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 Posted: Tue Nov 04, 2014 6:28 pm
"Ah well, don't quote me on the whole artifact thing. It's simply been my own speculation on the matter and makes it...well, easier to wrap my head around, in a way. I honestly don't know what else it could have been but...to be honest, stranger things have happened and I'm not sure artifacts had anything to do with it." No, there were the damn legacies as well, it seemed, and whatever else crazy s**t was out there that could mess with their heads. "I guess all you need to know is that weird things can happen, and will happen to you, whether or not you're willing." He shrugged his shoulders, smiled, and leaned his head back against the wall with a sigh. "But yes, basically, we had a thing. Except, in the dream, I was married to a woman, who was 9 months pregnant and about ready to pop at any moment. That just happened to be the same woman I was seeing at the time of this "Dream"." He even made quotation marks with his fingers and everything. "But the me in that world was very much still in love with Ripley, and was also absolutely miserable and regretting his choice in leaving him....I don't know if this is fortunate or unfortunate, but we only remembered those six hours, so whatever that version of me and that version of Ripley had together...I can't remember any of it. Just what we thought about in those few hours, which could have been memory, or could have been fantasy." He seemed lost in thought for a moment, and suddenly gave his head a shake. "But it didn't matter. We woke up. I was in bed with Fini, Ripley was....I don't know if he was with anybody at that time, to be honest, he's a pretty private guy. It seemed like it would be easy enough to forget about it and just move on." He shrugged his shoulders, and suddenly felt a desperate need for another cigarette, so he began to dig the pack out of his back pocket again.
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Posted: Tue Nov 04, 2014 7:01 pm
The whole artifact thing was making him a little confused, and his head already hurt, so Chance decided to just go with it and not think about it too much. He fiddled with the tape at his elbow, frowning slightly in thought as he listened to the rest of Finn's story.
The word love was an awkward word, not because of how Finn had used it (though it almost felt strange, coming from a man as cold and lacking in expectations as him), but because Chance himself had little idea of how that actually was, what it meant. The depth of such an emotion was a completely foreign idea to him, one that was almost overwhelming.
There was a moment of silence while Finn shifted and Chance contemplated. Then -
" - your ex-girlfriend had the same name as you?"
But then he exhaled a breath, Chance bending over so that his head was on his knee, closing his eyes briefly. It was a very weird story; Finn hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said it was strange, and he took another minute to try and decipher the meaning behind everything.
He lifted his head again after a minute, humming a little.
"So...so you guys decided that...you'd try hooking up and see how that went?"
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Posted: Tue Nov 04, 2014 8:33 pm
It was a strange concept to Finn as well, but not because he'd never experienced it. He had certainly felt similar feelings at one point in his life, before he had come to Deus. What was strange about it was that for six hours, he had been forced to experience a feeling for a man that, outside of the dream, he felt like he barely even knew. For six hours he endured that Finn's pain, his jealousy, his hollowed out remorse and regret, all while putting on a smile for everybody around him, pretending that he was okay, that he was happy, that he was, in fact, thrilled about the fact that he would soon become a father. Love was not an emotion Finn had ever wanted to experience again. To have it shoved upon him like that, to remember what it was like, to just be given that taste of it. He hadn't wanted it. Chance's question drug him out of his thoughts. "Fin i. Her full name is Infinity. But yes, laugh it up, chuckles." He made a gesture of waving towards himself, as if inviting Chance to bring on the jokes. Finn had managed to extract another cigarette, and lit it up. "Well...ya sure. Lets just go with that." And not mention that Finn had basically coerced Ripley into it after having a miniature b***h fit.
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Posted: Tue Nov 04, 2014 8:53 pm
The concept was still confusing to Chance, who was trying to wrap it around in his mind. He'd never felt the same emotions as Finn; had never found anyone to which he'd been so fully and deeply connected, and although he kept to himself most of the time, a certain part of him was envious of those who were able to have it.
He sincerely doubted he was built that way; that he was made for such emotions.
"Oh, Fini," said Chance, smiling at Finn. "Sorry, my mistake. Does that mean you were Finn squared? Did anyone ever call you Finny?"
But the joking was short-lived as he rested his chin on his knee and surveyed the other man from across the hall, the smell of smoke beginning to curl through the air again. Chance's fingers interlaced together as he wrapped them around his leg.
The question burst out before he could quite stop it, more out of curiosity than anything else.
"So, do you...you know, love him here too?"
Then he leaned back, wincing slightly with the effort as he settled his hand against his torso, pressing down to staunch the ebb of pain that thrummed up his stomach. "Sorry," Chance said, with a slight smile. "That was kind of personal, you don't have to answer that."
