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I fully believe in equal opportunity.

Maebe had two entirely different reactions, one directly after the other. At first, her face scrunched up in confusion.

"Who?"

But a single moment later, what Otto was saying actually sunk in, and the identity of the person no longer mattered. The wrinkles of confusion on her face smoothed out into open mouthed shock. Her mind struggled against the freight train of information all trying to hit her at once.

This wasn't about Otto cheating. This was about Otto wanting something. He wanted toned, muscled bodies and hard jaws and intruding appendages. He wanted the smell of a man pressed against him. He wanted all of the things that, no matter how good she was, Maebe did not have the ability to provide. And all of this time, she'd thought she was safe from being inadequate. She thought this little bubble they'd tightened around the three of them would work.

Before the two of them, she found herself reviled at the thought of people who limited themself to being attracted to one sex. The idea of monogamy and faithfulness just sounded selfish. There was too much to enjoy in the world. Limits disgusted her. But secretly, she was thankful that Otto had always been so horrified by the idea of men and sexuality. Their relationship had been carefully constructed to fulfill the needs of each of their members. Both Cami and Maebe were receiving both ends of the spectrum, and Otto was getting double of what he'd always wanted.

Except that wasn't the case at all, anymore. And their perfect little bubble burst away, inconsolably shattered forever. Because she was never going to be enough for him. She was never going to be enough.

She rose up off of the couch as if she'd been possessed, and practically ran out of the room, towards the kitchen. Her hands slammed on the counter when she reached it, holding her up as she tried to control the overwhelming cascades of inadequacy that tried to cripple her and send her shuddering to the ground. She felt more helpless than ever, having lost every ounce of control she'd fought her entire life to build up in one blast of a moment. She needed to get it back, by any means.

The sound of the utensils clanging against one another as she opened the drawer sounded like cymbals crashing. She grabbed a fork, and placed her hand down on the counter. Without so much as an inhale of hesitation, she tried to stab the back of her hand with the fork using every ounce of strength in her small, regretfully feminine arms. She felt the sting of what should have been pain, but it was dull; dimmed; muted. The fork was jabbed firmly into her shield, refusing to actually break skin.

Her eyes widened with bright, glassy insanity and determination.

The fork was jabbed into her hand over, and over, never making it through the shield. She growled out of frustration, throwing the fork away with a clatter. The steak knife was next, held up in the air like a serial murderer and stabbing into her own hand repeatedly in an attempt to break her own shield.

I won't let you hurt yourself. Thaw reminded her, in a calm, but firm voice. You must find a better way to regain your control.

She screamed, and stabbed the knife into the counter instead. "I HATE being a hunter. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I HATE THIS." She hadn't realized that she'd been sobbing until she saw her reflection in the utensils still sitting in the drawer, and couldn't recognize the monster that stared wildly back at her in contempt.

Maebe tried to fight him off the moment his arms were on her. Her entire body writhed with the desperate need to get away and finish the job she'd started. She kicked and clawed, squirmed and wiggled, until she was facing him enough to look him in the eye.

"What does it even matter?" She screeched out, her words hissed through tightly clenched teeth. "We're hunters! We can't hurt ourselves! We can only hurt each other! It's not fair! IT'S NOT FAIR."

She punctuated the scream with an attempt to beat against him with fists that were held back too tightly. "Let me go, damn it. I'm not taking this s**t anymore. This is my life. MY LIFE. YOU HEAR THAT, THAW? MY ******** LIFE."

Nobody should be able to hurt her but herself.

The wiggling began to slow, and Maebe's body turned to jelly in Otto's arms. She was losing her mind, and it was just another loss of control. She had to collect herself, and find a way out. She could do this, she told herself. She was smarter than this. Tougher than this. Better than this.

Once she'd calmed down, sure enough a plan began to whisper from unfamiliar voices in her mind. Her eyes darted from left to right, grasping at what little of the clever young girl she'd once been, she had left. Then they flickered up to look at Otto again, bright eyed and wet, but no longer crying.

Just thoughtful.

And dangerous.

"You didn't have to mean to hurt me." His words had reignited a pathetic echo of the struggling she'd done before, but it lacked the heart and intent she'd previously had. "No one has to mean it, that doesn't mean you should be able to." She sounded like she was talking more to herself, than to him. Her voice was clearly distant, and distracted. She was thinking.

"I was hurting myself way before you came along, little boy." She reminded Otto with an annoyed purse of her lips. "That's my decision to make. I'm not trying to break my shield because of what you did. I'm doing it because I should be allowed to if I damn well pleased, and I'm not. And that's bullshit."

But her mind had already been made up, and her plan had solidified even as his hands kept her down. Her body, no longer struggling, pressed its weight against him instead. She bent her head, to look up into his eyes from under his bangs, and did something that made no real sense to anyone but her.

She smiled.

