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 Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:29 am
No one left. He'd lost someone. He'd lost everyone. War was a cruel thing. Hvergelmir didn't believe, deep down, that either side wanted it. People wanted peace. Safety. They wanted to go home to their families, and still have homes and families left to go to. The tolls of war claimed their dues from both sides. "I give a damn," she promised. "You're not alone. You're not invisible. I see you, and I care." It was all she had, all she'd ever had: a hand extended in friendship. One person promising relief from war, one single oasis. It was as simple as water, as insubstantial as air -- but sometimes, it was the one thing a person desperately needed. "Just rest here for a while," she offered, wiping soft thumbs over his tear-tracks. "Just catch your breath. It doesn't have to be anything more complicated than that. Just for now, it's okay to take a minute to let the world settle again."
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 3:00 pm
If someone had told him that he'd be clinging to a knight like a lifeline, well, Captain Labyrinthite would've laughed in their faces. (And probably would've pummeled them for even suggesting it.)
Yet, there he was, grasping at Hvergelmir like she could offer him some sort of salvation.
Oh how the mighty had fallen. (How laughable he'd find himself; from his descent into insanity to falling to his knees with tears on his cheeks.)
"It's all temporary though, isn't it?" He asked, jerking his head from her hands. The gesture had been too sweet, too reminiscent of the actions of his mother when his father would be too aggressive, too cold.
The moment would end, bittersweet as most things in his life did, and he would go back to dreaming of death and blood. Perhaps this is what men who played war games as children deserved, relief with an expiration dated because that's what was. Wasn't it?
He'd been naive and young when he jumped headfirst into the ranks of the Negaverse, become too intermixed in the conquest disguised as a war. It wasn't like he could run either-- he didn't even know if he had the energy to run -- because the whole world was infected. Destiny City was just the start of the infection.
Maybe it wasn't worth trying to find lasting solace. His hands were stained, his soul tainted, his heart corrupted. Temporary relief might be as good as it got for the likes of him.
"I doubt the world will ever settle for me." Calm maybe, but never settle. "But I'll take what I can get I guess."
He focused on Hverglemir, tried to smile at her but it stretched too thinly across his lips, looked too pained. "You offer too much to those who will only take."
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Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 7:03 am
The smile Hvergelmir returned was cryptic. "Do I?" In her experience, it was far from the case. Contrary to popular expectation, most of the Negaverse agents she'd met had been decent, considerate people who'd been hard pressed to take advantage of her avowed vulnerability. Though she'd initially feared being attacked as an easy target, and been promised much the same by many of the people she'd told about her vow, that was a rarer occurrence than not. Her gamble had usually paid off. She was proud of that, a little -- but not terribly surprised. She'd been gambling on the humanity of other people, after all: weighing her life against the likelihood that most human beings were basically decent people. That much, at least, Hvergelmir had always believed in. I don't have to believe in myself, she thought. Because I believe in you. All of you. Whether or not you choose to take without giving anything back is entirely up to you, isn't it?"Life," she said, lowering her hands to fold them in her lap, "is very temporary. That's how it is. Pain always seems to linger. Joy always seems to fade. That doesn't mean that the good things weren't real. That they didn't matter. And it doesn't mean that good things will never come again."
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Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2015 10:21 am
Absently, he wondered what it was like for Hvergelmir to see him at his normal, at his cruelest, and at his most vulnerable. A man who'd tried to kill her more than once with few words and many threats, on his knees before her barely managing to gasp for air.
Of course, were he in his proper state of mind he would be the one of the minority it seemed that would take advantage of the knight's vow.
But he was not, so here he was.
"You're not going to start quoting some stupid doctor who line are you?" He wheezed, trying to crack a weak smile. He wanted to feel normal, not cracked and broken. "I don't need to hear about how the bad stuff makes all the good, great." He still struggled with inhaling, pacing his words so that they stopped coming out slow, stilted. He could breathe though, so that was a start.
He rocked back onto his heels, suddenly feel with a strong desire to put distance between them. He couldn't feel any lingering auras, but that didn't mean someone wasn't watching them and he was sick to his stomach all over again. He didn't need another visit from one of the General-Queens, he didn't need another warning.
He wasn't a traitor.
He wasn't.
(But did he want to be?)
(He didn't know.)
"You preach all these things about you're here to believe in us, that you've got faith in us. Why?" He swallowed hard, picking himself up off the ground. Questions laid heavy on his tongue, he couldn't understand her kindness. It wasn't something he thought himself capable of extending, not in the manners she did.
So he asked.
"Humanity is awful. We are selfish, cruel and self-serving. There are more bad than good people out there. Don't you think you're being a little naive?"
