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 Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 2:05 pm
She hit her head against the door again. "Don't insult me," she retorted, somewhere between a growl and a whisper. "I remember. It's exactly why I'm here and why you shouldn't be, why I tried so hard even though it hurts. You're not supposed--You're not supposed to see this." Stormy's voice faltered, taking a moment to breathe. "I was getting better. I was getting better, honest..."
Thane rumbled. "Those were not the thoughts I was coming across."
"Thoughts are just thoughts. I wasn't acting on them. You should have trusted me."
"I trusted you to come out after an hour, which you did not. I then decided to err on the side of caution and provided you with an incentive to leave, if you would not for my sake. The only one at fault for cornering yourself is you."
"You had no right," Stormy snapped, her voice cracking towards the end. "You had no right. All you've ever done piss me off and tell me I'm always doing something wrong and interfere when I want to be happy and I'm tired of it! You're s-supposed to help me, not..." She hit her forehead against the door a little harder. "You're supposed to help..."
Thane made no overt reaction, calm and unblinking and silent.
Stormy made another noise in her throat, soft and high-pitched. "I was almost done. I was getting better. I was gonna leave and put him back and look at your texts, I swear. Please. Please. Give me a little more time a-and I'll come back. It won't hurt anymore."
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 2:38 pm
"That's not what I meant!" Gale said fervently, his forehead against the door to her room, fingers curled into fists. "I'm not insulting you, I've never insulted you, not once." He could hear the edge to his own voice, the terrible desperation for her to realize what she was saying, what he was saying. She was pushing him away, closing herself off to him, and it was like trying to hold sand in his palms, the grains slipping away rapidly.
"I lost a sister too," he burst out, and it came out half a growl, a frustrated plea. "That's what you forgot. You didn't forget Nevada - how could you forget her? But I lost a sister too. My sister..."
His voice broke slightly. He hadn't talked about Leslie in so long that he'd almost forgotten the way to say her name, the right way to form the letters. "My sister's dead too," Gale whispered. "I never told you, but she woke up. She woke up, just for a few hours. I thought she was going to stay here, I thought we'd be together again."
I thought a lot of things.
"But she's gone," he said, and his voice was stronger now, quieter. "She's gone for good and she didn't even say goodbye."
His fist had lost its strength, hand pressing flat against the door once more.
"I'm not telling you this so you'll pity me, or so you'll think I understand completely what you're going through, because no two people ever can know each other's thoughts completely. But I can try to be there for you anyway.
"It will always hurt, Stormy," Gale said softly. "No matter what you do. Locking yourself in your room, pushing me away, pushing your weapon away...that may be one way to deal with this, and if you really want to do it that way...if you honestly and truly want me to leave you alone, I will."
Jinhai was silent, and so was Thane. Gale closed his eyes again.
"I can't help lessen the hurt, but I can help you bear it if you'll just let me in."
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 4:01 pm
I lost a sister too.
It was a punch in the gut. It took a split second to register, and then she was breathless. Bruised. She woke up. Leslie, one of the few people that haunted Gale after this time, just...up one day and gone the next. And Stormy had forgotten about her completely, had assumed the world had shrunk to just them again without considering others, had somehow believed her pain was singular and isolated and unknowable.
She didn't even say goodbye.
It was two punches, the gut and the head. Her ears rang and the world seemed to tilt off balance, making her glad she was leaning against the door for support. It was too hot in her room; then it was too cold. She tried taking deep breaths to calm herself, but she felt increasingly light headed and highly aware of her body, every pump of blood, every on end hair, the way her skin stretched over her bones and muscle like old paper, the weight of her tongue and how useless it suddenly felt.
They were gone. They were gone. She never got to say hello to one and she never got to say goodbye to another, and that was that. End of story.
The old pain in her chest flared up, and Stormy cringed. Her hand fell off the door knob as she backed away, arms wrapping around herself like tape trying to keep everything together. What should have been comforting words or apologies were instead coming out as, "I-It's mine. It's my burden. You called me strong, so I-I should carry it," because as much as she wanted to help Gale past that terrible knowledge, she could barely help herself. All she seemed capable of doing was lashing out and twisted thinking now, directionless and ready to scream.
