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 Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2014 5:50 pm
"Do you remember when I disappeared? I was living wis' Buddingtonite for a time, during my captaincy. I wager I am a better judge of his character zan you due to zat experience alone. He is not all bad... But it's just as likely zat I weight my opinion in his favor due to ze experiences he so willingly offered to me. He is a charmer and a deceiver, and he sports quite ze magnetic mask to furzer his ends. And he managed to entrap me once..." Alois tried to laugh, but the growing ache in his ribs warped such an action into a pained whine. Alois winced terribly, eyebrows knitting together as he gathered himself to continue. "Ze result was my demotion. He has more potential zan he is aware of, and my attempts to show him..."
Pain withheld tears easily enough.
"Nevermind. My opinion of him matters little now. Buddingtonite has his merits but I find zat ze senshi in question would better suit my intents zan someone rife wis' cowardice and..." Alois huffed softly. the pain festering in his ribs burnt with great force now, and the misanthrope struggled to find a more accommodating posture for his misery. The pain coaxed a cold sweat out of the Saarlander, causing his clothes to frame his lithe body. He hated it, hated how easily Alex could see the frailty beneath the swaths of black. "I don't want to kill him, Alex. I don't want to kill zat senshi. He is too great an asset to waste on simple murder - as ze rest haf' earned srough plain inadequacy. But he is... different. If he has to die..."
Alois sighed again, and the last of his breath bade metallic bubbles breaking against the back of his tongue. "I want to eat him. I want to ingest his conviction, his cunning, his..." Alois clicked his tongue softly, as his eyes half-lidded and settled on Alexandre in a feverish haze. "Whatever he felt, whatever lingered in zat gaze of his, I want to devour it. I want to know it, and feel it again... It was strange. Like genuine kindness... I'f never felt it quite ze same. It is different from ze kindness you show me, more... Visceral. Often I'f wondered of ze efficacy for ze beliefs behind cannibalism - zat by devouring someone, you are reallocating zeir strengs' to yours. Zis senshi should be my first test of zat seory."
As Alois continued to speak, his tone grew softer as evidence of his injuries. "As for your question, I brought someone into ze Negaverse once - accidentally. A man by ze name of Varik... I found him running from youma, and offered him an escape - but I did not disclose my intentions to reduce him to a youmafied state. It seems I did not use enough chaotic energy to complete ze transformation to my standards... He lacks ze propensity for my line of sinking." Alois hadn't seen the boy since their initial encounter, and he wagered that Varik preferred to wade through the mindless routines of civilian life.
Alois absently traced the memorized lines from the marker, following their sweeping contours along his neck to just beneath his ear. There his fingers lingered for a moment, as if he inwardly grappled with the impulse to toy with his gauged jewelry. "Zat is... A lofty scenario, Alex. Should you find him, you will recognize a great conviction in his eyes - a belief so consuming zat it defines his person. Zat if... you wrenched zose ideals out of his mind, he would grow inert and die. But he could bloom a beautiful garden in which to entrap you... You might fancy zose flowers before you die." Alois laughed softly.
"I feel like I'm facing myself when I see him."
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Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 2:27 am
"I do remember, I'd wondered where you'd gone - hoped you were well and safe." How could he not have worried? The other had seemingly just up and left, or perhaps just not come home? Point was that Alois had not been here and Alexandre was so used to it, perhaps too used to it? He'd settled into the comfortable arrangements of knowing the other would be here, would sleep and live here, that when Alois hadn't been here he'd worried for the other. Was that a..good thing? Or was it a bad thing that if Alois wasn't around he worried and became lonely in the house? He had never, as a child, minded being alone. He'd had Lily as a friend, and only her, and with his parents busy he'd go to his mothers office and work on homework or play in a corner. He'd been able to handle being mostly alone. Now though he liked having people around him, someone live with him, and it had bothered him being alone. Shaking away the thoughts he focused on the others words.
Alois had been living with Buddingtonite...how interesting. It sounded like there had been something there but he didn't ask, it wasn't his place. He was not Alois keeper and it was the others personal, and private, life until the other decided, if he ever did, to disclose anything to him about whatever had been between himself and Buddingtonite. "Mmm, I would say that you would indeed know him better than I would then. He is a charmer, I think many who get to know him find that out." And boy as he a charmer! Alex had been charmed; if only for an evening. "He's good with his words and charm. " It perhaps, and likely did, lend itself to helping the Negaverse. But it also could, like most things, have it's down side as well.
Noting the wince from the other, and deciding he must be in pain, he went to offer that he get some painkillers but the other had more to say. With Alois having more to say he stayed and listened to the German speak, he really did like that accent on him.
