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 Posted: Tue Dec 24, 2013 8:17 am
He let her throw the fish. He didn't care. Perhaps McGifford would show up in a moment and rage against the wasted goods, but that seemed inconsequential. When she turned to leave, he found himself thinking, STOP HER, and his conviction was so strong that Tod darted into her path, crowding her back with his burly body.
Not for the first time, Rob reached out and caught her by the arm. "Will you stop running away from me?" He snapped, knowing everything she'd said was right and that he didn't really have the right to get frustrated with her. "Y'want me to be here? Well I'm here, but you're running. Y'keep leaving at the height o' the argument, and nothin' changes. Y'never give things the time it takes to resolve 'em, you just walk away when it gets 'ard. You're not doin' me or y'self any favors."
He let go and dropped the bucket of fish at her feet, stepping back and spreading his arms in a shrug. "Y'want to throw fish at me? Throw 'em. Y'want to curse at me? Do it." There needed to be closure. And if it meant, at the end of it all, she would walk away and they would part ways for good, then he would grudgingly accept it. But something told him whatever existed between them was made of hardier stuff than that.
"Y'ever think why you're so determined t'make me listen? Or why I won't? How d'you think I feel every time y'remind me my biggest mistake was not waitin' for you? Maybe I have to think it wasn't for nothin'. Maybe I need t'know I didn't make that mistake for somethin' that's just a 'waste'." He frowned, motioning for Tod to move out of her way, and gestured to himself and her. "You keep leaving now, an' this is what we'll become. An' that's a damned tragedy."
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Posted: Tue Dec 24, 2013 9:18 am
"I only leave because I doona wan' te fight. I canna hit ye, which is wha' I usually do when I figh' someone. Bu' I despise this arguin'. An' tha's all we've come to in months. An' I doona even know who's faul' it is anymore, if anyone's." She stared out over the market, frowning fiercely. How things had become so complicated between them she would never understand. Could they even get back to that place they'd been as they'd parted in Northport? Could they...erase...everything between then and now? Starting over was always easier said than done. "I doona know wha' te do, Rob. I've ne'er been in this kind o'a mess." When she turned back to look at him, her frown had vanished, leaving her face neutral. Even her eyes were empty of everything except a quiet contemplation. "Do ye believe me? Abou' her?" she asked, her body less antagonistic. There was only a small thrill of tension through her.
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Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 2:33 am
"Give me time," he said, yanking Tod away by the ears when then fawn stuck his nose into the bucket of fish. The little Guardian huffed and gave his Chosen a murderous glare, threatening to headbutt him until Rob smacked him lightly on the forehead. "Quit, little beast."
When Tod turned to investigate Soibhan's shoes as if nothing had happened, Rob returned his attention to their conversation. "Of course I believe you..." He said slowly. "But... Tha's an accusation I can't jus' believe without makin' for damn sure that I should. It's not that simple." It wouldn't do Caroline justice to blindly take as truth the accusations of someone who had but a peripheral understanding of the situation. And it was an accusation he almost didn't dare make. Caroline was... Perfect. Maybe not perfect for him, but she seemed as close to flawless as Rob had ever seen in a person. She was educated, refined, polite, well-mannered, sweet, as if all her wealth and privilege had gone unnoticed and she was just the same as the rest of them.
"Lookit," he said. "If you're right an' she has a fella, then all the better for her. Maybe he'll be better for her than I could be. For all I know, maybe you're both better off without me."
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 8:56 pm
"Tha's a righ' lie," she said, vehement. "No one is be'er off withou' ye', Rob Tiller. If fer no other reason than because yer a friend, an' friends are never be'er off withou' each other." Reaching down, her fingers found Tod's ears and she gave him some loving scratches, perhaps undermining Rob's rebuke, but not particularly caring. There was something about Tod, or maybe the situation --hell, probably both-- that made her want to shower him in love and affection. "I didna tell ye all this ou' o' spite. Bu' tha' don't mean tha' I understand your lily white perception o' her, because I don't. It's like ye think she's perfect." She waved her hand at him, for lack of any other way to convey her frustrations that didn't include punching some sense into him. "No one's perfect, Rob. No' even her."