"I've hurt you enough," Stormy mumbled, her breath hitching. "I've hurt you more than enough, more than anyone else. I-I can't keep doing that, I can't."
But she was away from the door, and that was enough. Thane slid a cold bony handover the doorknob, fiddled with it, and with a little pressure got the door to crack open. "I am grateful for your assistance," he told Gale, and for a fleeting moment he even seemed genuine. The dracolich pried the door open further and slithered through.
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 6:44 pm
There was silence beyond the door, and for a long time Gale though he might have pushed too far; that he might have overstepped the boundaries of what a boyfriend was supposed to say and do. He was still new at this, at everything; and Nevada's death, although not unheard of on Deus, was a terrible, terrible burden to have anyone bear, let alone someone who thought of her as a sister.
He wished he could say more than what he was.
It was a while before Stormy spoke again, and when she did, her voice was small, like a child's.
"Strong doesn't mean alone," said Gale quietly. "You are strong, Stormy. But you haven't hurt me. I'm still here, aren't I? I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere, at least not mentally or emotionally. Physically, well, Thane might want to throw me out, but..."
The last part came out slightly light hearted, Gale casting a wary glance at the dracholich. He didn't have time to say much, however, before the door was cracked open, Thane squeezing through the gap, and before the door could close again, Gale had stuck his foot in, wedging it open far enough to place his hand on the doorknob.
"You're welcome," he said. "But I'm not leaving yet."
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 7:31 pm
There wasn't the usual light fragrance in her room: something smokey was predominant.
"Tempting." If Thane remotely cared about his presence now that Gale had gotten the door open, though, there was no other sign of it. He made his way directly to Stormy, who was standing a little way from her bed, still hugging herself as if afraid her bowels would spill out if she didn't. "You must take me back," he told her, reaching out to take one of her arms.
She recoiled away. His tail twitched as he sighed quietly, eyeing her disheveled figure for signs that she would bolt again.
"There will be no repercussions. He has offered to pay your debt to the techs."
But there were consequences, emotional loads and illogical thoughts and a heavy heart--all from a pointless hour spent in a fugue-like state. Even now the numbness waited for her to settle down from her outbursts and take hold again. Stormy didn't know if that would be better or worse.
I'm not going anywhere, he said, like they had both uttered countless times before. It didn't resonate with her this time; maybe it was true, but it didn't give her hope. In her current state, all it did was make her wonder if she'd just drive him off as well--or worse, feel the itch to test that claim.
"People who are hurting don't always leave," she replied softly. Her feet remembered how to move again, though she only got as far as a foot from the door, nerves hitting her like bricks. Being completely by herself for once had been
enlightening
horrifying
silent
lonely.
Her fingers dug deeper into her skin. Thane came up beside her and opened the door wider, motioning for Gale to step aside. Stormy looked no better than when he saw her on Bix's tour: still a thin coat rack with clothes hanging off of her, barely any skin showing despite the temperature, a gaunt look in and under her eyes. A beanie was covering her head again, this time with the Pirates of the Caribbean Jolly Roger logo.
Eyes downcast, she made to hedge around Gale and lead them to the labs.
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:31 pm
He didn't comment on the smokey smell, though it gave him pause, his eyes sweeping the room to try and determine the source of it. Thane's presence was a simultaneous annoyance and a hindrance, though there wasn't much to be done about it, not without Stormy.
Say something.
Say anything.
Say something.
She was right in front of him now, Thane as well, the pair of them, and it was such a strange combination; the dracholich with his tall, imperious pose and skeletal tail, and the hunter beside him. Gale had seen Thane before, of course, during that disastrous meeting in the Life labs, but there was still something very off putting about the dracholich; something that he couldn't quite put his finger on.