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Posted: Tue Nov 04, 2014 9:34 pm
"Oh dear ******** god." He shook his head, leaning it back against the wall and closing his eye, his knee's drawn up and his arms dangling loosely over top of them both. "That's even worse than I expected to hear. s**t. Finn squared?" He let out a light laugh, a smile on his lips that was for once not marred by a cold expression in his eye, as it remained closed for a moment longer. And then he opened it again, smoking his cigarette in the short lapse of silence that followed his little story, adjusting the way he sat. The question, surprisingly, didn't even make Finn blink. He'd actually been half expecting it. He looked at Chance for a time, not answering him right away, head tilting to the side slightly as if he were considering what to say. "No. No I don't." He moved again, sitting up a bit straighter, one leg sliding down to the floor while the other knee remained up. "I mean, I have some feelings for him, but love? No. No, I can't..." He shook his head and frowned. This shouldn't have been so difficult to talk about, really. "I won't let that happen."
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Posted: Tue Nov 04, 2014 10:02 pm
"Give me five minutes and I could probably come up with even more terrible couple names," Chance said jokingly.
He watched Finn for a long moment, the way the smoke ebbed upwards, dissipating before it reached the ceiling. Whether or not the other man actually would answer the question was up in the air, and he felt a little strange for asking, as though, for the first time since meeting the other man, he was prying. He and Finn had already shared a great deal of things, but for some reason this seemed oddly personal.
But the answer was clear, if not a little too firm, a little too much denial. Chance's gaze moved to rest on Finn's, and he rubbed his stomach absently, trying to alleviate some of the ache, his eyes narrowing a little as he scrutinized him. His expression was unreadable.
"Mind if I ask why not?" Chance said finally. "I mean, I'll be honest, I don't really...get the whole love thing at all," he added, smiling faintly. "It's kind of confusing to me, really."
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Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2014 9:11 pm
"Well, in the end it was just simply " Fin~"." He joked, lamely. Puns were generally not his thing (though come on that one was clever). As he continued to puff away on his cigarette, for the most part silently mulling over Chance's first question and how he had answered, he did begin to feel slightly uncomfortable with how the other man pressed the issue, though he highly doubted it was intentional on Chance's part. None of this discomfort showed, however, as he thought about how best to answer. "Because I don't need it and, more importantly, I don't want it." He answered, while butting out his second cigarette. "And, besides that, when I say I wont let it happen, I mean that I will probably sabotage myself at some point, however intentional or not. I'm pretty sure there came a point in my life where my subconscious decided that I don't deserve nice things." A cold smile, and a mock sigh. "Alas, I am doomed to be sad and lonely forever~" But then his head cocked to the side slightly as he regarded the other man. "I don't think anybody really understands it, if that makes you feel any better."
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Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2014 10:12 pm
He may or may not have rolled his eyes, just a little.
Chance bobbed his head up and down in a small nod, before realizing that this was a bad idea, as it increased his headache, and tilted it back against the wall again, wincing slightly. "Sorry," he said, waving his fingers, because his whole hand was still on his stomach. "I didn't mean to pry, really. That whole curiosity thing again."
A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "You're not lonely, you've got Ripley," he said with a laugh. "And I'm sure you have other friends. And not that it matters a great deal, but you've got me as a friend too, if that helps at all," he added, closing his eyes briefly, face tilted slightly toward the ceiling. "Although I'm not really the greatest friend there is, I don't think."
There was a slightly self-deprecating tone to his voice that ebbed away as Chance opened his eyes and said, "Well, it's good to know I'm not the only one who gets confused by that whole love thing, whatever the hell it really is."
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Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:08 pm
"Ah yes, friends." He smiled, though it of course looked as cold as ever, and his tone was nothing less than sardonic. "Excuse me, friends and Ripley." He gave a small shake of his head, let out a sigh, and tilted his head back against the wall again. Friends were, to him, fleeting. They were there for you at one point but gone in the next. The longest friendship he'd ever managed to hold on to was with Jack, and he'd hardly call it very functional. Finn didn't trust easy. But he did care. He cared enough to try and keep some people alive, as long as it didn't interfere with his own well being, of course. "But thank you." He decided to tack on, his tone switching to something much more resigned. Back to the other topic, Finn gave his head a small shake, rolling it from side to side against the wall. "Love is a strange, really. It doesn't necessarily have to last to be considered love. You can "love" somebody for a short while, make them your world, pretend they're your everything, commit yourself to the concept of it, but in the end, it's comfort that keeps you with them, I think. The strong feelings that people associate with love....they don't last." But it was a nice feeling, he knew that. It had made him happy once, had been enough, for a while. But he hadn't liked it when it was gone, certainly, hadn't enjoyed the deep hurt and aching hollowness that had followed. "But this is just from my experience with it. I'm sure other people have different opinions." He waved his hand, and closed his eye for a moment. Chance wasn't the only one that was starting to get a headache, though Finn's was coming from over thinking too many things the last few days. "And besides, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe with the right person, it can be wonderful, and it can last. What the ******** do I know."
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Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:33 pm
The "and Ripley" was met with a certain amount of amusement for Chance, because Ripley was not exactly just a friend to Finn and he was not exactly anything else. It was like the white haired man was in an entirely separate category simply labeled by his name alone.
"Yes, friends," said Chance, emphasizing the word, but he was smiling a little sardonically as he added, "Not that I have the best experience in that either, really. But, well, that's a work-in-progress, really. I'm not really that close to anyone yet."
