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 Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2014 5:57 am
It felt kind of awkward. Really awkward. Tuck finished his second sandwich just so he didn't have to talk, but then the food was gone and he didn't know what else to do. He ran a hand down his face and gave her a tired smile as she laid back. "I'ma grown a** man an' s**t. I even cleaned my ********' room."
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Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2014 8:37 am
He cleaned his room! Heidi gasped, looking awestruck by the claim. "No way! Pics or it didn't happen!" Laughing, she shook her head and glanced toward the window. Eh, nothing was going on outside anyway. She could take a break. "Sleeping any better?" It was a genuine concern for her. Heidi meant every word she ever said to Tuck. She paused, looking thoughtful, and then.. "Did you ever think my cosplays were sex stuff?" Cee was just crazy, right? Not everything had to be about sex.
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Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2014 6:55 pm
Tuck shrugged at the topic of sleep. He wasn't, but he would never admit to it. He didn't want to be her responsibility. He'd already ******** up enough, and it was time for him to stop dragging her down with him. "No, I.. I mean, no? I didn't. Dressin' up like a wizard ain't sexy to me," he shrugged and offered a small smile, "but it probably could be sexy to someone, I guess?"
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Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2014 7:47 pm
Heidi laughed. "She didn't even see the Hogwarts stuff. Just my Sailor Moon stuff. The wig and the wands and stuff." She rolled onto her stomach, sprawled out and reaching her arms out as far as they would go to make idle grabby hands at the air. Just because. "Why's everything gotta be about sex to some people?" She grumbled. And then green eyes peered up at Tuck through her bangs. She appeared to be watching him, saying nothing at first. "Did you know that when you smile, you get these dimples?" She pointed on her own face. "I miss them. They were cute." She hadn't seen them in weeks. Not since she came back that first day.
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Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2014 8:00 pm
"Sex has a way of makin' people forget all the s**t going on in their lives. Has a way of makin' you feel like nothin' else matters. Like you're normal, I guess. Nothin' wrong with sex." Tuck cleared his throat. He missed sex. He missed sex with -- nah, nope, ******** no. He was not even going to pursue that train of thought. "I smile." He half-frowned. He smiled, he just... couldn't remember the last time he'd genuinely smiled. Or felt happy. Worthy of anything, really. "Now an' again."
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Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2014 8:15 pm
"Well, yeah. It's fun, and I like it, but.." Heidi pouted. "I feel normal even without sex. Just..don't get why everything has to be about it." She looked up at him again, falling quiet for a moment.
Suddenly Heidi rolled over again to sit up, blowing hair out of her face and watching him. "That's not a smile." She kept her tone light, playful. She grinned and put her hands against her face, making it look like she had flapping tentacles with a wiggle of her fingers. "Tuuuuuck, Tuuuuuuck~." Her hands muffled her voice, making 'Tuck' sound more like 'Toog'. "Gonna getchooooooo~."
Anything to make him smile.
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Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 5:45 am
Tuck's brows drew together just slightly. When Heidi talked about feeling normal without sex (it was fun and she liked it), he kind of felt a disconnect with her that he'd never felt before. It was startling and kind of alarming, and it took him a moment to work through his thoughts. He felt close to her when they had sex. Connected to her. It wasn't about being fun, or liking it - it was about intimacy and being attuned to her and yeah, feeling a little normal and maybe kind of pretending that they weren't hunters on an island but just regular people doing regular s**t. Making love, losing himself in her eyes and her hair and her skin and scent and touch -- it wasn't about the act itself. It was about being so close to her that sometimes he hadn't been able to tell where she ended and he began. It was powerful. Beautiful. He missed it, but he couldn't help but wonder if it meant something completely different to him than it did to her. He cleared his throat and watched her attempt at making him smile. He was feeling anything but playful, lost in his thoughts the way he was - but Tuck forced a smile for her (it almost brought out his dimples) and even managed a laugh. "You bein' silly," he accused lightly, picking up the trash from his lunch before rising to his feet. "Lemme put this tarp away."
