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It's Cherche+Gerome time!

Ricken.

It's draft time!

Hey everyone! Sorry for not listing this under the rules to begin with, but I wasn't sure it was understood or not: no renown stuff. Seems appropriate for a draft. I know I mentioned it in the chat once but I'm not sure it was totally established. That's fine with everyone, right?

Happy draft logs!

There are only 2 goals for this playthrough. 1) Chrom must not marry Maiden. The only marriage candidate I have for him is Olivia (or MU, but MU is male this run), meaning that Lucina and Inigo are going to be siblings. 2) All kids must marry. Considering the kids are Morgan, Lucina, Inigo, Owain and Noire, MU must marry one of them as there are an odd number of them. As he is male, he must choose between Lucina and Noire. However, because of this royal trinity (Owain, Lucina, Inigo, and a Morgan sitting in MU's loins), one pair of children will have to go with the companionship route.

And so it begins.

Part 1: The Dawn of the Wincest Hero

Prologue:
Our hero, Midas, born on the 7th day of the 7th month, in whatever year so fits his appearance and timeline, with Magic as his Asset and Defense as a flaw, meets Lord Chromnomnom, his little sister Lissa, and their vassal Freddy Kruger, who woke him up from a very "peaceful" sleep in the middle of Nowhere. Remembering nothing aside from his name and Chromnomnom's name, the trio are somewhat suspicious to allow him to join their merry band to go find some sheep to flock, but eventually wear down when the lord decides "Hey, who cares." Together, their journey begins.

Time spent: 5 turns
Midas: Level 2 (1 exp) -gains HP, MAG, SKILL, and SPD-
Chrom: Level 2 (27 exp) -gains HP, STR, SPD, LCK, RES-
Lissa: Level 1 (75 exp)

Items found: Dying Blaze

For the most part, everyone went on their own. Midas and Chrom tag-teamed solo to take out enemies, with Lissa providing healing support. I tried to squeeze as much exp out of these enemies as I could (using Frederick on the boss might have been a better choice). Midas dealt the first blow while Chrom (paired with Frederick) finished off the boss. Some support points were shared between everyone (except Frederick/Lissa). Frederick also found the Dying Blaze, and Lissa got job exp on the other shiny.

Chapter 1:
While enjoying their delicious meal (But Freddy Kruger, what if there's BEARS? D: ) to which an all-bear meal was served, our heroes camp for the night. But then, Lissa has to use the bathroom and asks her brother Chromnomnom to go with her as she is a dainty little princess. Unfortunately, bathroom breaks out in the wilderness never go as planned as our lordship and his sister are attacked (not by bears) and make a run for it (also not caused by bears)! After a close shave (with the Princess nearly soiling her royal delicates), Midas and Freddy Kruger appear to help out and defeat this strange menace!

Time Spent: 5 turns
Midas: Level 3 (64 exp) -gains HP, STR, MAG, LCK, DEF- D rank tome
Chrom: Level 3 (94 exp) -gains HP, SKILL, SPD- D rank sword
Lissa: Level 2 (50 exp) -gains LCK, RES-

Items found: Glass Lance

Lissa got a ride with Frederick this battle, while Midas and Chrom went for the shinies first. Midas found a Glass Lance while Chrom got base exp. Chrom was pretty much dodging everything and Midas lost a turn by missing with a Thunder, costing him valuable exp that went to Chrom who killed off the archer. Lissa turned out to be effective in Frederick's hands, as she managed to dodge a hit from the boss. With the bonus stats she got from Frederick, she was also able to NO DAMAGE an attack! Way to go, girl~. Virion and Sully ran off into a corner and did gods knows what. Midas finished off the boss with a Bronze sword.

Supports are finally open and Chrom, Midas, and Lissa all support with each other. Well, Lissa and Chrom don't, unfortunately, because Chrom is too boss to need healing. And uh... apparently we already know the name of the fiends that attacked us even though we didn't do the counseling thing yet (lol). Thanks for being a psychic in your support with Lissa, Midas.

Chapter 2:
Our heroes meet up with the rest of Chromnomnom's merry band of sheepherders. We meet Sumo, the clumsiest pegasus rider in the group who has a thing for Chromnomnom; Vaikenator, the Vaike who always refers to the Vaike in the third person and also has a thing for Chromnomnom; Bella, the bear tea-sipping daughter of some noble who also has a thing for Chromnomnom... you know what? The rest don't matter. Just rename the Shepherds to "Chrom's harem" or something. Jeez.

