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 Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2013 4:52 am
This wasn't playing anymore. This felt a lot like addressing the uncertainty that she was even qualified to play this game. She wasn't, and she knew it. "No. Incorrect. They are." Mimsy's voice was insistent, but still wavering. "It may be the case that they are not generally an anomaly, but in this instance, they are. By definition they are: my 'normal' did not previously include them, or any other kisses. Ever. Not once." Not for lack of interested parties, especially here, but it was never part of the equation in any capacity. This was something she had considered attempting for a very long time, and it was becoming very clear that she had approached it while she was still so very ill-prepared. It would have been smarter to run trials. Practice. She wouldn't have found the Higgs Boson on her first attempt. None of this was anything that she knew. "It did not include any of this. It is all derivative of what 'normal' was, and that is exactly what an anomaly is." Her fingers tapped awkwardly against his side. "I don't say this negatively, of course, but..." Prior experience, probability...everything, really, brought evidence that this was not going to work. Everything was against them. Against her. She was statistically not going to find what she was looking for, and she'd waited too long and been careless with her chances. She shivered in his arms. It had all seemed so easy when she just considered it a game, an experiment - and of course it did, because it was simplifying it to try to enclose this entire situation in just one word. She wouldn't have done that with any other game, any other experiment. Why had she done it now? Had she really fooled herself so easily with remnants of childish ideas, with ridiculous, outdated methods she never would have considered if she had come up with it now? The concerns all paused themselves as he looked at her and spoke those words, an assurance that sounded so simple for a notion that complicated her entire existence. She was allowed. It's okay. "No," she murmured. "It's not." But she kissed him anyway, in an effort to prove something to herself this time; through all of the explaining and thinking and attempts of proof, she still pulled away feeling as if she had lost. Was lost. Her throat felt fine. It was everything else that felt anything but. As Svensyl sang on repeat about going down the rabbit hole, she hid her face against Robert's shoulder and sighed. "I don't understand."
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Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:12 am
As often was the case, Robert was swayed from his consistent and confident outlook by a handful of words out of her mouth. He watched them come out, put them all together at his own pace, and realized that she was right. Normal was subjective, and this was anything but normal for her. He was sending her so far out of her comfort zone that it was a wonder she hadn't left him and found a better alternative. Someone who would have followed her like a puppydog, gone at her own pace, let her lead every step of their dance until she extracted everything she wanted from them and left them in a ditch. And here he'd thought that was exactly what he was doing. But looking at it now, he realized he was far more troublesome than he'd previously expected. The thought made him want to giggle nervously, but he refrained. "Okay." He relented, helplessly smiling when she buried her face into his shoulder and admitted something he knew was difficult for her to say. "I'll give you that first one. This isn't normal. But I think I like being your anomaly." He kissed the side of her head, and leaned against it. "But if you think it's not okay to like this, then you've gotta realize something. The only person who's making it not okay, is you. And I've never known you to hold yourself back on anything, so long as I've known you. So what's the deal? Just because you don't understand something, that means it's not okay to like it?" And she called herself a scientist. "I don't understand you half the time." That was an understatement. "I'll never, ever be able to come close to your level of smarts, and brains, and ability. But I still like you, Mimsy. I like you a lot." He rolled his eyes. "As if that wasn't obvious." And then he realized something so silly, he couldn't help but jolt with silent laughter. "It's gonna take a long while for this kind of thing to make perfect sense to you. Like.. like I don't know, a really long time. But I gotta admit something really embarrassing to you, sugar." The darkness hid the color that flooded his cheeks. "The longer you don't get this s**t, the longer you need me. And baby, I really don't want you to stop needing me." That one was hard for him to admit. But if Robert was anything, he was honest. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.And his weapon was a d**k.