Gale slid his hands into the pockets of his pants and didn't move from where he stood, simply watched Thane and Stormy with an inscrutable expression on his face. She looked terribly small in front of him, her layers of clothing practically dwarfing her thin frame, and there was a hat pulled low over her brow.
Something was off about her, besides the obvious. His eyes narrowed slightly, though the calm look on his face didn't change.
"Will you let me come with you to the labs?" Gale asked quietly.
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 9:20 pm
She didn't say anything, so Thane spoke for her. "You might as well, if you are covering the expenses." There was, oddly, nothing sarcastic about the statement. In fact, the dracolich hadn't taken nearly as many potshots at Gale as he would have normally. Despite the inherent inability to make many expressions, Thane appeared less vibrant himself--or rather, more weary. One who lived in that sort of mind learned to endure.
Stormy nodded a little and began to lead them onward, her gaze set forward. She said nothing along the way.
Her movements were mechanical once they reached the lab. Thane slipped back into the pod, tucking his cloak and limbs with him in a cocoon to better fit. Stormy leaned over and pat his head for one brief moment, something flickering in her eyes. And then she backed away and let the machine do its work, her eyes still averted from Gale.
At length she retrieved her ring and slipped it back on before pocketing her hands. Gale was given a glance as she shifted from foot to foot, unsure of what to do now that she was out, though Thane was comfortably filling the holds in her head as if everything was alright again.
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 9:33 pm
Gale gave a nod to the pair of them but said nothing, following along behind Thane and Stormy in silence. He wanted desperately to reach out to her, to take her hand and wrap his fingers around hers, to just touch her and let her know that he was there, in that same sort of wordless communication that was sometimes accomplished when it was just the two of them together.
But he didn't, because he still remembered how she had yanked her hand free from his at Bix's tour, and the sting of her rejection was still somewhat fresh.
They reached the labs without any of them speaking to one another, and as Thane stepped into the machine, Gale stood back and watched, giving him a small nod; whether to show gratitude or to just acknowledge the dracolich's presence was unclear.
But then he was gone, back inside her head, and it was back to the two of them, Gale standing a few feet away from Stormy, his hands tucked into the pockets of his pants. He regarded her quietly for several moments, the silence stretching awkwardly between them.
"...what now?" he asked. "Do you want me to leave you alone again?"
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 10:42 pm
A part of her said yes and a part of her said no and the rest of her was distraught at the fact that it had even necessitated a choice. Stormy appeared lost just standing there, like she was waiting to be picked up. Whatever had flared up in her on the other side of her door had evaporated into the air as they had walked, leaving her a little more gray. At least she was standing straight, she told herself. That was an accomplishment.
She fidgeted in place again, uncertain and thoroughly aware that the awkward silence they had fought off together on various occassions before reigned supreme. Stormy didn't have the energy to fight it off, or do much of anything really at this point. And all the while, every moment she wasn't spending apologizing was another painful beat of her heart. Her mind felt like it was suspended in water, things sinking and floating and drifting along various currents she couldn't see, the only sure thing known being that her thoughts were drowning and waterlogged. The worst part of it was knowing that Gale had to be aware it was happening, instead of being kept in a vague, unresponsive stasis that, while also hurtful, was at least the lesser of two evils.
She'd lied back there; she wasn't any closer to being better than she was an hour, two hours, three hours, three days ago. And now, stranded outside of her comfort zone, she was adrift in an ocean with no calculable depth, unable to so much as lift a hand to reach out for the lifesaver Gale was offering because the effort seemed too much to waste on herself.
I don't want to be alone.
< < You never are. > >
But that wasn't the same and they both knew it.
Perhaps, Stormy decided, this was just delaying the inevitable anyway. Hadn't her previous encounters with people proven that she couldn't change her fate and would always, always, always be at their mercy, one way or another? Her bursts of rebellion were always quashed, her reasoning having holes poked through, her emotions evoked to sway her back to the "good side". Gale cared, yes, more deeply than her attempts to approach it casually would ever understand or allow her to feel all at once, but that was precisely why she had tried to preserve his love for his sake. Maybe he could get through this better than she could. Or maybe the result would be just as bleak and inevitable as her breakdowns. Storms weren't always predictable.