"Alright...so I won't kill him should I run into him - I'll let him live. There is a senshi I wish no harm to befall also. It is for no selfish reason...or that I have some great plans for them, although I would like to corrupt them, it is because despite being on the other side they are an asset to us. I haven't mentioned them to anyone else yet." Until now. Now he was bringing up that senshi who was so willing to help anyone - everyone! It was foolish and yet oh so helpful to their cause. "Would you be willing to, if you ran into this senshi, allow them safety from your deadly nature?" He questioned softly, a smile creeping unto his features. The other was deadly, he knew it, and he was proud of the other. He wasn't smiling to try and coax a positive answer from the other, he'd never try and weedle out of Alois something he wanted, but he was smiling because he was happy with how the other was as an officer.
As Alois continued, tried to and managed, to describe just what he wanted to do with the senshi he found himself nodding. He had heard of such tribal practices, in remote places, and how it still did happen but had been more common in times long past - ancient times. "I've heard of such...eat the brain to gain wisdom or memories. Eat the person, parts of them, to take a part of them into yourself and make it part of you. Some people even say they gain likes, or dislikes, that the person they got a transplanted organ from had - things they never likes or disliked. It does make me wonder if such a notion is real...just unstudied..." He doubted most people knew of such things but Alex did watch tv at odd hours and kept it on as background noise, so he'd pick up odd things and bits and pieces of information. Some things would really catch his attention and he'd stop whatever he was doing to watch, to pay closer attention.
"You would actually eat a person? I mean flesh of a person vs. flesh of a cow...it's all fesh. But the taboo behind it...or do you not mean it in a litteral sense?" He questioned softly, unsure how to feel. He wasn't surprised, at least not that surprised, he was more unsure on it. Of how Alois meant it and what he thought on it...of the whole thing really. The idea was...stomach churning for him to be honest, even if he ate meat there was a difference to him. There shouldn't be, they were all animals, and yet it was there. Born from the societal norms which were pounded into everyone, or at least most people, whether consciously or not. The idea, the stomach churning feelings, were still there.
Finally he shifted the others feet, and legs, from his lap and stood slowly as Alois spoke of this person - this Varik. "You sought to make a youma...I'm not surprised. I'm glad you failed - as much as you may dislike what happened and my opinion on the matter." He spokle sincerly, honestly, as he looked down at the other gently. "Perhaps I should seek him out and see how he fairs, as he is not like you and perhaps not good for you to train - you might...break him as it were. If he is weak as you say...a gentle hand might help more." Maybe he could find this Lieutenant and make them stronger with a gentle, guiding, hand? It was worth a try.
"I might indeed find myself liking those flowers - especially if he is similar to you. Though I might wish to see him indeed join our side. Such a garden, such promise as you say, would be preferred to be on our side. But I wouldn't wish him to die either. Now let me get something for the pain your in - please." He spoke softly, hoping the other had something for the pain. He had some painkillers stashed somewhere from when he'd had past injuries, he wasn't sure which first aid kit, so if Alois had something it might be faster to get. Reaching down with a hand to gentle run his fingers through the others dark hair. "I don't like to see you suffer as you are. I prefer you as you normally are."
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Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2014 8:36 am
"It's not... A literal declaration. I'f no interest in contracting a prion disease. To eat him would be to eat his starseed - his soul. You possess some understanding of ze various traits attributed to ze organs, but I suspect zat such characteristics as resolf'e and drif'e are localized in ze spirit. Perhaps it is a pointless fancy, but such a notion merits exploration. However, it begs ze question - if one inherits strengs' from zose he eats, what of zeir weaknesses?" Alois shut his eyes momentarily with a strained sigh. Shifting, Alois hoisted himself onto his good side, despite the profusion of warnings against the practice. How was he to breathe under such duress regardless?
"I don't fancy ze practice of recruiting our greatest opponents into our ranks - readily changed as zey may be, I suspect a former enemy has a higher propensity for treason zan one of our own ranks. Training zis senshi may produce promising results, but how long would zat last? How long will we allow our corrupted senshi to walk freely amongst our officers before treachery or mutiny arises? If our very own youma detest zem so, why are we so incapable of taking zeir instinctual cues?" Alois watched his roommate feverishly, eyes glassy from pain. He pressed his lips into a thin grimace; it looked undeniably easy to pull the wool over the blonde's eyes, so how much of a success story did it require for him to place his life in the hands of a corrupt senshi?
"But I digress - I would eat his starseed over adding him to our ranks. Hone myself over honing someone else."
Alois wrapped an arm about his side loosely as he spoke. Fresh sweat coated his skin in a thin sheen - evidence of barely tolerable pain. "I would prefer you take him off my hands. Brookite is... One zat would likely meet deas' in my care. He lacks ze propensity for violence and misdeeds against ozzers, which sets us apart at an integral level. Seek him out, if you can - unless I already broke him." A thin smile traced his features, however strained.
