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 Posted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 9:30 pm
He was not a trainee anymore. He was a hunter, and he was and still was the youngest trainee to have been promoted so fast, at least in his own group of recruits. He'd fought monsters, been set on fire, had his hand run through by a runic dagger, drowned in a sea of insects. He'd learned how to have his survival instincts kick in fast and kick in well.
But here he was, faced with this crippling uncertainty, this overwhelming, claustrophobic feeling of anxiety and pain, and it maybe that was because this was the first time he'd ever let anyone into his heart the way he'd let Stormy.
She let out a sob in his arms and he heard the knife she'd been holding hit the door, jolting Gale out of his own convoluted thoughts. He didn't look up, but instead tightened his grip around her, feeling her hands resting against him. His eyes were shut, and he felt his legs give away so that the both of them sank down to the ground in front of her door, his legs on either side of her.
And now he pressed his face against her hair again, tugging her hood away, and just breathed in her scent, his lips finding her ear to whisper into, his arms so tight around her he was probably making it difficult to breathe.
"Then I'll come find you," he replied softly, through gritted teeth. "I'll pull you out of that darkness and I'll bring you back up to the surface - "
The words were spilling out now, and Gale let out a small sound that might have been partially a sob of his own, his fingers trembling where they held her sides. He closed his eyes, leaned against her.
"Wherever you get lost, I'll come find you because I love you."
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Posted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 10:43 pm
Down, down, down she sank to the floor she had grown attached to for three days. Three months. Three words. Three impossible words that sat like stones in her chest when they should have uplifted her. Any girl would have been lucky to hear it from him, but no--no, she had to be the one, the one she had warned him was crazy and didn't make sense, the only one who could have possibly seen the good in it and then deny herself anyway.
Why was it that they always seemed to be in different places when they spoke like this? She was painfully reminded of the infirmary: it felt almost the exact same, with her crumbling over her own decision and him pulling her back, with the abyss so close to them she could almost taste it, with Gale so close she could almost taste him, and she was so wrapped up in her own troubles that she couldn't foresee the confession. The first time by an accidental kiss, the second time by purposeful words.
Words. God help her, the suspicion she had had for some time had now been put into words she couldn't ignore, and now what could she do? She was not ready, she was not ready, she would have never been ready for this encounter. But her heart still cried out anyway because it was the most fickle part of her and it took what it wanted, beating hard and fast as if to announce yes, yes, she--
"G-Gale?"She hated how she couldn't control or modulate her voice, how all sense of modesty had left and in its place was just a hoarse, timid thing. She trembled in spite of his tight grip, fingers cold and digging into his arms, and fragmented sob left her as her head bent."Gale, you--y-you can't mean that. You shouldn't."Her throat throbbed, her eyes stung; in fact, her whole body ached from her head to her feet, an indescribable burning she could only equate to how she felt when she had mourned her mother. Then, it had cleansed her from within. Now, it just tortured her.
More noises and whimpers left her as if her body, for being set on fire as it had, was now refusing her the ability to talk, to explain herself (how could she explain, how could she begin to find the words?), and it was stupid of her to try and keep holding it in when it was clear she was breaking apart into ashes and embers. Fire crawled up her skin, throwing every nerve and sense into hyper drive until she became so acutely aware that she swore she had stumbled onto another out of body experience.
And how must she look, then? Hair tousled from the hood being pulled down, still wet, still greasy, the perfume overwhelming, unshowered, sweaty, tired, and nowadays so sensitive and moody. Accidentally driving her best friend out of her room, accidentally disappointing Ami, recollecting the wrong memories, having to rely on an artifact to feel good about herself, always feeling too much, always, always hurting for it in equal parts joys and sadness, and so very, very useless, because just like she had with Evan, she turned situations that focused on other people back onto herself if she had a problem because she was selfish, and Gale had come looking for comfort, and instead she just gave him this: a raw glimpse of her personal brand of insanity."I-I'll just--just d-dis'point you too."The truth was, to have the seemingly boundless optimism Stormy had on normal occasions, she would also at times have to experience the darkness she kept inside. Maybe it wasn't the same as Jack's, but the depths were still there staring at her, still frightening her, because she still didn't know how to properly swim without drowning."Don't le'go, d-d-don't let go, don't let go, p-please," she begged suddenly, curling forward around his arms and devolving into steady weeping, her shoulders hunched with each sob she tried to quiet. "God-d, please, d-don't lemme go--don't--"
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:10 am
He did not believe in love at first sight.
