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 Posted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:00 am
Ethan was quiet for a moment before nodding his head. "I should'a. I know it's not what ye want ta hear, but I owe ye perfect honesty, Deirdre, it's the least I can do. Hunter an' I didn't know each other real well. We were young. And I dinnae want ta encourage ya to do the same, but neither o' us were expectin' foals or even really... thought about it. It took me a long time - a lot longer than it should'a to realize how much yer mom meant ta me."
He took a cautious step forward. Just one. "I was on my own quest back then. I was tryin' ta find my dad. Because like you, I was angry that he wasn't around, and I felt like I was missin' a part o' myself - some puzzle piece that woulda miraculously explained who I was supposed ta be if I found 'im. But the more I traveled - an' I traveled for seasons and seasons... the more I began ta learn that he wasn't a good soquili. And that I was the one makin' mah life. That it was the family I had known that helped shape me. If he had been a good father, he woulda found me eventually. he wasn't. He was a kalona, a full blooded one. An... that ain't me." He continued quickly, before Deirdre could rebuff him, "As soon as I learned o' you girls, I came back. And... I realized that I chose mah path. An' I didn't want him ta shape me. I... have so much I'd like ta share with ya, Deirdre... an' I know yer angry with me, an have every right to be. But I want to try to make it up to ye."
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Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2014 6:58 am
Deirdre listened, stone-faced. She wouldn't look directly at him, but she also didn't stop him from coming closer. Her ears swiveled towards him when he was talking, and she idly pawed at the ground with her disfigured hoof. "Yeah well how do you suppose you're gonna do that?" she asked harshly when he mentioned making it up to her.
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Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2014 7:10 am
Ethan's ears canted forward, and he took one more step, encouraged by Deirdre's reaction. It was still stony, but he had seen enough of her to know that she was actually, actually giving him a chance. He really didn't want to blow it.
But her question was a very hard one, and one that Ethan had been wrestling with since he started the journey back to Hunter and their fillies.
"Well... ta begin with... I want ta share with ya some'o the traditions from my family. Ta help ye understand where I and yer grandmum Rosemary come from. That there's a place for ye in our family. Ah know what it feels like to grow up differen' lookin'. But there are traditions in our beliefs... like Cernunnos the' horned one" His eyes rolled up and he tossed his head, gesturing to the "antlers" that he wore " - that helps gives ye a meaning an' a place."
"But more'n that - yer right, that doesn' begin ta make up for me not bein' there when it sounds like ye really needed me. Ah know it sounds weak, but I am here for ye now. An' ah'm not goin' anywhere. Ye have my solemn promise on that one. Maybe th' 'how' might be a better question to ye. Ye know what it is ye need better than I do yet. Ah know when I was lookin' for mah pa, I wanted to know about him... why he left... what that meant for me and who I was. But I know he doesn't define me, and ah know that I don't define ye either - ye grew up to be a strong, beautiful mare without me here." He said with a soft, bittersweet smile.
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Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 4:44 pm
Deirdre blinked her eyes quickly, angry at herself as they began to sting. She didn't want to forgive him, she didn't want to let go of this bitterness inside her. It just didn't seem fair - that he could walk out of her life before it had even started and then saunter back in wearing a stupid costume without any consequences.
But what could he do? No one could erase the past. No one could turn back time. What she wanted was her father. Not now, but when she was little. When he was a scared little filly crying about being so ugly. When she had questions about why her hoof was different and her mane was murky-honey-colored and frizzy.
She wanted her Father there to nuzzle her and comfort her when she was trying to learn how to fly and would fall and scrape herself. To intimidate the bullies that made fun of her horns in the meadow. To teach her about Cernunnos when she was young and innocent and naive and could still be filled with joy and wonder and not poisoned by cynicism.
None of these words could quite form in her throat. She stood there, clenching her jaw and stomping her hoof in frustration as she felt the warm tears spill over onto the soft fur of her face.
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Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 5:58 pm
Ethan felt his heart aching as he saw Deirdre - his daughter - shaking with emotion. She couldn't hide the moisture on her cheeks as she tried to swallow down what Ethan could only assume was years of resentment, anger, and feelings of abandonment.
He had worried about saying the right thing since he had met her, his words all in a twist in his head as he went to go speak to her this day. But today, those father instincts that he didn't know whether or not he could summon to help him were kicking in.
Right now, Deirdre didn't need more words, she needed her father.
He finished closing the last few paces that had separated the two of them and brough his head to hers, exhaling a comforting snort and nosing her with his soft muzzle.
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Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 10:24 am
Deirdre let out a sob as he touched her, the emotion she had been damming up finally spilling over into uncontrollable paroxysms. By instinct, she nuzzled back for a few moments; craving the touch on some primal level. But eventually through her emotionally fogged mind, her anger seeped through.
"NO!" she screamed, shaking her head and pushing back away from him. "No don't touch me!" Angrily she unfurled her wings and took off, knowing he couldn't follow her. She hovered above him, "You can't just step in here and pretend like everything's ok! I lost my sister because of you! How dare you!"
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Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 12:57 pm
Ethan smiled, relaxing into the embrace of his daughter. For a brief, fleeting moment, he was happy. The ache in his heart began to abate for a moment as he held his estranged daughter.
But then, in a heartbeat, the wound was reopened as Deirdre backpedaled and took to the skies.
"Deirdre.." Ethan pleaded, "Ah know... an' it kills me, too. All ah can say is that I did meet her... Fianna. She's a strong, independent, beautiful mare, too... an' I hope she comes back home. It's because o' her I learned o ye three... because o' her I came back. And I dinnae believe that she won' e'er come back."
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Posted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 6:40 am
"Not good enough," she spat, the tears still falling freely from her face. Her wings were burning from trying to hover, so she knew she would have to land or fly off soon. "I'm not going to be your consolation prize. Its because of you Fianna left. If you want me to forgive you, you have to bring back everything you took from me!" Trying to hold back another sob, she turned in the air and speed-flew away; as high and fast as her wings could carry her. She didn't have any specific destination in mind, she just wanted to run away.
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Posted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 7:39 am
Ethan's ears drooped as another verbal blow found its mark. His heart ached, especially painfully after how close he felt he had gotten to reaching her.
"I love you, Deirdre!" He called after her as loudly as he could, hoping his words would reach her ears, "I'll find a way t'make it up ta ye. I'll find Fianna!"
He drew in a large lungfull of painfully cold air and slowly let it out.
It was foolish to imagine that one conversation could undo years of pain. He had caused a lot of pain in his daughters, and it wasn't going to be easy to undo the damage. She was right, though - he owed it to Deirdere AND Fianna. But with Fianna out in the world... gods knew where... it certainly wasn't going to be easy. Especially with how strong of a flier she was just from what little Ethan had seen of her.
But that didn't mean he wasn't going to try.
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