Heading north, our heroes run into more of those weirdos with the weird faces that make moaning sounds. According to Chromnomnom, they decided to name those things Risen. But Midas already knew that. He knew about it ever since the support he had with Lissa. Anyway, those Risen. Those goddamn Risen! Time for our heroes to serve up some DEATH!

Turns spent: 9 turns
Midas: Level 6 (8 exp) -gains HP, STR, MAG, SPD, LCK, RES; gains HP, MAG; gains HP, MAG, SPD, DEF-
Chrom: Level 6 (38 exp)-gains HP, SKILL, LCK; gains HP, SKILL, SPD, LCK; gains HP, STR, SKILL, SPD-
Lissa: Level 4 (94 exp) -gains LCK, DEF; gains SKILL, LCK, RES- D rank staves

Items found: N/A

This took a little longer, but everyone did gain a couple of levels from this. Lissa rode with Frederick some more while Chrom and Midas solo'd and took out the first enemy on the left. Though things did look a little concerning (with both Chrom and Midas falling below half health a couple of times as they swept upward), they handled everything pretty well despite being the only two characters I can really use for combat (Frederick, while he is still free, would only leech valuable exp from everyone). Lissa only got a handful of stats to increase while both Midas and Chrom got some good results. Oddly enough, Midas has more def level ups than res level ups, despite the flaw. Shinies gave base exp to both Lissa and Midas. The rest of the characters were chilling in a corner, sipping tea like the dandies most of them are.

Sumia finds her pegasus to train (because what's a Pegasus Knight without a Pegasus? Just a Knight!) so the boys leave her alone so she can do her thing. No, Midas. Turn off that music. They're not doing that.

Total turn count: 19

I have to say, I find your draft summaries very entertaining. Good job guys.

You're Wearing WHAT For This Draft?: An Incredibly Fierce (and Fiercely Competitive) Draft Log (featuring experimental dual commentary)

Tiki's right on my heels with turn count! And I wouldn't be surprised if she can do some of these chapters faster than me (fairly certain having a mount makes chapter 3 doable in three turns, and she's got that mount advantage over me until the end of chapter 7), with Sully and Frederick on her side. Gotta bring my A game. I'm afraid I have no choice: Miranda, TRANSFORM. In this installment of my draft log, watch me give this separate version of Runway's editor-in-chief a promotion and hire what is probably my biggest weapon for this draft: Cordelia!


Paralogue 1: Sickle to Sword

I decided to do the Paralogue before chapter 4. A quick scroll up will show you that at the end of Chapter 3, my unit levels were REALLY disproportionate with Miranda having received the vast majority of my resources. But chapters are going to get more complicated and I won't be able to have Miranda steamroll everything. Even chapter 4 requires having multiple units capable of killing enemies reasonably quickly to do it in as few turns as you can. So Miranda mostly focused on supporting Chrom, only taking the lead when an Archer was in range. Got Chrom and Miriel two levels each and Miranda and Kellam one each as well. And all the treasure. Donnel lived, but obviously didn't get a level up, so in the village he stays. I really dawdled here since I can. Miriel and Kellam got a C support from it though, and Miranda and Chrom get their B.

Miranda: "Why is no one ready..." for Chapter 4? "You people have had hours and hours to prepare. It's just so confusing to me." Also, anyone who wears a pan on their head has no business on this team. At all. "That's all."

Turns taken: lol13, but they don't count!
Turns total: 13
Heroes: Miranda and Chrom

Chapter 4: Two Falchions

Three turned it. Pretty straightforward map. Miriel and Kellam take the left, Miranda and Chrom go right.

Miranda: How unsurprising that Marth, the only person we've encountered with taste is working for our competitors. Still no match for me, though, of course. "Truth is, there's no one that can do what I do. Including her. Any of the other choices would have found that job impossible and the magazine would have suffered," as would the draft.

Turns taken: 3
Turns total: 16
Heroes: Miranda and Chrom

Chapter 5: The Exalt and the King

Lon'qu takes the enemies west. Everyone else goes up, with ChroMiranda going all the way up to kill the most northern enemies. 'Dat Falchion on wyvern enemies. B Miriel/Kellam and A Chrom/Miranda after this chapter!

Miranda: That Maribelle reminds me of someone I knew once.

