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 Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 12:07 pm
 SOLO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’d been a blind panic escaping the rusted and abandoned carnival. It’d been sheer luck she managed to find her stolen bag on her way out, underneath a carousel. Lucky she had the mind to recognize it and grab it…
It’d been sheer dumb luck she wasn’t dead.
Her mind was focused solely on one thing---her apartment---as she ran, clutching her bag to her chest like a life line. It had started to storm, but she paid it no mind as she ran for all she was worth, her legs carrying her as fast as she could back to her apartment. She was soaked and chilled to the bone by the time she had made it back. Olga scrambled up the stairs, fumbled for her keys (vaguely hoping they hadn’t been stolen, but felt relief when she found them), and opened her door. It was slammed shut behind her, every lock done, as well as the chain, and it was then followed by a systematic inventory of her bag.
Still she didn’t focus on what happened. There was something far more pressing than that right now. She dumped everything out, and went through the items, looking through each and every one of them. Her Polaroid camera. It was still there. Untouched, unharmed. Her phone. It was pass code locked, and even if they had gotten into it, she kept no personal information on it---well, aside from phone numbers, of course, and her tumblr. Her notebook. The photographs of the Negaverse officers weren’t in it---because she left those at home. Okay. Good. Her notebook also only held information and drabbles about her writing projects. Once again, no personal information. Good. Her wallet. A credit card, her bank card, her college ID…she had left her driver’s license in another pair of pants…and that was a most fortunate accident.
Good. Okay. There was nothing for them to trace back to her parents. Or to her apartment. She hoped.
This one small comfort allotted, Olga rocked backwards, coming to sit in front of her locked door. Her knees pulled up as she planted her elbows on them, and cradled her head in her hands. She shook, the adrenaline wearing off as the cold, fear and worry started to edge into her awareness.
It’d been sheer dumb luck.
If the senshi and knights hadn’t shown up, she’d be dead. Right now. Right this moment. She’d be dead. Possibly not dead---possibly still fearing for her life as she was held captive, but soon to be dead. To be killed because she had ran her mouth. Even worse than her being dead, was what could have happened as well. If they wanted information, they would…could have threatened to harm (and / or kill) people she cared about. Her family. It wasn’t just her who would have been affected by this---it would have been others. Could be others. There was a small point of even if she hadn’t ran her mouth---she still would have been killed. That had been their intention. Join or die. She…and that other girl, Lily, would have been dead. Well…Lily seemed like she would have joined…it would have been her saying no and dying. Standing up (or sitting down, really) for what she believed was right. Pure luck that the senshi and knights had shown up…
It bothered her, badly. The careless and ease with which her captors had held her life in their hands. Their faces. Their grins and smiles. Their dedication to the task at hand. It terrified her, the persistence with which they had tried to hold onto her. The terror only grew, to think about what it might mean now. Surely they wouldn’t just…forget about her. No. That’d be too easy. Too wishful. Was it wrong to hope they had bigger fish to fry? She wanted to believe so, but there a hard knot in her stomach that said otherwise. She needed to be careful. She should have been more careful.
The conversation she had with Sergei some time ago came back with a vivid clarity.
She needed to be more careful, he said. Being honest wasn’t always good, he said. Those people will report to higher people, he said, and he’d know. He was in the military, and that’s how the Negaverse ran, didn’t it? She was stupid, he said…
And he was right.
Olga threw her arms around her knees, wrapping them around tightly and pulling even tighter into herself. She was stupid. Her rash honesty had gotten her into trouble. It had almost gotten her killed. Not for refusing to join, but for spouting what she knew to people who would do something about it. Helpless. She had been helpless to stop them. She was helpless now. She was also alone.