Growing up, Gale had found it a rather useless concept. He remembered watching all of those prince and princess movies and thinking to himself, How is that even possible? How can someone just LOOK at someone and fall in love with them? They don't even know what they're like; what if they're some homicidal maniac?
You fall in love based on what you feel.
And at the current moment, all he felt was pain. It wrapped around him in like a cocoon, similar to the way that he was currently wrapped around Stormy. How could it be so hard? How could it all just be so hard? The movies had made it seem so easy, made it seem as though those three simple words would make everything okay.
But he knew they wouldn't, had known it before he'd even spoken them because it was not about being easy. If it were about being easy, he wouldn't even have tried, wouldn't even have fought for Stormy, would have kept his distance and let her find someone else, someone better than he was.
It was not easy, but it didn't matter because he had never asked for easy.
Her voice warbled in his ears, shaking and raw, and Gale opened his eyes, just a little. Her reply wasn't a disappointment; in all actuality he'd expected something like this, and it just made him hold on longer, stubbornly unwilling to move or to let her go.
"I do," he muttered, and he tilted his head so that his lips were against her cheek, whispering the words into her skin. "I mean it. Whether I should or shouldn't is beside the point."
Three months was a short time, but it was also a very long time on a place like Deus, and a very long time to someone like Gale. He had known, long ago, that his feelings for Stormy would only grow to this, and when he had finally realized them, it had been a small comfort, rather than a sudden realization, because he had already known that he was falling hard and falling fast.
He never did things halfway, after all.
She was crying, and his own eyes were slightly damp. "You won't," he said heatedly. "And even if you do, even if it comes to that, I'm not going anywhere."
It was clear that he meant not just in an abstract way, but her own feelings; that if she didn't feel the same as he did, he wouldn't hold it against her, that he'd still be there even if she decided to move on from him. Her entire body was trembling, and now he could feel her sobs. Gale's fingers shook as they pressed into her sides, and his shoulders were so tense they felt sharp. He buried his face against her neck and shoulder, his lashes wet with his own tears.
"Never," he said, and just sat there, curled around her, his heartbeat against her back. "Never."
Never was a long time and so was forever, but this was one of those times that Gale believed he could be entirely, thoroughly selfish, if only for just a few short, precious moments.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:17 am
The knot in her chest had grown, thick and coarse and coiled as leather snakes, writhing and aching until she was sure no words could possibly slip past anymore. She wanted to bury her head even more, but her body couldn't curl up any further in this position without making her choke on air. Once again, physical limitations made her want to curse and reject reality before substituting it with her own.
Wouldn't that have been nice? To have met in high school, maybe on a foreign exchange program, and developed from there? Or maybe even the early years of college, after she had started to get to know herself more, so that she wouldn't have breakdowns like these so often. They would meet for tea and hot chocolate and talk about normal things like homework and current events and books and go to the movies and meet their parents and text long into the night and live without wondering how long it would be before someone died because that was supposed to be far down the line, not a quiet and constant threat. They were supposed to be happy, not this.
She was seventeen and stupid and selfish. She wanted to believe she could save people and still find happiness.