His fingers idly slid over the fabric of his unattractive hospital gown where it lay, somewhat skewed, over his stomach. A low hum of thoughtfulness escaped his lips before he said, "Well, then I definitely haven't ever had anything to even remotely consider it to be love. There hasn't been anyone in my life I've felt that passionately about, whether comfort or lasting or whatever the case may be."
He gave a small laugh that almost bordered on bitter but not quite. "About as much as I know about it, apparently." Chance eased a smile onto his face, "But thanks anyway for at least trying to explain."
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Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:47 pm
"Ah well, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it wasn't love after all." A smile, cold as always, was given. "It's not something I'm looking to find again, either way." No matter how his feelings might twist and work themselves against him in the future, when the time came, he knew he could do what was necessary to break things off. Even if it, somehow, made him miserable to do so. Misery was actually preferable. "Friends. Who just happened to ******** once on a whim." He laughed, giving his head a small shake while contemplating smoking just one more...No, he needed to curb that craving. Instead, he observed Chance for a few moments longer, and then, quite suddenly said, with absolute seriousness. "How would you like to be my partner? You know....the whole sun and moon deal. I'm not bad at my job, I promise." And he was an intermediate compared to Chance's trainee. Somebody like him could use the extra protection. "I'll admit, there aren't many in your division that I can stand to be around enough to make this offer to." There was Fini, of course, but the woman he had grown quite fond of had been m.i.a for quite some time. "So consider this a compliment!" A flash of teeth was offered, a cold grin to go with his words.
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Posted: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:07 pm
He wondered what it felt like to be that passionate about anything, people included. Even his art, even his beloved constellations only gave him a certain amount of pleasure, rather than an overwhelming feeling of amazement. A part of Chance had always thought that he was missing something; that there was some small piece that had been forgotten when he'd come into the world. Maybe it was that.
Or maybe this was just how he was going to be for the rest of his life. He couldn't work up enough sentiment to care. It was just a fact, a triviality; something that was in existence, but held no particular meaning.
Chance cracked a smile. "Hey, that was a good night for what it was. Nothing wrong with that."
He leaned his head back against the wall, about to comment on the whole friend thing again; but Finn's unexpected question caught him off guard, Chance lowering his eyes to look at him, lifting his brows. He was slightly surprised by the offer, but it was a form of compliment, he supposed; made more evident a second later when it was confirmed.
Chance clicked his teeth together. "I think I'd be good with that," he said, and let out a little laugh, running a hand through his messy curls. "Actually, I think that'd be pretty nice, considering that I had zero idea of who else I'd be partnered with. It'd give me something to focus on, and plus, I kind of think you're cool and all.
"Maybe," he added, with a little smirk.
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Posted: Sat Nov 29, 2014 8:55 pm
Finn nodded, agreeing with Chance's sentiment regarding their night together and what they had done. It had been meaningless, of course, but it had been fun, and he wouldn't have gone back and changed it at all. There was no reason to. No jealous lover. No guilt. No reason to feel at all like a bad decision had been made. That was how Finn preferred it. That was, ultimately, why he and Ripley worked. So why, currently, did it feel like he was doing everything in his power to sabotage that? He mentally shook the thought off, focusing again on Chance, on the proposition he set towards him, the offer that he hadn't given to anybody else save for a very silent agreement between him and Fini when Fini had been around and had actually mattered. The other man's agreement brought a smile to Finn's lips. "Good." Was his simple response, but when Chance continued, the cocked his head to the side slightly, giving him a narrowed eyed look. "Hey now. I don't want to end up regretting asking you." A smirk than, and a light chuckle to show that he wasn't really upset in any way whatsoever. "But yes, I think it could actually work, honestly. As long as you forget the fact that I already told you I'm a self preserving b*****d." He grinned now, and after a beat, began to push himself to his feet. "Come on now. I should get you back in there. They giving you enough drugs for the pain?" He asked, almost conversationally as he reached a hand out in offer to help the other man to his feet.
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Posted: Sat Nov 29, 2014 9:33 pm
The whole no-strings-attached policy had always worked well in Chance's mind; it was what he'd done as soon as he'd been old enough to even consider having partners in bed, and so far it hadn't been an issue. Finn, thankfully, was no exception to this rule. They'd had a good, very satisfying night together, and that had been that.
He was slightly paler than usual, not because of Finn's offer, but because sitting down for so long was a little painful after a while. Chance met the other man's smile with one of his own, letting out a little laugh.
"How could I forget?" he said with amusement. "Don't worry, I don't expect anything from you except maybe some pointers here and there, and to show me how these partnerships work, and that's about it." A soft snort escaped him. "No eclipse team s**t, right?"
His eyes lifted, resting briefly on Finn's face before Chance reached out and accept his hand, wincing a little as he dragged himself vertical again. He swayed momentarily as a wave of dizziness passed through him, but then he gave a little shake of his head, as if to clear it.
"Yes, the drugs are very nice," he said, flashing a grin at Finn.
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