Turns taken: 4
Turns total: 20
Heroes: Miranda and Chrom

Chapter 6: Foreseer

Miranda and Chrom head west then south and hire Gaius to open the treasure chest along the way. Lon'qu takes the center and works with Marth, and Miriel and Kellam pair up to take the eastern block. That defense boost Kellam gives Miriel made her awesome here. These chapters as of late can mostly be done quicker with a mount, but there's nothing I can do about that currently. Just have to keep on keeping on.

Miranda: I knew Marth was a woman this entire time, just so it's known. And whomever this Validar person is, they're one of the best dressed people we've encountered so far. It almost seems a shame to take them out of the picture after just encountering them.

Turns taken: 5
Turns total: 25
Heroes: Miriel and Kellam

Chapter 7: Incursion

More of 'dat Falchion abuse and Miranda power. Miriel and Kellam get some leftovers action and Lon'qu kills one thing. Did it in the minimum number of turns that I could, I think, and not having a mount up to this point DOESN'T put me at a disadvantage for this chapter, which is a plus. But more importantly… she's arrived! Bring in Cordelia! AND Miranda and Chrom reach their S support after this chapter (Miriel and Kellam hit a valuable A, themselves). AND Miranda hits level 20 after killing literally the last enemy left on the map. There's a storm coming, believe me.

Miranda: I'm well aware Chrom isn't the best dressed man I could be seen with. But he looks more than adequate when clothes aren't an issue at all. And further, marrying him puts me in a position of status appropriate to my duty to this draft. Hitting the level cap and getting married all in the same chapter? The chapter is called "Incursion" because of me, not the bandits. My enemies have no idea what they're in store for. Due to my higher status, I also found it necessary to add on to the team, which is why Cordelia has been brought in. "Paris is the most important week of my entire year. I need the best possible team with me."

Turns taken: 3
Turns total: 28
Heroes: Miranda and Chrom

Paralogue 2: The Secret Seller

Had Cordelia kill as much as possible, with Kellam support. Everyone else (with the exception of Miranda who merely supported Chrom) got action as well. I waited to do this chapter even though it was available sooner just for the purpose of getting Cordelia levels in it.

Miranda, at level 20, is on vacation for this chapter and couldn't be contacted for commentary.

Turns taken: 9, 0 count
Turns total: 28
Heroes: Kellam and Cordelia

Chapter 8: The Grimleal

I deliberately took longer than I could have here, even though it's not a Paralogue. But in exchange for taking a single turn longer, I visited all the villages. And Miranda received that covetable promotion to Grand Master in the final turn of the chapter. The first available Second Seal will also be of great use to me later on. The Energy Drop went to Cordelia. Also got Cordelia/Kellam and Miriel/Lon'qu to C supports.

Miranda: Perhaps Plegia isn't as sartorially spectacular as I originally thought. This Glimleal woman Cordelia fell was dreadful. Their leader knows what he's doing, but that Aversa person didn't, either. Those shoes on her don't deserve to be called heels. They're hooves.

Turns taken: 4
Turns total: 32
Heroes: lolGregor and Nowi (yeah, they had to visit the southernmost village which requires them seeing a lot of action: good thing they're free this chapter)



Cordelia lets me do things faster from this point on, Miranda is a Grandmaster getting exp again, and I'm about to get two promoted units, both able to use staves, and one providing thief utility on top of that. This segment wasn't the lowest number of turns it can be with other team set ups, but I'm about to have everything I need to more than make up for it. twisted



Stats!

Miranda: Level 1 Grandmaster
HP: 38, Str: 17, Mag: 16, Skl: 18, Spd: 25, Luck: 12, Def: 16, Res: 15

Chrom: Level 11 Lord
HP: 26, Str: 14, Mag: 2, Skl: 17, Spd: 14, Luck: 9, Def: 12, Res: 5

Miriel: Level 11 Mage
HP: 25, Str: 1, Mag: 13(+2), Skl: 13, Spd: 13, Luck: 10, Def: 6, Res: 8

Kellam: Level 8 Knight
HP: 24, Str: 12, Mag: 1, Skl: 9, Spd: 7, Luck: 5, Def: 15(+2), Res: 2

Lon'qu: Level 6 Myrmidon
HP: 22, Str: 6, Mag: 1, Skl: 13, Spd: 15, Luck: 8, Def: 7, Res: 2

Cordelia: Level 11 Pegasus Knight
HP: 28, Str: 14, Mag: 3, Skl: 15, Spd: 16(+2), Luck: 10, Def: 8, Res: 10

Sorry if the Miranda segments were more half-assed today. Wanted to get in another post before the week was over because I likely won't be able to next week and I was in a hurry to make it.

