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 Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:05 pm
"What the ******** would you know about trying?" Rep snapped furiously, he'd tried, he'd tried a lot, not just in this kitchen but with everything, he'd tried very hard to be a semi decent friend but had come up short. And he'd come up short here too but like ******** he'd tolerate Melvin being an arsehole to him.
"You were ******** hiding. Hiding like a little b***h. And the only person the ONLY ******** person here who has been sneaking around and taking snipes at people is you. On twitter and wherever the ******** else, it's always you taking jabs at me and not the other ******** way around. Not that I expect you to ******** notice that. You are a ******** warped little p***k and you hear exactly what you want to hear."
He picked up a shard of door and crushed it in his hand while glaring at the Life hunter.
"And I'm ******** sorry I ever trusted you or gave you the ******** weapons to use against me."
He was furious, absolutely livid and wanted more than anything else to just hurt Melvin, be the ******** monster he apparently saw him as, but he still owed it to the guys to keep out of trouble, he'd fix the ******** pantry door himself later and even if he did something stupid like put hinges on either side, he'd have made an honest to god ******** attempt.
"You are the biggest ******** coward I've ever met."
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:14 pm
"Bullshit!" He dropped what he was doing and moved to where Rep was, not even batting a eyelash at him crushing the wood. Melvin was startin got slowly realize he was stronger than a normal person ever since that time at the bar fight in Scotland.
"You sneak around behind people just as much as anyone else. I saw your death threat to Rin on her phone. You don't even have the balls to come at me when you're upset. You go behind my back and target someone else to get at me. At least when you're an idiot, I say it to your face. I don't go after Jordan or Harrison. I leave them out of this s**t. Never ONCE in our entire time hanging out did I want you to be unhappy by hoping Jordan or Harrison left you, because I was your friend and friends don't wish misery on other people. You're the warped a*****e who thinks that keeping friends is lying to them and hoping they stay suicidal or even get murdered by your own hands."
He took off his latex gloves, done with all of this. He did enough potatoes anyways. This room was too suffocating now.
"I tried more than you ever did, and I regret just as much as you do by telling you anything. I should have NEVER trusted you!"
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:27 pm
"Why would I have come to you when my ******** problem was with her? If I had a problem with you I'd have come to you, but there was no point in trying to explain s**t to you. Because.. because of s**t LIKE THIS. You've made up your own ******** story about how things are and you don't want to hear anyone else at all."
"You want to hear s**t straight from me? To your ******** face? It wasn't just about ******** Rin okay. It was NEVER just about Rin. I don't ******** approve of anything that's not mine. Ever. Someone gets a new ******** car, I hate them and it because its not ******** me. I hated you two hooking up because if I had my way in a perfect world? I'd have ******** both of you. But that's not how s**t works anymore because I have the ******** guys. Maybe that makes me a s**t person and a terrible friend but I never once ******** lied about that fact about me"
At Melvin's exclamation he shook his head."And oh you did not just ******** say that." he snapped, hardly able to believe that the other man was trying to simply take credit for all the effort in what had been their friendship. "I tried. I tried a lot. I told you how people saw you and tried to help you, I put up with you ******** throwing all my good intentions back in my face and making me feel like a stupid ******** little kid. I helped you ******** back up when you were down and I did the same for Rin and THIS. This is what I get, ******** locked in a pantry and told again my best efforts aren't ******** good enough."
He slammed the box of cake mix - with bold instructions - he'd been getting from the pantry on the table and slowly shook his head. "Just ******** you."
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:38 pm
"And I told you plenty of things to keep yourself out of trouble over and over again, and you never listened to me. You make it sound as if it's easy being your friend. You think that just because you pretend to say everything and pretend to be honest, everyone should find it great and easy to be around you. It's not! You hurt everyone around you, b***h that you can't do anything about it, and run away when you should be taking responsibility. I've been in the Infirmary constantly dealing with the people you injured hoping to get you to control your anger better, and you never once showed me you were trying aside from just saying it."
"Now you wonder why it's hard to be around you - well you just said it. You want things that can't happen in reality and decided to go crazy psycho and threatened me that you'd kill Rin, a person I'm dating and care for, and thought I'd just be FINE with that? You think you'd be fine if I told you I hated that you had two boyfriends and I've been secretly trying to poison them without anyone noticing? NO! You'd beat the living s**t out of me, but if I get upset then I'm being the crazy p***k. Do you even hear yourself?!"
