involved, no fear, no nerves, and the list whittled down to two: Nadia and Colin. Affection was no light affair with the squire, and anyone who knew him knew that about him - Colin maybe most of all.
He liked this. The hazy realization wasn't really an epiphany, more of a casual observation. He knew he liked Colin, but he liked kissing Colin too, and and though it fell under the framework of adoration, it was anything but a requirement. But there it was, a small discovery that was really anything but small. He liked those lips on him. He liked the way it tasted when it got deeper. He liked deceptively strong arms wrapped around his neck. It all made him feel safe, happy, comfortable - wanted.
Lorne let out a small breath when Colin pulled away, and his eyes were half-lidded as they opened, a light blush on his cheeks as he rather helplessly smiled back at him, reaching up to cover his friend's hand with his own. He made a soft sound that sounded distinctly happy at the kiss to the corner of his lips, and as he shifted a little, his hips rolled without him really thinking.
Which led to the other realization, and this one hit him in the face like a splash of ice water; he'd like kissing Colin, and he'd liked it way, way too much. He gasped quietly, his cheeks burning a much darker, intense shade of red, and looked at his friend for a split-second with intense panicked guilt in his eyes before his gaze stopped.
"I - I - I'm so sorry, I sh - should - g-go, " he stuttered out.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 3:53 pm
There was a level of comfort Lorne had reached with Colin that he'd not gotten to with many others, and knowing what he did about the dark-haired man's past experiences, it was something that Colin cherished. And possibly took small advantages of in situations where the Knight was miserable or upset, since he knew that a quick way to bring Lorne's attention back from a bleak edge was by shoving affection at him. Be it a hug that lifted Lorne off his feet, gentle fingers through his hair, a light but deliberate kiss, or otherwise. Lorne was looking at him, the shadow of Archer gone from his eyes. Good, that's what I wanted. You should never look so desperately miserable, my sweet friend. Of course he wasn't entirely okay - the problem still existed - but at least instead of having the air of a man wondering when the edge had jumped him, Lorne looked almost...happy. Like kissing Colin had helped to chase the nightmares away, even if only briefly. The roll of Lorne's hips caused Colin's mouth to open a bit in surprise, not over the feel, but more because he'd not expected it at all. Lorne seemed to have shocked himself, which was unfortunate as it seemed to destroy the calm they'd managed to bring all at once. "Lorne? It's--" s**t, he was stammering and had that panicked look on his face again. "It's okay. Really."
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 4:04 pm
How was it okay? Lorne wanted to ask, but his tongue felt sickeningly heavy in his mouth, and he couldn't bring himself to look up again, and chest suffocatingly tight. He'd reacted like this to his best friend. Not his girlfriend, but his best ******** friend. And worse, Colin knew it, his soothing words just solidifying that yes, he could feel it, he knew what Lorne had done, and he was beyond mortified.
Lorne wanted to do more than kiss him. And that terrified him, on so many levels. "I - I ... I ... "
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 4:09 pm
Well hell, it didn't seem as though Colin was going to be able to sooth this away with a kiss or a hug - that would just exacerbate Lorne's problem and panic. Oh Lorne... "Breathe, okay? C'mon baby, just breathe. You haven't done anything wrong." With his options narrowed to a very specific set, Colin eased himself out of his friend's lap, but took hold of his hand instead. He was trying to give Lorne the space to pull himself together without making it seem like he was upset or wanted to get away from him.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 4:17 pm
Colin being out of the lap both helped and further exposed the problem, sitting there out in the open for anyone to see. The blush darkened even more, and even as he squeezed his friend's hand almost desperately, his hand was shaking, and his breaths were shallow. Even if Colin was sitting there saying he hadn't done anything wrong, quiet, rapid-fire apologies still fell from his lips - because even with Lorne's own history aside, he'd just gone ahead and put his best friend in a ******** terrible position. Nadia was his friend too, a very good, dear friend, and what he'd just done to her, to them -
"I-it's - I should - I should go, " he repeated again, blinking furiously, biting his lower lip - and even then made sure to squeeze Colin's hand even as he started to rise, his voice cracking as he amended, "I-it's not - it's not you, don't think - y-you're - I-I'm - I - y-you're the best thing, I - I'm so sorry."
He wanted to hide. He wanted to hide somewhere and never, ever come out again.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 5:18 pm
s**t s**t s**t-- With Lorne visibly panicking, shaking and legitimately rolling into a full-blown attack, Colin was at a loss for what to do. He didn't want to make things worse, but it didn't seem as though he'd be able to get through right then. "Lorne, please--" Colin got up with his tall friend, brows knit together with concern. He didn't want to let go of the other man's hand, but Lorne was trying to pull away, stammering out that whatever had happened it wasn't Colin, he was sorry. "You don't need to--" His words fell on deaf ears. Full on panic was enough to blind Lorne to any reality that Colin might want to show him.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 8:28 pm
Lorne didn't exactly want to rip his hand away. But he couldn't stay there, not like this, and not after the kind of position he'd just put everyone into. "I'm sorry, " he repeated breathlessly, even more ashamed that his eyes were bright and wet with tears. He wasn't in the position to cry. Not when this was his fault to begin with.
Archer. This. Everything wrong was no one's fault but his, his own weakness, his own body's betrayal.
He pulled away, finally, clutching the hand that had been in Colin's in his other, as though that could ever compare to the warmth of his friend. "I'm sorry, " he said once more before grabbing his door and all but dashing out the door.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 8:45 pm
As soon as Lorne took his hand back, Colin knew his friend was going to bolt. It had been building since the dark-haired man had first realized what he was doing with Colin tucked into his lap, and it finally came to a head. "But--" Lorne was scrambling, hands tucked up against his chest as if he could cradle his misery there; through the door and out -- it happened so fast that Colin stood there blinking stupidly for a few precious seconds before starting after his friend, only to stop just outside his door wearing a frown. "What the hell was that?" Back inside his apartment, Colin fished out his cellphone and sent a text off to Nadia to let her know that Lorne was having a rough day; after he dropped onto his couch and stared up at the ceiling, wondering - again - what the hell had happened.
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