There are only 2 goals for this playthrough. 1) Chrom must not marry Maiden. The only marriage candidate I have for him is Olivia (or MU, but MU is male this run), meaning that Lucina and Inigo are going to be siblings. 2) All kids must marry. Considering the kids are Morgan, Lucina, Inigo, Owain and Noire, MU must marry one of them as there are an odd number of them. As he is male, he must choose between Lucina and Noire. However, because of this royal trinity (Owain, Lucina, Inigo, and a Morgan sitting in MU's loins), one pair of children will have to go with the companionship route.

And so it begins.

Part 2: Into FE ROX!

Chapter 3:
The weather goes from sunny and calm to frigid and chilly as our heroes head north into the land of FE ROX. It is so cold that everyone must huddle for warmth, even if that close proximity is questionable and at worst, threatening their chastity. Midas stays close with the siblings to keep warm, but not enough to jeopardize anyone's future children. Soon, they come across a gate that would take them to meet one of the leaders of FE ROX. However, Ramallama, the knight in charge of the gate, won't them let them in because there were people claiming to be our heroes. How half-naked desert people got lost this far north when it's so bloody cold that they would have frozen over twice will never be understood. Stupid bandits. No wonder they're just bandits.

Chromnomnom is attacked by a barrage of javelins after being taunted a second time (they called his mother a hamster and said his father smelled of elderberries), but Sumo comes to the rescue with the Pegasus she trained! Aw, don't they look adorable together? Unfortunately, Chromnomnom's not into clumsy fangirls and thus turns her away after being saved.

Time spent: 12 turns
Midas: Level 8 -gains HP, STR, MAG, SKILL, LCK, DEF, RES; gains STR, MAG, LCK- D rank swords
Chrom: Level 8 -gains HP, LCK, DEF; gains HP, STR, SPD- C rank swords
Lissa: Level 6 -gains MAG, SPD, LCK, RES; gains SKILL, SPD, LCK, RES-

Items found: Gaius's Confect

One challenging thing about this is that I only have two attacking units. Because of this, of course my turn-count is going to be bigger. We got Kellam added to the party but he runs off with Sumia into a corner. Chrom and Midas head left first to wipe out the enemy there before Chrom solos the right side. He actually gets a crit on his own, which is pretty cool. Heals were needed here so Lissa got some levels in. We're also starting to see the bonds we're building come together with dual attacks, as Chrom and Midas both finished off Raimi together. Nicely done, you two.

As for supports, everyone but Chrom and Lissa support, meaning Midas is now at B with both siblings. And so Midas gets formally acquainted with Lissa's frogs. Not crabs. Frogs. Her entire frog fanbase. The one she slips down his shirt was called Sergeant Keroro, but she also has Private Second Class Tamama, Corporal Giroro, Sergeant Major Kururu, and Lance Corporal Dororo in her arsenal.

Paralogue 1:
While waiting for the arena match to determine FE ROX's leader that they get shanghai'd into competing, our heroes venture southeast to kill some time at a local village in Ylissa. However, time isn't the only thing they get to kill as bears bandits attack during their tea time. Apparently the village had just run out of bear tea. One villager, Donnamarie, calls for help and teams up with our heroes. Will he be able to make a difference and be a man with the force of a great typhoon, or will he flounder and be nothing more than a calm breeze?

Time Spent: 13 turns
Midas: Level 11 -gains HP, STR, MAG, SKILL, LCK; gains HP, STR, SPD, LCK, DEF; gains MAG, SPD, LCK, RES- C rank tome
Chrom: Level 9 -gains HP, SPD, LCK-
Lissa: Level 8 -gains HP, MAG, SPD, LCK; gains HP, SKILL, SPD-
Donnel: Level 3 -gains EVERYTHING; gains EVERYTHING BUT SKILL-
Items found:

This essentially was a "Train your new member and not let him die" mission, which turned out to be a little harder than expected with only two real fighters. Donnel died once. We did get him to level 3 so he's definitely on our team. Just... gotta raise him some more. He got some extra str thanks to pairing up with Chrom while Midas ran solo. We also managed to kill the thieves before they took the chests, so that's a plus. That rescue staff saved us a couple of turns getting Donnel up to the boss, though unfortunately Midas critted and stole the kill. But whatever. We cleared it under the time limit so it's a freebie. Everyone got some levels too so it's all good.