She couldn’t tell her parents what happened. She couldn’t. It wasn’t an option. For their sake. To keep them out of it. She also felt like she couldn’t tell anyone here. No one. This was her mess, and her consequences, and her worries. Blabbing had gotten her into trouble and…and she couldn’t keep doing it. She wouldn’t. Olga squeezed her arms tighter around her legs. She didn’t know how long she sat there for, cold and shivering on the floor, because time was of no consequence. It was much later though she finally managed to pull herself up, and get out of her wet clothes with the mantra ‘maybe they’ll find you here. Maybe home isn’t safe’ going through her head.
Olga flopped onto her bed, pulling her mass of blankets over her as the rain pattered down outside and the thunder rumbled. She pulled them around her tight, and closed her eyes. She saw Haüyne, grinning like a kid who had gotten a pony for Christmas with half their mouth stained red from blood, and her eyes snapped back open. She stared at the blind covered window, watching as a flash of lightning rimmed the blinds in white briefly before fading, followed by the crackle of thunder.
Was this all she could do?
Curl up in her bed, and accept that now, anything could happen to her? She was powerless, and the longer she dwelled in the situation she felt hopeless, too. She wasn’t a senshi like Oberon, who could fight off a kid with knives with magic and a stick. She wasn’t a knight like Verona, who held a mighty self-confidence and power to defend. She wasn’t a knight like Bimini, with water to dull pain and the ability to go into space---how nice would that be right now. To just disappear. To go into space. It seemed safe. But no.
She wasn’t any of those things. She was Olga. Stupid Olga.
Her lips twisted briefly, and her eyes clenched shut for a moment before opening again. She reached for her phone and ear buds, pulling them underneath the cocoon of covers. She slipped in the buds, and slid through her apps before finding her Audible one. She selected the first book in the Outlander series, down to the chapter, down to the specific part in the recording, and the audio reader’s voice filled her ears as she took on her voice for Jamie Fraser:
“Ye need not be scairt of me," he said softly. "Nor anyone here, so long as I'm with ye.”
She listened to the passage for a bit before she hit the rewind button.
“Ye need not be scairt of me," he said softly. "Nor anyone here, so long as I'm with ye.”
She pressed the rewind button again.
“Ye need not be scairt of me, nor anyone here, so long as I'm with ye.”
And again.
“Ye need not be scairt…so long as I'm with ye.”
And again…
“So long as I'm with ye…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Word Count: 1,303
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2019 6:57 pm
SOLO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She hadn’t had a truly specific location in mind when she teleported out of Machine’s room in Negaspace. Just that she needed to get away, because everything was shattering. As she appeared in the outskirts of the city, where the area was mostly abandoned, Stillwaterite powered down after ducking into an alleyway. It was a burden to be Still.
Knot’s chest was tight. Caught between a tide of being smothered by everything that had happened and everything that was said, that the feeling also bordered on wanting to explode. Now without Machine to focus on, everything the corrupt had said, what had truly happened to her, what she had done, how she had acted, everything that made her up this past year was coming down upon her. Everything. It was an avalanche that was starting to crush her, as everything connected to everything else. Everything she thought she felt, everything she thought she believed---
Go. Machine had said.
Yes. She had replied.
But before she could truly comprehend the decisions she was making, a desperate and frantic thought came to mind. If she returned to Order, what would happen to her memories? Machine’s words from when she had woke up echoed. That to pass through the curtain came at a price.
Knot’s hands clawed at her jacket as she pulled out her phone, the one that she used for work with Dallas, that also had Nadia and Sergei’s numbers on it. She wasn’t thinking of the implications as she pulled up Nadia’s message thread. Wasn’t thinking about how out of the blue or random this would be. She needed an answer, and she just knew that the woman would be able to give it to her.
It took a few tries to type it out correctly. Knot’s fingers were trembling.
Quote: Text to Nadia:What will happen to my memories if I return to Order?
She hit send, and though she knew, by no means, that Nadia would reply immediately, she still couldn’t help but stare and hope that she would. Her future was hinging on this reply. Please. Please let the woman reply immediately.
