Welcome to Gaia! ::

Rep reeled again, the breath knocked clean out of his lungs by the jab, yet what she said hurt somehow more than the physical. Queen b***h. Yeah, she could be a ******** queen, she could be all the things he couldn't, all he had were the ******** stupid masculine s**t he tried to live up to every day, don't flinch, don't cry don't ever be afraid of anything. Just testosterone and strength until your dying breath. And no matter how hard he ******** pretended he wasn't any of those things. There had been another version of him, a self who had managed to be whatever he wanted.

He was his own darkest ******** timeline.

And there was frustration too. "I didn't ******** mean you'd be ******** easy to beat." he snarled, seizing breaths wherever he could get them. "I meant of course you were going to ******** beat me." and there was the pathetic blurring of his vision as adrenaline and emotion almost threw him over some shameful edge of sheer frustration.

He closed his eyes, balled his fists and struck out again as hard as he could, aiming for her lungs in sheer open vengeance.

"Because you are ******** perfect." and it felt like he was fighting yet another him, another successful vision of what he could never be. She did not wear the freckles and red hair like some shameful genetic defect, she was radiant and he was not, and he wanted to destroy every affront that she represented.


HP: 19
DMG: 7

"AND THERE IT ******** GOES AGAIN." he yelled. "If you worked hard you did it WRONG. You didn't ******** have to, you didn't have to." and he clenched his hands so hard his nails bit into his palms, sharp crescents of hurt that did nothing to drown out the roar in his thoughts. "You didn't have to."

It wasn't ******** hard to be on his level he thought, and she was higher, far higher than him. Better, stronger, more beautiful, everything that he wasn't and the jealousy was unbearable. "I never got the ******** choice and everything that I have, everything is ******** less because .."

He shook his head as if trying to dislodge the painful thoughts physically.

"Whatever, you won't understand, you can understand. You are clearly ******** better than me and it even means TWICE AS MUCH because you have TITS. And bitches have to work TWICE AS HARD to get to where they are right? RIGHT?" and his voice was crazed and ragged as he screamed it.

"But at the end of the day they can ******** GO HOME AND BE A WOMAN. THEY CAN STOP."

And this time like an animal he swung with both sets of nails, trying to dig them into her body and drag them, Tracey's rage feeding into his own until he almost believed he had claws.

"I can't ever ******** stop." he whispered.

HP: 17
DMG: 8

Rep stood over her, shaking with fury and it took all of his self control to not simply stamp on her. He'd done it plenty of times in fights out in the street, when someone went down you stomped on them until they couldn't move anymore. But this wasn't the street, this wasn't what he remembered and he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of classing her with those guys he had fought, so she could claim it all for her own.

HP: 17
DMG: -

As his leg was kicked, he too went down hard, but quickly propped himself up onto one hand, clenching his fingers against the ground, using the other to point in her direction, the very picture of ******** bulls**t." he said, jabbing a finger directly at America. "Its more of that s**t, about how things are harder for bitches, about how you have to work more, about how MEN are the problem. Men aren't the ******** problem." And he hated her, he hated her with every fiber of his being for saying that it was good to be a woman, that she enjoyed it and owned it.

He felt small and helpless and it was the feeling he hated most in the world.

HP: 11
DMG: -

"Some of us would ******** rather be the pet." he said, "Would rather ******** rest and just do what we are ******** told, we can't all be natural ******** leaders. But everything is ******** easy for you. You don't have problems. Not like I have problems. You just ******** don't, you have drive and friends, so many ******** friends they are crawling over each other to be around you. I have Ace and nothing else."

He lashed out back at her but with more intention to harm, stung by being called a dumbass when normally he might have shrugged it off as friendly ******** you." he said and it was not playful at all.

HP: 11
DMG: 2

"He's not my ******** FRIEND." he snarled. "He's just some ******** KID who follows me around, who I keep around because I don't have anything ******** better, because that's all I can have." And he leapt onto her, taking a point blank swing at her chest. It was all he'd ever had before the island, not really friends but people who feared him and would rather be on his side when a fight broke out. None of them really cared and as soon as they had the upper hand or felt ******** safe the real truth came out. The world was made up of liars and limpets. He couldn't let Al see him fail because if he did he would know one day he could overpower him, one day he'd ******** him over and become the next him. All there was was running and running and hoping that the ******** under you never caught up.

"I don't have any ******** friends. Just cunts who'd like to use me for a while and who like a stupid p***k, I let do it."

HP: 11
DMG: 5

Rep struggled at first as he found himself pinned, the hail of punches absolutely agonizing every time they connected. Again it was his face, the gut wrenching pain of the rattled bones leaving him breathless and unable to even begin to fend the others, pinned and entirely at her mercy.

He had known he would lose, he had known from the start, because if there was one consistent theme in his life it had been that he could never really beat a woman. Even if he did awful, awful things to them - and in his life he had - at the end of it all, they were still better than him, unattainable and everything he couldn't have.

And finally when his shield broke the pain was enough, enough to sear away the bad feelings and leave him with nothing but strained attempts to breathe through the hurt, and to wish that he could stay like this. But even that bloom of blessed, blissful agony subsided as his body adjusted, as he came down from it like a drug.

"I never had it." he said, looking up at the sky but not really seeing it. Love yourself first. If only it was that simple. It was simple for Harrison, he wore his sense of self like a suit of armour but it would never be simple for him because hate was part of him, forged into his very bones, convinced immovably he should never have existed and anyone who loved him was merely an unfortunate and selective case of mental illness.

And he'd lost again, just as he knew he would.

"I only love things that are ******** worth being loved." and with a hiss of pain he rolled to face away from her, closed off and cold, knowing that sympathy was not something he'd ever get from her, the world was for adults who could cope with s**t. Not children who had never really ******** learned to grow up.

He pulled himself to sit and ran his hands over his face, taking stock of the damage. Every bit of it hurt and of course his ******** nose was bleeding. He'd be feeling it for days.

HP: -2

At the contact Rep flinched, the same way he'd flinched innumerable times with Jordan before things fell apart, he didn't want to be touched at all when he felt like this, when he felt despicable and worthless. He didn't pull away only because he couldn't, because his body was past its coping point, fragile and human.

"No." he said. He had no intention of doing any of those things, he didn't want her to have a chance to gloat, to have to look at her and know he'd been bested, even facing Harrison seemed too huge.

"You just go do whatever the ******** it is you do." he said dismissively. "I'm staying here." Soon enough he'd be good to walk and he could put plenty of beach behind him and this ********, until he had to go back to the arctic again.