Chapter 4:
Our heroes return to FE ROX and go into the castle where the arena rests. After a meeting with Khan Flavor, they learn that she's not the leading Khan, but Kham Samuel L. Jackson is. If they win this match, Flavor can become leading Khan and lead the Khans into opening up a chain restaurant in honor of the first Khan, Ghengis. And surprise, it's that masked guy from that one night Lissa's making everyone not talk about. Lissa could probably take him on since they're on the same level.

And cue cutscene of awesome duel.

Turns spent: 8 turns
Midas: Level 12 -gains MAG, SKILL, LCK-
Chrom: Level 10 -gains STR, SKILL, SPD, LCK-
Lissa: Level 9 -gains HP, SPD, LCK, RES- C rank staves
Donnel: Level 4 -gains HP, LCK, DEF-

Items found: Superior Bow

This is becoming increasingly harder as I only have 3 units to fight with (one being underleveled and too low in stats to be left alone). Midas teams up with Donnel and together they are able to take the enemies on the right side. Chrom has been able to double enemies for a while so he solos and makes short work of the left side. It does take two turns to get close enough to draw the Masked Fighter towards Donnel, and he's able to get a hit in and survive. Chrom and Midas finish up the job for a win.

We meet Samuel L. Jackson for the first time (without any FE ROX a** kissing customs) and we get the gynophobe swordsman lacking a monocle, O_Q. Yes, that is his name. O_Q. Thankfully, the encounter was snake-free and our heroes now have people to go fight in their place.

Total turn count: 39

There are only 2 goals for this playthrough. 1) Chrom must not marry Maiden. The only marriage candidate I have for him is Olivia (or MU, but MU is male this run), meaning that Lucina and Inigo are going to be siblings. 2) All kids must marry. Considering the kids are Morgan, Lucina, Inigo, Owain and Noire, MU must marry one of them as there are an odd number of them. As he is male, he must choose between Lucina and Noire. However, because of this royal trinity (Owain, Lucina, Inigo, and a Morgan sitting in MU's loins), one pair of children will have to go with the companionship route.

And so it begins.

Part 3: Tour de Ylisse

Chapter 5:
Our heroes make the journey back from FE ROX after a good night of partying with the newly opened Genghis Khan Grill to deliver the news to Chromnomnom’s sister and prized holy woman MRN. “Yes, the food is good and we should totally open up a restaurant here too,” they said. Unfortunately, before any groundwork can be set for the new restaurant, they get word that Bella was captured by Edward Cullen bears she was hunting to make tea out of bandits from Pledge. They wanted to trade her and the bounty of tea they confiscated for the Emblem. After all, without the Emblem, they can’t become Pledge® and sell their cleaning products. But our heroes don’t like cleaning supplies and fight back! Ricky Marten helps out and blasts Bitchtits with an Elwind to make her skirt flap about, distracting her long enough to take Bella back. With the hostage of Twilight back in our possession, the Snazzy King GangamStyle declares war! Fine then! Bring the board game and Midas will play a game of Risk with you! Except that doesn’t happen because he runs off, cackling like a Kefka ripoff. Oh well. He can still play with these bandits.

But first, supports! Chrom finally supports his sister Lissa and Midas and Donnel get a support about fishing and traps. That’s right. Fishing. For jokes. And traps. To avoid confusion with people like Libro whose gender can be quite confusing for the untrained eye.

…

I’m here all week, people.

Time spent: 18 turns
Midas: Level 14 -gains DEF; gains STR, SKILL, LCK-
Chrom: Level 12 -gains HP, SKILL, SPD, LCK, RES; gains STR, SKILL, SPD- B rank swords
Lissa: Level 11 -gains SKILL, LCK, RES; gains HP, MAG, SPD, LCK, DEF-
Donnel: Level 7 -gains EVERYTHING BUT DEF; gains 2 HP, STR, SKILL, SPD, LCK; gains HP, STR, SPD, LCK, DEF, RES- D rank lances

Items found: Wolt’s Bow

We gained a number of levels this time. Midas had a disappointing level up. Ricken and Maribelle paired up, stalled a bit to avoid battle, and then ran into the bottom right corner for bear tea. Donnel had Chrom support with Lissa and Midas behind them, helping the Villager get some levels. It was excellent leveling progress, despite it being so slow. Chrom, with Donnel’s help, was able to double the boss (though he could have probably done that on his own, considering how he’s growing). Donnel was also able to double with help and get some cool crits. So that’s good news for everyone.