The trembling went past her hands, and started to work its way up her arms. Knot stared up at the sky for a moment, eyes clenching shut, before she felt the phone buzz. Not once, not twice, but three times. Knot’s head snapped back down, and her heart leapt into her throat to see it was Nadia who replied. She read---
Quote: Text to Still:I don't know for sure, but I know with side swaps you lose a lot of memories.
Quote: Text to Still:With your’s technically happening twice.
Quote: Text to Still:You could lose a lot more....
Her heart rapidly started to sink back down as she read the replies. She read them once. Re-read them, and then once more. The trembling crawled up into her torso as she replied.
Quote: Text to Nadia:Even willing? Do I get to chose?
The reply was immediate again.
Quote: Text to Still:Unfortunately you have to give something up
Quote: Text to Still:The powers can be demand sacrifice....even if you choose
No.
Quote: Text to Nadia:Do I get to choose what I lose?
Once again, the reply came.
Quote: Text to Still:I think you'll get a chance, between your powered side or your civilian side
Knot stared at the answer, and at this point, her entire body shook. She thought she’d get a chance. Between two different sides. Even willing---she was still going to lose. She could only remember the past year, and she was going to lose half of it. “No.” The sound that tore from her lips was strangled. Choked and thick with emotion. Denial. Anger. Sadness.
“No.”
The woman’s back hit the rough brick wall of the alleyway she stood in, and the phone screen blurred out of focus as her eyes filled with tears. “No.” She whispered, as everything beyond blurred beyond recognition. Tears streamed down her face as everything collapsed upon her. Knot slid along the wall until she hit a crouch, and the tall woman folded over on her knees. The phone clattered to the ground beside her, ignored and forgotten for now.
She wept.
With everything she was, with everything she was going to lose, she wept, curled up in that alleyway in a nondescript part of the city.
She wept for all she had lost, and felt a year late to the game. She should have been this devastated when she had woken up, and instead she had been complacent. She wept for that girl who she had been, who had died that day in the Destiny City Stables because she had been a fool. She wept for all the people she had hurt. The parents she didn’t know. Nadia. Sergei. Eurydike. Others. She wept for Machine. For the loss of them and Pyrophanite. She wept for herself. She wept for everything she had done. For everything she said, under the guise of her ignorance. She wept for the uncertain future she was now faced with. She wept for what she would soon lose. The friends. The connections. The memories.
She wept for everything, because right now, in this moment, there was nothing else she could do.
So she just let it be.
----------------------------------------------
She didn’t know how long she was curled up in that alleyway. Time was irrelevant right now. Knot wept until she simply couldn’t anymore. Until she had exhumed every tear in her body. Until she pushed out every bit of emotion that had paralyzed her with grief. She wasn’t numb. No. Everything was still there. Acutely...but the act of caving into that grief for now and exhausting it allowed her to regain her focus. It allowed her to start to process everything that had happened.
It allowed this thought to come through:
I have hit the bottom. I can only go up from here.
Face pressed against her jeans, her body lightly shaking from the residual effects of her weeping, she thought about this. There was nothing more that could hurt her. There was nothing more she could lose---well. Just short of all of her memories again, and her own life. There was nothing more for her to lose. The worst had happened. She was still here. From here on out, moving forward, she could only gain.
Everything else within her quieted as she processed this.
It was a motivating thought.
It didn’t fix everything, of course---nothing would. There would be things she couldn’t fix. Not everything was within her power to do so. Not everything would be resolved---but now that had her wondering. What was in her power to fix right now? She pondered this, and the more she thought, her body eventually stilled. She felt her cheeks dry of tears, but in the wake of what she had done, could feel how much her eyes ached. They were probably swollen, too. She wouldn’t be surprised.
She had been forced into Chaos.
