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 Posted: Tue May 28, 2013 8:45 pm
Roland watched in silent suffering as Nevada reached for the mirror, checking the spot on her neck. For a moment the only sound in the room was the mirror clattering to the floor, the thunder of his heart in his head and the deeper silence of Sylvia retreating into a corner of his mind.
You didn't do anything wrong.
It was the weakest excuses he could imagine, "Charming? Friendly? Nevada..." He shifted on the bed fingers clawing at the sheets. "Someone who understood? Being whole? You cheated on me. Because he had a twin?" He shook his head, "I spent days, in the pods, I checked on her every day for you. And that's... that's why?"
He shook his head, it didn't make sense she was kind, she cared about him, why would she have done this? And with a Moon?
Harrison, Marcus, Tuck, names of Moon's he had met on the island all flashed by, some married, some gay, one who seemed fresh from the pod. He couldn't think straight. Suddenly he was on his feet staring at her fist clenched trying to fight back the desire to cry.
"No I didn't do anything... someone else did." He started for the door.
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2013 8:56 pm
"But you're not someone's twin!" She squeaked, sadness and guilt turning into anger. How could he not understand. Because he couldn't. "You don't understand what it feels like when I go down there and I see her sleeping. She's sleeping in a pod, and everyday I go on missions and I might not return. And she's sleeping there, what happens if I don't return from a mission? She won't know I am even...And he knew. Becausehe had that same feeling. He left his family and his twin and ate at him. I sensed familiarity...someone who could finally see just how much pain I really am in."
She couldn't stop him from leaving, and desperation was like an old friend at her door.
So she stepped in front of the door and held out her hands. She would make him try to understand.
"I keep losing hope the longer she is in there. And with my hope, I keep looking for something to make me whole again. I didn't...I couldn't ask you for this...I couldn't ask you for...sex." She whispered, looking at him. Guilt, so heavy. "I can't ask you for something that I wasn't sure about...."
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Posted: Wed May 29, 2013 9:13 am
"That means nothing!" He threw his hands wide, "I've been there with you, I've seen you talking to her in the pod, I've done everything I could to be there for you. What about me? Do you even think how I would have felt if you didn't come back? No I'm not someones twin but that doesn't make it magicaly right to screw someone who is a twin!"
She was between him and the exit, Roland stood there torn between the desire to stay to solve it all, to shove her aside, and the worst part of him, the part of him filled with so much anger wanted to pull Sylvia out and force her aside in the worst way. Cut the ties, let it end and move on.
"Ask me for... for sex?!" The look on his face was disbelief, "I spent weeks trying to decide how I felt about you, before I finally just asked you what we where, do you think I was sure about it? I thought you had gone and left for Otto the moment you stopped visiting me. I thought I finally had something to care about on this island."
He turned about storming through her room, "But no apparently I can't understand, or care enough. I know you care about Alaska, I don't know how many times I can say that, but it doesn't make any of this right!"
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Posted: Wed May 29, 2013 10:30 am
His yelling startled her. Never had she seen Roland so angry before.
I thought I could keep it a goddamn secret.
Her chin lifted as she saw the challenge in his eyes. If he wanted her to move, then he would have to force her. And the last time she fought him, she had won.
But If she was going to do this...she might as well twist the knife. If he was going to leave her well then, better he left hating her so much that....
"I did....I stopped talking to you because I was trying to get with Otto. Not sex but....I wanted to be his girlfriend. The moment I confessed though, he went to another girl." She stared at him with violet eyes. "You can't lie and tell me...that you didn't go to Jordan and hope that he would leave Rep and Harrison for you? That you still don't know now...You settled for me. I settled for you..."
She moved away from the door and sat on her bed, because she didn't know how else to say what to say.
"It wasn't right, and I was going to keep it secret from you. I didn't want you to ever know. I care about you." Violet eyes dropped to the floor,"But I won't ever love you..." Because the only person she loved was podded. Those hurt to come out and she knew it was literally burying the hatchet in him. Way to go Nevada.
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Posted: Wed May 29, 2013 10:37 am
"I know you did." He said it a bit softer after seeing the shock at his outburst. He felt his heart tare just a bit, he was second pick, the later choice because Otto wasn't an option, it was something he could have pieced together, but hearing it said was indeed a knife in the gut.
