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In the hours following the fire Syqvara found herself looking around desperately for a face she knew. In all the soot covered one's she failed to find Ingwe. It made her think the worst. He had died in that fire. He had died and she had been too cowardly to go into the flames to save him. A choked sob came from her and she fell to her knees by the ash. As water built up in her green eyes she could only stare at the blackened and charred remains of the Inn she had been in only hours before. “Oh Ingwe, I am so sorry.” She whispered to herself as her shoulders began to shake. Sy thought for sure she could have done something. The fact that she hadn't meant that she was responsible just as much as the flames were.

The noise around her seemed to fade away as she thought back to what happened. The memory of smoke waking her and how long it took her to register the danger. Had she known, had it clicked sooner, then maybe she would have been able to reach her friend. Those salty tears finally over took the brim of her eyes and splashed onto her cheeks. Dirt and soot smeared downward as she sat there. “Ing...” A hiccup interrupted her and she couldn't bring herself to attempt to say her friend's name again.

As she sat there crying something caught her attention. Movement in the rubble before her. It wasn't enough to be a person but it was significantly larger than things settling. Syqvara sniffed and stared for a moment thinking that it was a trick of the light or maybe even her imagination. When it happened again she straightened up and gave it an odd look. As the movement came a third time she shifted and crawled toward it. With one hand she reached out and brushed things aside until what was underneath was revealed to her.

“Oh!” She was startled at what she saw. It was a baby kinfa. She thought that this had to have been someone's pet. Their familiar. Had they died in the fire as well? Did this little one try to save them? Shifting her position slightly she scooped up the poor bird and brought him close to her so that she could cradle it. Doing what she could to wipe the ash from kinfa's face she'd rock him softly. “Shh shh shhhh. It's alright.” The red headed leaf girl was doing her best to comfort the animal. It was likely frightened and lost. “I've got you.” Sy hoped her words would help to calm the panting bird.

As she sat there in the debris Elyam approached slowly. The scorra had gotten away from the fire safely, much to Sqvara's relief. When he was standing next to her he looked down at the other bird she was holding. The red head looked up at her familiar, still with tears streaking her cheeks. “He lost his family, Elyam.” After those words left her mouth she leaned over so that she could put some weight against the blue-ish green scorra. He in turn leaned against her to help support her. Sy looked back down at the bird in her arms and sighed.

After running into several of her old friends she felt her confidence flood into her like a tidal wave. Something about seeing all of them and being remembered, as well as being able to speak to them without her usual stutter, made her feel more open. Syqvara could face her mother and head home to Yera. Of course there was something she wanted to do first. Her time spent in Sauti when she got lost had shown her that a woman's body could be displayed in a tasteful way. Eira's outfits had been beautiful. It also made her wonder if she showed a bit more if she could catch the attention of a certain someone. So, along her way she found a decent sized village and sought out the marketplace.

Sy hoped she could find something that was between the fanciness of the dancer and the covered look she was used to. In order to do that she might have to search for a while or at least she thought so. Reaching up she pushed her hair out of her face and tucked it neatly behind her ear. That was another thing she'd have to take care of while she was at it. During her travels she had neglected to maintain it. So Syqvara was in need of a brush and cut, or just a style. “So much for being neat.” She giggled at her current state.

Not that she looked dirty or anything, just.. like a beggar. Or at the very least like she had been on the road for a long while. When she stopped in front of a stall she took the time to look things over. Everything she saw was so.. extravagant. Bright colors with beading or some type of dangly gems. Not like her at all. With a gentle clearing of her throat she got the stall owner's attention and offered a sweet smile. “I'm sorry to bother you. Uhm, do you have anything more simple?” Taking care not to actually touch anything she pointed at the tops. A skirt was just not her so she was likely going to keep her own pants. Unless she could find something more geared to her tastes. Like something that didn't show off too much thigh. Wearing a short skirt was something she might explore later in life, but not currently.

The shopkeeper nodded her head and grinned as she moved over to the second table of her wares. “I have these over here. They don't have as many coins or other decorations on them.” She answered. It seemed that she hoped that the woman that had come to buy meant that she didn't want so many things as decoration on the shirt. As she stood there waiting her eyes remained on the red head, sizing her up and getting a feel for her coloring.

Sy moved with her and looked at everything that was laid out on the table. They all looked so.. flashy. In her mind she wasn't a flashy person so it was hard to see herself in something so shiny. “Oh my. I'm not sure if it would look good on me or not.” She worried. If she got something like it and then it made her look silly it wouldn't get her the kind of attention she wanted.