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Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 1:57 pm
Heidi sucked at words. She caught the look on Tuck's face but assumed it was because she was wiggling her fingers at him like tentacles and being a complete doofus to make him smile. Had he said some kind of concern over her words she would have clarified! But instead all she did was laugh when Tuck did and reached out to throw her arms around him in a hug. "I am and it made you laugh!" He stood and her smile faltered. Wait. Why was he leaving? No. Don't leave. Don--oh. Okay. That was fine. She breathed a slight sigh of relief and grinned up at him. "'Kay~." Heidi stood and stepped off the tarp, climbing up to sit in the open window facing Tuck and watching him. She held tightly to the sides to keep herself from falling out. She glanced behind her. Eh, the jungle was still quiet. They could keep talking. She turned to Tuck again, watching him with a tilt of her head. She rest her head against the side of the window, getting comfortable in watching him. Something about this felt very...forced. Uncomfortable.. "You okay? The tentacles weren't real, man. They were just my fingers~." She knew he knew that, but she was feeling unsettled for some reason.
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Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 6:00 pm
He almost felt a little sick to his stomach, but he quashed it like a good soldier and rolled the tarp up before tucking it back where he'd found it. The garbage was discarded, and Tuck shifted to lean against the wall next to Heidi. He glanced down at her, eyebrows raised. "I know they were just your fingers," he half-chuckled, shaking his head. Tuck almost wished that he was anywhere but right here, right now. "I was just feeling like we was having a serious conversation is all."
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Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 6:16 pm
She blinked. "Oh.." She ruined it. Heidi hopped down from sitting in the window to stand safely where she couldn't worry him sitting high above the ground. She could talk a big game but not even Heidi could land harmlessly. Nope. "Sorry. I just..really missed your smile..." Heidi played with a lock of green hair, watching Tuck and waiting. A serious conversation. She could do that. But.. Heidi frowned. "We were talking about sex." Was there something she missed that made it more serious than she realized? What had she said?
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Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 6:42 pm
"Yeah," Tuck shrugged. "It's fine. Wasn't real important or nothing. An' I smile. Sometimes, like I said." He scratched his neck just below the purple butterfly that decorated his dark skin. He was silent for a long time, just watching Heidi studiously. "Your hair looks real nice," Tuck crossed his arms over his chest.
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Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 6:50 pm
Heidi squinted up at him. He was deflecting the subject.. She'd done something wrong. She moved to stand in front of Tuck, lips pouting in a little frown. "Thanks. Gotta take care of it until it's time to refresh the color. I could make your hair rainbow to match if you want..." She'd said something wrong. What did she do wrong? "There's something on your mind?" Heidi guessed. If she'd done something wrong enough for him to change the subject to her hair it had to still be on his mind. She reached out to try and take hold of at least one of his hands if he would let her otherwise her hand would just grasp at his arm. "Talk to me~."
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2014 4:53 pm
"Rainbow hair? On me?" Tuck wasn't sure to laugh or just shake his head, so he managed a little of both. When she reached out to take his hand, Tuck's attention shifted down to her hand. He took a moment, and then reached out to take her hand in his. "I don't know how to put it without hurtin' nobody's feelings. Last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, hurt anyone. I thought that when I came to this island, I'd have a fresh ********' start, you know? An' at first it was good. Made new friends. Found you. But then s**t happened. An' this whole thing with Stormy an' Evan, just all made me realize I don't deserve a fresh start." He squeezed her hand. "An' you gonna say I do, that's what everyone say. But I don't. I don't get to forget that I ******** up some s**t, that I'm alive and they ain't. I can't expect you t'understand. Can't expect nobody to understand who ain't been in the same situation."
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2014 5:16 pm
He took her hand. He took her hand. Heidi did well to resist looking as elated as she was that he was holding her hand and not feeling like he was going to try and struggle free from it the first moment he could. Heidi squeezed his hand. She listened quietly without interrupting him, though she did bring up their hands to press his knuckles to her lips and keep them there, green eyes staying on Tuck's hazel. He squeezed her hand and she kissed his knuckles again. "Then don't forget.." She finally said in a quiet voice. "But don't let it rule you. You can't..get your mind together and fix yourself if you only focus on the negative. There's so much positive about you, any one of us would be more than happy to help you if you'd just let us." She squeezed his hand again, bowing her head and nuzzling his hand against her cheek. She kissed his fingers again. No, she didn't understand the whole living guilt thing, and she really hoped she never would, but she couldn't bear to see Tuck like this. It was painful.
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2014 6:02 pm
He wished it was that simple. He wished he could just ...not let it rule him. Tuck was a soldier. He was Army. He was not a civilian. So he put a smile on his face, a big one - dimples and everything. And he squeezed her fingers again. And he nodded his head like she wanted him to, watched her kiss his hand. He even went so far as to lean forward so that he could press his lips to her forehead. "I'm trying," he said softly. "I'm trying."
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