He took deep breathes, feeling that same exhausting from uncorking a bottle of emotions he usually didn't have shaken up. "I tried a lot about me. About how I am. I told you and Rin a lot of things. At least my problems don't wind up with death threats."
He gestured to where the smoking pot had once been. "At least when I try, I don't set the entire place on fire."
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:14 pm
Every word was like a kick, every comment like a blow that even his fear shield couldn't defend against. He'd known he should have just gotten out when he spotted Melvin, he knew it'd ultimately come to this. The anger bled out of his tone completely. "You think I didn't try at all? You like. You really think that. I just said it." It hurt, it hurt a lot when he felt emotionally drained by deus, physically pushed as far as he could go, twisted into contorted knots by his efforts to play twister with their rules and not fall.
And Melvin was still holding onto the Rin thing, a threat which he'd meant but only in an ideal world where killing Rin would be as simple as hitting a button and removing her from his life.
"If you'd been secretly trying to poison the guys I'd tell them and let THEM beat the s**t out of you. There are things Jordan could probably do to you you'd really not like. They are big boys. I don't fight their battles. And you'd you know. Actually need to be DOING something before I'd give a ********. Actions. Not words. Words are bullshit. I'm going to take over the world one day. I'm going to be rich. Words are cheap. Even with a stupid truth ring, what people believe isn't always what happens."
He shrugged his shoulders weakly and turned away from Melvin just in time to flinch at his final comment as if he'd been struck.
"Can..can you ******** do this kitchen thing on your own?" he asked.
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:26 pm
"Well I put some faith in what people say to me. I don't do it to everyone, but I did believe you were honest. When someone says one thing, says they are honest and tell me that they mean what they say, then what do you expect I'd do when I hear that they never wanted me or my friends to be happy? To think they are lying? Then what else were they lying about?"
He lied about it all. He made Rep write in a journal, had heard a lot from him, had a lot of arguments with him, but he had believed what he told him. He trusted one of the few friends he had on this miserable rock only to hear that he lied and wished he'd be miserable for their own selfish, messed-up reasons. This place was filled with crazy people, and he hated himself for trying to be friends and getting attached to any of them. What was the point in him trying then? No one even cared about anyone else here.
"What did you expect me to do?"
He went quiet.
"Why am I even asking. You said words don't matter." Nothing mattered. Why was he even trying to figure it out. Rep's head was just as messed up as his was. The only thing he'd get out of this conversation was trouble.
"Maybe it's best if we don't talk to each other anymore."
"Just go." He turned and went to clean up the pots in the sink.
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:39 pm
"I never lied." he said, without turning to look at him, he didn't feel like he could without risking his poise and control. "But what good is telling you that when you think everything I ever said was one?"
"I thought you knew me. I expected you to listen to what mattered and not the fluff that didn't."
He hung his head. Another thing he couldn't do.
And he'd been hopeful about the cake.
He just obediently headed for the door.
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:46 pm
He stopped and turned. He wanted to know. He wanted to know why. It felt wrong and he hated that Rep continued to make himself feel like the victim here. He had been at fault. He should feel bad for what he did, but he had to fully understand that.
He stepped after Rep, but didn't step in front of him or to his side. There was something about getting too close to him that unnerved him. Like he couldn't take that, and not for the usual reasons like why he worse his gloves.
"You did lie. You said you were my friend, and then admitted that you wanted me to be miserable as long as you were happy. You said you wanted to protect people, but said you'd hurt Rin if you could away with it. You were the one that came to me to talk to Rin, and that was a lie because you never wanted us to be together. You kept saying how you just say things because you don't give a ******** about what people think or say, but you didn't. You kept that from me and it took a dumb ring for me to hear it from you." He lied to him, and the worst thing Melvin hated was people who lied to his face.
"I trusted you, and you lied to me. How am I supposed to take that as fluff? You were serious. I thought I knew you, but then you said that to me, so I didn't. I didn't know you at all." Because everything Rep said was a lie.
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:49 pm
"Ever think ******** MAYBE I kept it from you because like a lot of things I didn't expect to ever ******** ACT upon it? That maybe I might have WANTED Rin to be alive and happy and was willing to lose you too to have that happen? MAYBE. I MEAN I DID LET IT ******** HAPPEN. AND NO ONE IS ******** DEAD."
He shrugged. "If you knew me you'd look at what I DO. Not what I SAY."