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Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2015 12:20 pm
"No," Hvergelmir said quietly, settling back and reclaiming her own space, still kneeling. "I don't think I'm being naive at all. There are no good or bad people -- there are just people. It's the actions you take that can be good or bad. With things like.... say, killing lots of people -- either you're doing that because you enjoy it, or you've got some other compelling reason to act against your rational self-interest." She shrugged. "Serial murder doesn't tend to be a choice that does much good for your lifespan. So maybe you keep doing it because someone will kill you if you don't. Maybe you keep doing it because you believe it's in service to a higher cause. What I believe is that most of you wouldn't be doing this if you thought you had a better choice. If it wasn't necessary." She laced her fingers together. "Someday, my luck won't hold out anymore. Someday I'll meet someone who cuts off my head, or cuts out my tongue, because they want to. Maybe you -- maybe someone else. But in the meantime . . . until then . . . I didn't set out to play Russian Roulette just for the chance to fire blanks at my own head." Hvergelmir smiled tiredly. "I'm a terrible fighter, you know. I always was. I'm going to die either way."
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Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2015 1:54 pm
"Most of us choose this." The admission slipped from his lips quietly when he fixed his gaze on the ground. He toed at a crack in the concrete while he reflected on his own choices.
He'd picked the Negaverse more than it ever picked him, even if Laurelite had approached him first.
She'd extended the offer, he'd jumped in headfirst, and when life went to s**t, he threw everything he was into the Negaverse. It was the religion he'd chosen for himself with Metallia as Jesus and he one of her many disciples.
Most of the officers he knew picked the path of chaos on their own, even if their faith and reasoning faltered as time passed. Senshi's were often the ones who's hands were forced.
His head snapped up as her too casual mentioning on the mutilation he'd inflicted upon her year and years in a future he wasn't sure would exist or not. "I'm a bit twisted," he admitted. He was one they could rely on to get a job done with whatever means necessary. "I'd apologize but it seems moot because I don't know if I wouldn't do it all over again, given the chance."
Chaos was a constant thrumming in his veins, just buzzing beneath his skin with a constant reminder of it's presence. It could rear it's ugly head at any time, cloud his already muddy thoughts.
"Everyone is a terrible fighter," he snorted, eyebrow arching in speculation. "It's something that's learned, not innate. Not really." Some of his fighting was instinctive, most was taught. "You don't become a good fighter without working for it. You chose to be a terrible fighter."
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2015 9:57 am
Hvergelmir tilted her head, her tone turning a little playful. "You know better than that," she pointed out. "Everyone's a terrible fighter at some point, and most people can get better -- tha'ts true. That doesn't mean we can all get up to fighting speed in time for it to make a difference. Even I try -- but I've gone up against some of your better fighters before. It doesn't make enough of a difference." Lessons at the Women's Center may not have exactly been the MMA Championships, but they were at the right level for her fitness and skills. She'd been doing her best. "As for the rest of it..." She sighed. It was hard to convince people, when Chaos fed them the opposite impression, darkened their view of reality. "You chose something, Labyrinthite. But look at us. Look at where you are, where that choice has led you." She stood, watching him with sorrowful, sympathetic eyes. "Is this really what you wanted?" You have the chance right now. I'm right here. You could strike me down and you're fussing over my safety instead.
Do I haunt your dreams like you haunt mine? Does your conscience whisper to you with my voice?
You're still human. It's not too late.
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Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2015 11:22 am
"It was."
The solidity of the statement surprised him when the words left his mouth. The were firm, final, because it had been what he wanted. He'd chosen to thrust himself into the throws of the negaverse recklessly, without abandon because it'd felt right. There were parts of the job that still felt right, but overwhelming guilt and crippling self-doubt kept rearing it's head and dragging him into uncertainty.
Between Iris's attempt at purifying him and the swarm of terrifying memories, the captain didn't know what he wanted.
The memory of Iris's actions made his chest throb, starseed aching in response. Perhaps it was still damaged, maybe he didn't consume enough energy to fully repair it.
He didn't know if he could handle finding out.
"This part, not so much," he told her, gesturing to the disheveled state he was in. He barked a harsh laugh into the night air, tipping his head back to stare at the sky that should've been littered with stars.
"When is a monster not a monster?" He asked her, slowly dropping his head. "A person who is one is always one, no matter how well they hide it."
He stepped forward, looked contemplative before he sighed. "What type of salvation can you truly offer to the desolate?"