< < You asked for this life and everything it entailed; doing so rejects your chance at peace. I warned you long ago this infatuation was not worth investigating, and now it comes to swallow you whole. > >
She felt Gale whisper against her cheek, fall against her neck, shield her back, and just sobbed more because she couldn't tell how much she was hurting him being like this (the one thing she wanted to avoid above all else). For a moment it was too painful to exist, her body still trembling in his hold."I-I...can't, I d-d-don't...lo-...l-...mys-self..." She couldn't even spit the word out; it was made of glass and ready to break, ready to cut her inside and make her bleed, so tightly wound that she couldn't make an escape, eyes squeezed so hard she was surprised they hadn't leaked out with her tears. Her fingers trembled with his, digging and digging until even her skin had turned close to white, desperate for something she couldn't put words to. "S-S-So...So how...c-can you...?"That was almost like the eternal question for her. How could Gale do this or think that or anything when it came to her? It was so easy to believe in Disney stories where love conquered all, but they were movies. Easy lessons in animated form. Don't judge a book by its cover, always be yourself, believe in yourself, work hard and your dreams will come true. But when it came to herself, the walls came up so fast it was almost frightening how practices the motion had become. She wasn't anything, she was just a quirky teenager in way over her head who believed in things most people didn't give second thoughts to but had never, ever truly believed in herself.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:41 am
He knew it wasn't rational; but, then again, nothing in life ever really was one hundred percent rational. And why should he not allow himself just one little selfish thing? He'd gone most of his life without having ever wanted anything other than to be better, and this was the one thing that he'd secretly, desperately wanted in the deep depths of his heart; and also the one thing he'd never thought he'd ever have. So it was for that reason why he was going to be selfish, why he was going to stay exactly where he was, with Stormy, with this one thing in his life that he felt the most sure about, and that was his feelings for her.
Gale's chin was on Stormy's shoulder, his face pressed against her tear streaked one from behind, and now he could hear her talking again, her voice barely audible. He knew the feeling so well, knew the self doubt and the anxiety and the crippling belief that one was not good enough and her fingers felt cold against his arm.
His arms shifted, his hands gripping her waist, and then he'd pulled her around to face him. "Because I do," he said hoarsely and kissed her then, lips pressed firmly against hers, his hands against her neck, cradling her face as though it were something fragile, something that would break if he did not hold it carefully enough.
"Because," he said, when he'd pulled back a little, though there was a desperation in his voice, in the way that he gripped her close to him, as though moving away or letting go would make her disappear. He kissed her again, sharply inhaling, his breathing ragged. "Because you don't," he whispered against her lips, and moved so that his forehead was against hers, back in their shared space. "Until you can love yourself, I'll fill that space and love you instead, and even after, because I do, I'm in love with you and I want to stay with you."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 12:12 pm
The world turned as she did. Everything ended up on a slightly different plane, in a place where everything felt an inch off--enough to be aware it had changed but not enough to completely discern how.
Her eyes remained shut as a small wave of nausea passed over her, acutely aware that he was looking at her and far too afraid to return the favor. She was sputtering for breath, as her nose was somehow clogged and running at the same time, and she didn't want to imagine how she must have looked. Ugly crying, that was a good phrase for it. But when Gale stole the rest of her breath away, she willingly have it up in her silent, passive response.
Several more tears leaked out as she shuddered, breathing haggard and broken by an occasional cough. Their little headspace position was something she was glad she could lean on, sturdy and reliable as she needed it to be. "Th-Thought p-p-people like you didn't exist," Stormy croaked in a stronger voice. "People who s-say things like--like that n' m-mean them. Not outside movies. N-Not without scripts. Not w'thout motive." That was why she had gotten frustrated several times before when he had pulled out an utterly gentleman-like moment, because she had believed somehow it wasn't genuine. But Gale had been honest from the beginning; she was the one who had kept avoiding his deeper feelings (as well as hers) out of fear and self-loathing.
I'm afraid of bringing more trouble when you deserve nothing but happiness, she'd said on the boat. And what had he said before? What did her tireless rewinding of her memories with him reveal?
Bring me whatever trouble you have, and I will take it.
Her head slid away from his and buried itself into his shoulder. "But you meant it," she whispered into his coat, half-crying, half-in awe, unsure of whether she meant the past or the present--or maybe, in her Stormy way, she meant both. "You m-meant it, didn't you..." Though her arms felt heavy and exhausted from holding herself so tightly, they found their way around Gale's neck, loosely tied but at least there; she wanted him to keep that desperate hold on her for a little longer. Her body continued to shudder as she cried into him, but it wasn't as often or loud as before now, as if the dam had broken and the worst had already poured out.