"Ultimately our senshi of choice receif' a free pass to escape murder, do zey not? I can abstain from murder, even if it results in exercising avoidance. However, I cannot offer an absolute yes on ze matter - even I am given to my vices." Alois found it bizarre to hear that Benitoite requested a senshi's safe passage. Regardless of the suspicions Alois held toward the blonde's purportedly fierce nature, to hear of a wish for a senshi to live... Strange indeed. Perhaps he would meet with Schörl and discuss such an anomaly, if only to cause more mischief.
"You prefer me bitter and angry?" Alois quirked a brow, and looked toward the blonde when he felt fingers whisk through his hair. "Check ze medicine cabinet. Top shelf... If you can reach." The misanthrope smirked with the jab. "Bring ze vial wis' a syringe, and I will show you how to use it."
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2014 12:25 pm
He was glad to hear the other didn't mean it in a literal sense, to eat the flesh of a person, though he had doubted Alois meant it literally he'd sought verification anyway. Sometimes he did wonder about the other, how he meant things, why he did some extreme things. Alois was interesting and one he questioned often; to try and understand better. "I see. I wonder if then, if the idea is true at all, what I may have gained from the senshi whose starseeds I've eaten in the past. Perhaps nothing though." Or nothing that was different from what he already possessed. What would happen to someone if they ever ate his? Then again that wasn't likely to happen, he was allowed to wonder though, as senshi and knights weren't capable of pulling starseeds and likely hadn't the stomach to ingest them. He could remember when mentioning it to Remarque and it bothering the other. "Perhaps it's a toss up, we gain weaknesses or good traits...maybe we gain a bit of both." Shrugging his shoulders gently as he answered to the best of his ability.
"Perhaps they do, maybe not. One brought to our side might become one of our most loyal. I should think it would be a case by case thing. Though I could be wrong. Not man change sides; it seems most remain where they start." How sad. How many on the other side could possibly become loyal to their side? Though how many might be brought to their side, willingly, and turn on them and stab them in the back? Their were too many possibilities really. This was war and so many things were unclear, blurred, and without a single answer. "I think our detest even our corrupted senshi because of what they did in their past life - because they were a good senshi then. Perhaps a remembered dislike or hate for them? A distrust that has gone beyond the sort of half death, half life, which all youma seem to live." How could they be completely alive? How long ago had so many of them been created? How they looked twisted, contorted, and no longer human. They lived, sort of, but not off of food but rather energy and the souls of the living. They were like zombies but not. Wraiths perhaps? Or shades..what else could he compare them to?
"Of course, and I would like to see you become more than you already are." That pride again shone through. Pride in the other and what he was and could even become. "I will find him then and see if I cannot take him under my wing. I shall try and help him to become a good officer." While also trying to keep him alive. "I do hope you didn't break him though. It would be a waste if you have." Failed to turn him into a youma and a broken officer - a complete waste.
"Indeed, I know you are. But this senshi...offers us something invaluable really. The senshi of prayer, Acrucis. She can heal injuries and is willing to heal any and all of us involved in this war. She cares not for whatever misdeeds we've done or what side we are on. She will heal us, same as those on the white moon, even in a battle. It will permit us the ability in a battle to continue on and kill more of her kind. She may not join our side but is still of use to us - in my opinion - because of this. It is because of this I want no harm to befall her. Without her we lose a helping hand on a battlefield. This senshi I wish to see become stronger, in power not in loyalty to her side, as she will better help us." Even while helping her side. He knew this but was willing to over look it as her healing their side could, in the future, help turn the tide of a fight. "And yes, our senshi of choice get a free pass, at least from us." He stated with a light smile. It seemed they both had a senshi they wished to keep safe, for different reasons of course, now to see if they could keep them alive.
"No. Not bitter and angry but deep thinking, good to have a conversation with, and not at all boring and dull like most people tend to be." At least at their age. "If that means bitter and angry then perhaps. But I would prefer it if you weren't so angry with so many things or so bitter." He wished he could help, in some way, with the other but he feared he had no idea where or how to start or if the other wished to become less angry and bitter.
"Alright, I'll go check the medicine cabinet." A quick brush of lips to a cheek and Alexandre was up and off to find what the other needed; wondering and hoping he didn't stab the other with a needle while trying to help him.
The bathroom upstairs was entered soon after he'd left the other on the couch, should he bring the others pillow down from his room so he could rest? Shaking the thought away, for the moment at least, he went to searching for what was needed and indeed found his height an issue, the others jab and remembering it brought a smile to his face. b*****d...picking on his height.A huff of a sigh passed as he climbed up onto the bathroom counter top in order to retrieve the vial and a syringe, the vial's label glanced over, as he climbed down off the counter top as lightly as he could.
The trip back down the hall and downstairs was quick, and easy, as he came into the living room and made his way back to the others side. "Pain must be bad." Holding up the vial and giving it a little shake, indicating he meant that as the reason behind his statement.