"I know how you can make it up to me." She murmured, her voice tense, and even. "Do you want me to tell you? Or is this the end of the line for the mighty heartbreaker?"

And that was all she needed to hear.

Her hands rose to press, very carefully, on the ones that were on each of her shoulders. She patted them gently, and told him exactly what she needed him to do. But even though she spoke with a voice that might as well have been reciting a cake recipe, the words themselves implied something far, far more ******** me." Direct, to the point, and yet. "I want you to ******** me exactly the way he ******** you. Every single thing he did to you. I want you to do to me. No exceptions. No excuses. This is what I want."

There were other ways to hurt yourself than knives and forks. She prepared to take control of her own pain, once more.

She felt the sting of cold air against her skin at every spot he'd once been against, as she was left alone with her offer rebuffed. She rubbed her wrists with her fingers, aching to feel rope burning the skin off with friction.

"Fine. I'll forgive you if you forget a step or two. But being comfortable about it isn't really part of the deal. It's not like I'm going to say, bake me a cake and I'll forgive you for ******** someone else. This is what I want from you. But, in return," She finally moved, closing the gap he'd made himself when he'd pulled away. Her hand slid up the length of his neck, and her fingers very carefully pressed against his cheek, holding him at attention without cupping her hand around it. Again, she smiled, but this time her determination was bleeding through her expression in spades. Her teeth were grinding again. She was getting impatient.

"I won't leave. I'll forgive you. And I'll let you have whatever you want. Or I guess I should say whoever. Shouldn't I."

"Trust me, darling." Maebe purred, her entire body relaxing as he slowly agreed to her terms. The hand on his cheek brushed down across the skin, and patted it gently. "That's all I want from you."

Her other hand found his, and slid into it. She was not going to give him time to second guess his choices. She tugged on him slowly, while at the same time bending forward to press her forehead against hers. She whispered, breathing her words against his skin.

"Take me there now."

She felt his discomfort tangibly traveling away from him into the air around them both. It was enough to make her want to rip her hand away and give up even this chance, but she reminded herself that he was going to feel this way even while they were together, and nothing - nothing in this world could hurt her more than that. Not him cheating, not Cami leaving, not being abandoned. Absolutely nothing could have more power to hurt her than what she was asking of him. No one could hurt her more than she would hurt herself.

She breathed in deep with relief, and let him lead her silently, hand in hand, all the way down to the campsite where he and Zac had drunkenly managed to ruin the lives of more people than they should have been able to. But when she got there, she should have known that the sight of it would make her falter.

She ripped her hand away, and stopped walking. Voices conflicted in her head, telling her to do one thing, and then entirely another. She refused to walk into this moment without the clarity of knowing that she was hurting herself. He had no power on her. She repeated it, over and over, as her hands shook with regret.

"Otto." Her voice sounded small, and shaky. "Just because I forgive you doesn't mean. It doesn't mean." Frustration gave her voice a moment of strength - and a little sarcasm seeped through. "I mean it doesn't mean I'll suddenly grow a d**k. I know I told you that you can have whoever you want, but why should I believe you'll ever want me again, with an offer like that on the table?"

Otto wasn't like her. Not many people were. This was all new to him, and scary, and exciting. She realized, perhaps a little too late, but not a lot, that she was still scared of being left behind.

Despite all of the dark, creeping anguish that was plaguing her when it came to this situation, she found the tiniest speck of comfort in the fact that she belatedly realized she'd been wrong, in the beginning. This wasn't about him abandoning her at all. He'd had several chances to do that, today. Instead, he was going to relive a possibly traumatic experience for the express purpose of making her forgive him.

But that brief moment of comfort was small, and weak, and it did not make up for what had actually occurred. It just wasn't enough, and it was snuffed out quickly like a candle flame in a hurricane.

"I used to feel like that." She reminded him, staring fiercely at the ground of the campsite. "I wanted everything. Everyone. Nothing ever satisfied me. Not even you. Not even Cami. The world was supposed to be all mine, mine to ********, mine to control, mine to neglect." It hadn't really been that long, had it? What had changed her into this, and somehow simultaneously turned Otto into the exact opposite?

"Satisfaction has a way of evading you, when you're looking for it that hard." He might have truly believed that he would never stop wanting her, but she didn't. She knew the path Otto was walking down would lead him where she'd once been, but now could not follow.

Because her heart had thawed, and it did not want the world, anymore. Just him. Just her. That was all.

"You made me promises you couldn't keep. I can't even blame you, because I don't know how long I can keep the promises I'm making, anymore."

She hooked her thumbs into the hoops of her belt, and turned sad, regretful eyes up at him. "You talk of sex and turning you on, as if that's what this is all about. And it's always been about that, with me. I know. I know." She'd always made it about sex. Now she was reaping what she'd sown.

"You're not going to believe this," She chuckled out hollowly. "But I think I love you too much to let this happen. And as far as I can tell, that means I love you too much to forgive you."