"M'sorry, s-so sorry...I-I--I knew--" Stormy heaved a breath, tugging herself just a little closer, her head still burrowed. "Knew for a while, o-or suspected, but...B-But I didn't...I was afraid to th-think about it..."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 12:43 pm
He did not see it as "ugly crying" at all, but perhaps his opinion was just a little skewed due to the fact that he had never once since he had known her consider Stormy to even come close to being ugly. Even when she was sniffing and sobbing and her face was red and blotchy, there was nothing, not an ounce of him that even passed the thought "ugly" in his mind.
Gale gave a small, slightly shaky laugh, his thumbs brushing alongside of her cheeks, wiping away some of her tears. "I think I told you once that I don't lie," he said softly. "I tell the truth exactly how I believe it, even if you don't. And that's okay, I don't mind as long as you remember every now and then that what I say is what I mean."
Her arms around his neck, her face in his shoulder; Gale's own arms made their way around her waist, holding her tightly against him, his own face pressed against her neck. "I always mean it," he whispered, and curled up against her, holding her so tightly his arms almost hurt, but he didn't want to let go.
Another small, gentle laugh. Gale's expression was soft. "I've known for a while now, but I didn't want to make you feel pressured, or scare you off. But then I realized that even if you don't feel the same yet, or never, it doesn't matter, because what I feel is what I will still feel even if that's the case."
He exhaled a small, unsteady breath, eyes half lidded. "I wasn't actually going to tell you yet; I was going to wait, but with everything..."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:23 pm
A soft noise somewhere between a sniffle and a laugh escaped her. "You do," Stormy agreed. "I guess I'm not use to that yet, s-somehow...Not everyone stays completely honest with me; k-kid sister thing and all." Jack had done his fair share of lying as well, and her family had been guilty of softening things for her too. Gale's candid nature was a breath of fresh air in comparison.
Forcing herself to inhale and exhale slowly, she began to calm down; her shoulders lowered and she sagged into his arms tiredly. "As--As long as it wasn't 'cause've the fight you had with--As long as you told me 'cause you wanted to," she said, her head turning so she wasn't so muffled, "because you felt it was right, then that's okay...That's all that matters to me." That it came from the heart and was pure and simple for it.
"Hah...Now would be about the time Papi would burst i-in," she noted with a sniffle and a faint smile, her eyes partially opening. "He wouldn't say anything, just gesture for me to go so you two can talk. And he'd politely but firmly ask with his thick accent what 'a while now' meant, and what were you doing to make mija cry, and outside you could probably hear me squabbling with Anna Lucia about what did or didn't happen."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 2:16 pm
He rocked a little back and forth, one hand lifting to gently stroke at her hair. "I do," he replied softly, a small smile on his face. "I will, for you. I will always be honest with you."
Nothing had ever come from lying; nothing good least, and Gale had never found it to be all that appealing. He cared little for the drama and the theatrics and the emotionally crippling feelings that always seemed to stem from secrecy. Some secrets were meant to be kept; others, not so much, and this was not one of them.
Gale shook his head a little, his arms lowering so that he could loosen a little around her, give her a little more room to breathe. One hand was still gently moving through her hair, absently threading through the reddish brown strands. "I did it for a selfish reason," he admitted, a hint of shame creeping into his voice. "I wanted to prove that I was better than he was. It was stupid, I know, and I'm sorry."
His voice dropped an octave, Gale leaning over so that he could press his lips to the top of her head. "But I told you because it's true, not because I want anything out of it," he said softly into her hair, closing his eyes. "It's the truth. I'm in love with you."
Straightening a little, his hand gently moved back over her hair, tenderly brushing over one of her reddened cheeks. A small laugh escaped his throat, and Gale said with quiet amusement, "I would be terrified. But I'd tell him that a while now means that I've been falling in love with you ever since that incident with Jake and Sherry and when I kissed your cheek in the infirmary, when I asked if you would watch out for me. Or it might even have been earlier than that, when we got hot chocolate and we decided that if we ever needed anyone to talk to, we could talk to each other."
His hand smoothed over her hair and cheek in gentle, sweeping motions. "And then I would tell him that I hated making you cry more than anything, because when you cry it hurts. I'd tell him that if I ever made you cry, it would be for a good reason, tears of happiness, and that if it was ever a different reason, I'd do anything I could to make you smile."