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Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2014 12:07 pm
"Who can know wis'out first testing it?" Starseeds tasted delectable on their own; Alois was loathe to pursue them for such a prolonged endeavor, but... Thraen proved trial enough for the attempt. Even if such fantastic ideals amounted to nothing more than fairytales, the notion that he ingested such an enriching opponent satisfied him.
"I haf' met... two zat expressed interest in changing sides. One wis' ze ability to control trash, and anozzer wis' pomegranate symbols decorating her body. I am unsure of zeir power. Expressing doubt in zeir own faction is not enough to garner my fais' in zeir want to change. It's... how do you say it? Talk is cheap? As you well know, I can talk for hours - and what comes of it? Not a damned sing. So what is to say zat zese senshi, zese tired and beaten soldiers in need of an organized faction, aren't simply expressing such disdain for zeir allies as to plant zemselfs as moles among our ranks? I belief' our higher-ups are too trusting toward zese traitors and turncoats. Trust should not be issued lightly. Not to you, not to I, not to zem." Again, he considered the need to take a cue from their youma allies - animals possessed sharper instincts than man's addled logic could manifest.
The senshi's abilities piqued Alois' curiosity, and vibrant gold eyes fell on the blonde in search of further information. "Prayer? How bizarre. Perhaps she is useful to an extent, but ultimately she offends my sensibilities. Everysing must die, Alex, even you and I. If she seeks to reverse zat..." Alois scoffed, and afterward winced due to the agitation to his ribs. "She might avoid deas' by my hand. For now. However, if I see no reason for her to continue her existence, I will not abide by such trite promises to furzer corrupt my judgment. Plainly she will die one day - if not by our hand, zen by her own faction's dissent." Perhaps a visit to this senshi would've been useful for his wounds, though such an easy exit from pain and misery often proved counterproductive in the end.
Alois smirked softly. "You would haf' to revise my past to mitigate my bitterness, Alex. From what I understand..." Alois breathed a careful sigh, hissing slightly as his chest pained him terribly. "Only defecting to ze opposition affords such a luxury. Even wis' zat possibility in mind, I would never trade my memories." The darkest ones were often the closest.
The brush of lips drew a glance of surprise, and only after Alexandre departed did Alois sit up fully. "You're growing too close to someone who would hurt you, Alex," he muttered to himself. It's inevitable. One day you will suffer by my hand, and while the two of us lack the foresight to determine how, neither one of us can prevent it. Are you sure you want to treat me so kindly?
As the blonde returned, Alois rubbed at the prominent dark circles ringing his eyes. A tired yawn confirmed the drain of pain on the body. "It's worse zan you sink," came his monotonous response. Finally Alois drew up the sleeve on his left arm and exposed the pallid skin beneath, flecked with pinpricks from days past. "First you'll need to cinch somesing around my arm. A belt works, if you haf' one. Ozzerwise we can use mine. Next you'll need to swab ze area wis' alcohol, and lastly keep ze needle as parallel to my arm when you penetrate ze skin - zat way you avoid missing ze damned vein entirely."
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 6:31 pm
"Mmm indeed. But if you do gain anything, for better or worse, would you notice it? Would it seem like a natural change within yourself and not something from what was taken in." He questioned softly, pondering, his words and the idea itself. If things were gained, if being a big question here, what could he have gained from those he'd ingested since joining the Negaverse? What good traits had he gained and more importantly - what bad ones? The thoughts were pushed aside, as it was wholly unproven that anything could be gained, the conversation was changing topics a bit now.
"Yes, words are cheap. They could indeed simply be talking out their displeasure and stress, frustrations, in their faction and it's lack of organization. it would make sense, people do it every day - talk out things and then go right back to it. You could also be correct - they are looking to plant themselves amongst our ranks to assist their true rank. I can only hope that if this were the case, which I should hope it isn't, they would lose the memories of these plans and of even being a white moon senshi. it would serve them right." he stated with a firm nod of his head. "if not...then they can easily be removed" he stated with a certain coldness to his words, he was a killer even if he didn't look it. "Perhaps their bodies could even be left out to be found by their true side - a message to not try such things again." A careless shrug of his shoulders, showing how little he cared for the lives of such people. A senshi or knight, as far as he was concerned, was only good on their side or dead. And on their side they had better be sincere about it.
"Yes, even we should not be. There have been members on our side swayed to change to the side of the white moon. How I know not but I am surprised she was allowed to rejoin us. I am clueless on the particulars on that. But yes, even we are suspect." Though he knew he himself wouldn't go changing sides, though he supposed that there could be something out there which could cause him to change sides - something he simply couldn't think of or fathom as he was now. Hadn't he questioned chaos, the darkness within him, in the past? he had, he knew it, but he was loyal and he also knew that.
