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 Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:22 pm
Slowly he blinked.
"The person you thought was me was a lie. That's all there is to it." But his resolve was faltering, as if there was some inherent piece of the puzzle he was missing.
<Non stercus> Tracey snorted mentally.
"Besides, I'm better than him. I'm better than he could ever be. Looking at all the s**t he did, all the things he thought. He was always ******** afraid, always cowering and scared. I don't cower, I conquer. I'm a trade-up."
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:25 pm
"You don't - " there was a small but noticeable pause, "want me. You want what's yours. I want what's mine, and I don't know if he'll ever come home. He could be dead." Jordan had to stop and breathe again. "And here you are, in his body, with his voice."
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:30 pm
His head hurt and he wasn't sure if it was the sun or what he was dealing with that was to blame. "I'm here because that's what happened. I have a kingdom to get back to. I can only imagine how s**t's been running without me there. Being here isn't my ******** choice. It happened. I might be in a ******** coma or something."
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:35 pm
Jordan's answer was a sharp, startled crack of bitter laughter that dissolved into a sob. He curled into himself then, his shoulders heaving with the tears he could no longer contain. Harrison -
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:46 pm
Tears were the most uncomfortable thing of all for him. He didn't cry, he didn't surrender and inch, he was the queen, there was no room for it. There was normally no room for it for Jordan either.
And yet here they were.
And part of him understood how it had to feel, despite himself. He had woken up alone too. The Boss had been the pillar of his existence, all power sourced to him, split between him and his Jordan. Here he had no rock, no stabilising force, nothing but empty solitude as vast as this ******** ocean. But everything about him shirked from breaking, balked at the idea of emotions. No one came when you cried, no one came when you surrendered. Somewhere they needed him and he had to find them.
But the glimpses of his Jordan in this one were baffling and upsetting, and he didn't understand. He didn't understand any of it.
The fallen angel purred, her voice like silk, an edge of delight in it.
<> he barked.
He hesitated. <>
gone.>
He clenched his hands into fists, refusing to believe what he'd been told. "Just. Just listen to me. You knew me. You knew who I was. How? How do you know about Vegas if you aren't my Jordan?"
He didn't remember, and none of the answers made sense.
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:55 pm
Jordan hadn't wanted to explain. To take away the fragment's hope. He wasn't even sure that this Rep would believe him; they both ran on denial, ironclad and powerful. But Rep was asking now, and he wasn't going to lie. "It was a dream," he said, once he could get his voice to work again. "A simulation. Harrison wasn't waking up; you and I, we went in after him. To get him back. We found them there. Vegas. We were them, for a little while, until we had to remember ourselves."
He took a slow breath. "The seven kingdoms fell."
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 2:21 pm
The seven kingdoms fell.
He wanted to rebel against it, and from the lips of anyone else, he might have. But it was Jordan, and his words..his words fit. They fit into that puzzle in a way nothing else had.
The sky cracked overhead, the wind whipping up and shattering the windows of the penthouse, leaving it exposed to the elements.
It felt like a half remembered dream of yesterday, slowly shaping from the haze of uncertainty, seeking out previously invisible edges.
The Boss. His Boss. And B0nez, the way he knew him. They'd killed him. They'd killed him and he hadn't been there to save him, to hold him.
It fell into place and he felt like the lump in his throat would suffocate him.
He'd found them again, in a world between worlds. And they knew they were fragments. Real but not real. The world they belonged to was gone. But they hadn't given up. There were other worlds than these.
He was the intruder on someone else's life.
He was wrong.
He was never wrong. Never. And he never admitted he was wrong.
Except to his guys. And he knew now too, his Jordan was there, there was no shame in it. But he looked down his nose as he spoke anyway.
"I'm sorry."
And it was like a twist, a shift of thoughts like someone flipping a blade to the dull side, perception reangled itself, self conciousness and neuroses flexed their wings and tested their bitter talons.