She had been too trusting. Too open. Too honest, to the wrong person. A trap had been set. A plan made, and then sprung on her, instantly destroying her life. It tore her up that she didn’t remember her corruption. That she probably never would. That all she had to go on about it was the result of the event, and what others had said about it. It was all she had, though---
Something occurred to her.
It could be a complete opposite of how she had been forced in.
For her way out, she could plan.
For the first time in a very long time, and possibly ever since she had woken up, she felt something new.
A small seed of hope.
Now, and moving forward, she could plan. She could prepare and set up for everything she didn’t have when she had woken up in the Negaverse. When she made this transition that would once again shake her foundation to the core, it wouldn’t be a completely blind leap. Part of her troubles stemmed from the fact that she had relied and believed others to build the foundation upon which she built herself up on, but now---
She would be the one to catch herself when she made the leap.
She could be the one to tell herself what happened, and what she should be doing her life and why. No one else. She could set herself up with a place to live. Money. Documents. Papers. Whatever she needed to set herself up---she had right at her fingers right now to make it happen.
She was still going to lose something in the cross over. Memories. She wasn’t sure which, and while the thought of losing any of them tore her up inside...she accepted that there was no other option. She meant every word she said to Machine. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to mean something. She wanted permanence. She wanted more than what this shadow of a life could give her. She wanted to be in a life that she chose.
There was nothing for her here. She had to go, and this would be the price of going.
She didn’t have to lose it all though---not exactly. First step of planning---
Knot tried to get up, but instead ended up falling over onto the cement.
The woman gasped as she stared up at the night sky, the winter cold biting her face as she realized something.
Her legs were asleep. She couldn’t feel them. Locked into that position for so long, much less in the cold, they had gone numb.
Well...s**t.
The next few minutes were spent trying to wake her limbs back up. Gradually, feeling came back, of course accompanied by that painful pin p***k of stabbing needles---but eventually she could stand back up again. Knot picked up the phone she had dropped, and re-read the messages Nadia had sent her. With a sigh she slid the phone back into her pocket and stared up at the sky, wobbling a bit.
She ached. Her eyes ached. Her legs ached. Her chest ached. Her heart ached.
It wouldn’t stop aching anytime soon, but---she had things to do. Plans to make. A chance to give a shot at. All or nothing.
She moved forward.
----------------------------------------------
All hail 24 hour Wal-Marts.
Time had indeed gotten away from the woman, because by the time she made the trek back towards the city center from that alleyway she had teleported herself to, it was around 2 or 3 A.M., and she would not be stopped by silly things such as business hours. She knew what she needed here---but before she went to grab the items, Knot hit the ladies restroom to try and freshen up. The few night owls like herself she was passing in the store were giving her concerned looks, and once she caught sight of herself in the mirror, she knew why.
It was kind of sweet how in a lot of the romance movies she watched, the male lead would tell the love interest that she was still so beautiful, even when she cried.
Oh holy s**t, that would never be her.
Being pale sucked.
Her eyes were red. Like ringed red. Puffy. Swollen, and her cheeks were a bit splotchy as well. She looked like a mess. Nevermind she felt like one, too. No wonder everyone was staring.
The woman couldn’t help a short laugh, though it died quickly. It rattled her frame, and it hurt. She ran the water and splashed some on her face, but didn’t give it anymore effort as she headed back into the store.
The next stare came from the cashier, as a mountain of blank journals toppled onto the conveyor belt from Knot’s arms. The middle aged woman just stared as they started to moved down towards her, and she looked back at Knot, who completed the tail end of the journals with a few packs of black ball point pens, and one incredibly large duffel bag. Knot stared back, a brow quirked.
“You uh...like to write there, sweetheart?” The woman drawled, starting to scan each of the journals before bagging them.
“You could say that.” Knot replied, her voice a bit scratchy. “I hate mysteries.”
Her next stop, after making her purchases, was…
Waffle House.
