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 Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 1:45 am
"We cannot buy what we learn from regret. Dissecting the mistakes of the past in hindsight allows learning, but brooding on them fills the mind and heart only with grief, regret and finally sinks it into the mire of depression. Then nothing gets better, or worse. It becomes an endless repeat or an endless nothing. " He worked his fingers into the feathers at the outermost edges, determining to work in towards the center and the closeness that the feathers nearest Alois' back afforded. It was a familiar space, the pale back and protruding bones. After some was done, Quenton allowed himself to draw a finger along where a bruise from resting books on the sleeping other used to colour before returning to the preening. " The too creative mind gets lost following molds and expectations, but you lock yourself in them- in reproduction of what has come before. You are happiest when you are in a reaction, chafing in the norm- highly volatile. Fidget when it is quiet, bored in stillness, always most lively and intense just after I was meditating. " “Happiness is one of many variables of life. If Fate is from a man’s character, we are both hard people. We may have used up out lot, or may have little to look forward to. I do not regret the spending or source, Alois. Your note was wordless coffin to so much hope, harbinger to doppelgänger in lieu of true change. Yet I am comforted that you can see and know it, and…if that part is no lie, want to learn from it. ” “Change is survival. Need and want, curiosity- compulsions act as your own map through the vomit of anguish and confessions of life, through the whole story of hell. But there is no map to tell the exact points between the person you were and what you will become. There is blade and wound in you, Alois, “ Finally, he drew near the bases of the wings, and Quenton wrapped his arms around to draw Alois back against himself and just hold their breath together as had been done many a time before. “Happiness, for now, is no longer the point. You will survive, or you won’t- you are faced with the choice of pulling out the blade and bleeding to death, or keeping it in and living with that slow, ever cutting pain. “
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:21 pm
Fingers curled into the blankets while Quenton spoke, and he cast his gaze toward the floor where he so often woke to Faust's plaintive meowing. Preening itself initially tickled, as hypersensitive as he grew to another's touch, but soon faded with the slow and sure strokes of his companion's fingers. Occasionally a feather dislodged, spiraling to the edge of the bed or lighting on the floor. Rarer still he shuddered beneath his lover's touch.
When the sculptor's fingers ghosted across the thin cloth shielding his skin from view, he drew a breath, held it. What would I have been if not a caricature of something socially acceptable? We rehearse these old roles, all throughout the war - the berserker, the strategist, the vanguard... None new, all known whether through genes or repetition of knowledge through the ages. He is right - I am happiest when I am suffering. When something drives me mad, it entertains me just the same. He meditates, and I boil - yet it's fulfilling. And all those small allotments of happiness, however fleeting, were squandered when I acted on whims encouraged by Malicious.
Look at us now...
"I suspect it's in my nature to wound everything." But there were always destructive elements present across time - in religion, in design, in the course of life itself. Perhaps it's too western an ideal to consider it the negative, as I've always been told. I don't have to listen anymore, not as a creature like this. Schörl mentioned that I have the lot of a condemned man, and those destined to die so soon need no social standards - not when death looms and breathes in whispers beneath the wind.
Perhaps my fate is to dispense destruction wholesale, whether to Destiny City or the White Moon or Quenton himself. It saddens me, but...
Destruction is not always the loss of life.
Alois drew breath at the familiar rush from so warm arms encasing his midsection, just beneath the bases of his wings. With it came a chuckle blended with the starts of wracking sobs, neither dominating over the other. He found it a comfortable balance, there, within lover's arms. Both hands drew back to meet Quenton's hips, both elbows framing his sides, just beneath the ridge of feathers pressed flat against his skin. "I've known death since I was a child, but never fully recognized my understanding of it. For many years I pursued it, thinking that if I brush just a little closer I might develop some exhilarating fear, some instinctual aversion to anything that might end my life. Each time I tried, nothing further came of it. It's disappointing that it took me this long, but I realize now that I understood death the entire time.
"Maybe it's only tangential nonsense, but..." He turned his gaze over his shoulder to meet some portion of Quenton - neck, shoulders, jaw, anything intimately remembered in a multitude of senses. "Death was never grand to begin with. If this kills me, I want you there to make use of what's left of me. Even if it's only memories... If you truly enjoyed my company, loved me, then you must promise me this."
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Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:39 pm
"Märchen von einem, der auszog das Fürchten zu lernen. " When Alois' face turned to meet his, the war paint unmistakable in marking features, Quenton still betrayed no flinch. He pressed another kiss to lips real this time, letting fire inside bleed out through the gate of that simple expression. Drawing back he gave a worded answer, "Only Time gnaws down stone. Finite as the days we understand are, their count will not meet the measure to wear away what we've wrought. You have helped me to build these limbs. The promise was already chiseled in, but I give you the words anyway- " Bischofite, I do not fear your claws or barbs, what is a sharpness but chips to stone? The fire is more pure and blistering so encased than ever I could have predicted. If you be tar, then cling, if bone than rest as so many other bones with beds of marble and headboards they've carved. And the stone between can keep us safe a while. The wings on you are still mine, whatever these aberrations the Negaverse has painted on you. There will be blood all the more and pain to come, but there is choice in how it will fall. Choose as Alois, but I keep my promise either way. I keep it as Quenton as much as I keep it as Thraen. " I promise, Alois. "
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Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 11:39 pm
In a word, yes. I never thought of it that way... How curious. "I always considered it a defect in comprehension, not a lack of fear." Perhaps it's better that way.
The touch of lips stirred ashes, rekindling the used up flecks of detritus that still clung so desperately to the inside of his chest, his stomach. The human portion of him responded favorably - a gesture sorely missed in his new life. Acceptance, gratitude bloomed across his skin in the form of goosebumps. He found them damnably out of place on the visage of a monster. You have such a pain-in-the-a** way of speaking sometimes. Appreciable, but maddening. I suppose that compels me to like it more.
"You are more than I could've asked for in a thousand different lifetimes."
Alois froze, momentarily, gaze diverted ostensibly to the blank portion of the wall, where his attention fixated in silence. He bristled, and for that time offered no immediate explanation. Finally, after the wait of a few long seconds, he explained his sudden change in behavior. "Someone is approaching - one of my enemies." And that statement alone offers no indication of which - as they linger on both sides these days. "I can't stay any longer, Quenton. Not without risking their discovery of my precise location, and furthermore jeopardizing you out of my inability to find my own damned direction."
Alois reached for Quenton's hands, latched around his waist, and squeezed them gently before parting them from himself. "I will see you again, when the foundations are laid." Afterward he stole away another kiss, another breath of life to stow away in bones new and old.
His presence lingered no longer.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:43 pm
He didn't resist the pull away, looking in the vague direction that had captured Alois' attention so. The curiosity was undeniable inside, even if outside he remained unperturbed. I wonder if it be chaos or order? equal chance of either near the University. Inside the buildings are actually decent labyrinths to pinpointing location any more precise than 'in that one'. Like your warehouse. We had to enter the lion's den to find you at the bottom. Some pit-reversal of an apex. Jeopardy. It is no more or less than it was the moment you called and became alive again. Object permanence. Were alive ever before you called. The stolen kiss was a surprise- cinematic in his disappearance thereafter. I have found myself a dark prince indeed, naming it at last and walking into this fairytale open eyed. Madness. But there are things to do. We shall neither rest for now.
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