As for supports, Donnel and Lissa share a moment. Apparently Lissa calls herself Donnel’s big sister and starts pulling the “big sis/little bro” act on Donny and he chickens out. Oh the shenanigans. I’m half-tempted to have Donnel marry Lissa for further “incest”.

Chapter 6:
Heading back to the castle, Midas the Wincest Hero finds Chromnomnom contemplating about his decision when all of a sudden Masked Guy appears! Apparently he pulled a Link and crawled through the crawl space in the castle walls, snuck past all the guards, and flirted with MRN. Only thing is, the Snazzy King GangamStyle of Pledge sent cleaners to “clean up” the Holy Woman, and stuff happened. Masked Guy no longer masked… or a guy. Le shock!

And thus sparked the first actual encounter with Midas’s woman and the downward spiral towards becoming the Legendary Wincest Hero in the near future. Bards will sing songs about his greatness and how he sparked the incest that will develop in the royal family!

With Chromnomnom’s NPC sister in danger, our heroes rally together to fight off the oncoming foe!

Time Spent: 11 turns
Midas: Level 16 -gains HP, SPD; gains STR, MAG, SKILL, SPD, LCK, RES- B rank Magic
Chrom: Level 13 -gains HP, MAG, SKILL, SPD, LCK-
Lissa: Level 13 -gains SKILL, LCK, DEF, RES; gains HP, SKILL, LCK, RES-
Donnel: Level 8 -gains 2 HP, STR, SPD, LCK, DEF, RES; - C Rank Lances
Gaius: Level 5 -no level gained-

Items found: Innes’ Bow, TREE BRANCH

Okay… this was rough. Marth actually ended up getting a few kills. I didn’t see anything in the rules about NPCs getting kills so that’s cool. I originally split it with Chrom and Midas on the left to recruit Gaius and cover the stairs near Marth. Donnel and Lissa were on the right, hoping that would hold off the enemies on that side. I ended up having to cluster around Marth in order to hold my ground and Midas, Marth, and Donnel had some close shaves. Lissa ended up dodging all the attacks on her like a boss without the need of the pillars. Such a good girl~ And then Midas speaks with Validar before critting the ******** out of him with Thunder. Kind of a shame, considering I wanted Gaius to get the kill. Validar actually ended up coming to me. Well, he went for Emmeryn first but Gaius and Chrom blocked him off at the entrance so he swung around to attack Marth for whatever reason. I guess enemies are just more likely to attack NPCs than actual PCs, even when said PCs are almost dead. So I guess I just got lucky on that part. And we got a new member on the team. Sweet.

After the battle, everyone wanted to snack on the sweets Chomnomnom was carrying around for his sister, but Sticky Fingers stole it all. Unmasked Chick tried to sneak out during the altered festivities but Chromnomnom caught her in the act of trying to steal his heart boxers. This… resulted in a very awkward situation. She ends up making a joke about it before fleeing, leaving the lord behind with his underwear exposed. Meanwhile, the Holy Woman, Midas, Freddy Kruger and Peggy Boss speak with the Playboy Bunny that did absolutely nothing in battle aside from sit in a corner and look pretty, trying to convince her to do her actual job and pose for the camera. That doesn’t go so well, but she does open up and join the group, although she will spend most of her time sipping tea with the rest of the nobodies.

In the world of supports, Midas and Lissa get an A support. More pranks ensue, this time with Midas fighting back with his own pranks. It’s a prank war that I hope won’t end up with engagement rings flying at each other.

Paralogue 2:
Our heroes return to FE ROX only to find that the road’s blocked because of wild Obamasnow sightings gay bandits hitting on the travelers. They can’t have that. There are rules and regulations about that sort of stuff out here in FE ROX. Those bandits are in the wrong place. Hell, they aren’t even bandits, but drag queens who were fed up with their jobs and became bandits to make a better living, yet still have bits of their former occupation cutting in. It’s up to our heroes to drive them out and have them go back to their real jobs. But what’s this? They’re attacking God of all people? Those cross-dressing dastards! Hailing from the holy land, our lord and his sister can’t tolerate their deity being attacked by these pagans. To arms!