Like Wal-Mart, one of the few places that was open 24 hours. It was still too early in the morning, and while Knot knew she could have returned to Dallas’ ranch, where she had resorted to taking up residence this past month---she felt better, oddly enough, here, still. Out here, right now, she was focused, and luckily, Waffle House at 3 A.M. had its fair share of oddities. Really, she would be on the calmer end of the scale. Knot came in, with her giant duffel bag, carrying the journals and packs of pens, and got herself a little booth in the corner. She sat with her back against the wall, and wasted no time in getting herself situated.
The waitress was kind as she came to take the woman’s order, and something about the way the woman spoke to her kind of reminded her of Jules. Knot ordered coffee, and some hashbrowns, all the way, and then got to work. The women opened up a pack of pens, grabbed the first journal her hand came into contact with---and then she started to write.
She wrote down her memories.
Not word for word. Not every exact detail---her memory was good, but not that good, but she wrote nonetheless. She wrote about things that had an impact on her. Both on her powered side and on her civilian side. She wrote about people---not their secret identities or who was really who---but what she had done with those people. What they talked about. How she was feeling. What she did. Things that had a profound impact on her. Things she needed to remember, just in case. Certain people to watch out for. Bad times. Good times. Nadia. Sergei. Methone. Beringia. Machine. Bus. Eurydike. Harmotome. Dallas. Jules. Encke. Jack. Mintaka. Aurostibite. Alabaster. Wolfeite. Zircon---
Memories.
She filled the journals with memories.
Her memories.
The things that made her who she was.
Things she would hear from herself. Why she was deciding to make this leap. What happened up until this point to make her decide to make this leap.
It wasn’t the most perfect solution, but it was the best she had.
Nadia had said Olga was a writer...and Knot wasn’t sure if any of that skill was carrying over right now. The woman wrote from the heart. Honest and open writing. She filled so many pages, so many journals---so that in the future, she could have as full of an understanding as she could. Gap coverage, to the best of her ability.
It was the smart and reasonable thing to do.
When she closed the cover on the last journal she’d been working on, the sun was starting to come up. It had been cathartic to write everything down, actually. All these thoughts and feelings had been inside her, overflowing, and by journaling, she had transferred them. Knot looked down at the duffel bag at her side on the bench seat. All the journals she had written in---
How funny. Yet sad, too.
It was her entire life in a quarter of a bag, on paper.
A corner of her lips pulled up briefly before it faded, and she released a deep breath as she zipped the bag up.
Something done. She still had a few more journals to write in, just in case, between now and---whenever that leap would occur.
It was something checked off this tentative list she had formed. It was a step towards the future. Now she needed to address what was next. A living situation---yes, that was actually in the works---so what she could focus on next was getting herself set up papers…Dallas had so many connections in that department, that would be easy. She would get in contact with them soon---
What next---Money---
She would make an effort to take on some more jobs. A lot more jobs. She had a rather nice nest egg as it was. Knot didn’t want for much, thus she didn’t spend much, thus she had quite a lump sum saved up. That would be beneficial for the leap and…
Her thoughts trailed off for a moment.
What else could she fix, now?
Knot reached into her coat for her phone, and pulled it out. She opened it, and looked at her messages. Nadia and Sergei. She stared at the threads, eyes lidding. This. This was something else she could address now, too. Not just them, but a few others as well. A few more people who...would be harder to get a hold of, but who were more than worth the time and effort.
One by one---it was time to come clean.
It was time for the truth.
Her truth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Word Count: It doesn't matter
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Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2019 10:49 am
SOLO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The First Night
She flicked on the lights, and stared into the cabin of the sailboat that would now be home.
After a moment, she closed the door behind her, and stepped down the small wood stairs until she reached the bottom one, and it was then that she let herself sink down. The woman all but melted, leaning back until her head rested against one of the upper steps, and there she stayed. There, in this moment of time, she let everything she had felt after she purified crush her.
