|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 6:09 pm
"That's..." Noah trailed off, taking in her words as if they caused him actual pain to hear. He ended up just sinking in his seat a little, feeling sick to his stomach. That was a far more in depth conversation of the war than he'd ever really had with anyone.
"That's not what I meant," He almost half whispered, avoiding meeting her gaze as much as he could manage.
He was quiet for a long time, trying hard to untangle his feelings. He wasn't sure if they were correct feelings or wildly inaccurate ones, but he desperately wanted to believe that his hopes were not entirely invalid when faced with much harsher realities, and he had no idea how to articulate his feelings to her.
"I'm... I'm not implying or saying you should forgive them," He ended up starting off meekly. "If you don't think you should, then you shouldn't. I know-- I mean I get that, that they know right from wrong. And that as groups they hurt a lot of people in horrific ways. I definitely think there should be consequences, for the things they've done, and the lives they took..."
He cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders, however still unable to make eye contact with her. "But that's just not what I'm good at, Holi. I'm not a judge or an executioner, my magic doesn't do anything to harm people and I don't think I'm strong enough for that kind of resolve in my heart. I look at people like Mimistrobell and I think... that's horrible. That's disgusting, that she accepted that sickness, that Chaos, and she's so young. I know they know right from wrong, I do, I just... I know Chaos can make a person ugly. It's a disease, and I know a lot of them took it on willingly... I just wish they didn't, I guess. I know that's a lame excuse, and it's childish, I just... Don't really have anything else to it."
He paused in thought, "If... if you were corrupted, and you killed people, tried to kill me even, and ended up in a place that dark, I would feel the same thing. I'd want to save you too..."
And then he shook his head. "That doesn't mean other people need to feel that way. It doesn't mean they should. I've nearly gotten killed a lot trying to reason with people who don't want to be reasoned with. I think if someone is stronger than me, strong enough to fight like that, then... then they probably should. I just can't."
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 3:03 pm
"I ju...." She started, stopped, floundered for words like a life raft, drowning in complicated emotion. "Mm." The sound was frustrated, made through tightly pursed lips. "If they want to... if they CAN be saved, that's one route, but there's also people who heard that spiel and just... took it. There are people who want this. I mean... can we REALLY say that it's ALL chaos talking? Is it Chaos doing the killing or is it just... greasing the wheels? I feel like I need to know that before I say "yes they're victims and we need to save them all." But I don't know that. I haven't seen anything that makes me feel that, and I'm.... ... I guess happy that you maybe have, but it's SO HARD for me to hear that and not think that you're just being taken for a ride. I don't even have magic, so I feel like I have to judge, because I have to be able to judge to survive."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 5:42 pm
"I wouldn't ever judge you for fighting for your life, Holi, not after all you've been through," Noah cut in quickly.
But he frowned at the concept that he was being manipulated and looked at her, his expression etched firmly and his jaw set. "For the longest time after I was caught up in it, I didn't even know what this war was about. And now that I do, it just... it just seems stupid. The entire motivations some of these people are willing to kill for seem so juvenile. If no one was so arrogant to think the other side had to be eliminated for their goals, this wouldn't even involve us."
His fingers tightened into a fist. "I won't contribute to that attitude, of elimination," He said as if this had been his resolve all along, but he had only just now been able to put it into words. "I'm not a dog of war, I'm no soldier, it's just not who I am. I only want to do what I can so that this can stop with as few deaths as possible. So I just want to do what I can... to keep people like you safe and maybe just... make them see that all of this violence and hatred is pointless."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 5:55 pm
"...Maybe. And I really hope you can. But I've been out there, fighting to maintain the barrier to keep out monsters bigger than this city has ever seen, monsters I know I can't talk to. I've stood in the ruins left when the posts of the Zodiac guard were left alone for... for however long it's been... and I'm terrified... terrified that that will become this place. I don't want to kill anyone, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let them advance either. I want to find a way. I'll do my best... my best to at least not let them advance... because... because I have to. I just... I know I do. I didn't just... awaken to this I was brought back to life for it. I have to believe it's because I'm capable of doing something to help." She sighed, looked down at her plate and pushed it forward again slowly. "Share some fries with me. I'm not sure I can finish them all." It was a little peace offering. A little change to pretend they had some time to be normal.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 5:38 am
Noah was quiet. That's really all there was to it. He didn't seem to react or have much to say until after a long and thoughtful moment.
"I should actually get back to work," He said, getting up, and pinching a few fries while he was at it with a slight half smile towards her. From there he just shoveled them in his mouth as he walked away.
"Don't worry about the bill."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