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:57 pm
"So I'm supposed to just wait around for it to happen. I thought you meant it. I can't just not take a threat like that seriously and just wait and see. If you did DO it, then it would be too late!" How was he supposed to react?
"It was a truth ring and you said you'd hurt Rin. I wanted to protect her." Even though that was a stupid idea. Rin more than showed herself capable of handling her own problems while he - well, he just came up as sub-par over and over and over again.
"Even if you kept it to yourself, you still think it. You still mean it somewhere - which means you are still lying. I don't want that. I don't ask questions to get lies back. I was trying to understand you." He was trying to understand everyone, but all he got was nothing for it but anger and people running away from him.
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 11:08 pm
He just shook his head. He'd never ever get through to Melvin.
"I.. I don't know what you want me to do." and he didn't. "I can't say I'll never hurt her because that would be a lie. I can't say that to anyone, even the people I ******** love. Because I make mistakes."
"I mean a lot of things. It's how I ******** WORK. And not all of them are like. ..not all of them are realistic. Or will ever happen. But." his voice faltered. "It's how I ******** cope. Its how I pretend I have power." He clenched his flour covered hands into fists. "When I don't have ******** any at all."
"I won't hurt Rin. I can't hurt Rin. I wouldn't risk my guys and leaving t hem without their personal ******** up."
He shrugged. "Whatever though. I never lied to you, but continue to think that I did. I simply told you what I believe, which isn't always ******** the same thing as what I will do."
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 11:20 pm
"You're making yourself seem like the only good guy here. Can't you even see why I'd be upset? You won't even say it. You wanted me to understand you, so I asked questions. You told me to trust you, so I honestly tried to say a little more about myself even though you kept yelling at me that I wasn't. Then when I tried to get you, you wind up saying that you don't meant half the things you say. Do you get how confusing that is? How confusing that is to me? How am I supposed to get what is something you do or don't mean when I try and trust everything you say is true. You seemed like...honest about everything."
At least he felt better that Rep wouldn't go after Rin. It was a small assurance, but then again, could he take it as truth? He'd like to think this was one of those 'wouldn't do' instances that Rep meant.
"You say I don't get you, but you don't get me either. I'm not good at picking out what is something you just say and what is something you mean to act on. I never thought you were like that and just did what you said all the time."
He sighed, wishing he hadn't used that chair to prop the door with and instead leaned a bit on the table, rubbing a bare hand through his hair. "I'm not good at this stuff." He kept seeing it more and more. That's why he never had any friends to talk to like this. It's what made loosing Rep as a friend even harder.
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Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 11:58 pm
"I didn't say I was the good guy. I am NEVER the ******** good guy. I take whatever ******** blame you want to give me and more besides, its not acceptable that I want to do what I want to do but it won't change it." he sighed. "And I don't have a guide book ok. All I can say like. Is that what I say is the truth. Always. But it's my ******** truth. It's not a lie. People used to ask me are you straight. I'd say aye. because I felt like I was. It's only now I can accept that I'm ******** not. That its not that simple. But I never LIED. I just.. I don't know. "
"And you are right I don't know you. I don't know why you'd say the things you said, even in anger. I didn't think you'd hurt me as much as you have over a b***h. But my whole life has been a ******** lesson in why its always hos before bros."
He leaned on the doorframe feebly. "I'm not good at anything."
If there was ever something he meant wholeheartedly, without a trace of a lie, it was that.
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Posted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:13 am
He was quiet as he leaned on the table. The silence stretched for a while.
"I said those things because you seemed fine, and I didn't want you to be fine. You seemed too happy. I didn't want you to be. Not when I was pissed at you." It was only natural to want someone to hurt that hurt you. "I'm better at hitting with words then...well...." He lifted his hands rather pathetically before crossing them across his chest.
When Rep said he wasn't good at anything, he would have cheered him up, but he had been bitter with Rep for a while now and couldn't muster up compliments when ever part of him still felt raw and unsure.
Some part of him just wanted to get back to talking about normal things, while another part wanted to foolishly and bitterly hold onto hating Rep just because he felt so sure of himself moments ago that Rep had been wrong.
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Posted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:17 am
"Well congratulations. Your words hurt and my shield can't do s**t against them. I probably won't ever trust anyone the same way again." He gave Melvin a long, slow and earnest look, finally eying him.
"And if you thought I was happy then I don't even know what to tell you. I lost just about the only friends I ever had. Why the ******** would I be happy? I know how to survive. Its not looking weak. That doesn't mean s**t about what's underneath."
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