Happiness yet sorrow. Relief yet guilt. Freedom yet---
Machine. Bus...it was for real now. As soon as she had purified, it was a door that had closed. She had lost her friends. The ones who had taken her under their wing and took care of her for this past year, and she knew she shouldn’t feel this torn up about it. She shouldn’t feel like she had been the one to betray them, but it didn’t make the fact that she missed them, and would miss them, any less. Machine had been the one to turn her in. They had been the one to rob her of the choice that destroyed her life as she had----well. That was the problem. She didn’t know the life she had been forced to give up, she just knew she was twenty two years old and had nothing to show for it but roughly...what? Six months? Six months of...lies.
It tore her up. It also tore her up that they had let her go. It made her heart ache, that despite their loyalty to Metallia, Machine had let her go.
With so much wrong...how could anything in her life ever be right again?
How?
She stopped staring at the cabin ceiling and closed her eyes. They burned with tears that did not come, and she just let herself sink in this for a time. She let it smother her to the point it nearly blocked out all other rational and comforting thought.
She was thankful her friends (them, Machine had said) understood that she needed this time alone. Had respected to give it to her. She didn’t want them to see her like this. Looking like she regretted coming back to Order, because she didn’t. She didn’t. She knew what would happen, knew the possibilities of what would happen once she came back, and it was a choice she made. No one had made it for her. She knew this period for what it was, and what it still would be for some time to come. A storm she needed to ride out.
In that phrase itself, was the answer to her question. With so much wrong, how could anything in her life ever be right again? The answer: it would come in time.
Nothing felt like home right now. A part of her didn’t like hearing Methone and Eurydike say welcome home. She didn’t have a home right now, but she would. She would have a home when she put the time and memories into it. She had none of those yet, but she would.
She didn’t have a lot of memories right now, but she would.
She didn’t have a lot of right things right now, but she would. Hopefully. That was the plan.
It would just take time, and she knew that.
She also knew that she had to try. That was all. She just had to try her best this time around. She had to be better than what she had been before---in both lifetimes.
The crushing despair that sunk her started to lessen gradually, and she opened her eyes again, staring up at the ceiling of the sailboat cabin that would be her home. It wouldn’t be easy, but nothing worth it was. She had said that to Sergei and Nembus, and it was true.
After some time, she pushed herself back up into a sitting position, and stared ahead at the cabin.
She had things to do. No more time to wallow. She let it have its few minutes, now it was time to move forward.
The woman re-familiarized herself with the sailboat cabin. She went through the small rooms, went through the cabinets and doors. She found her clothes, her scant few personal belongings. Some things she remembered, some things she didn’t, but that was okay. She left herself notes. Notes littered a lot of things in the cabin, and she was thankful to her past self for taking the time and dedication to do this.
After she went through the cabin thoroughly, she knew what her next destination was. It was the table in the living room area. The entire surface was neatly covered with documents, some books, some notepads, the journals she had written her past year of memories in, and notes alongside each item on the table.
She sat at the table, and surveyed everything upon it.
START HERE one note said, and it pointed to the journals. So she did. The woman spent the next bit of time pouring over each journal, which she knew she had done before she purified, but now would be the final time. She filled the gaps the best she could in her memories. Meshing them with what she did remember and making sure they were chronological. Reading her own life’s story...it was weird, this time around. It was funny. It was sad. It was good, and it was bad, too, but it was her’s. Even if she couldn’t remember everything first hand, it was her’s.
Most importantly...she had heard everything she needed to from herself. No one else. She had heard and read the truth from herself.
Upon reaching the last journal, she found another note.
Now get rid of them. There’s a bundle of wood and lighter fluid on deck. Near the Marina is a small park with a fire pit.
She did just that.
She had to be smarter this time around. It meant not leaving any incriminating items around. So one by one, after setting up a small fire in the pit in the park, she tossed each journal in. Next, she tossed in Olga’s driver’s license, and any other cards that had belonged her. Next went the wallet. She kept the photos of Nadia and Sergei though. She wanted to keep those.