“Hmn.” Said the woman behind the table. “You look like you would do well in earthy colors more than pastels.” With that she turned away from the outfits she had laid out and started to dig in the trunk on the ground. “Ah, here.” She turned with a beautiful top in her hands.

Sy's eyes lit up and she couldn't help but grin from one ear to the next. “Oh! That's so beautiful.” It was perfect for her too. After she stared at it for a few seconds she fished into her pocket for the money that she needed to pay for it, as well as a bottom to go with the top. “Here you go, thank you.” With the exchange done she took the top in hand and went on her way. Now she needed to find somewhere she could wash up and change. After all, she didn't want to put on her new clothes while she was covered in fruit juice and dirt.

Once she found an Inn that was willing to let her pay a small fee to simply use the facilities so that she could wash up she made sure to scrub herself from head to toe. It felt good. Relaxing. “Ahhh...” Came a sigh of content. Her skin could breathe again. It wasn't hindered by sticky fruit juice or dirt or the saliva of a certain raptrix. With a chuckle she finished washing and rinsing her hair so that she could dry up and change.

After hours of relaxing and cleaning and finally getting dressed Sy left the Inn. The fresh air hit her newly washed skin and sent a shiver all over her body. It was a welcoming one though. “Home I go.” She said to herself as she pointed her feet in the right direction. It was time for her to face her mother, and possibly her brother.

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Upon entering Yera she looked around to see if anything had changed. There were a few new faces but the general places were familiar to her. That was good. That meant that it hadn't been completely changed by the recent battle against the Alks. She continued on down the road for a few more minutes then made a turn so that she could finally make it to her childhood home. The porch looked clean and it made her smile a little. That meant that either her mother or her twin brother had picked up her chores while she was away. As she got to the door she had to pause. Did she knock? Did she just walk in? It was confusing for her. Sy had been gone for a while, try two years, and it was hard to figure out how to go about things.

Not that she would need to make that choice. The door opened up and there was her mother. At first the woman could only stare at her child but then tears sprang into her eyes just as her arms wrapped around Syqvara. “Oh! I thought you were gone!” Her mother's hold tightened and she gave a cringe but returned the affection.

“I didn't mean to worry you, Mom. I'm sorry I was gone for so long.” It was the best she could say at the moment. Emotions were running high in both her and her mother. Tears were clouding their vision and running down all four cheeks that the two women had collectively. “Sorry Mom.” Sy repeated the apology over and over again.

She was shushed by her mother rather quickly. “No, don't apologize. I am just glad to have you back.” A choked sob came quickly after the words but she pulled away from her child and smiled up at her. Quickly she wiped away her own tears and looked her precious daughter over. “Look at you!” She exclaimed. One of the first things she noticed was that Sy had lost a lot of weight. “Have you been eating!?” The woman fussed then ushered the girl into the house.

When the door was shut behind her Syqvara turned to look at her mother. “I have been eating, Mom. I swear.” Not that her mother believed her. She watched as her mother went right to the kitchen and started to rummage through everything so that she could find something to feed to her child. “Mom, I'm fine. I just did a lot of walking so naturally...” She trailed off as she saw that her mother wasn't paying attention.

She sighed and gave up trying to argue the point. Sy moved to sit in a chair just as her mother brought her some fruit to eat. “Here honey, you need to eat.” When she was sure that her daughter had food in front of her and was going to eat it she finally sat down across from her at the table. “Where have you been? You know your brother is looking for you?” The questions came out of her rather quickly but there was no scolding tone to them at all.

Syqvara toyed with the fruit for a moment, not wanting to really eat, but when she noticed that her mother was staring at her expectantly she picked up a piece and took a bite. When she was done chewing she decided to answer. “Well.. I did go to Jauhar like I said I was going to.” She hadn't lied to her mother about that part. “Things happened there that prevented me from coming home right away.” Mostly it was the fire. Not that she was willing to tell her mother that bit. It would cause the woman to start fretting all over again and Sy didn't want that. “Once that was resolved the conflict with the Alkidikes arose.”

Mentioning that had the elderly woman going pale. She had seen the warrior women pass through the area and she'd known about the rumors. It had broken her heart to know that both of her children could possibly be in the middle of all that. Now she knew that at least her daughter had been.

Seeing her mother lose her color had Sy reaching across the table to place her hand on top of her mothers. “It's alright Mom. I only had a small injury and I was well taken care of. I didn't see Cyn there either.” It was the best comfort she could offer up since she truly didn't know if her brother had been there or not. At least she knew he wasn't in the area around her. If he had been she'd have gone to him right away. Her mother put a hand over hers and smiled as she gave a soft nod. “I'm home now. I won't be going too far away from home anymore. I need to focus on becoming a shaman now.” She hoped that would give a bit more comfort to her mother. Knowing that her child was staying close to home had to make her feel better.