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Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2013 6:51 am
Hearing that he agreed with her came as a relief, because it got frustrating to try to explain these sorts of things over and over until something triggered that lightbulb. Mimsy couldn't even be surprised when he said that he liked being her anomaly - it sounded exactly like something he would say, after all. It was the questions he asked that made the worries return, and she tensed up in a panic. "I am not sure I've indicated just how significant an anomaly this is," she slowly began, chewing her lip as she tried to process what she should say. "I never would have wanted to like this, and I can say with certainty that I don't think I would have even been capable of it. I remember living so differently, and even now the sight of our peers involving themselves in this kind of interaction feels appalling, ineffective, and careless. A waste of time." And she thought she'd made that pretty clear, between dirty looks and snide comments and rejections. "Only this seems to be exempt, whatever this is, because I have attributed a purpose to it. The others have no meaning, and appear so pointless. I don't comprehend their wants, or their needs, or their whims. It is an alien concept." That was all more than an understatement, but it was the only way she could manage to put it into words. It was once another thing that set her apart from the majority of humanity that she encountered, and she wanted her humanity, but it didn't feel like this was the first step. "I am someone who would rather not touch or be touched, but I have seen myself in different universes, where I was nothing like that. Imagine my confusion when I returned from the task that Excalibur requested, and found myself with a lifetime of memories that I didn't quite match. There are now minor attributes that are suspiciously different. So the 'deal' isn't my lack of understanding for the concept of this, but my lack of understanding of...myself, I suppose." She shifted, trying to stay awake, and frowned into the darkness, trying to talk herself out of responding to one specific comment. It had been very cute, and she was capable of mimicking it, but she still didn't feel like playing right now. "This doesn't mean that I do not need you; I can assure you that you can significantly contribute to this understanding as well. I have learned that you like me, and have now learned that you like when I need you, and can accommodate both. More importantly, my need for you is for entirely different reasons, even if your cache of pet names is abysmal at times. Luckily, that does not harm your chances." Because pet names came from love, didn't they? "Anyway. That is why my hands ache. I have been trying to reach an understanding of the rift and the events that followed, but our lack of consistent technology is quite literally painful. However, I think I achieved two things before I delivered your coffee: writing with my right hand, and solidifying an equation that would prove-" A third thing. She had achieved a third troubling, puzzling thing. The thought made her hesitate, and she considered not saying it at all. "The world of greys was our initial reality, and this is the alternate. Which means that we...in reality..." Her eyes were wide, flashing when they caught the blue glow beneath them. "How do you know what is you and what isn't?"
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Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2013 7:22 am
Robert realized, as he listened to her work it all out like a math problem in her head, that Mimsy had never been so honest with him before. It was a blessing, but it was also a sobering reality that left him with the harsh truth of where he stood. He tried to take it like a man; because he wasn't unprepared. He'd known this was the deal, deep down. He'd known. Somehow, that did not dull the ache of a crushed heart. Everything he was doing was against what she claimed to be her wishes. She didn't want to be touched; his hands slowly pulled away, as if embarrassed to be there. Other relationships disgusted her, because they had no purpose. She drove forward with purpose. But when Robert looked at a couple in love, all he felt was the warmth of knowing how they felt. And it was beautiful. And then she reminded him of Simmy, and he wondered if the real Mimsy had been inside of her, all along, writhing with unhappiness at her actions. He tried to remember how he felt, as Trebor, and pouted when he recalled it. He hadn't been a different person. Not like her. I can assure you that you can significantly contribute to this understanding-
I have learned that you like me, and have now learned that you like when I need you, and can accommodate both-
My need for you is for entirely different reasons-Pull it together Morris, he told himself. This was no surprise. Just be glad she's being honest with you. You already knew this was what you signed up for. He'd gone very quiet while she worked her theories out. His face was a carefully placed mask, just letting her work through things on her own while he stared down at the floor. When she finally needed his input, his dark eyes lifted again to look at her, and the answer came as easy as breathing. There wasn't even a trace of heartache in his voice. He was an accomplished actor. "Because I was always me, Mimsy. Even when I wasn't." It was a claim he knew she could not make, and he felt bad for having to say it. But she needed this. She needed the truth, and all of the information. She needed him. Just not the way he wanted her to.
