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 Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 11:27 am
He knew she wasn't speaking lies, or words just to be nice, she was speaking honest words in an effort to help. He appreciated it and found himself giving a slow nod as she spoke. Biting his bottom lip he let her play with his hands, not really paying attention to just what she was doing, though he was calming as she spoke to him. He hadn't wanted to go to others, to anyone, and spill his emotions and feels all over the place for them. He didn't want someone else to help him pick up the pieces and put them back together, he was an adult and had to do it himself. But what had he done? It was like a broken doll that was pieced back together, glued and fitted together - the cracks were still there. They were just covered up with paint.
"No...I'm not. I could have - I should have - said no to Bazzite. I didn't." That one he'd felt the most guilt for, even now. He hated how sometimes he felt like a master to a pet, wanted to throw down the figurative leash and be done with it. But other times he felt like the owner who had to take care of him, make sure he got out, that he had starseeds or energy, and other things. He hated it sometimes and other times he just accepted it, he had no choice rally. He couldn't, and wouldn't, run from it or change sides.
"I'll try..though. I have to, as you said, since I can effect the future and still work to shape it." But what would come? What could they shape it into. The possibilities seemed endless really. He just hoped it was something good they could make. Something he had a feeling Bischofite wouldn't like, considering the other had wanted to turn the city into another Rift. He wasn't like that, never could be, the dark haired General had brought a lot of this onto himself. He couldn't have gotten involved, he hadn't known the others mind. Bischofite kept secrets and well and didn't like to share them with even those close to him; was anyone really close to him though?
"Both work actually and apply. Through it all, even when I've questioned my self and the chaos within me I'm still loyal. I've questioned our side but have strengthened my support of our side. Despite everything I'm loyal and unwavering in it. I've over come pain and still am, as you know." He had thought about this one, not that he hadn't the first time, more and had made sure it was what he wanted to get. "Thorns on a plant normally are for protection, to ward things off. Ivy doesn't have thorns normally..but I added thorns." To protect himself.
"The first one is to remind myself of my position, to remind myself of my obligations and duties." The second was about loyalty but also keeping himself protected. It was speaking out about the hurdles overcome, the pain he'd suffered and was still suffering but was working through slowly but surely; now more than ever.
"I try and take into account meanings when I paint flowers, I don't always paint the flowers I see but what I want. I do give them thought. I doubt many, if anyone, would read them though. They simply see pretty flowers." Well painted, pretty, colorful, delicate, and realistic looking flowers. "There are a few exceptions but not many." What would he paint now? What would they say? he didn't want to think on that now though, later - another day.
"You'd make a good General." The words were sudden but sure. She would make a good General and he knew it. She could fight and be serious but also she could be like this. This was what some people needed from others and how many helped other officers like this? He doubted it was many.
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 2:02 am
Normally, she would have traced the vining and thorns as they were brought up in conversation. The impulse was a cross purpose, though, and counter productive to her aims- Alex's preferences were clear, and he didn't seem the sort to cross the myriad of boundaries to indulge in that brand of comfort- age, gender, familial relations to exes. Pity, his loss. So she kept her hands toying his. The muscles and veins in his forearms were showing less- the tension was dropping some. At least some part was working through and bringing him a little around from the self-destructive, stomach-eating depreciation. The commentary of his painting efforts just reinforced previous estimations, You want so much to be pursued.His final declaration earned a short, but genuine laugh, and Stroud left one of his hands freedom again to bring one of her own to her own hip. "Perhaps we'll see someday. In the meantime I'll keep working more on keeping those we have in one piece and healthy. Even the most advanced systems require maintenance and downtime to repair- humans, teams, cars, computers. Its all the same. " "Your heart has been broken, my fellow artist. We must see it mended from bleeding so that it can beat. You are loved, Alex. Maybe not by whom you want or how, and maybe not today will be that discovery of rhythm in sync with yours. Maybe not for many. Maybe it is not ready yet. But you are loved by these ragtag of soldiers and dreamers. And where other hands are not there to catch you, to help you, ours are." She gently tugged the hand of his she still had to see if he would come forward with it, accepting a hug.
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 9:53 pm
"I think this, what your doing here, is part of what will make you a good General." It was why he would like to see her one, and sooner rather than later. It wasn't like she couldn't help as a Captain, she could and was, but he felt her going out of her way as she was now was one of those special little things which could set someone apart from others. it was something which could make her friends and allies amongst their ranks and she could help them all do better, do their best, and in a position of more power she could do more and possibly be the one giving orders with those loyal to her, due to such care, willing to listen to every word she spoke. there was just something there about Stroud which told him she would make a good General; a very good one.
"I suppose I have not yet taken the time to...perform maintenance upon myself. I may heal physically but mentally and emotionally the wounds are scared over but still there. I've let guilt eat at me whilst throwing myself back into things, seeking to help others and continue the fight." And maybe he needed to learn to tend to himself more often. he just..he wanted to bring this war forward and bring the Negaverse closer to winning.
A hug was greatly needed as he all but fell into the taller blond. "Ragtag and dreamers we may be but I like to consider many as a family of mine - a family of my choosing. People who understand what I have seen and done, who won't judge and will understand the conversations and topics." No hiding or need to censor himself as he would have to with others, and had with others.
His one free arm went about the taller as he leaned against her heavily, taking comfort in her presence and her words. He needed this right now and it helped to soothe him; having someone around who he could talk to and understood. She understood what he felt, had felt, and had words of wisdom for him. He had to pull himself out of the hole of disrepair he'd put himself into; as Stroud had said.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 3:07 pm
"It is the easiest thing to try to convince ourselves we're doing good by focusing on any other problem but our own. But it just handicaps us." The comfort was there, though. He was coming around, having torn down the walls, and was taking comfort. The next important step would be something constructive but lighter that would talk about feelings to reinforce rather than rub raw the tentative bleeding. "Come on. I think you're dry, hot stuff, you can get some skivvies and we can entertain ourselves on some paper talking and drawing theoretical plant tattoos and meanings. It will be fun. " And I'll get to see some of your draft work.Sleet Tempest Snape ignored the dreams reference that's out of chronology I pmed you about, presuming you'll edit it out later This one is probably ready for a FTB, unless you have something else?
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 1:52 pm
"I suppose. But in occupying yourself with everything else you don't see that." He certainly hadn't. he knew it still bothered him, still brought about emotions he didn't want others to see especially in a battle. But he hadn't given it thought till Stroud said it as she just did. He hadn't let himself heal fully, if at all, and he needed to. He had a lot to work on and heal from, he knew it, and it would take time which he'd have to allow. He couldn't just shove it away, or to the side, and have it come up and bite him in the face, or a**.
Startled by her next words he laughed. "Alright, and I need to get that stuff onto the ink too." he stated motioning with his head to the innocent little bottle on the coffee table. "What do you want to see work of? I haven't done a lot recently." Stepping away from the blond to get what he needed, first to handle the ink then he'd dress...she wouldn't have an issue with him removing the towel, or lowering it a bit more, to cover up the ink and then bandage it - right?
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Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 5:34 pm
"Oh, anything and everything you have. Naturally. What, one piece a month? Less?" She clicked her teeth in mock-chastisement, but winked as she let the artist have space again with his not-well secured towel. Certainly no omplaints from her department on whether he planned on leaving it off entirely, or otherwise. Ah, youth. " If you've been lax in your practice, you'll just have to own up to that and bring it all out. "
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