Turns spent: 13 turns
Midas: Level 17 -gains HP, STR, MAG, SKILL, DEF-
Chrom: Level 13 -no level gained-
Lissa: Level 14 -gains SKILL, LCK, RES-
Donnel: Level 9 -gains 2 HP,SKILL, SPD, LCK, DEF, RES-
Gaius: Level 8 -gains HP, SKILL, SPD, LCK; gains HP, STR, SKILL, SPD, LCK, DEF; gains HP, STR, SKILL, LCK, DEF- C rank swords

Items found: Katarina’s Bolt

Hm, where to begin… I had Gaius and Chrom cross the river together (with Lissa ferrying her brother over) while Donnel and Midas started towards the bridge. I burned a Gaius’ Confect a little too late, thinking it was good for only one fight rather than the entire battle. That cost me a turn, but since this is a Paralogue and I stayed under 15, it doesn’t really count. We were cutting it close with Lissa and Anna, but both managed to hold out and I got a really good tome from the shiny. Gaius and Donnel had to bait the southern bandits towards the center forests, and with Gaius’s speed they were able to avoid the Short Axe like nobody’s business and both of them got credit for killing the boss. Also, dammit Midas, your Defense is your flaw. What are you doing gaining Def like there’s no tomorrow?

In the supports, Gaius and Chrom talk about how much Chrom is curious about the common folk and Donnel and Midas share another conversation about fishing, traps, and other gimmicks that serve no purpose in battle (unless they’re bear traps) but are excellent for staying alive in the wilderness. You know, in case there’s bears.

Chapter 7:
Even though it’s in the middle of war, MRN decided she wanted to go on a trip. But rather than using their awesome airship or heading through a route we’ve already explored, she decided to take the lesser-used path. One that goes right by a cliff towards death. And death does find our heroes as they escort her! In a chilling tale of betrayal, dying ponies, and magical jesters, our heroes are drawn into another fight. Loser gets shoved off the cliff! Can they handle such overwhelming numbers when there are only five of them to use, four of which can actually do damage?

Time Spent: 9 turns
Midas: Level 17 -no level gained- C rank swords
Chrom: Level 14 -gains STR, SKILL, SPD, LCK, DEF, RES-
Lissa: Level 15 -gains STR, MAG, SKILL, DEF, RES- B rank staves
Donnel: Level 12 -gains HP, SPD, LCK, DEF, RES; gains HP, SKILL, SPD, LCK; gains HP, STR, SKILL, LCK, DEF-
Gaius: Level 12 -gains HP, STR, SKILL, SPD; gains HP, STR, SKILL, SPD; gains HP, STR, MAG, SKILL, SPD, RES; gains HP, STR, SPD-

Items found: LOG

So this fight… wasn’t too bad. It was mostly to help Donnel and Gaius catch up in levels, and boy did they catch up. Midas played support and was passed around like a peace pipe gets passed around in a nomadic camp. Donnel and Gaius both proved strong enough to one-round the wyvern riders on their own (with someone paired up with them of course). Midas and Chrom apparently have enough points in their supports with everyone that they were able to dual strike the enemy more than a fair number of times, and even dual guard! The boss came down on his own with Gaius acting as bait, and he ended up taking the kill. MVP definitely goes to Gaius for gaining so many levels. He really does do wonders when you give him some sugar (Gaius’ Confect) before fighting. Cordelia was kind of chilling in the top left corner, watching Chrom from afar like she usually does. In a sense, she's kinda like Tharja with MU, only Tharja actually tries to get into MU's pants rather than letting her best friend try to woo her crush.

So people are gonna get killed, effectively crashing whatever vacation plans MRN had. What a pity. She looked like she could use a day or two in the sun out on the beach. But she does entrust the Emblem with Chromnomnom. Now he can trademark whatever he so desires once he promotes! MRN then entrusts the chastity of her siblings to Freddy Kruger before heading back home to go back to her life as a NEET. After that, our heroes head back to FE ROX, where Sumo pimp-slaps Chromnomnom and tells him to grow a pair after he worries about MRN. Khans Flavor and Samuel L. Jackson join the fray as they learn that MRN is gonna be publicly humiliated with a spanking, leaving their now successful restaurant in the hands of real chefs. Midas says some words that prove he’s the one with a fully grown pair and everyone enjoys one final Ghengis Khan meal before heading to Pledge to save some royal a**.

Total turn count: 77 turns