"Yes, prayer. It is interesting and no, I do not think she is trying to reverse natural order - as dying is natural and necessary. She will, like us and everyone else, die at some point. I merely wish to prevent, or delay, her death. I wish her not to die in this war - if I can help at all in that manner. Her healing can be of use to us." He stated with a light smirk in place as he spoke those words. Even if he couldn't bring her to their side she was useful and would remain as such - willingly.
"Of course, I would not ask you to stray too far from your own beliefs and your nature." he said with a simple nodding of his head to follow up his words, as if to further confirm them.
"I would also hope that you wouldn't go to their side for other reasons, memories aside." He whispered gently. Maybe he was a bit possessive over the other, he had been the one to bring Alois into the Negaverse after all. He blamed his hope, that there would be other reasons, and his possessiveness on that - it made sense after all.
He knew Alois was dangerous, that anything with him was going to hurt him in the future somehow - how he didn't know. But couldn't the same have been said for Michael and Quenton? Just to elsser extens. Age being the first thing, with Michael only, and with both the big issue was them being civilians and the risk of them finding out or somehow being brought into this war. Concealing things and hiding things had not been easy on his conscious either. At least this, whatever was here, wasn't the same and was better in a sense. He couldn't help but wonder what was here as he headed upstairs. Why continue and pursue it? Alois wasn't the relationships sort and he himself was. They were different and yet there was some pull there and it had him acting in ways he normally wouldn't.
"I'm not wearing a belt...yours will have to do." The smile which suddenly made itself known was like the cat which had just gotten the bird, and already stolen the cream. The items from upstairs were set onto the table before he leaned over the other. His hands going for the others belt. "You'll have to let me know when I'm parallel enough, I don't want to hurt you further." He whispered, no need to speak in a normal tone of voice.
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Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 8:11 am
"Zere are worse fates zan deas', Alex." Alois refused to elaborate further; if the blonde lacked the ability to discern what he meant, then he should count himself one of the lucky few to avoid meeting a damnable fate. For Alois, however...
Heaven was worse than death.
"Haf' you ever considered it? Defecting to ze White Moon Court and its constituent set of Knights? Neizer one of us are Spec ops, so I suspect we are safe to discuss such matters." Dirty little secrets they were, and Alois enjoyed collecting them, even if speaking of such matters caused his chest to ache terribly. Shifting his weight atop the couch helped little; he groaned as his brows knitted together temporarily. "Surely ze sought crossed your mind when you warped Bazzite into a youma. You looked more zan distraught by ze outcome, and our superiors likely regarded it as hubris on your part. Zey seem... Unwilling to find any unique advantages provided by any one officer. We are but meat shields, only suitable for reprimand when stepping out of line." Blasphemy it may be to talk of such things, but I suspect he lacks the devotion to turn me in on part of talking treason. He's more apt to try to fix the problem himself.
However, the blonde's next statement proved troublesome. Any warmth to his gaze immediately cooled to algid proportions as he watched the words form on Alexandre's tongue. "So you're ze one warping fate. Listen to yourself, Alex - you're trying to prolong her life beyond its natural boundaries. You're trying to manipulate zat which we are bound to. It's folly to even try." Furthermore, you're spitting in my face by telling me no but thinking yes - did you honestly believe that placating me in such a manner might rectify your transgressions? You should know by now that her magics are nothing more than an exercise in futility. In a phrase, I don't believe you. "I should do you ze favor of killing her," he added, shifting his attention to the way his nails bit into the couch when he tensed his hands. "Perhaps zat might pull your head from your a**."
Should he sight her as Bischofite, he had no qualms about breaking promise to murder her. Already she stood as a glaring counterpoint to his sensibilities - and he would hound her until fate deemed it necessary for her to die. Even if Alexandre lacked loyalty to natural law, Alois would not allow such casual dissent to shake his devotions.
"If nossing else, I would join zem to shirk ze yoke. I find it maddening to serf' zose who lack appreciation for my efforts. To take someone for granted is ze worst transgression committed in a military setting. But..." His voice softened with a sigh. "I suspect zat zeir kind would approach me wis' outward aggression, not open arms - even if my uniform changed to meet zeir alignment. I would be alienating myself from all ability to realize my goals. At zat point, zere's no difference between defecting and never powering up again." Even now, what stands between us is negligible. My life beyond my duties as an officer... it's forgettable, even if my memories are not. I would have no difficulty abandoning it if I were to pursue that route.
In response to the departure from one topic to the next, Alois would've tugged his belt from its loops to facilitate mitigation of pain, but Alexandre pursued it readily enough. It surprised him; normally the blonde behaved in such a prudish manner that Alois suspected such actions would offend his sensibilities. A welcome change, nonetheless. "You're not low enough, for starters," he hinted coyly. A mischievous gaze met slate before turning attention toward the hands hovering just above regions of more interest.