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Posted: Sat Jan 04, 2014 10:07 am
He wanted to tell her she shouldn't spoil Tod when the fawn rubbed his face contentedly against her hand, but he was caught between feeling frustrated with the little deer and angry about Desmond and defeated when it came to Caroline. As for Soibhan, Rob wasn't quite sure in that moment how to feel about her. She had never been just a friend, had she? Part of him wanted to slump against the stall, or turn around with a shrug and express that it was all just, "Whatever." And he almost did, almost reached for the bucket he had slammed at her feet moments before in the heat of rage.
Then the voice on conscience in his head spoke. Don't you do it, Rob Tiller, don't you stop caring, he thought. Suddenly, he understood that the two of them had come to a crossroads and that anything could happen from here, that whatever they had had or had not could vanish in an instant if either of them played their cards wrong.
He was silent a long while as Tod looked up from his scratches and fixed and uncharacteristically empathetic stare upon his Chosen. Rob caught the fawn's eye, feeling one of those rare swells of affection for the little Guardian that reminded him with a jolt how much he loved the little creature.
Finally, he spoke, eyes still fixed upon Tod's, as if feeding on some silent strength. "Y'don't understand, do you?" He said slowly. "Y'don't know what you do. Y'don't see how hard it is when y'come an' you're sayin' these things and you yell, an' all I can do is think what a fool I was to not take you upstairs tha' night."
He paused, and his stare shifted away from Tod and onto Soibhan. "Caroline may not be perfect, but she's damn near close to it, and if anyone deserves a happy life, it's her. She's one o' the best people I've ever met, and she makes me want to be better. I shouldn't regret meeting her - I don't regret it. But there are days... when I wish I hadn't met you, because you're the one... the one who makes me regret it sometimes when I 'ave no reason to. Somehow you can make me regret meetin' someone like her, an' I don't know why, an' it makes me feel like a coward. It makes me feel like a piece of s**t, an' maybe I am for ropin' the two o' you into this mess, but I damn well don't need you, Soibhan Breanainn, t'remind me of it!"
His voice was rising, but he wasn't quite done. "But none of it ever matters, does it? Because for all we yell, nothin' ever changes when you're around an' all it comes down to is how much happier we might all be if I had done more than jus' kiss you that night, an' maybe I wouldn't have to stand 'ere listenin' about other men you've been with, wantin' to tear them apart with jus' my hands!" He stopped, almost as abruptly as he'd started, and a sudden silence descended upon them.
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Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 7:35 am
She listened to him rant, gave him the silence he needed from her so that he could get everything he had been keeping inside finally out into the open. And he kept going, and going, until she wasn't sure where he would stop. Somewhere in his admission of his view of Caroline, she started to feel like little more than an imperfect, dirty little foreign girl. Was she so broken to him? So impure in his eyes? A bitter smile curled her lips as her gaze dropped to the ground because she was afraid that if she kept meeting his gaze, he would see how angry, how upset, and how hurt she was by his words. Ye were a fool, Rob Tiller. Bu' so was I it seems. Finally, she lifted her gaze again. A dozen emotions swam in her golden eyes; fury, indignation, sadness, loss, and bitterness the ones shining brightest. So many words wanted to spill half-haphazardly from her lips, angry ones, regretful ones, but for once, she cautioned herself against being rash. Hadn't that been Edgar's biggest issue with her? It was at least one of them. "If ye wish ye'd never met me an' ye regret doin' so, then I'll jus' walk away, Rob Tiller. I'll leave ye te yer wee perfect flower an' I'll go back te the men tha' want me," she said, eyes glittering, "because at least with them, I'm perfect enough fer a nigh' o' fun." Suddenly, angrily, she thrust her hand out towards the heart of Palisade, in her mind aiming for Desmond's smithy. "At least with Des, he thinks highly enough o' me te stick around. Hell, even with Edgar, at least he doesn't hide his emotions from me. He hates me, an' he's no' afraid te show it. In tha', ye could learn a lesson from yer shithead brother." She was letting her anger into her voice now, letting it control her tongue, and it wasn't until she'd said it that she realized what she'd just done. When she'd figured out who Edgar was that day in the tavern, she'd vowed to keep it to herself, because even if Edgar was the man she least liked in this world, outing him when he seemed to be doing his best to hide who he was didn't seem right. But again, her emotions would do their best to ruin everything for her.