She did the same for Knot’s items as well, and she sat quietly, watching it all burn until there was nothing left.
It was cathartic in a way.
She returned to her sailboat, and then sat down at the table again.
Ah. Yes. The next few documents were apart of her 3 Day Plan. Name change. New driver’s license. Legal documents. Assess if she could finish her degree...so on and so forth. That would start tomorrow.
At the end of the table was a book, and she reached for the note that was attached to it.
Read this.
She picked up the book.
Grief Day By Day: Simple Practices and Daily Guidance for Living with Loss.
She wasn’t going to sleep tonight, and she couldn’t do more until tomorrow.
She started to read.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Word Count: 1,229
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Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2019 12:11 pm
SOLO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The First Day
Solas Odette Stern.
That was her name now.
She had picked it out before purifying. She liked it, but she’d miss her old names, too. A part of her also couldn’t help but feel a little horrified at how easy it was to wipe away someone’s identity and replace it with another on paper.
First thing that morning had been spent doing that. Next came a driver’s license. She also applied for a passport (she was determined to travel). After that came opening up a new bank account. The clerk couldn’t help but look at her a bit funny when she deposited that huge chunk of cash she had squirreled away from her time spent with Dallas.
If she was thinking it was drug money, she honestly wasn’t wrong.
With a new checking and savings account, that was settled.
Next she went to Destiny City University to see if she could finish her degree she started as Olga.
That was a bit of a fiasco, but some ice cold looks and stern words went a long way. She knew it was risky to attach herself to her old identity like that, but she had urged for the utmost privacy with the threat of immediate legal consequence should that privacy be violated. After all, with only three semesters left until she finished a bachelors...she couldn’t throw that away. That’d be stupid.
It worked out. Olga’s transcripts were switched over to Solas, and her timing was admittedly perfect. The Spring semester just started, and she’d only be a few days behind. She re-enrolled, but it was purely going to be done online. She wasn’t comfortable attending the University in person. Not anymore.
On her way out of the office, she also found a flyer for something that caught her fancy.
American Sign Language classes offered at one of the City Community Centers.
Solas stared at it for a moment, before she decided why not, it sounded interesting, and she took the flyer with her.
After that, she went to the mall.
She got herself a new phone. She programed her friends’ numbers into it, and then sent them all text so that they’d have her new number as well. Next she got a laptop. It was a necessity, especially since she was going to finish school online. She then got a tablet. Just for...watching things. Possibly. Perhaps the thing she was most excited for though, was a Kindle, which she also purchased.
Next came some clothes shopping.
Garters were well and great, but she needed a few more jeans, and some more business appropriate clothes.
It was at this time she also discovered her new favorite store: Nautica.
She bought a bit too many shirts there.
At this point she returned to the Marina to drop off and sort everything she had bought, and then she was gone again. Once again, she thanked herself for the the forethought of getting herself a commuter card. The Marina was a bit of a commute outside the city but...she did appreciate the bit of distance it had, while still being close enough to be reasonable.
Her last task for the day was to go grocery shopping.
She was dedicated to eating better this time around.
Returning later, for good that evening, Solas sorted her groceries, and then looked at the book on the kitchen counter. Simple and easy recipes for beginners. It seemed like a good start.
Her first hand cooked meal was chicken with sliced potatoes.
She undercooked the chicken, and burnt the potatoes.
Solas ate rice that night instead, because using a rice cooker was much more simple.
She wrapped up the night by writing herself a resume.
That amused her. She used her time in the Negaverse to fill out her skills and experience. It technically wasn’t wrong. As an Eternal, she did file reports, handle paperwork, manage a subordinate so on and so forth...she just spun it in a way that was more civilian friendly.
After a moment, she sighed.
She needed to find a Guardian to change her pen back.