Gale's voice had dropped even lower, a tone of pure adoration in it as he said softly, "I'd tell him that you are the most precious thing in the world to me."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:46 pm
Ducking her head shyly at the increasing amounts of doting he gave her (trying not to cry again as he repeated his proclamation of love), she sniffled again and chuckled and felt a flutter of something warm inside her chest. All she wanted to do was bask the glow he was giving her at this point, let it wash over her until she couldn't be saved.
"You've been holding it in for a while, then, huh?" Was it really possible to fall in love like that, before they'd really gotten to know each other? Was it silly of her to want to believe so? That sadness from before hadn't completely gone away, but it was easier to swallow when she believed the world could still be so romantic. That Gale indulged her with the scenario only endeared him to her further, if there was even room left at this point. "Papi would probably make sure to let you know he'd give you a reason to cry if something happened," Stormy added with another wavery laugh, growing softer in expression. "Mom would...hmm, I'm not sure. She would've liked you, I'm sure, if you got past the picky part."
Trusting herself not to break again, Stormy slowly peeled away so that he could sit up and give her spine a break. Her eyes were opened now, bright and red-rimmed and still a little misty, and her smile was muted but still full of affection. "Hey," she said, hastily wiping a sleeve on her eyes. "Hey, Gale? Listen to me." Carefully, gingerly even, she took Gale's face into her hands, which were still half hidden behind the sleeves so that only the first two digits popped out, and pulled him a little forward.
"You don't need to compare yourself to him in any way. That's rotten apples and fresh oranges. But if you need to hear it from me--" Rather than launch into an inspirational speech, Stormy launched herself forward into a kiss, gentle at first but quickly gaining power. If he wanted to tell her he loved her so much, then she was ready to swallow down every word, to take every bit of his passion and adoration until they filled her thoughts with nothing else.
"I don't know how I feel specifically," she mumbled between kisses, "because I feel too much, and you given me so much more to sort through. But give me time." Another kiss. "Let me figure myself out." A stronger kiss. "Let me put what I can to words so that you'll understand." Though it seemed she was just as much keen on translating to physical affection too, as a hand had wandered and curled at his back, pressing him to her pressing herself to him, deleting what space was left between them.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 4:08 pm
He looked down at her and smiled, his fingers gentle in her hair. "Yeah," he said softly. "But not just to you, to myself as well. I was trying not to think about it because I didn't want to weird you out. And," Gale added, a little ashamedly. "I wasn't sure I deserved to feel that way, to be honest. And even if I was, I wasn't sure that you would ever feel the same way about me."
He curled his hand, the backs of his fingers running alongside her face. "But that doesn't matter, not really. I'm okay with whatever you decide."
She was moving now, and Gale lifted his arms to let her, hands falling to his sides. Stormy was red faced and a little teary, but still she was smiling, and it made his heart skip a beat, as did the hands that touched his face, gentle and careful. He lifted a hand to cover one of hers, his eyes slightly wide.
"I'm listening," he said, and then his expression softened a little, pressing his lips together. Truth be told he couldn't help but compare himself, no matter how much he tried not to, because it was just a natural instinct; an immediate and involuntary reaction that he hated but that was unavoidable. He opened his mouth to say something, but whatever words he'd intended were lost by Stormy's lips on his. At first his hand merely tightened over hers, but then he moved it, slid it over her arm to the back of her neck, slanting his head towards hers better.
He felt slightly dizzy with his own emotions, and with Stormy's. "All right," he murmured, already out of breath as she kissed him again, and then again. "I'll wait for you." His other hand reached for her sweatshirt, gripping it tightly as he pulled her closer, and then he had both arms around her, matching the strength and the insistence of Stormy's kisses with fervent ones of his own until he was drowning in them, sinking against her with every intention of never letting go.
"I love you," he said into another kiss, and cradled her face in his hands. "I love you."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 6:08 pm
It was like drinking coffee and nothing else: her whole body felt lighter, fuzzier, energized but in a way that she knew would burn out soon. It came out in stuttering laughs and heated kisses and wonderful, bright emotion she didn't know what to name at each repetition of those three words (and maybe one or two more stray tears). "Happiness," she assured him with a murmur against his skin and a hiccup through a smile. "Happiness~" God help her, she wanted to cry more. More! How many tears could one body hold?