And he saw Jordan. Saw him, truly saw him, and there was something different, something cowed and placatory in his posture.
"I'm sorry."
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 2:34 pm
There was a difference in Rep's voice when he spoke again, a familiar edge that hadn't been there before. Jordan couldn't dare to hope. If he was wrong, if what he heard was wishful thinking, he couldn't let himself break all over again. "It's okay," he said dully, not looking up.
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 2:46 pm
"I honestly ******** believed I was him." he said, looking mortified. "I. I couldn't remember waking up. In the kingdoms, remembering I was me." He rubbed his temples, the headache was definitely not from the sun.
"Aw ******** I kissed Melvin."
The look of concern deepened into panic.
"Oh my ******** god. DID I FLIRT WITH JERRY?!"
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 2:51 pm
Jordan looked up slowly, heart aching, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of him. The way Rep held himself had altered, the tone of his voice, what he was saying - his Rep was back, and he sagged with incredulous relief. His emotions were still raw, he was still exhausted, but it was - not over yet, Harrison was still not himself, but at least, at least.
"You did," he answered, his voice ragged still, but closer to normal. "Melvin?"
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 2:57 pm
"Aye. He was in the ******** labs and ******** s**t for brains in my head thought he was going in for a kiss so smooched him. I've probably traumatised him for ******** life." his mouth tasted like an ashtray aswell, he noted through the trauma. "What the <******** style="color: darkred">"What the ********. That ******** nightmare. With. With Excalibur and s**t. It knocked a few ******** fuses out in my head." And more realisations racked themselves up. He'd been abysmal to Jordan, he'd been openly flirting with others in front of him.
"I.. ******** man. I am really...I'm really ******** sorry." He was about to say more, apologise more profusely when, rifling through the images in his head of the past blurry few days he found some that chilled him to the core.
And he just froze.
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 3:17 pm
"I'd be mad, but I know you would never," Jordan said, exhaustedly. "That wasn't you." Hesitantly, still feeling burned raw, he reached for Rep, then froze as well. "... Rep?"
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 3:27 pm
Clarice and Clerise were dead. Both of them.
The realisation was like someone had let a heavy lead ball drop in his gut, a sinking heavy feeling that pushed all horror at other trivial things out of his head.
He opened his mouth and then closed it numbly, not able to ask, scared to have confirmation of the dread. Instead he reached back for Jordan himself and pulled him into a tight embrace, his heart hammering, thrown off guard by emotion.
It took him a few long moments before, voice cracked and feeble he managed to say. "The life girls."
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Posted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 9:54 pm
Jordan nodded wordlessly, pulling Rep close. If he spoke again, he was going to break down all over. At least he didn't have to break that news, he thought guiltily.
Rep smelled like smoke. Jordan couldn't make himself care about that.
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Posted: Mon Sep 09, 2013 11:01 am
It was all too much to cope with, the way these things usually were. There was never any run up, never any leeway, just a hundred things all at once and him left to do his best to deal. And he didn't cope, he never coped with anything. He just shut it in the dark and tried to pretend it had never happened. He tried to convince himself still Killzone was just off on some mission of zen and deep down he felt like his mother could walk back in the door someday.
He hadn't even been in his right mind, he had been nothing but disrespectful. And now it was too late, too late to try and change anything, too late to even grieve properly.
Clerise had been important in leading him to the guys, the people he needed most in the entire world. And Clarice had been pivotal in keeping them all safe.
Jordan was safe and warm and he was grateful to have him there, in his arms the overwhelming emotions were held at bay enough to breathe. It hurt a lot, hurt for so many reasons, and over all else there was that chilling thought that there but for the grace of god go I, the thought of how he'd cope if he lost the guys only driving the blade of grief deeper.
"Why do the good people always die?" he asked, voice quiet and pained. Why couldn't it be the ones who had it coming? The ones who had earned a death. There was no justice at all.
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