"Tea," she suggested to Gale's shoes.
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 9:01 am
He waited patiently for her answer, and when it finally came, he nearly sagged with the relief of it all. Nothing showed on his face, however, except a flicker of acknowledgement; and slowly Gale nodded his head. His fingers itched to reach out and grasp hers, his hand physically trembling with the effort of holding back, and instead he curled his fingers into a fist, gesturing with his head towards the door.
"Come on," he said quietly, and led the way out of the life labs and down the hallway. He wasn't sure whether or not she would follow him, if she would suddenly change her mind and decide that she wanted to be alone after all, but he kept walking, his hands at his sides, Jinhai quiet in his head.
It was here choice, after all.
It wasn't until Gale reached the steps of his little house that he turned around to see if she if she was still there, fumbling in the pockets of his pants for his keys, which jangled loudly as he pulled them out; a stark contrast to the silence between them.
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 9:52 am
At least there was no lockpicking, no forced entry, no pleads for her to come to her senses, no threat to her personal bubble, no touching. As long as Gale understood that, maybe they would have an accord. The sensory deprivation would just drive her even more mad (her hands longed to leave pockets and join his, stroke his hair, grab his shirt, touch his face), but as it seemed, the responsibility of punishing herself would fall squarely on her own shoulders. Even if it meant hurting him as well.
Stormy had come to accept that side effects like those were very normal for her, and in her spiraling sadness couldn't bother to stop it.
She followed him at first, ghostly quiet in footsteps; it was a part of her own personal training that stuck with her. At some point she did diverge away for a quick sidetrip to her room, half to make sure it locked properly, half to shove a few things into the nearest bag, before hastening back. Despite her light feet, Stormy felt heavier than ever and dragged behind Gale at a small distance like a prisoner's ball and chain; her gaze was fixed at his feet still even as he looked back to make sure she was there.
She clutched her bag a little tighter as they reached the house, only taking as many steps as he did so that their distance remained the same. The keys were so inordinately loud that she grimaced, and a dark thought occurred to her that he might be doing that on purpose.
(Don't be stupid.)
She waited patiently for him to get the door, gazing up at the sunny house she'd previously seen as a little and happier place, only seeing now the chance of her burning up once inside.
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 2:15 pm
The keys being noisy was not on purpose, Gale wincing along with Stormy, and he was grateful to see that she had come along with him, even if she was clearly trying to keep a certain amount of space between them - a rather large amount, if he was being entirely honest with himself. But she had something with her, a bag that she had picked up at sometime, and he wasn't entirely sure whether or not her bringing along things was a good thing.
Gale pushed the key into the lock and opened the door, setting the keys down in the bowl on the table just beside the door. He made his way down the little hallway that led to the sitting area and kicked off his shoes, tucking them away beside one of the sofas.
"Make yourself at home," he said, and the words stung him a little unintentionally, because this was supposed to be a home for her anyway, even if she didn't really live with him in the typical sense of the word.
"I'll get the tea," Gale said quietly, and gave her a little nod, ducking into the adjacent kitchen. A moment later, the sounds of the stove being turned on could be heard, along with the clink of silverware and the opening and closing of cabinet doors.
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 2:42 pm
She grimaced a little as well but tried to hide it, merely ducking in after Gale. Rather than follow him to the kitchen, Stormy stayed in the living room a little longer, turning on her toes as if studying it for the first time. Couch, table, stairs, hall, windows...When she made a full circle she stopped and fell back on her heels, closing her eyes and breathing it all in and out, in and out.
There was room here. There were no haunting memories aside from those of her own making. She could pace, run, hide, scream, laugh, and cry without feeling enclosed by all manner of walls. It wasn't quite freedom--and if it had been she would have denied herself anyway--but it was refreshing in a way.
Did she deserve that, though?