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Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 10:12 am
"Y'don't get it!" He said again with mounting frustration, in part toward Soibhan for being thick and not understanding, and in part toward himself for not having the right words to express himself. He could see the hurt in her eyes when that hadn't been his intention at all. Or at least, as far as he knew. The words had spilled themselves quite outside his control but he could tell they hadn't meant themselves to be fighting words.
"You're not perfect, Soibhan, that's the point. For all your madness, I still wish y'could be mine, and not just for a useless night." His eyes narrowed at the mention of Desmond, and he didn't bother mentioning that if Soibhan thought as highly of the smith, the two of them would not be standing here having this argument. If she thought Desmond was the man for her she would still be in his arms and that would be the end of that.
"Will y'leave my brother out of this!" He growled instantly at her next words. It didn't cross his mind that she could be referring to anyone other than Ollie, and the perceived insult roused a fury that flashed electric in his narrowed eyes. He moved to kick the pail beside her, sending fish spilling onto the ground. The bucket hit the ground with a thud, and he stooped to right it, picked it up and held it aloft for a moment. She was so close, it would be so much easier to explain how he really felt... without words... And before he knew what he was doing, he slammed the bucket back down, upright, and straightened.
The next moment he found that he had tangled himself up in her, hands clasping her face and winding through her hair, standing close enough to feel the heat from her body. He breathed her in deeply. She smelled just like that night. Then he was bringing her face closer, his nose mere millimeters from hers, almost brushing, lips barely parted and so close to seeking out hers with a deep hunger... And then...
"Wait a minute, who did y'call a shithead?"
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Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 6:28 am
"No, I don't ge' it! Ye like Caroline because she's perfect bu' ye like me because I'm no'?" She growled in frustration, but when he slammed the bucket into the ground, she squared her shoulders and lifted her head. But what he did next was so completely unexpected that she missed his statement about his brother. He was just suddenly there, so close that she could smell the sea on him, feel the heat of him through his clothes. Was it angry heat? Or something else...? His touch on her was electrifying and she fought to hold onto her pride, to keep her hands to herself even though all she wanted to do was run them all over him and remind herself of that night that almost was. She could feel his breath on her lips and wondered why this man of them all made her feel this way, made her want to crumble and give herself to him. He was so close that little more than air separated them. Eyes fluttering closed, she took the plunge, ready to close that distance... And then he was talking, his tone confused. She growled and sucked in a breath, moving back enough to get her bearings though she couldn't bring herself to completely pull away. "Um..." She scrunched her face up and bit her lip. "Ed...gar...?"
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Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 11:22 am
His head was so full of her that it felt fuzzy, as if he was underwater, but somewhere he felt himself thinking, Fool. Damned fool, y'should have just let it be. But no, he had to ask and now he was confronted with the next words that came from her and much as he hated to think it, he knew this brief and unexpected window of opportunity would pass them by once again.
"What, that fella y'fought? What's he got to do with it?" He bristled a little at the name, despite having never met the man in question. The brief mentions he had gotten from Soibhan had all been less than positive, which seemed to say a lot about this Edgar's character.
The more he talked, the more he thought, the more he wished he had had the sense to keep his mouth shut. Why did it matter? He didn't care, had no desire to listen to Soibhan elaborate... and yet. He could only curse himself as, reluctantly, he loosened his hold on her. Don't move away, he thought to her and to himself, but he knew that any moment now they would be carried away by this new issue and the closeness they had shared so briefly would disappear.