When she saw her mother smile she returned the gesture. “I am tired from the journey, is it alright if I get some sleep?” Syqvara didn't want to just flop over and leave her mother in silence if she wasn't ready for it. Plus, she would need to let her familiars into the house since they had gotten used to sleeping with her. Especially Drent. “Elyam and Drent will have to come inside to sleep with me too, they get antsy otherwise.”

“Oh! You still have Elyam?” Her mother beamed a little. Not only had her child come back to her but she now had other creatures to take care of and fret over. “Oh yes. Bring them in and get some rest, Honey, I'll run to the market and get some food for them.” Instantly she was on her feet and looking more alive than before. She now had something to do! Food to get for the animals and a dinner to cook for her daughter.

“Thanks mom.” She said softly as she got up from the table. Sy went to the door and let her two avian familiars in before she patted her thigh and headed back to her own room. The two followed her happily and soon the three of them were curled up on the bed giving in to the exhaustion.

Her brother had disappeared for some time, longer than even she had been gone, and while she worried about him she didn't have the strength to go out and look for him just now. Not that she wasn't physically able but that she couldn't leave her mother behind again. The last time had caused her to become depressed and it made Syqvara worry that the woman was too fragile to handle a second absence. So instead her brother was on his own for the time being. Though she supposed she could ask for someone to go looking for him. Perhaps that would make things easier than not knowing where he was or what had happened to him. It was certainly something to look into when she could.

For now Sy was busy rearranging the house. Her mother had decided that the house was now hers and that she would move to the smaller room. It had been a big thing that Syqvara had tried to prevent but her mother was set on the idea. So she let it happen. There was no point in arguing with the stubborn headed woman. For now only small things were going on. Her mother's things being moved to her old her room and the largest room in the house was becoming hers. Though she was surprised to learn that while she wasn't paying attention her mother had gone out and bought all types of things to decorate the house with that were more in tune to a Shaman. It was a touching thing but at the same time Sy felt like she was taking over. Ironically she hadn't done anything of the sort.

When her mother stopped at her brother's bedroom door and stood there Sy could feel the worry and sadness coming from her. "Leave it, Mother. I want it there for him when he comes back." It was all she could think of. Even if her brother had died, which she wasn't so sure was the case, they were twins after all. She would surely feel it if he had, right? A connection or something would have been broken. As far as she could tell nothing like that had happened.

Her mother nodded her head and looked away from the room so that she could continue on. Syqvara wasn't sure if her mother believed that Cyn was alive or not. She could try to commune with the spirits and find out. But that would require her to do a lot of things and right now she had no proper place to meditate nor did she have the right herbs. She mentally made a note of everything that she would need in order to perform such an act so that she could get the things later. It would be worth a try in the long run. And it would certainly help in the matter of sending someone else out to find her twin. Would they be going out to find a living, breathing person or would they be after a body? Could she really ask someone to retrieve a corpse? Her green eyes stared down the hall at where her mother had disappeared to. Yes, yes she could ask someone to do that. It would give closure to her mother. If that were the case anyways.

She sighed heavily and looked around the main room of the house. So far she had found several places to put her new candles but there were still so many more to place. Her mother had gone a bit overboard with them. Plus she still needed to find a place to put the woven branches and berries. There was also the wooden bowl and several jars of herbs that were waiting to be put up. Sy just wasn't sure where they would go. This whole decorating thing was new to her. Normally it was taken care of by her mother or she was sleeping outside where decoration was nature. So she felt at a loss.

In truth she wondered if she couldn't just get boxes and store them in until they were needed. It was more practical that way but she didn't want to accidentally offend her mother by doing so. Which meant she would need to find a place to display everything. "Maybe I should look into some shelves." She said to herself. The red head cast a glance at the walls and noticed all the empty space there. She could always fill it up and make things look less cluttered. Maybe she could look into that when she went into the market.

Just one of the many things to add to her list. Sy wanted to look into a few other possible items as well as some information when she went out next. She would have to do the latter in private since she didn't want her mother involved but she could bring her along for the general shopping. Such things might make her feel better. Or at least make her feel like she wasn't being displaced. Or maybe it was Syqvara that felt that way. Who knew. Everything was changing a little too fast for her and she wasn't sure she was ready for it all. At least not yet. It would take time but she might feel more at home in her own.. well, home. With a deep breath Sy looked around at the house she had grown up in.

