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Her eyes flickered to focus back on his, and she smiled. "Good." She murmured, leaning in to pat his knee. "That's all I want for you. All I ever wanted for you." And for herself, if she was going to be honest, but she hadn't quite made it there yet. She could tell there was one more step waiting to be made. One more tie to sever before she could truly be free.

And these snacks were going to help her do it.

"You know what I wish?" She muttered, digging into the Doritos with gusto. "I know I used to say I don't care about stuff. But I think I cared. I cared a lot. And I think when I care too much, I start to get hurt, and things get rough. I wish I didn't care as much. You know?" She licked the Doritos off of her fingers.

"I just want to be free. I mean, I'm not saying I can ever just stop caring about everyone completely. I just wish I could be like.. oh, that hurts me, so it's not good. I should stop caring." She crunched up a Doritos in her hand and made a mess of it. "That would be nice."

"I can't stop caring. But sometimes there are reasons, or people, or things, that don't deserve to be suffered this much over. I just - I mean, I don't know. We focused so long on ourselves as individuals, and it helped. Right? I think?"

She brushed the Doritos off of her hand, and reached out to pull him off of the table. She didn't need to face him, anymore. She just needed to curl up with her Doritos, her coke, and someone who actually gave a s**t about her, for a little while.

That seemed right.

"Good stuff did come from it. I tried love once, and it failed, but not completely. I still have you and Cami in my life. I just feel like there's something raw that I would really like to feel scar over so I could just feel normal for a little while."

She buried her head against him, and groaned. "Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much when I finally start to like someone else, and it turns out they don't like me like that. Because I don't think I was ready to feel that way again. And I don't think I can handle it yet."

"Don't be. Trust me, it's no big deal. Another lesson learned." She reached up with a chip, to offer it to him and then feed it to him if he acted like he wanted it. "And it only partially explains the snacks. The other half has a lot to do with this compound's sense of humor. Were you even here yesterday? Something got in the air I guess, and we were all like, super vapid sexy models." She licked her fingers again, and gave him a knowing smirk. "I mean, I already am like that, but everyone else was. It was kind of a nightmare. A really hot nightmare."

She shifted in her seat, and closed the bag of Doritos - as usual, Maebe's penchant for fast food only lasted a few minutes, before her stomach closed up on her and she couldn't bear another bite. "And that just made it worse. Or maybe it made things better. I need to stop seeing things that aren't there, after all. It would be nice to not want something you can't have for like, one single moment."

She traced the line of his jaw with her eyes, and followed all those features she'd memories long ago. Otto was the prettiest man she'd ever met, and it felt so good to appreciate that without guilt. One side of her lip twisted up in fond appreciation, freezing when she met his eyes.

There it was. Just a twinge of it, telling her he was just another thing she wanted that she could not have. She was getting used to it by now.

"It would." She agreed, reaching out to cup his cheek with her hand. Would he ever even be able to grow a beard? The poor sap.

"I want to ask you something, and then tell you something. But first you get the question. And it's important." She squeezed his cheek, pinching it fondly. "So don't get fussy with me. You know I don't mince words."

Her hand dropped, and she leaned away to put her Coke back on the table even as she asked. "This guy who's got you smiling. Is it serious yet?"

His answer was perfect, but it was also a mirror of hers. And damn it, why did it always end up that way? She used to think they were so different, and that was why she had to have him. The longer she knew Otto, the more she saw of her own journey within him. It was comforting to know that someone as good, and sweet as he was, had the same kind of hiccups and trials and errors.

It meant she wasn't so far off the mark, after all. And maybe, she was making the right decisions for once.

She smiled, and there was pride in her expression. "You p***k. That's exactly what I was going to say next. God, sometimes I wonder if we're twins - I mean we even look the part." And then she shoved that idea as far away as possible because if they were, she didn't want to know about it. "The thing I was going to say was, I made a decision, and I haven't really implemented it yet, but I think if I can manage it.. it's going to help a lot. I was never meant to do things like relationships. It just doesn't fit well with who I am, and I think I fought that for too long. I just kept hoping for something that never existed. I need to stop wasting my heart on people who don't seem to want me back. I thought that meant never having sex, because like, I couldn't distinguish between the two. But now I think I'm only going to try to be with people who actively, genuinely care about me. People who want me. People who make me feel wanted. That's where my energy is going to fall."

She could say it all she wanted, but that did not mean she'd be able to do it, yet. Turning off her feelings for the people who did not reciprocate was a lofty goal for her, but she was willing to try.

And Otto, sweet, honest little Otto, was thankfully never going to be one of those people. Because in his eyes, she would always be able to see that he cared. And in his heart, she would always feel certain that he did not want more from her than she was willing to give anymore. He was the easy answer, but there were a lot of hard ones left to come.

Baby steps.

"What do you think. Can I do it?"

She couldn't help but laugh when he told her he was cheering her on. He would have made a great cheerleader. Legs and all. Sorry Otto, but it was true.

"Me too." She chuckled out when her laughter subsided, tugging on his collar and pulling him into a loose hug. "We'll see if we can make that happen." It would be pretty miraculous if they succeeded. But since when did they not believe in miracles?

She leaned in further and bit his nose. "Uh, you can get rid of the wall now." She informed him, an entirely unsubtle way of expressing that she wasn't going to play that game anymore. "I mean, not right now now. If you got up right now I'd be pretty pissed."

Her eyes followed his when he turned to look at the wall, and she craned her head, resting her chin on his shoulder to get a better look at it. One eyebrow arched before she pulled back to face him, her nose touching his. Her expression was pure suspicion, despite how close they were.

"The ******** did you do to my wall, sir?"

The answer did not please her. Both eyes narrowed. "You defaced my precious barrier. You fiend."