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Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 12:03 pm
She stayed in his arms to ponder how she wanted to respond, but also because she couldn't bring herself to move. Just as he did, she sensed that if she moved now, this moment, that song, would be lost again for only gods know how long. How was she to explain it? He'd already been adamant about seeing her false when confronted with Caroline's straying. How would he take this bit of news? News she couldn't even honestly confirm except with her word? That smile though...It had been Rob's smile on a different face. There was no denying it. And as if seeing the smile was the gateway to visual enlightenment, she started recognizing the other little similarities between them. "Edgar Ashworth," she said quietly, closing her eyes to gather her thoughts for a moment. "I doona know how or why, bu' he's yer brother. Tha', or a really similar cousin. I saw him, Rob. A' the Tasmily Tavern. He was with some snarky lookin' woman wearin' a creepy porcelain mask. He didna see me playin' in the corner cuz I had m'hood all the way up sittin' there." Her gaze went over his shoulder. "He has yer smile, Rob....S'how I knew..."
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Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 12:42 pm
Rob wondered if Soibhan knew how ridiculous it all sounded: suddenly, out of nowhere, a brother? That was unimaginable in itself. Rob couldn't even consider the implications of such a development. He shook his head, ponderously, not quite adamantly although there was a fierce look of denial in his eyes. "No, I don't... we don't have cousins," he said, only vaguely realizing that that carried worse implications that having cousins.
But somewhere deep down, he was very sure there had to be some mistake. It was impossible to tell, based only on a smile. There were so many people... they all smiled. Another shake of the head. "Lots of people have th'same smile..."
He was staring past her, slowly scanning the crowd and wondering where Ollie and Taxes had gotten to. Ollie would know what to make of this, Rob thought. Ollie had answers. But even as he thought it, he knew his brother would react much the same as he had. It was far too preposterous a suggestion to be true.
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Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 1:24 pm
She shook her head so fast the world spun for a second. "No, no, no! No' everyone has the same smile!" Taking his face in her hands, she gave him the smallest of shakes, her fingers warm on his cheeks. "Yer smile lights up rooms, Rob. No' many people can do tha' with jus' a look. Bu' yers can. An' I've seen it on no one else....Excep' him." Part of her wanted to feel bitter that he wouldn't believe anything she said, but she had a feeling he would've had the same reaction even if Ollie had told him instead. Sometimes...Sometimes people just needed to see and not just be told. "I can take ye to him. Ye can see fer yerself if yer se' on no' believin' the words I'm speakin'." As if irritated with the prolonged close proximity of his adopted human and the man she stood with, Comghan shrieked and landed with a fluff of feathers on the stall's table, talons digging deep into the body of a fish, though he showed no interest in eating it. With a graceful flap, he lifted off again just enough to reach Soibhan's shoulder, his massive wings crowding Rob away from her enough that he could land, his blue eyes baleful. Those same talons dug into her shoulder, drawing little rivers of blood that Soibhan had long grown used to. "Damnit, bird."
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Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 8:17 am
"I wouldn't go that far..." He mumbled, vaguely registering that her hands were on his face. Deep down, there was a part of him that knew she was right. What was it that his mother used to tell him? That in all the world she had only ever seen that smile and heard that ringing laugh in two people: Rob and his father Sam. Which had to mean that if Soibhan was right - IF - this Edgar was a half brother on his father's side.
And that...
Suddenly, Rob felt a little sick to his stomach. What it would mean... it would mean that, somewhere along the way, his father had been unfaithful to his mother and that was a thought that he could not, would not accept. Perhaps he should be less surprised. After all, they were sailors, the lot of them, and Rob understood full well what that meant for most of the men aboard the Amaranta: What happened in one port stayed in that port, and consequences didn't cross town boundaries. Infidelity was not a new concept to Rob, and yet he refused to reconcile that knowledge with the idea that Sam could ever hurt his wife that way.