Trying all things

A feeling of discomfort rushed over her as she stood outside the home of a village exile. They had been seen as too out there or crazy by the standards of the leaf people. Sy had heard the stories as much as any other in the village had. Soota was the crazy old man that spoke to thin air but he always claimed to know the unknowable. Because of that Syqvara had ended up at his house debating on whether or not she should even bother. If she wanted to find out about her brother then this was just one more way that she might be able to and she was willing to try anything.

Moving closer she took a steeling breath then knocked on the door with a shaky fist. Her nerves were twisting in her gut and making her want to walk away. She knew she shouldn't mess with crazy but it might be crazy that she needed.

The door opened and a hunched over old man stood in the doorway with a wide grin on his face. "Yessssss?" He asked with a hiss.

"Soota.. I... I need your help in something." There was hesitation in her voice before she finally just said what she needed. "I need to know the unknowable." Sy just hoped she wasn't about to turn crazy herself.

"Ahh. Come in, come in, old Soota will show you how to know what no one knows." The old man nodded his head continuously as he turned to head inside, leading the way into the dim interior where a table of knuckle bones, feathers, and cards were laid out.

After a pause she took the first step over the threshold and followed after the old man, shutting the door behind her. There was no turning back now. Her brother had better be worth it.

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Clinking of bowls and jars could be heard repeatedly as Sy went about getting all the right herbs into the empty bowl in the middle of the table. A pinch of this and a dash of that, maybe a sprinkle here and there as well. A drop of pure poppy essence and then stir it all together. She was mixing a concoction that would allow her to meditate and transcend beyond her earthly body. A form of astral projection with the aid of earthly substances, or at least it should feel like that. Soota had shown her what to use and had explained what to do, he even told her to expect a feeling in her mind that would let her know she was doing it right. Syqvara wanted to seek out the knowledge of her brother that "spirits" might have. She had many questions that she wanted answers to. So all of this was needed to reach her goal and to make her hallucinate.

Once everything was added and properly mixed into the bowl she set aside the wooden spoon she had been using and picked up her flint and striking rock. All she needed was a spark to start a burning ember. She had no need for a full flame but the burning of the herbs would put the smoke into the air and help her with connecting. Sy held the flint over the bowl and with her other hand she struck down. A clack echoed through her room and sparks flew in all directions lighting up the immediate area. Luckily one spark landed in the center of the bowl and soon the tell tale sign of red could be seen. With a self satisfied smile she leaned down and blew gently over the heat to help stoke it. Within seconds a thick smoke was rising from the burning ember in the bowl and the herbs were mixing with the air.

The woman quickly put things aside and moved the bowl to sit in the middle of the room right in front of where she had laid out a small prayer rug for herself. Sy sat down and crossed her legs in front of her, sitting Indian style, before placing her hands palm down on her knees. She kept her back straight and breathed deeply. A second later she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to clear. In order to seek out the spirits she needed to be pure of mind and she would have to accomplish that by meditating for a small amount of time.

Sitting there, still as a rock, she let her thoughts slip away from her. The worries of the day that she had she let go as well. All she focused on was a clear sky image in her mind, as Soota had instructed. When she managed to calm her thoughts and clear her mind she took another deep breath, this one pulling tendrils of smoke into her nose, and exhaled slowly. The combination of the herbs and essence that she had put together was intoxicating once it was put into the air and within minutes she started to feel the effects. Her head felt light and spiny as her body felt weightless on the floor. Sy leaned her head back and let the waves of euphoria take hold so that she could feel a sense of transcendence. Her high was starting.

Her body slowly became more lax and before long her leaning became full on laying down. With her back pressed against the hard packed floor Sy felt nothing physical. Her body was numb from the herbs working on her senses. Instead she felt more on an emotional level. Her green eyes opened and she stared at nothing as magic swirled around the room; her magic. Without even realizing it she had tapped into the reserves inside herself and was using them to create a static charge to the room. Every so often there would be a visible spark in the air that would cause the thick smoke to puff about and create strange patterns. Her eyes stared up at the “signs” as they moved about the room in mid air. Her mind was reading them without even being aware of it. This was her "spirits" that she needed to seek answers from, this was her trip into the realm of herbs and it was a colorful one.

Syqvara was searching each of the new patterns for any indication of where her brother might be. It was her hope that she could learn where her brother was so she could either go there herself or send someone else after him. Since her return home her twin had been absent and it made her mother worry to the point of unhealthiness. So she took it upon herself, in secret no less, to try and find her elusive other half by a means that was seen as taboo. It was just one more thing to pile on top of the already growing responsibilities she gained in deciding to come home and stay.

