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 Posted: Sat May 02, 2015 6:40 am
"It is." He cast his gaze to the tar paper solemnly, searching the muddied prints while he considered the memory loss behind the act. Anyone I consider suggesting for corruption will have their lives confiscated from them. It is not a light decision to make - their prowess in both physical and mental endeavors will be evaluated beforehand, naturally - but would I need to discover the state of their normal lives too? Not necessarily; I would only need to consider for how memory loss would affect their performance among our ranks. I suppose the aftermath should be left to someone who can better relate to the officer's position. My empathy seems to be broken.
"Losing the memories one wants to escape sounds like it only complicates the problem. it leaves the regret hollow, and displaces the misery. Yet people still make that choice?" The question came out more declarative. "I can't imagine reaching a point where forsaking the greater part of my life becomes necessary. Are people so invested in this war that they wholly entwine their lives in it? War is a conduit to find yourself, but it was never meant to define you. To think that there are circumstances that drive others to abandon whole parts of themselves..." Means that those circumstances are far more powerful than any I've run across. Will there be a time when I wonder about purification - where I consider how I might be better off?
Any way he viewed purification in juxtaposition to his own experiences left him somewhat dumbfounded at the choice. In no way had purification outweighed any detriments currently plaguing his life. So, he reasoned, for one to pursue purification, the stimuli behind it must pain them so keenly that purification may as well be on par with suicide when it came to overwhelming coping mechanisms. And if the Negaverse can provide resources for any officers considering purification, then would that stymie some of the potential flow to the other side? Assuming there was any - he hadn't yet met or heard of any former officers.
His attentions turned to the loose necklace of segmented beads while she spoke. His thumbs found the inner perimeter and toyed with it, rotating the beads themselves before wedging fingernails between the segments. The entire necklace felt stiff because of how they were strung.
Perhaps it was some kind of cosmic commentary on him.
What ends also begins, what changes also dies... Always dying, always becoming. Ouroboros. May we grow and change and die forever. But mine is broken, isn't it. His arms retired to folding in his lap, pinning his shirt from any potential movement. "I'm not sure if the war is necessary. I haven't made much progress on that. I do know it is something beyond me - something I cannot control or dismiss or perpetuate. My participation will not end the war, or prolong it. I am not a necessity to it. I suspect that applies to a lot of people who are currently a part of it. Maybe even you." Have you killed an agent before, Hvergelmir? Have you touched a starseed?
"It will take some time to find that answer."
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Posted: Sun May 03, 2015 9:11 pm
Hvergelmir shook her head, hugging her arms around her midsection to ward off the encroaching chill. "People make a lot of choices," she allowed. "Some of them good, some of them bad -- sometimes entirely intending to do themselves harm. I don't pretend to agree with the choices other people make . . .but it's important to me to try to understand them. To know what they find meaningful." She shrugged. "Maybe you're right. Maybe the war is beyond me. But that's not what I believe -- not today. If it was, I wouldn't be out here. I don't have quotas to meet or duties to fulfill -- participating is a little different on our side. The consequences of failing to join in the war aren't always so immediate. Some people find it easier, having no one but themselves to answer to. Some people find it harder."
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Posted: Mon May 04, 2015 6:57 am
Her comments left him thoughtful, and his attention drifted back to her - her soft gold ornamentation, her iridescent hair - before a thought crossed his mind.
This doesn't have to be business.
It came as almost a shock, it caused him to bristle slightly, but further contemplation on it led him to relax a measure. It would be easy to report her presence to the Negaverse. I could ask her where she might be found if I wanted to talk further. I could supply that information to my superiors. What became of her then would be out of my hands. But she raises no hand to fight, and seems more interested in prodding philosophies over pushing an agenda. Her motives are still a mystery. So what is there to stop me from revisiting? Her information is free to those who ask of it. And she spoke of memory loss when corrupted; if she loses her powered memories, then that's a whole lot of worth banished.
Beyond that, she gives me reason to think beyond the practical. Maybe that amounts for more to me than fulfilling my duty to the Negaverse. We'll see.
Rashness is the reluctant parent of misfortune.
"I can't imagine what that's like - having no one else to answer to." Umber considered her declaration that she thought she made a difference. He wondered what difference she thought she was making - if she cared about benefitting sides, or preserving life or stowing away all violence. He wondered if she dreamed together a perfect outcome.
And he wondered if it would be more difficult to answer only to himself. The thought of it alone tightened his chest.
"Is there a time where I can find you again? I would give you an answer to your earlier question, once I found one."
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Posted: Mon May 04, 2015 10:00 am
At this comment, Hvergelmir turned to look at Umber fully. She studied his eyes for some sign of depth to the comment -- I can't imagine what that's like, having no one else to answer to -- but whatever she saw there in his pale gaze, she wasn't sure what it meant. Does the notion of self-determination frighten you, or excite you? What is it you want, Umber -- something to conquer? Something to submit to? Do you want anything at all? Would you even know, if I asked you?Early days yet. If she saw him again, she could learn more. Understand more. This was enough of a start. "Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday nights I'm at North End Park," she answered -- because that had always been free for the asking, too. "Come and see me again. And I'll see if I can tell you what it's like -- not to answer to anyone."
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Posted: Tue May 05, 2015 7:38 am
Umber gave a single nod. The Negaverse must find some use for her if she hasn't died yet. So often in the same location... An ambush wouldn't require any thought. And they captured her before, in the New Year's Ball, but apparently her continued existence is so easily dismissed that no one bothered pursuing her? I must be missing something. I can't be the only person to know of where Hvergelmir stays three days of the week.
Umber filed a mental note to tag along into the Rift and access the database on Hvergelmir. Surely someone entered information about her from the ball...
Umber stood, discomfort straining his features slightly from injuries sustained. "A fair trade. Goodbye, then," he offered over shoulder. His skin crawled at the thought of walking away from a knight ,back turned to that tangible force of power that hummed through the air, but he forced himself to it. His gait gathered pace until he reached a jog near the edge of the building and leapt the precipice to its shorter neighbor. The path home was not long, but Umber detoured in case the knight and her steed found it fitting to keep watch over him.
'Is the war itself necessary?' I guess we'll find out.
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