She tilted her head and pressed her forehead to his, noses brushing, to catch her breath, her face red still from crying and more red from pleasure; every breath was shallow and audible. "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into," Story managed to say in a breathy tone, loosing a stray kiss to his jaw. "I really, really hope you do, because you have to understand that I'm never letting you go now, for better or for worse. You get the whole crazy package whether you like it or not." The hand that had curled at his back dragged itself up to the nape of his neck, toying with a few strands of his hair.
The other began fiddling with the buttons of his coat, trying to loosen it enough so that it could slip inside and find his heartbeat.
"Be careful about what you say, though," she continued with a little grin, this time pressing kisses to the corner of his mouth and his nose as she pulled back, just an inch; she wanted to stay in his personal space and absorb what warmth Gale had to offer. "Those papers on the floor around us? Those are my thoughts. We're inside my mind~" she said as mysteriously as she could. "So you have to watch out, because one wrong word could crush me, or reveal me, or set me on fire."
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 6:28 pm
He was drowning, but in the most wonderful way possible, Stormy's arms around him, her lips against his, whispering words that made him feel tingles of happiness up and down his spine. Warmth spread across Gale's cheeks, and he laughed into her kiss, his hand against her face. "Good," he murmured, and kissed her again, as though it wasn't enough to convey everything that he wanted to, as though he needed just one more, one more, one more to show her how he felt without words.
His hand slanted backwards a little, fingers curled in the hood of Stormy's sweatshirt as she kissed his jaw, and he retaliated with one of his own, smiling against her neck. "I like it," he said, and pressed his mouth to the place just below her ear, then her cheek. "And I'll take it, whatever you have to offer me."
It was too warm for the coat. Gale let her unbutton it and then he shook one arm impatiently free before he pulled his other out, and then it was much easier to move in just a simple button down and beige sweater over top. He gave a laugh that was half muffled, wrapping his arms around her and pulled her so that she was in his lap but still looking at him, though there'd hardly been a need for the movement, as they were mere inches away from each other anyway.
Her smile was infectious, and Gale grinned, ducking his head to kiss her temple. "The good kind of fire, I should hope" he said, eyes dancing with amusement and there was a slight flush to his face at his cheekiness, and then he kissed her again, gentle and yet still with enough emotion to show how he felt without actually saying it.
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:15 pm
This was the only sort of war she would ever willingly go to: a kiss war. With squeaky noises, she retaliated where she could, the chin, the cheek, the temple, because without knowing it they had found the same mindset: that just one more kiss could better explain what she had yet to form words to, one more, one more, one more--
She was laughing still as he kissed her, even though Stormy tried her very best not to disrupt it. Where sorrow and self-loathing had abided now rose joy, because even if she could not accept herself, at least she could accept Gale and what he offered. That giddiness bubbled continuously to the surface as if to make up for the scene earlier, though from where she didn't know. As ever, she simply felt and felt very strongly at that, however illogical the source or reasoning.
"What's the good kind?" she asked, unable to wipe the grin off her face. Sweat was collecting on her brow and neck, her already frizzy hair extra chaotic. "If I didn't know any better, we already were making a fire, what with the friction and all that~"
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Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:25 pm
He was thoroughly pleased with how things had wound up. For one thing, Stormy was smiling and laughing, which meant that she was no longer caught up in the haze she'd been in before, at least not as much, and that alone was a big deal.
Gale's fingers were in her hair, and he grinned against her lips, pressing little kisses that were butterfly light on purpose, barely making any contact at all. "I think you know the answer to that question already," he murmured, almost a smirk on his face as again he gave her the lightest of kisses. "And I like this kind of fire."
He kissed her forehead, gently brushed aside a few stray strands of slightly damp hair that clung to her face. His arms wrapped around her waist, Gale pushing his face against her neck again, almost playful. "If you're getting hot, just take off your sweatshirt," he laughed, and kissed her jaw.
How that sounded aloud, he had no idea, since Gale wasn't paying much attention to the possible way what he'd just said could be taken, instead making a great impression of a sloth, arms wrapped fully around Stormy to keep her against him, his face on her shoulder.
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