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Spoken like a mare with no territorial pretensions, Trevelyn thought with a smile. There were certainly a lot of Soquili who were willing to go to war over something as seemingly trivial as 'a patch of grass;' after all, wasn't that how the Kalona War had ended up starting? But there was no reason to bring that up when Whinny was obviously thinking of something far less grim, and hopefully far more pleasant.

"Bless you," He said courteously when she sneezed. He was unaware of her concerns about shrinking, but could understand being distressed at the onset of a cold. Viruses were never anything to enjoy, and he asked her as they walked along, "Have you had an opportunity to properly warm yourself since your swim? I probably should have thought about you being cold sooner. Are there any fires in this area, or windbreaks you may have noticed?"

It might be a bit ironic to be asking about fires after a wildfire, but it remained a fact that fire was good for warming!

He could understand her reticence to approach fire, given the ash fields that surrounded them. Still, Trev has always been a pragmatist, and sentiment or anxiety had to be firmly shelved when there were practical concerns to address. That was what he told himself, anyway, and it was easy for him to believe he followed that belief system. But he could imagine that things were different for an independent, relatively tough stallion and a small, delicate mare.

Make that a really small, delicate mare. He had been processing Whinny's explanation when she sneezed again, causing him to glance over at the mare. In that glance, he missed her completely, so his first thought was shock. It was at the second glance that he saw the mare in her tiny splendor, and he had to smother the desire to laugh. What a very peculiar side effect of sneezing, no wonder she was so anxious not to! Still, he couldn't fully suppress the chuckle that escaped his lips, and he shook his head dismissively at her concern.

"No need to apologize, Whinny; if anything, your small stature seems to provide a solution to my concern. While you're so small, would you consider resting on my shoulder or back? Then I could carry you back to the grass, and you could rest your limbs."

Well, this was certainly a new thing for Trevelyn. He knew of flutters, of course, but he had never had much reason to interact with them and he'd certainly never carried one. He shook his head in silent amazement at the strangeness of it all as he walked along, feeling the tiny hooves making their way up and down his back as he walked along. It was a strange, but not unpleasant sensation, one that ended with ruffling in his hair. That was a trifle unexpected, but as there was no way for him to turn his head to investigate without dislodging her, he just mentally shrugged it off. It wasn't like he was picky about his hair.

Now that he wasn't having to keep an eye on Whinny, he made faster progress and was soon within sight of the grassy area. With easy grace, he jumped over the low slope down into the depression where the grass was still green and ash-free. There wasn't a lot, but it was more than enough for a few Soquili to eat themselves to fullness. The grass, coupled with the small but steady stream that flowed through the patch, made for a nice change from the ashy waste they'd just been passing through. "Here we are, I hope this is enough."

Trevelyn watched with mild interest as Whinny disembarked and resized herself. It was interesting to see a flutter in action, the ease with which they could change size. It wasn't an ability he was interested in for himself; maybe if he were able to get larger instead of smaller, but there was no value, in his own life, in shrinking.

Still, it was an interesting thing to observe.

As Whinny settled down to graze, Trev considered for a minute, then bent his head to graze a short distance away. He had no pressing business, obviously; he hadn't seen hide nor hair of a Kalona to worry about, or even signs of a Kalona worth investigating. Perhaps it was about time to consider this 'mission' over and resume normal life.

Or what passed for normal life, in his world. A return to seclusion. That would be a good thing...right? This life of socialization, of running around, it was only asking for trouble. So why did he feel so resistant to the idea of going back? Hadn't it been his idea to adopt that life in the first place, and hadn't he fought to keep it that way, that unchanging, for long?

Without realizing it, he sighed. Life was complicated.

Trevelyn hadn't realized he'd actually sighed, so he was taken aback when Whinny's question broke in on his thoughts. For a moment he blinked at her in a somewhat owlish fashion, trying to figure out where that question had come from; did she think that because he didn't have somewhere to rush off to, he was bored? Poor girl, she didn't seem like the type to have low self esteem; he was no expert, but she was small, cute, and perky; that seemed like it ought to be everyone's idea of a good companion! Certainly every stallion's.

Still, just because he didn't know where the question came from didn't mean he shouldn't answer, and he shook his head dismissing the 'bored' angle. "No, I'm not bored; if I was, I would have left. I just was thinking, I guess." He trailed off with a frown, hating how open ended that sounded. It wasn't that he really owed her an explanation, but he hated the idea he might seem like he was 'acting.' "I've got a few things on my mind these days. Things that I thought were obvious are proving to be less than clear."

She was being so sweet and friendly, Trev thought wryly. Exactly the sort of thing that he had, contrarily enough, always found terrifying. It wasn't that he was afraid of mares, not in a true 'fear' perspective, but he feared what they represented: vulnerability, laced with a healthy dose of responsibility. It was the job of a stallion to protect a mare, to take responsibility for her vulnerability. Yet it was apparently also all too easy for stallions to turn their back on their responsibilities and lay the mare's vulnerabilities open to the world.

Involuntarily, Trev gritted his teeth. How long would it be before he moved past that? Would he ever? Was it even possible, living a life as he did, specifically to avoid becoming a reincarnation of his father?

It was enough to make his head hurt, but hardly something he wanted to talk about with anyone. Especially not with anyone of the mare persuasion.

Still, it felt...wrong, somehow, to remain totally silent. After a long, awkward pause that hung in the air between the two, Trev said softly, "Do you ever find yourself staring at your reflection, and seeing someone that's not you? Someone that might superficially resemble you, but isn't you? And then you realize that they don't look like you, but you look like them? And that realization makes you sick to your stomach, because you don't want anything to do with them, much less to resemble them in any way?"

Obviously, Trev should have been more discrete in how he had phrased things; Whinny way hitting remarkably close to home in her assessments, and that closeness was making him more than a little uncomfortable. This wasn't a topic he wanted to talk about, not with her, not with himself, not with anyone. It was too painful. He couldn't compare pain, but he half-wondered if it wouldn't be better to have been like Whinny, to have never known his parents. Then he wouldn't have this baggage to carry around.

At least she meant well, he had to admit, and he gave Whinny as pleasant a smile as he could muster. "Thank you for your thoughts, Whinny; this is just going to be something I have to sort out myself." He broke off then, grappling for the right thing to say himself in response to her statement. "I'm sorry you had so much uncertainty in your youth. However, I can't help but wonder if it wouldn't have been better for me to be abandoned as a foal."

This was a mistake, Trevelyn realized grimly. If he was better at dissembling, he ought to have made up an excuse the moment he let out that initial sigh. As it was, this conversation had veered into extremely unpleasant territory, and his attempts to extricate himself had only proved to bog him down worse. Whinny certainly meant well, he had to admit, but this conversation had reached the point of prodding at a bruise.

With a bit more stiffness in his tone, he said, "You don't owe me anything, Whinny, though I appreciate the sentiment. Suffice to say, we all have our trials to overcome." Then with great ceremony, he leaned over and bit off another mouthful of grass, effectively ending his part of the conversation.

But not his thoughts. There had been good times, yes...before it all went horribly wrong. Would it have been worth it to have never had those memories..his Memory? He frowned as he worked on the mouthful of grass, thinking of his little sister. The pain that accompanied that memory was more than enough to make him agree, 'yes'.