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 Posted: Sat Jul 20, 2013 11:53 am
Roland continued to pace the room, every once in a while looking to Stormy as she spoke, he could understand what she meant about having someone stay around. He offered her only a small sad smile acknowledging that Stormy was doing her best.
While Stormy took the stool Roland took to the edge of the bed beside Nevada watching her quietly as the three sat there. He wasn't aware of how alike they where, any of the little things he did. He never saw it that way. Eventually he looked back over to her.
"She was... panicked I guess? Confused? I don't know really you know?" He frowned a bit rubbing the back of his neck. "She... she wanted me to say we could be friends, maybe she wanted me to say no. I just offered to be here for her if she wanted to." He nodded at the next part, "We did. There was umm a chat at three in the morning, I promised I'd be here then as well. She was worried about her sister again, the mission in the desert and the fortune from death. We communicated fine it was just, when I saw the mark." He sighed again and glanced at his hands. "Maybe I was a replacement, or going to be one, or make someone upset. I don't know. I thought being there and helping care for Alaska in the pods was what she wanted and it all back fired on me."
Stormy continued and it only made Roland feel more guilty, like it was his fault. That somehow he gave her the impression he didn't care anymore. If he didn't care why did let Tuck upset him so much? He did care, and that was the most painful part. "She always mattered, it all mattered, if it didn't I wouldn't have been upset at Tuck so much, I wouldn't have let her in or talked to her at all, but I did care, I do care. She isn't rotten... she just... she ******** up. We all did. I just want it all to get better..."
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Posted: Sat Jul 20, 2013 10:59 pm
It was good to hear both sides of the story at last. She thought to offer him more insight, that she was sure doing what Roland had was exactly what Nevada wanted, that only fear had gotten in the way of that happiness. But what good would her advice be to move on if she added more words towards the past rather than the present and future? "And there you are," she said with a simple smile. "That's the first step towards finding a solution: saying you want to make it better." Here she might have reached out to touch Roland's arm, but the distance made it impossible. And perhaps he was still needing to deal with his unresolved feelings first.
"You're human. Doesn't matter if we see things others don't have have nightmarish things in our heads, we still can make mistakes." She passed the sleeping Nevada a fond sort of look. "On the flip side, we can also do wonderful things too. Talk to her sometime; doesn't have to be now, just . . . whenever you feel like it. I think she'd like to hear more words like that. I think the more you communicate, the less dense she'll get and the more she'll open up."
Stormy folded her hands in her lap once more. "Have you ever had a dream where something happened, and when you woke up you found out it was because something literally happened? Like you have the radio on while you sleep the and the song it's playing gets into your dreams? I think the same principle works here. Nevada's just sleeping, but it doesn't mean she can't listen," she told him with a nod. "And I think the more we engage her, the faster she'll wake up." Not "the more likely", because the possibility of failure was not calculable.
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Posted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 7:15 pm
Roland seemed to sag, a whole weight seemed lifted and yet he just felt tired. Stormy was trying to make him feel better but it only served to make him dwell on things, mistakes he had made at the start of the whole affair.
"But how many mistakes can we forgive? When do we cross the line for doing something that should never, ever, be done?" He looked at her silent form wondering if he would ever get the chance to say anything at all to her. It was a scary thought, a dark thought, one that scared him and made him regret having it a moment later. "I will... someday..." Sooner then later he hoped as if trying to redeem his last set of thoughts.
The topic seemed to shift, away from Nevada and himself, more towards something relating to dreams, to the chance the girl could hear them talking just beside her. "You think she heard it all then? All of what we said?" He looked back at her again frowning sadly, "It's not the same though."
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Posted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 7:45 pm
"No, it's not," she agreed. "But I like to think she heard at least some of it. Life is unfair sometimes; either you choose to think more positively and work with it, or you let that bitter current pull you along."
Stormy paused, then added more in a lilting cadence, not quite singing but still following the rhythm of the song.
"What I love most about rivers is:
You can't be in the same river twice
The water's always changing, always flowing."
"Which is means to say, you might feel stuck, but things do move forward with or without you." Stormy crossed her legs, sat her elbow down on a knee, and propped her head up with a hand. "You're asking the right sort of question, but you're asking the wrong person. That's something you'll have to think about yourself; everyone's lines, priorities, wants and needs, those are different. I've done about everyone I can," she said with an apologetic smile. "The rest is up to you, really. You and Nevada. The whole world can tell you you're worth something regardless of what you did in the past, but if you don't believe it yourself, then nothing will change.
"Think. Don't dwell. There's a difference. And then, after you reached your decision, act. Otherwise you'll get stuck on the thinking part, which I guess is where you're at right now...Or at least Nevada is for sure."
Her eyes glanced around, feeling a bit self-conscious at all these attempts at playing psychiatrist. "Just don't be afraid of what's around the riverbend, that's all. The water's moving, but you control the heading." Now she was starting to feel a little silly.
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Posted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 8:44 pm
"Life is... indeed anything but fair..." He sighed, he could agree to that any day of the week. Looking back at Nevada he watched quietly as Stormy sang for a moment, he tilted his head, it sounded familiar but not something he could place from a long time ago.
"Everything rushed forward, everything blew up in our faces. And now we're trying to pick up the pieces and move on I guess but we keep coming back to the same problems." He looked at Stormy eyes seeming a bit down cast before focusing on hers proper. "We'll sort it out when she's awake." He looked back at her wounded form, the monitors hooked up to her and the IV's dripping into her arm.
"I'm not going to think, or dwell." He stood up slipping off the bed, adjusting his jacket and checking a few pockets. "What comes next might be just as bad as this. But..." He shrugged, "I'm going to do my job, I said I would protect people here. That I would make a difference, I failed that for Nevada, I failed when I couldn't help her cope without Alaska, I failed when I hit her, and I failed when this happened." He was moving towards the door, putting his hair up in a ponytail once more.
"Stormy, if anyone asks, I took a leave day. I'm going to go find out what happened to Nevada in the House. If anything goes wrong I'll have a pendant." His eyes caught Nevada as if to say we know what happens if we don't.
Stepping out the door he paused looking back in, "Hey... I know we didn't go training but, thanks, for you know, talking to me and all that."
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Posted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:36 pm
She said nothing for a little bit, feeling as though she's spoken quite enough for one day. It didn't matter that what Roland was saying felt ominous, nor that the decision it led to was just as dreadful. He was already acting, and Stormy knew that when a person began to act there was little one could do to stop them.
An idea, after all, was one of the most powerful forces in the world.
"If anything goes wrong, I'm responsible," she added almost under her breath, her brows knitting. "So be careful." It was unsettling to just let go like this, and yet she sat quite rooted to her stool regardless.
Her face softened at his thanks, and she nodded. "Hey, anytime okay? I rant too much anyway, so it might as well be useful, huh?" She touched two fingers to her temple in salute and gave a little smile. "Mists forever~ Good luck in there."
The pit of uneasiness welling up in her stomach made it hard to simply take this, though. A mission of with the intent of revenge hardly ever ended well . . . And who was to say there weren't more things out there like the one that hurt Nevada? Mentally apologizing to Roland, Stormy found her phone and fired off a message, a little guilty to break his confidence but knowing the guilt would have been far worse if she had let the matter go.
Eight Text to Candace:Roland's going to HH on his own to see if he could find out what happened to Nevada. Says he'll pendant out if something happens, but I'm worried, so . . . Please don't tell him I told you.
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