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Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 8:33 am
Hvergelmir sighed. "You're not a monster," she said, her voice sounding a little tired. How often had this come up? How many agents had she spoken to who'd been so convinced that there was something terrible and inhuman and unworthy about them? How many had been convinced that their breast beat with a monster's heart? Titanlavenite, who saw himself as something monstrous that had to be killed so a knight could be born in his place. Teide, who'd been so convinced even after purifying that there was something irredeemable in her nature. Kerberos, who couldn't see his own worth even though he'd saved her life. Bischofite, who'd been so desperate for Hvergelmir to see him as the monster that his disfigured body presented that he'd practically shouted it in her face. "You're not a monster," she said again. It felt heavy, every time, knowing they could only view themselves through distorted lenses that Chaos had made them used to. "You just hate yourself." Darkness was gnawing away at Labyrinthite's heart as surely as it consumed everyone else it touched. Already he was struggling, already he was so close to losing a grip on all the good things Chaos was trying to steal away. Chaos cost people their faith in themselves, in others. It devoured hope. "There's only one kind of salvation for the desolate," she said, reaching out to brush her fingers over his cheek one last time. "Hope in the face of hopelessness -- victory snatched from the jaws of defeat -- that's what miracles were made for." Her smile was benevolent. "If you ever want it," she said, "All you have to do is ask. I'll find you one if I have to turn the whole world on its side."
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Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 11:11 pm
"You don't have to hate yourself to be a monster."
Self-deprecating nature probably helped, but Labyrinthite had accepted his monstrous title long before he hated himself. He used to radiate confidence, before the night terrors and the memories. It used to be a comforting thing, not a thing of terror.
When the knight mentioned miracles as the only type of salvation he couldn't help but scoff. "Miracles are the work of a fictional god. You think yourself capable of playing god?" He thought of laughing that empty hollow laugh that had a habit of bursting through his mouth and echoing painfully off the buildings, but he didn't.
"What makes you think you're capable of creating a miracle for the desolate?"
Ever the pessimist the captain was.
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Posted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:18 am
"Playing God?" She raised an eyebrow. "No, I don't have any miraculous powers. I just know people who do. I don't play God -- just advocate." Hvergelmir eyed him carefully. "If you don't want the future that's been laid out for you," she said, "don't condemn yourself to it. Choose to be someone else -- and hang onto that person with everything you have."
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Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 1:38 pm
The captain knew that she was speaking of characters with abilities like Princess Iris, powers that rivaled the strength of his General-Queens.
The idea of giving anyone power over him made him sick. He didn't know if he could take any more hands touching his starseed-- Laurelite, Tanzanite, Iris, Laurelite --but would it be worth it? Uncertainty made his stomach flip.
If he were honest, he wasn't sure he could go through another incident like Iris.
"Do you play the role of angel then?" There was a slight hint of amusement in his voice when he asked. "Everyone has good inside them, eh?" He sighed, hands finding his pockets because he didn't know what else to do with them.
"So, who are these god-like entities you know?" Curiosity got the better of him, he wanted to know who they were so he'd know if he had to grovel before them. Labyrinthite had a history of making enemies, after all.
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Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2015 9:21 am
Hvergelmir was no angel. No one was -- like anyone else, she was just a human being trying to stutter through life making the right choices. "If you like," she allowed grudgingly. "I always thought of myself as more of a proctor. I arrange things that need arranging." She considered her options -- who would she call, if Labyrinthite wanted to leave the Negaverse? There were some six or so Royals -- but only three Hvergelmir could really count on her contacts list. Iris and Chronos were said to be unreachable, and Castor . . . Castor was not an option. "Camelot," she said. "Or Iris, or Cosmos. There are people I could ask. Do you want to think it over? You've had a rough night."
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Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2015 9:33 am
He fell silent, eyes downcast while he toed at a crack in the sidewalk, while she rattled off names. He knew of Camelot, the knight who'd intervened the last time he'd encountered Hvergelmir in this lifetime and had put the name to the knight from recon. He didn't know that Camelot had ranked up.
And of course he knew of Iris, how could he not?
They had a long, ugly history that started that day in the park when her rainbow fell on his leg and left an ugly scar around his ankle. "I'm not sure Iris would be much help," he said ruefully. "She doesn't like me much." An understatement really. "Never seems to want to bother talking with me anymore." He looked up at the Cosmos knight like a scolded child might when they were trying to get away with poor behavior.
He didn't know Cosmos though, only knew of her in theory. He had heard that her sightings were few and far between.
"I don't--" he stopped himself, worried his lip then shook his head. "Yeah, okay." His body sagged with resignation.
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Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2015 9:27 am
Hvergelmir wondered, of course, what the backstory between Labyrinthite and Iris was that he was alluding to -- but it could've been anything, she supposed. Labyrinthite was aggressive, and from what she knew of Iris, Iris was rough-and-tumble with a gruff personality that was hard to read but seemed easy to irritate. Probably not a combination of personalities that made for any smooth sailing. "Not Iris, then," she granted. "That's fine. You let me worry about that part." She canted her head to the side sympathetically. "Go home and get some rest. If you want to see me again . . . well, you already know where to find me, I guess. Look for me at North End Park."
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