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Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2013 8:32 am
That didn't make any sense. It was as if the work she'd been doing for hours, maybe days, was unraveling between the lines, snagged by a variable Mimsy would never have been able to see. She couldn't believe it. It made no sense. Yet the application of that idea to her own problem brought disarming clarity, and damn it, he was right. Those with undeniable congruence in those alternate worlds had a tendency to be the ones that were fairly genuine. With her sense of self as warped and muddled as it was, it was a possibility that was stronger than she was comfortable admitting. She was a human encased in a monster, pieced together with fragments of various realities, then? Why did that seem so feasible? Maybe she needed some sleep. Yes, that had to be it. She could have a brief discussion about it now, sleep on it, and present her updated findings later. "Your statement borders on paradoxical," she pointed out, glancing towards him. "But there is some validity to it. When I spoke to you in the infirmary, the night I brought cake, do you remember what I said?" She reached to take his hand, just in case he needed something to remind him. "I was troubled because a loss of my memory had caused me to act in a way that was unfamiliar. I suspected that the Mimsy who wanted to act that way was somewhere at the center of me, and that I had somehow forced it into relative nonexistence by refusing to acknowledge it." This was not a thing she wanted to talk about. Wait, why was she talking about it? She stifled a yawn and reasoned that she could just finish this line of thought and be done with it. "So, any differences I display between worlds could correlate to circumstance. You told me, er... ah, I should not put so much effort into distancing myself, and should let the cards fall into place on their own. There is a possibility that I already did that in other universes, causing a greater disconnect between the two of me." She groggily reached to pat him on the hand, accidentally patted her own arm, and (successfully) tried again. "Maybe our card found the right place." That sounded good, she thought. Looking very proud of herself, she gave him a smile, still lopsided. She was still working on those.
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Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 3:06 pm
Robert sucked in a small, quiet breath of surprise when she admitted that he had a point, however steeped in paradox it might be. It always stunned him, when he was right. It was doubly jarring when the admittance came from her lips; and he stilled, listening very carefully, to words that he knew would be more truthful than he could ever hope for. Everything she said now meant more to him than usual. So he listened. Very carefully. Even after she asked a question, he didn't even attempt to answer. Soon enough, she did it for him, leaving him to continue thriving on every word. They fed him; little crumbs that led him down a path so dark he couldn't see the end. And he ate every single one without hesitation, because he wanted to believe there was no end. It was so easy to lose the thread of conversation. His eyes strayed for a single moment, distracted by the glow under her eyes, and his thumb reached up to cover it. The rest of his hand just cupped her face, as if it was the natural conclusion to his movement. But he chastised himself immediately, his lips pouting as he returned to focusing on her words. He had to listen. This was important. And then, suddenly, it was. Still cupping her face in one hand, he stared in disbelief as her words sunk in. Had Mimsy actually admitted the possibility that a part of her was buried, deep down within the shell of protection she'd carefully cultivated? A part that could, in theory.. Let the cards fall, she said. Our card found the right place, she said. Our card, she said. Robert was so thankful for picking a dark room, at that moment. He could control the sound of his voice, and the hitch of his breath. He sounded, and felt, just as calm as ever. But he was crying, and there was nothing in the world that could have stopped those tears from falling. He let go of her face, on the off chance his hand started to shake, and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her forehead. "Yeah." He whispered against her skin. "Our cards exactly where it should be."
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Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 8:24 pm
Half of the light that had been keeping Mimsy awake suddenly dimmed, and she felt his fingers over the glowing spots of skin a moment later. It was hard not to laugh. Maybe it was as distracting to him as it was to her. That had not been her most enlightened of decisions, but nobody expected glowing stains. "I don't know about 'exactly'. Nothing is truly without a need for adjustment, however minor. I am sure that you can imagine ways that this could be even better, correct?" It was inevitable that he did. Nothing was perfect. That was a laughable concept. Shortly after he kissed her forehead, something wet hit her cheek, and she reflexively flinched away. It didn't feel warm enough to be blood; she brushed it away with he knuckle, covering a yawn with a thoughtful 'hmm'. Just water. Or...was he crying? She sleepily smiled. "Your friend in the infirmary appeared to be full of assumptions. Shouldn't you return soon? I would not want to prove her right." In spite of what she claimed, she reached up to ruffle his hair, sneaking in a good stretch before she dropped her hands back to her sides. "I should return to my own work, anyway. Do you happen to know today's date?" Hopefully that sounded casual enough. Frantically asking what day it was like some sort of displaced time traveler never seemed to work in anyone's favor, even if she felt exactly like she imagined a displaced time traveled would feel. Which was still very, very lost.