As Gale prepped the tea, she made her way upstairs and straight to her--the guest--her--that room. She was pleased to note it smelled about the same as the rest of the house, though now that she was here it would probably change. Setting the bag down on the bed, Stormy rifled through the first drawer and pulled out her usual flowery perfume, spraying it a couple of times just to renew it; she didn't believe for a moment it would help her less than showered self, but at least the room was clean. That was important.
The kids were in their usual spot on the pillows, gazing at her with collective curiosity. She avoided looking at them too.
After pacing her room once and breathing in its renewed aroma, Stormy went back downstairs on the tips of her toes, still determined not to make a sound. The couch called to her as usual, and she peeled her shoes off and nudged them to the side before settling on one end and pulled her legs up, leaning against the juncture of the cushion and the arm. Even with her layers of clothes she didn't make for a large ball of space, though they were starting to make her feel very warm. Tea wouldn't help that, but then again she hadn't suggested it for herself.
She didn't leave that corner once she was there, quietly waking for Gale to finish, attempting to search for ways to get around her silence and finding that her thoughts were as scattered as her being was. Maybe that was better than snapping like an animal, though.
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 3:09 pm
In the safety of his kitchen, away from Stormy's line of vision, Gale pressed his hands against the counter top and leaned against it, his eyes closed. He could hear the water beginning to bubble in the kettle; not quite boiling, but not still lukewarm, and it was simultaneously reassuring and frustrating all at once.
<< Patience. >>
How am I supposed to even talk to her when she doesn't want to talk to me?
<< She came with you, didn't she? >>
Out of obligation, I think, rather than affection.
<< She still came. She's hurting, Gale. Be patient with her. >>
He exhaled a long breath and the kettle gave a long whistle, indicating its completion. Gale found a hot pad and moved it off the burner, setting out the saucers and the teacups all neat and tidy before pouring water into them. He arranged the spoons carefully, tucking them beside the cup, then stuck a few packets of sugar underneath. He set the saucers on the tray, went to the cabinet, and found a package of not-too-stale biscuits, which he carefully arranged on a third saucer and stuck beside the teacups. Finally, with a deep breath, Gale picked up the tray and made his way out into the living room.
Stormy was sitting on the couch, if "sitting" was the correct term. It was more like burrowing, her small frame dwarfed by her multiple layered clothing, and she seemed to be tucked as far into one side as possible, leaving a great deal of space between one side of the next.
He expected it, but it still hurt.
Gale stepped over to the couch and set the tray down on the coffee table, taking a seat on the other side, away from Stormy. Wordlessly he reached for one of the saucers of tea and held it out towards her.
"Here," he said quietly. "It'll soothe your throat."
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 5:59 pm
The only part of her that moved at first were her eyes, trained on his feet once more when she heard him enter the room. There was still a comfortable amount of distance between them even as Gale neared (mostly due in part, she believed, because of how little space she made herself take up as a precaution), which was why she didn't stir once he took his seat on the opposite end; at least he understood her tacit request.
Carefully Stormy grasped the saucer with the barest of nods and lifted the cup off with her other hand, ensuring no extra contact was made. Setting the saucer down in her lap, she made a little ring of fingers around it the cup, partially using her sleeves to buffer against the heat. The sugar and biscuit were ignored; she was neither hungry nor thirsty and had only suggested tea as a form of apology and with the intent to soothe him. She did take a sip anyway, however, simply because Gale was watching and it was expected of her. It tasted like boiling water to her and nothing more, scalding a little of her tongue on accident (her eye twitched with pain), but she kept the tea close regardless, inhaling its fragrance in hopes it could help her in some way. A lot more than her throat needed tending.
It reminded her of the first time she had ever been on this couch, directly after the cruise mission, sick and unsure and tucked in her corner while an awkward silence reigned, her heart telling her one thing, her head telling her a thousand others, in desperate need of a shower and in desperate need for contact. It almost felt like everything had come full circle.
The thing was, she should have moved beyond that version of herself, not revisited it.
"Door's not as squeaky," she noted mildly, her gaze moving from his feet to her cup. Being direct had never been her strength, and it wasn't suddenly going to be now.]
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