Alois extended his arm toward his roommate, hand hanging limply in a lack of tension. "Swab ze vein wis' rubbing alcohol first. Zen wrap ze belt around my bicep. I'll pull it taut. You need only focus on ze needle. And don't worry about hurting me - I don't sink you could." His body's initial response to needles was euphoria now; even if Alex missed, he doubted such mishaps would discourage that reaction.
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Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 12:51 pm
For him becoming a youma, or even a half youma, was worse than death so he understood the others words. He did wonder if Alois would consider that worse than death; not likely he figured. To him though it was - to have memories ripped away and to have your humanity torn away violently. It was a nightmare; and he'd subjected someone to it. Before he could let his emotions bottom out, his thoughts pulling them under, he pushed that guilt aside. He couldn't let it eat him alive any more; he had to keep it at bay every time it tried to get free.
For a moment he looked at the other, unsure if he should answer. He knew his words were safe with Alois, the other wouldn't run off and tell anyone what he said, but what would the others judgement be? What would Alois say? Finally he shook his head. "I didn't consider it, though it would have been easy and understandable to some - I'm sure. I did question chaos...the dark power we have. I questioned myself, heavily, and was scared to corrupt someone again - after all I'd just done. But then I risked it and corrupted you - I was scared when you were unconscious. I'd thought I'd done something else destructive." He had been so worried that he'd botched something again; this time something as easy as a corruption."I was more scared of my own powers than anything." At least when it came to corrupting people, or putting his hand into someones chest for other reasons.
Sighing heavily he nodded his head, eyes dropping downward as the other spoke and he agreed through the nodding of his head. "They thought I knew what would happen, that I did it on purpose. They thought so little of me as to think I would purposely do such a thing to a friend." He whispered, his words low, as he recalled what was said and the hurt those words brought to him. "It was said that I couldn't even be trusted with paperwork...or lower officers - as if I were some wild beat or loose cannon that would repeat this with other officers." And do what to the paperwork? Burn it? Oh he wished he could, just because it would bring him some bit of pleasure to see what pain it would stir within it's owner. He hadn't felt it then but he felt it now and had. "I wonder if the chaos in them hasn't stripped them of their humanity...I wondered that then just as I still do." Not that they lost their humanity as they gained rank but if they lost it when they made that final step - became a general king or general queen. That was what he wondered.
Looking up he shook his head. "I know what I am saying. But for the sake of the small amount, maybe larger when she powers up, help she can offer I would like her to live as long in this war as she can - in order to help us as much as possible. But to be fighting against fate would be to know that her fate is to die in this war. And if fate does exist...then it will happen no matter what I may do to try and stop it. It is fate after all." He didn't believe in fate though, he couldn't stand the idea of it. The idea of things being pre-planned and determined where you couldn't fight it, decide what you wanted for your lot in life. It irked him in a way not much else could. He didn't like the idea of something, or someone, deciding his life and how it should play out - all before it ever happened. So perhaps that was why he didn't see it in the same way Alois did, and couldn't. He wasn't working on the idea that fate existed? "By natural boundaries...do you mean some pre-determined point in ones life?" He questioned before shaking his head. "Never mind." He didn't like the topic, the turn in the conversation or the air surrounding it.
"There is, in this setting, little way to stand apart from the whole. If you were to become a knight, or even I were to, I believe you are correct in how they would treat us. It would be pointless. They would never trust us and we would be unable to do anything due to that." Plus being a big target to their former side, as he suspected any traitor would or at least should be. It would be pointless to change sides unless your hands were mostly clean and you were of the lowest ranks, they would never completely trust a former General with bloody hands. "the higher up's here care little for the sacrifices we make and what we do - they give us nothing to do which sets us apart. No challenge...no special tasks to test us and let us shine and prove ourselves." It had to all be done by self and even then it was not always easy and seemed to get them no where as an individual. He couldn't think of this like a military even if that's just what it was. he liked to try and think of it as an odd sort of family. At least that way he didn't feel so constricted and so unnoticed, till he'd made that one big screw up. Maybe, just maybe, the plans he had would do something for him?
Thankfully his thoughts, depressing as they were, were disrupted by the other and a coloring of his cheeks followed the others words. "Mmmm, perhaps I'm not. But that can't be helped, at the moment, I have something important to do - reliving your pain. Perhaps after I've helped in that way I can...replace it with something else?" He questioned, hinted, as he worked the others belt free and with the item in one hand he went for the alcohol and the cotton. "It's up to you of course." He spoke, his attention away from the other as he got the cotton wet with the clear liquid; the strong scent of which had his nose wrinkling in displeasure. Turning his focus back on the other he did as told moment before, swabbing the area he'd soon be puncturing with the needle.