The Second Day
The first day had by far been the busiest, but she still had more to do. She checked in at the main office of the Marina to make sure the registration of the sailboat and the fact it would be docked here as a live in was situated to her name. That done, Solas got ready to do some job hunting. While she had an incredibly nice nest egg she could live off of for some time, she thought it’d be important to get a job. Some more normalcy and structure in her life. Especially as she finished school...plus, the income wouldn’t hurt.
She looked up positions in Destiny City online, and poured over the listings until one in particular caught her eye.
A secretary position for the law office of one Steele Moore.
She froze when she came across that.
She knew that name.
She had spoken to that man as Stillwaterite, and had talked to him about joining the Negaverse. After a certain point, the memories got incredibly blurred though. She couldn’t remember how that interaction had ended, and though she did end up with a lieutenant under her for some time, Alabaster, she wasn’t sure if that was him or not.
Solas’ finger tapped on the table top as she stared at the posting, and after a moment she noticed what she was doing and laid her hand flat on the surface.
That was a habit she picked up from Sergei.
She sighed a bit, and after a moment grabbed her phone to give Mr. Moore’s office a call. If there was a possible link...or even a way for her to keep an eye on this, then she needed to. She was responsible...and the bright side? The duties listed for the position all seemed more than doable.
Hopefully she could land the job.
The Third Day
She landed the job.
She was a bit stunned she had but she was most certainly not complaining. Looking at the office space, knowing what was going to be required, it seemed pleasant, all things considered. Plus...she’d now be able to keep an eye on Steele Moore. The only concerning factor (and surprisingly it wasn’t the fact he might be connected with the Negaverse) was the other secretary. Nora. That girl seemed something…special.
It was going to be interesting.
That was pushed aside for now though.
She had a bit of time before she’d start working, and she was on Day Three of her plan now.
The plan? It was to relax. She had set herself up and cemented what she needed to in the first two days since her purification. Everything else? It would come in time. Now? She built it into the day to just spend time on herself.
She was glad she had the sailboat wrapped in plastic. It was something she had learned reading online from people who also lived in their sailboats. During the winters, owners had the boat deck’s wrapped, so that the entire deck became a usable space during the cold season. It kept the area between a nice 70 degrees to 80 degrees. It was wonderful.
So she relaxed by reading, and also just looking up random things that sounded interesting. One of the items that had been on the table the first night she returned had been a journal---not one filled with memories---but a journal that contained stuff for her to do in the future. Suggestions, thoughts, help. Random things to look up that sounded fun she might have forgotten about: like ghost ship legends, a list of ships sunk by icebergs, it went on and on. A list of books to read. A list of movies to watch. Hobbies she should get into. Skills she should pick up because they seemed useful.
There was one section in the back of the journal that made her laugh. The page said Things to do if a surly Russian says yes. She knew what that meant. If Sergei agreed to try a committed relationship with her. She went ahead and looked at it anyways. Questions to ask. A question about his dog. What treats did she like from Barker’s Dozen. Little notes. He liked stars. She assigned his favorite constellation: the little dipper. A list of movies to watch with him, lots of film Noir, and the Marvel movies. Just things related to him.
She closed the journal, and leaned against the side of the cabin, staring up at the rigging of the sailboat.
If he said yes.
She knew she had put this distance between them by her own hand, but she didn’t regret it. She meant everything she had said. She didn’t want to be with him if he was going to see other women still. She had come too far, and lost too much, to settle for that. She was in this life for keeps now. All or nothing...and if it didn’t work out, if he said no, then that was okay. They were simply two people who wanted different things.
She missed him. It was only a few days since she had last seen him, but in steeling herself for what was to come, in knowing he could say no, and that would be that...she missed him. Solas sighed, idly rubbing her fingers over the journal before she placed it off to the side.
Instead, she picked up her tablet, and resumed watching YouTube videos on American Sign Language.
And here it was.
Her life, by her hand, and now it was time to live it.
All she had to do was try.
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Word Count: 1,650
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