He looked up though eyes hurt and looking bitter, "I never did anything to try and win Jordan. Don't start acting like Rep about this, I liked him, I knew it would never happen, and I did nothing about it. He's my friend, that's all."
The last part was the final twist of the knife, oh she cared, just enough to have tried to hide it, enough to curl up against him night after night before and after they started dating, was it even dating at this point or just a charade?
"If you couldn't have ever loved me, then why did you say yes in the first place?" He stood there now in the door frame, fist clenched and Sylvia trying to soothe him with quiet words, all that fell on def ears.
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Posted: Wed May 29, 2013 10:48 am
She had nothing more to say, all emotion had drained out with the last confession. She could never love anyone...until Alaska was awakened. She didn't come to this island for friends...for lovers.
She came for Alaska.
Her whole life was for Alaska. Everything about her was about Alaska. It was sick and terrifying and consuming. Why she fought, why she did the things she did...She had lost herself when she had met Roland, had felt a stirring inside her that wasn't something for Alaska. Something that Nevada may or may have not wanted.
She had lost vision for just a moment of what she wanted. She had allowed weakness in her goal. And her mind and body had reacted to sever the tie.
That wasn't to say that she didn't like Tuck either. What wasn't there? She had used him for a hint of feelings, much like she used Roland to sustain a need for human contact.
His question was complicated to her. Why had she said yes. To keep him...To use him. To fulfill a need she had, and to let someone inside her feelings. Slowly but....and then she panicked. Her feelings were for someone else.
She had to make him hate her then. it was terrible, her face that looked up at him as she leaned back on the bed. He derserved so much better then her pseudo love. That lazy smile played along her lips.
"Because your feelings were easier to manipulate...Innocence is always easier to use...and abuse." God the words almost stuck in her mouth, and she knew how she sounded. Cold...unfeeling.
She was scared....
"I said yes because then i could keep using dating as a pseudo for something I couldn't fulfill unless my twin was awake. And even then...it didn't make me even half whole."
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Miliardo Kason rolled 2 8-sided dice:
6, 6
Total: 12 (2-16)
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Posted: Wed May 29, 2013 11:15 am
Roland had ran, he ran from home from his problems, to hunt the things that stripped his life of all normality.
He knew his life wouldn't be normal, friends and happiness where not in the job description but for a fleeting moment he had that. He had the basic emotional needs of any other person and they where being fulfilled and now Nevada was systematically cutting him apart word by word.
The way she said it, use, abuse, it was like looking at Rep talking about him, a toy a pawn, something that could be broken and discarded like a piece of cheap paper.
Her coldness stirred a fire.
Sylvia pleaded, begged, don't do this, but his anger his hurt won over and the weapon appeared in his hands swinging backwards in a quick blunt strike against Nevada as tears rolled down his cheeks.
"Go to hell and take your damn sister and new ******** friend with you."
And with that Sylvia was gone, and so was Roland, he was tired of being abused by others on this awful island.
Dmg: 6 and all my feels
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Posted: Wed May 29, 2013 11:58 am
Her coldness was a defense. Her words a barrier from Roland breaking it down. She wasn't Nevada unless she was Alaska. her dad made sure of that. When Alaska left, all that was left was to move the torch and mold nevada into whatever he wanted.
For too long, she forgot what Nevada even was.
Lost in her own problems, she looked up at him. That lazy smile still razoring on the edge of desperation to push him away. She was met with tears and for a moment, she weakened. She didn't want to see him cry, she didn't want to see him hurt.
and then she was blinded by pain that even Leroy didn't expect to see. The words rang in echo to the explosion of feeling in her face, the blunt of his weapon smacking into her cheek.
And he was gone....Her hand held up to her cheek in shock, pain, hurt emotionally.
and underneath it all was a understanding of how horrible the consequences of being Nevada was.
She waited...to give him time to flee where ever he was going. And then she got up, still holding her cheek that flowered with purple and blue and elft her room...down to the only place she ever felt even remotely normal...
No don't...There's no point in healing it.
It would remain a reminder of what she did until it faded. And then when it did...she would go back to being normal. She'd go back to what she was originally. She looked at the pod and into the similar face and smiled as tears started to run.
"Guess that's what I get huh sister...."
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