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Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 9:27 am
"It's curious, isn't it? As a lieutenant..." He trailed off with a sigh. Memory of his current rank exacerbated both anger and despair alike. Nevertheless, he pressed on. "As a lieutenant, I remember attempting energy draining, when ze Negaverse instituted zat plan once more. I remember a distinct lack of control over ze amount I drained - if I expected a large orb, I might receif' a small one, and vice versa. Wis' each successif' rank I fostered more control over zat process. I suspect it's much ze same for you - only a lack of control frightens you, razzer zan excites you. You're attached to people, aren't you? I can't relate to zat." Perhaps that was what marked the gaping divide between their reactions... While Benitoite cherished others, Bischofite fostered no interest in their well-being.
Alois offered a soft laugh, tempered with the tiredness brought on by pain. "Humanity feels more and more like a limiting factor when I look across all ze recruits we'f amassed. To see zem all... so engrossed in protecting zeir households, in zis asinine story of ze Moon Queen who sought to enslaf'e us. It matters little, ze true story. I don't care for such nonsense of a millennium-old war. I never did, even when you explained it. But I digress." With a wave of his hand, he dismissed the tangent.
"If zey truly lost zeir humanity, I suspect I would appreciate zem more. And I suspect you might be right - no longer do zey foster ze ability to relate to ozzers on an emotional level, or if zey can, zey refuse to show it. I belief' Howlite was ze closest of zeir lot to maintaining functional leadership ability. However, I'f not seen hide nor hair of her in ages. It's strange, zough - when humanity is subtracted from ze equation, all ze faults and promises come bubbling to ze surface. If you look at ze current leadership we haf' now, you will notice nossing more zan bad leadership and positions of power awarded to zose who lack ze credentials to undertake zem.
"I'f seen it myself - while precise and petite, Laurelite offers no impassioning voice of rally or leadership. While I cannot express how much I abhor her ruling over me, I cannot deny zat she may hold her wors' as a tactician. Despite zat, you cannot deny zat our current leadership is missing components to rally zis lot of detestable teenagers into a veritable army." Demoting me certainly hasn't imparted any sense of belonging. Did she bother to heed my case? I suspect she waved me off in favor of those unwilling to think - my choices, while right by their intentions, pursue a path far different from the orthodox. Did she view it as a threat? No - she viewed it as pointless.
My intentions... Were they wrong all this time?
Alois sensed that their continued path would instill distaste for him in the blonde. Obvious it was that they operated on two different wavelengths, and pursuing the matter would not convince one to drop one vein of philosophy for the other. Alois did not mind; if nothing else, uniformity bored him. Agreement led to stagnation. While he was sad to watch their temporary conflict go, he pressed the issue no further. Perhaps when he was well again, he might challenge Benitoite on his beliefs.
"As I said before, ze higher-ups simply don't know what zey're doing. Most people cannot function well wis'out humanity. I am lucky, I guess." If you can call it functioning. "It leaf's us wis' a very objectif' view of zeir performance, and no matter ze means by which you analyze it, zey cannot lead effectively. If leads me to wonder if, at some later period, zere will be a reenactment of ze Röhm-Putsch. I'f heard it called ze night of ze long knifes here." But who would be purged? Those of dissenting opinion like himself? Most likely. The amount of organization required to execute such an act beneath General-King level would not escape their radar.
Alois only grinned coyly in response. "You know little of drugs, Alex." Perhaps that's for the best. The cold arrival of alcohol to his skin elicited a slight rush, and he watched in anticipation for the needle that would soon bear relief.
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Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 5:22 pm
As Alois spoke about control, and it being gained as they gained in rank, he felt himself nodding even as a smile spread across his features. "yes, I would agree with you. I had never thought of that as the reason. but I will agree - the lack of control does bother me and I am attached to people. It is why I only pull civilian starseeds when I absolutely must." When training other officers in pulling a starseed was one of the few times he did it, and only if a senshi or knight could not be found. All officers needed to know how to do it, and be able to handle the shock of killing a person. He didn't like the idea of an officer doing it the first time under stress, such as a battle, and the shock of killing hitting them then and possibly freezing them. He thought it was good to learn it as soon as possible - for ones own well being.
"No, you can't and perhaps your lucky you can't relate." At least they knew what one of the bigger, if not the biggest, difference between them was. Their opinions on humanity and how they dealt with people as a general whole.
"Maybe it is limiting for some, and not for others. More than anything I fear the treatment of new recruits...the coldness in which some may greet and or treat them." He didn't mean the normal every day member either but rather the higher up's. He couldn't imagine a Lieutenant doing well if they had to deal with one of the leaders. He felt the cold harshness of their leaders might throw off new members and they might leave - join the other side. He worried about things and was of the mind that new members needed at least some coddling and understanding, not to mention time taken to train them at a pace they could handle.
