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"Yeah, haha. No point." Maebe felt the dark seed of worry sinking down inside of her, but it was smaller than usual. The honest facts were that even if he wanted children, which she wouldn't have given him even if she could - it didn't matter. They were here, and that couldn't happen. Life had chosen for him, and that meant she wasn't some half-a** temporary solution.

She didn't know when she'd started to worry about Otto replacing her so much, but it was getting kind of ridiculous, because her self-esteem shouldn't have allowed the idea. She thought she was the best. Why would he even-

She knew why.

"It's okay. If I didn't want heavy, I would have never asked. Besides, it's not like you're trying to tell me you want kids with me. You just wanted to be a good dad. And you would have been. The world lost out on one good dad, but managed to get a real hero instead. You save the lives of millions of children just by fighting. Personally, I think that's more important, anyway."

And the world was already filled with too many children. It was better this way.

She patted his cheek fondly with her hand, and smiled a smile that never reached her eyes. "Thank you for sharing with me. I know it's not easy."

Without actually meaning to, Maebe let a muffled, but still deeply inappropriate sound leave her when Otto stole a kiss from her lips. It felt selfish, and he always riled her up when he got selfish. She thought that was the end of talking for the day, but when she saw his eyes after being pulled away, she realized how dead wrong she was. He asked the inevitable question, but Maebe was ready for it - by waiting just long enough for him to say something distracting.

Which he did.

"I know." She huffed out in a half-aroused, half-guilty whisper. "I can be pretty scary. I don't even blame you. I'm afraid of the day when you and Cami decide you've had enough and leave me first. It's kind of ridiculous when you think about how self-perpetuating we all are, but somehow that never really quiets down my fear."

Otto walked on eggshells with Maebe, because she was nothing but an eggshell herself, ready to crumble and disintegrate the moment his hand clenched closed. She wouldn't lie and tell him he had nothing to worry about. There were lies worth telling, and lies worth staying away from.

"I love you." She started, trying to pluck out all the reasons that could keep her from ruining everything. "I love Cami. I need you both. You make me better."

She could have listed all of the reasons in the world, and they would all be true. But she could never say the one thing she knew Otto wanted to hear; that she promised never to disappear.

She just wasn't that sure of herself, yet.

There were so many unspoken words in his reply, and they all soaked deep into her, reminding her of the kind of person Otto was. She remembered that other world, and the unrealistic moment they'd shared as strangers. A kiss that she'd never meant to feel again, but soon found herself addicted to. She felt his heart, strong and fierce, beating so hard it made her cover her ears.

"I wish." He didn't want to bug her about heavy s**t, anymore, but it was clear that things had gone too far to turn back now. She kept her hands on her ears, and her eyes were closed. She looked like she was actually trying to wish for something, really hard. And for once, she looked as young as she tried to dress, and as innocent as she had never been.

"I wish I could, be, the kind of girl you want," She buckled down, tensing up violently. "I wish I was someone else, anyone else. I wish, I wish I was like, Cami. Not me."

It frustrated her that he loved the part of her that always wanted to run. She wanted him to hate it. She wanted him to excise it physically with his hands, rip it from her until she was left bleeding and broken, but remained. All he did was accept it, cherish it, and love it as much as he loved her.

Her expression crumpled in faint dismay.

"I don't want to run. I don't want to want to run. I don't want you to let me run." That last one was more true than any others combined, but only because it felt like she was asking Otto to pin her to the wall, before she could pin him instead.

And if he wanted to love all of her, she thought it was that dark, twisted part he had to learn to love first.

Maebe was in motion, climbing up to sit flush against him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and held on tight, both hands losing themselves in his hair and tugging it with a force that implied she was desperate. "Then don't," She demanded, trying to beseech him in a way that, deep down, she knew couldn't last. But if he could only convince her now, that he would hold her down and never let her go, she could forget the itching, aching need for a few blissful moments. That need to run, to escape, to get away before they could hurt her.

She wanted him to collar her and make her kneel at his feet, begging for his love. She wanted the option of running away to be taken out of her hands, because only then could she be sure. Only then could she promise forever.

But none of this was the Otto she truly loved, and she knew that. She only wanted it because it would keep her safe from herself - not because she would love him more. She loved him just the way he was, and that did not include obedience lessons.

Her forehead rested against his, as her body sagged in defeat. She knew she was wrong for asking. But sometimes, she couldn't help herself.

"Just, don't."

She could tell that even though he was demanding it, he was still also asking, and she chuckled in a breath, and kissed the top of his head.

"Okay." She whispered, as she slowly worked herself down from the frenzy she'd frothed herself into. She was so sure the things she wanted, were the things she deserved. The things that would keep her happy. The things that would keep her down.

But as Otto wound his arms around her and infused her with the love only he could give her, she started to wonder if she had any idea what she really wanted, anymore.

Because at that moment, in his embrace, all she really wanted was to be worth his love.

"But only because I love you enough to let you."

She felt like she could float away, if he let go for one moment. But not because she wanted to, this time. She felt so light, full of something so pure it literally bubbled her up inside until she felt like a balloon. An intoxicated balloon. A light, free, intoxicated balloon that he held against him. She snickered when she felt that smile against her skin, and pulled away quickly just to steal a glance at it. But he held on so tight, she could hardly pull back, and the strength of his arms made her suck in a breath.

He wouldn't give in to what she thought she needed, but in those few moments when his body unwillingly took charge, she still couldn't help but feel the thrill run through her.

She kissed his nose, and then his lips, and her hands pressed down against his shoulders. She would have been happy to lie in his arms this tight for the rest of the night, but.

She still urged on for more.