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 Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:17 pm
Okay, I edited everything I could edit without my questions answered. Thank you so much for the critique, Kaori! <3
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Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:07 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 8:59 pm
Sorry for whatever reason i wasnt getting your quotes, but im looking over this now and ill have answers and everything for you by tomorrow after i get off work!
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Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 9:10 pm
Kaori_luv Sorry for whatever reason i wasnt getting your quotes, but im looking over this now and ill have answers and everything for you by tomorrow after i get off work!
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Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 12:45 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 1:35 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 4:34 pm
Whistle while you work --- your explanation are good and work well, try to incooperate that into the virtue. As you have it written now its basically saying he's happy at work, but it needs to be more obvious as to how and why this benefits him, as well as making it apply to more that just work, as he's not at work all the time. Adding something like the bit where you say he's not a ball of pep and he view on karma, will definitely help. Also is he maybe no the type to complain, just a get it done type of person?
Might I help you with that --- looks good with the changes? I do have one more question. Is he charitable in other ways, volunteers, makes donations (money, food bank, blood drive, ect.) or is it just physical personal tasks. Because it reads like he might just be charitable overall, and this might not be the case.
Mr. Welcoming committee --- I think this is a really cute virtue, but it still need to be a little broader and encompass more than just his block. More than just his neighborhood. I can imagine he's like this with many new faces.
For NopeNopeNope --- I would suggest changing it to Open book or wears his heart on his sleeve and adding what you mentions in the critique. Basically while hes welcoming and generally a friendly face, scare him or do something he really doesnt like and you might end up with hurt feeling.
Oh no you DIDN'T --- the explanation works well to me, add bits in about his vengefulness, verbal debasing and that he may very well not forgive you. Another question, is he more likely to forgive after he's exacted revenge. Be careful that it doesnt become to similar to the NOPE flaw.
The changes you made to the attack look good. I am slightly confused about one bit in the first attack. It says it can be used once every ten minutes and last for a minute, but the net disappears after 30 seconds and vanishes? So then it only last 30 secs, right? Also since battles only last about 5 minutes, it might be better to say he can just use it twice per battle.
Also one he's collected his enemies, that it, nothing else happens, once the 30 secs are up the net just disappears, correct? Just want to make certain, im reading this correctly.
Also when i say with X radius, i mean people with a certain number of feet of Bamberga (basically a circle around him) are effected. Basically the area/ ground collects them, that way, he doesnt need to point/look at them or anything like that, but they could still dogde by getting further away before he attacks.If you have aim I can answer questions and help you that way too. Mine is Shizu6616, feel free to poke me!
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