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Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 7:16 am
He took her advice, imagining ways this could be better, and chuckled helplessly. He could think of a few things. It was a section of his imagination he did not need to be in, right now - he had a whole day of work still ahead of him. His heart plummeted at the mention of the receptionist - and the reminder that he'd far extended his normal allotment for a break. "You're right, we gotta get back - uhhh.. s**t.." What was the date? Days were blurring together for him. He didn't even know what day of the week it was, anymore. The only day he knew was Sunday - the day he went to work and they sent him back home because he wasn't supposed to be there. The last time that had happened was.. two days ago.. but that still didn't give him a date. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I don't actually know. Then again I never know where I am anymore." A lion sized yawn escaped him, and he leaned in, wrapping his arms around her body and resting his head down on her shoulder. "Do me a favor, okay? If you can't sleep again - " Her eyes had already told him that story, "Come find me after my shift's over. 4am tonight. I wanna make sure you get sleep sometime, it's not healthy staying up too long." Though he did so desperately love how honest and forthcoming she was when she was this tired. "Promise me?"
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Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 6:23 pm
The response to her question only served to stir up more questions instead of delivering what should have been a simple answer, so Mimsy didn't press the matter. It wasn't really important. If holidays were not so bizarrely connected to their livelihood, she would have wondered why any of them kept track of the date at all now.
"You don't know where you are, or don't know when you are? That is a much more interesting question." She stopped to consider the distinction between 'can't' and 'won't' for a moment, ultimately deciding that he probably was not attempting to highlight that distinction at all. As unfortunate as it was, that meant one less valid excuse to present.
One more agreement couldn't hurt, anyway.
"If your appearance is any indication, you are doing no better than I am on managing sleep, but I can seek you out if it will soothe your worries." It might have been a good idea to check to see what time it was before she made that kind of promise, but she was too busy searching for the door instead. Upon finding it, her thoughts migrated back towards the current time of day, when they should have been on the door; she pulled it open with a confidence that a person who was leaving a dark room for a fluorescent-lit hallway should not have had.
With a miserable noise of regret, she put her hand over her eyes and let go of the door.
"Fine," she muttered. "I may now be awake for three more days, so I suppose I will locate you later tonight."
Any pride she felt for making solid, well-informed choices was quickly diminishing.
Nio Love help why is it suddenly a book is this a feverdream
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Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 6:39 pm
Mimsy's questions were starting to make him want to cry, laugh, and scream at the same time. He balled it all up and just settled for a snap judgement move, grabbing her arm and pulling her back into the room without bothering to close the door. His hold on her had her against the wall once more, crushed between the hard surface and his own body. And he kissed her, not because theirs was a sweet, sorrowful goodbye, but because he wanted it, and he wanted the feeling those kisses brought to last throughout the rest of the day. So it was a rough, needy thing, taking more than it gave for once. When he pulled away, his shallow breath hit her skin in ragged, uneven puffs. He wanted to tell her to shut up, but he'd already silenced her. There was no need. He stood back, away from her, and let her go. He even held the door open for her, because it felt gentlemanly, and that made it funny. And when they exited, he put his arm around her shoulders, and kept it there all the way to the infirmary. It was his silent answer to whether or not he gave a ******** about the receptionist, anymore. "See you tonight." He murmured, his expression stern as if to remind her that she'd promised.
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Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 7:56 pm
All of the feelings of alertness that were brought on by the artificial lights were gone again, depleted to a lack of awareness that was even worse than before, and her eyes were bleary and blinked too much as she tried to focus on remaining conscious. Mimsy might have stayed there in the dark until she fell asleep standing up, had he not led her out of it; she found it much easier to walk when she had already started, a rhythmic one-after-another that allowed her to move in straight lines instead of sleepily weaving through the hallway. "Yep," she airily replied, waving vaguely in his direction. The mumbled strings of syllables that came after the gesture were probably supposed to be more words, but they didn't quite make it, and she was already wandering away from the infirmary when she second-guessed whether or not she'd actually said anything. She meant to just retrace her steps before she remembered that she wasn't entirely sure how she'd gotten here, and was alarmed at how briefly tempted she was to just give up and never locate her borrowed research room again. Not an option. Never an option. Though it took several hours of searching to find the room again, followed by nothing but writing repetitive logic in illegible scratch, it somehow still felt like some of the most satisfying work that she'd done in a while.
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