She stayed that way for hours until the embers died out and no more smoke filled the air. With the last of the swirling patterns being read her eyes seemed to roll back and her lids fluttered. Wherever her mind had gone it was back now, or at least her physical awareness had returned. She no longer felt weightless and high. In fact she almost felt nauseous.

With her full consciousness returned she blinked her eyes a few times and looked around the room. At first she didn't recall everything that had happened while she was “out” but eventually she remembered the patterns that she had seen and boy were they... interesting. Giving a grunt she sat up and reached up to smooth her hair down. With a sigh she stared down at the bowl containing nothing but ashes. Sy had hoped to get more than just the mixtures of bright colors and a spinning head but it was what she got from this.

“Ah well, it was well worth the try.” She said in a hushed tone to herself.

If she hadn't tried then she would have been more upset with herself. So that at least was something. It was just a shame that she hadn't learned anything. Syqvara continued to look into the bowl at what remained of the herbs for a moment more as her mind and body once more got into sync with one another. Then she finally moved to collect the dish from the floor and stand up. On her feet she felt a little wobbly and had to pause in place before moving any farther or she feared she might end up back on the floor. When she thought she was stable enough the leaf woman stepped over to the table where she had mixed everything together to begin with. A loud clunk sounded as she set the bowl down and propped herself up with her hands. It seemed that this was not going to be the way she got to find her brother. So that meant she would indeed need to rely on the more physical means of tracking him down. Sy just hoped that one of the many men she had paid to look for him would find him in one piece. The hard part now was to sit idle and wait for any news to come to her. Not an easy thing for her since she worried both for her twin and her mother's health.

The effects of the herbs and her prolonged high caused her to finally lose the contents within her stomach. Thankfully Sy had managed to move over to a pot to retch so there was no foul mess to scrub off the floor. While she had her head in the pot spilling her lunch she mentally cursed the crazy old man for not warning of the after effects. If the contents of her stomach could have shown her where her brother was then she'd have simply eaten something spoiled, it would have been much faster.

"Crazy Soota. You know nothing." Sy grunted as she wiped her mouth and stood up to brace herself on the table again. She was babying her stomach for now and not wanting to move too much. But as she stood there she thought about the experience she'd just had. Apart from the feeling and the colors she saw she hadn't seen anything useful. There had been no knowledge. No answers in the unseen. At least Soota's crazy status had been well earned. That just meant that the villagers had been right to shun him. Still, this method hadn't worked so either she had failed miserably at it or it never worked to begin with. Which meant she was no closer to finding Cyn.

Of course there was also the real possibility that her brother wouldn't be found. Or the one option she had been denying since it first entered her mind some time ago; he could be dead. Leaning more heavily onto her hands as they held her against the table she took in another breath and felt a shiver run down her spine. Syqvara didn't want to think like that but it was time for her to face the facts. There was a really good possibility that she would never see Cyn again.

Tears gathered in her eyes and her knees felt weak. Guilt settled over her as well. What if he had gone out to look for her and something happened to him because of it. A hiccup caused her breath to hitch and she leaned down to put her forehead on the table before she lost it entirely. What had she done? Within seconds of her resting her head on the table the tears were unleashed and a sob filled the room. Sy shook with her crys then finally felt the frustration of failure. So she screamed and lifted herself up so that she could swipe her arms over the table and knock everything onto the floor.

The loud clatter it made did nothing to help sooth her pain so she moved over to kick the jars and bowls. Maybe if she let out enough anger at herself her brother would come home. Syqvara made another loud noise, similar to a grunt, and kicked more things around but when it didn't seem to help her at all she brought one hand up to cover her mouth as another loud sob left her. Her other hand went behind her to find the edge of the table as she sank down to the floor. Once there she leaned against the leg of the table and cried silently. She kept her mouth covered as she did to help keep her louder protests to herself.

It wasn't until another hour or two later, after sitting silently and in self hate, that she finally sniffed and looked around at everything. She had made a mess and was a mess herself. Sy couldn't be seen like this by her mother. It would make her worry more and that could put her on her death bed. So she wiped her face and took a deep breath before moving to pick up the fallen herbs. Her tear stained face felt stiff but she could worry about that later, right now she was forming a plan in her mind.

She would take care of her mother, make sure she felt happy and safe, and she would use any extra coin or goods she could to pay others for their help in finding her twin. It was all she could do. Anything more would cause her mother too much distress and Syqvara didn't want to be the one responsible for the woman's death by worry. Once resigned to this decision she hurried to clean up and hide her feelings of guilt from the world.