No, he decided. It couldn't be that way. It absolutely could not. He wouldn't let it.
"No... no, don't do that," he said finally. "I don't want to see for m'self. If I do... It jus' can't be right. It can't." And he was trying as hard to convince himself as he was her. He wasn't so much saying that she was wrong as he was saying that it could not be allowed to be true. It didn't seem to matter that it might be blatant denial on his part. Something seemed to tell him that if he denied it long enough, it would cease to be true. Or if he kept it from everyone else long enough, then nobody would find out. It would be alright.
Then quite suddenly, he was batted away by a large and regal looking bird, and the closeness between him and Soibhan vanished as he stepped back to avoid its wings. "Who's he?"
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Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2014 7:09 am
His complete and utter unwillingness to believe anything that didn't sit right in his head was starting to infuriate her. But Comghan provided a much needed distraction, otherwise she was liable to shove Rob's head into the fish bucket. Stepping back, Soibhan reached up to calm the bird. "Comghan...Found him in a small wood south o' Palisade a few months ago." The massive bird opened his beak threateningly, the feathers of his neck ruffling. She tapped his beak to snap him out of it and he instead nibbled at her finger. "He's an a**, but I'm used to bein' around asses." She sighed tossed her hands into the air in frustration. "Why won't ye' listen te me, Rob? Jus' because ye doona believe it doesn' mean it's no' true." But she knew it was pointless. He was so stubborn in all the wrong ways. Sure, being told you had a brother you never knew about was probably a shock, but he seemed so adamant to disbelieve it, as if he couldn't see his father doing such a thing as straying from his wife. If that were the case...Than Rob really was a fool. "I've had abou' enough o' this. Either come te terms with wha' I've told ye an' deal with it properly, or continue believin' wha' ye want. Bu' if ye decide I'm no' lying, come find me."
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Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2014 7:55 am
He barely heard what she said about Comghan, and certainly not enough to make the connection between the bird and the asses she was talking about. A vague nod and a noncommittal "Hmm," were all he offered, restraining Tod almost unconsciously to keep the fawn from climbing up Soibhan to investigate the new presence on her shoulder.
It wasn't until she demanded why he wouldn't listen that he seemed to snap out of, and it wasn't so much stubbornness that lined his expression as worry. "It's not about me!" He snapped, frustrated but not entirely at her. She was only trying to do the right thing, he knew, but unfortunately Rob wasn't sure if it was helping. "It's not about you either, it doesn't matter if you're lying or not." And why would she, anyway, about something like this? He didn't doubt that she was telling the truth - or at least that she genuinely believed what she had told him, regardless of the verity of her suspicions.
He seemed to slump, letting go of the gray fawn, who immediately bounced up and placed his front hooves on Soibhan's hip to poke curiously at the kingshawk, blissfully unaware that the bird's beak and talons could pose a very real threat to a baby of his size. Rob watched, but all his desire to discipline his Guardian seemed to have evaporated. "Y'don't know what Ollie would do if he knew," he said finally. "Things aren't so good with him an' th'old man just now." Which was a polite way of putting things. They had gotten into rows about Sam's pointed neglect of their mother before, but never one as serious as the one that had occurred when they had arrived in Palisade this time. Rob wasn't sure why, but he felt that there was a very real danger this time that this argument might not resolve itself, that the camaraderie they had always shared with their father would disappear. And something like news of an unknown brother was more than enough to drive a permanent wedge between Ollie and Sam. "Y'go tellin' 'im now that this Edgar fella is related or sommat... we'll lose 'im. He'll never speak t'our father again."
He shrugged, looking at her with a strange expression in his eyes, as if he couldn't even muster the energy to wish she'd never brought this up and wish she'd just stayed tangled in his arms forever. "So you go, if y'have to, because I don't know how to deal with it 'properly'. I don't even know what that would mean." And it wasn't bitterness in his voice, or anger, or stubbornness, just a deep and voracious weariness.
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