"I know, you care for the here and now." Shrugging his shoulders. it didn't bother him, it was who the other was. But it had explained what they were and why, the history and reason behind this fight. It had needed to be told.
"I find it hard to believe that all of them have managed to repress their humanity, all on their own, the odds of them all doing the same thing. I agree about Howlite though...and the whole thing actually. We need new leadership, added leadership, to balance out things. It is all to one side and I dislike it...Aside from Laruelite I am uncomfortable, and distrustful on a personal level, with the leadership we have at the moment." He trusted they were loyal to the war, to the Negaverse, but he didn't trust them with people on a humane level; and he had no reason to really.
"We need to fill in the gaps they leave; which as they stand are gaping and obvious." He had dealt with the mint haired General Queen and she, while not warm and fuzzy, was easier to talk with than others were which he was glad for. "Some of these teenage members I wonder about - why they are here and just how capable they are of anything beyond a simple school fight. Do they realize how serious this is - before they get in neck deep in an all out fight." He stated with a shake of his head. How ready for war were some of them and just as important was there was nothing uniting them and inspiring them to be better. "I don't believe there is anything uniting them and giving them a feel of belonging or a reason to improve themselves." It was why he wished to see a change in things, more leaders, and members worked with at the pace they could handle but still trained.
"Mmm, indeed. it seems our leaders can't function, or lead, well without their humanity. It is...something they should, as smart as they believe they are, see within themselves." He stated with an amused smile. The other was right and Alexandre agreed with everything the other was saying. Maybe his next words would surprise the other? Leaning in close to the other, lips just a breath away from the others ear. "The way you function, and handle things, I wouldn't mind seeing as rise up to their level. It would, I believe, be beneficial." Drawing back he flashed him more of a smile, something gentle but also brilliant. "If they were to attempt such a purge we both could escape it. We can teleport over seas, draining as it would be, since we have been over seas before. No senshi, no knights, no war." He would run if it came to that. He might embrace the idea that he could die, he was not so immature as to think he himself invincible, but he was not about to let himself so easily be killed. He would fight with everything he had within himself to live and if it ever happened - he would run. But he didn't see a purge happening...but he knew that in this war you could never be sure of anything. He'd seen things, plenty of things, which went against proven science.
"Your right. but you've seen how I handle pain medications Alois. I don't tolerate them well. I put my plants to good use for such things...and bare the rest of the pain." He answered with light laughter following his words. Alois had seen just how pain meds affected him, he disliked them for a valid reason. Preparing the needle, filling it, and removing the air bubbles he moved in to take the others arm in his hold and find a vein he could use for this. Finding the vein he angled the needle just so and went to pierce the others pale skin, trying to be as gentle as possible.
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Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2014 9:29 am
A rush came when the needle punctured his skin. Anticipation - he knew it well. Soon came the flood of true relief, the confirmation of heaven, the previously impossible thoughts that the world stood as it should, if just for a few precious minutes before sleep laced with strange dreams. Alois could do nothing more than sigh, his body relaxing of its own accord. Absent pain.
Half-lidded eyes drifted toward the blonde as he spoke. He presented an obvious fix, one Alois considered in passing. But words passed among peers was silence offered to those of power... Nothing would come of their debates but secret agreement over their ineffectual leaders. However, Alois was hard-pressed to push the issue now. With the pain ebbing from his ribs, it felt far too inviting to simply breathe again. Let Alex have his beliefs for once. You've done enough damage for one night. Besides, the general who listens to the injured lieutenant expresses a folly of his own kind. Best to leave him to his falls without goading - you don't want to catch blame as the thought that caused Lucifer to fall.
Alois could not help but smirk softly. Closing his eyes, he provided his own take on the blonde's suggestion. "Would zat not retain ze issue, Alex? We bos' know I haf' no empas'y... No humanity. So to place me among zeir ranks... While I can provide... faulty leadership, while functioning..." He trailed off; his train of thought escaped him for a moment. Humming softly, he started on a different path. "Perhaps it's impossible to retain humanity at zeir rank. So I guess... It's better to place someone in power zere zat has experience wis' no humanity. Maybe... If I can get past zis..." What was he saying anymore?
Tired hands found his belt about his bicep, and upon removing it, touched off a flood of morphine to his system. Now lost in a haze of it, Alois offered Alexandre one bleary, lidded glance before closing his eyes once more. He relegated his own arm to use as a pillow. Afterward he offered nothing more than a soft hum of agreement to the blonde's statement. He remembered the night well enough - when he dosed Alex with morphine to stave off the pain of an injury to his side. However, such thoughts soon gave way to nonsensical meanderings of the mind, caught in tides half-awake and half-asleep. He never fought it.
Soon Alois drifted to sleep, undisturbed by the fractured ribs floating in his side.
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