|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 8:27 pm
Rep had been silent through the entire back and forth. He almost called off Harrison for questioning the ruling, anxious he might drag himself down further by arguing against superiors. He clenched his hands at Edith's explanation and didn't unclench them. He'd gotten away with things till now because they needed bodies and little else.
When Simon spoke Rep visibly flinched as if he'd been struck. Everything on the island had been about being needed, about at the very least being useful to someone, and he'd tried, tried and proven all he was exceptionally skilled at was failing. He made so many mistakes borne of sheer emotion and bad judgement and though he'd been doing all right as the others had said, this was another mistake for the list. He loved Sun division with every inch of his being, wore the eclipse emblem like a badge of pride on his skin, loved to fight and to actively make a difference for the sake of their cause. He knew Simon had wanted to kill him before, and somehow that had been acceptable, he was an asset with whom they could do as they wished and that was that, even if he died he would die pulling in the traces.
But the idea that it was more than this, that deep down he wasn't wanted was somehow inconsolably worse. He was glad he had the ******** bandages over his eyes or he would probably have started crying like a heartbroken child in front of some of the most high ranking hunters on the island.
There was no fight left in him. He'd dealt with being extraneous to his best friends, he'd dealt with the resentment so many people rightly harboured against him, but he couldn't deal with this. He opened his mouth to speak and couldn't. It took a breath that was shivered with the sobs he'd strangled back to even steady him fit to speak.
"If there is no need for me in Sun sir, if I'm unwanted there, providing there is anyone who would actually take me, I would transfer."
He wrung his hands, internally screaming at himself to stand up, to say that he had done things, that he fought with everything he had and had put everything, ******** everything that he was into their hands. But it was pointless, and he couldn't get through.
"I'm sorry to have cost so much of your time."
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 8:41 pm
Sasha quietly took her leave, the sound of Rep's voice ringing dully in her ears as she slipped out of his room.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 9:44 pm
Harrison's mouth twitched up at the last word.
As far as Sasha went, good riddance.
"Problems," he repeated, "Guess that's part of what got him here." To Rep he said, "it's caused some damage, sure. But that's what makes it ******** spectacular in the field, right."
He put his hand on top of Rep's, and gripped it hard.
"Don't give up, shithead."
He added on a belated, "...sorry for the language, sir."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 9:50 pm
Edith answered with a flat, "You are not allowed to transfer to Moon."
Frowning at Simon, Clarice turned to Rep and gave him a trying hard smile, "You can always come to Life, and I know you have the skill set for tech. But..." once again she frowned at Simon, "...it's your choice. And I don't think Allan would happy if you left."
"Allan-taichou's happiness is secondary to his well-being, Sinclaire," the Sun assist bit out. His eyes slid briefly to Harrison and then dismissed the Moon immediately.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 10:17 pm
Rep's hand was shaking as Harrison took hold of it, all his muscles tense with stress and anxiety. He didn't expect Edith to want him either, he'd never been any good at protecting what counted - he hadn't even been able to do what had to be done in blue kingdom. He hurt too many people and broke too many things to ever be welcome in moon.
He was expecting Clarice to turn him down too, just on principle, he'd pissed off any number of Life hunters in his time on the island. The fact she didn't made him want to cry even more and he didn't understand why. All he knew was that it soothed and hurt at the same time. Someone else was happy to tolerate his s**t but the place where he had invested so much effort and emotion was not. Allan. He didn't know what to think about Allan. He respected the man so deeply and entirely that few even came close. His strength and the purity of his intentions were something he looked up to, something he aspired to one day achieve. But maybe he'd just been deluding himself to think he could ever come close, maybe the nice things Allan had said to him had just been the same nice things he said to everyone because deep down he was a nice guy. Maybe in the end it had just been someone smiling and nodding at him.
Maybe, like so many times before, it had all just been him believing what he just really really wanted to believe.
He was glad he couldn't see them, he didn't think he could have looked any of them in the eye, the end ******** of a long string of ******** that started long before the island but that he'd wished had ended there.
He held onto Harrison's hand like it was a lifeline but even that strength couldn't give him the conviction to mask the teary heaviness of his voice as he spoke. "I.. I want what's best for Allan too." He didn't care about what happened to himself, expendable in the grand scheme of everything. Another deep shivering breath was needed before he could continue. "Whatever you think is correct sir. Please don't make me make another choice."
Not when so many of the others had been wrong.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 10:44 pm
Rep was beyond ******** upset.
"He's out of it," Harrison growled, "He needs time to think when he's not in recovery."
Holding on to Rep's hand was all Harrison could do.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 10:51 pm
"That's right, he does Harrison. Until Allan makes the call or William does, you'll just have to deal with it, Simon," Clarice crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes the Sun assist. Edith just rolled her eyes and muttered something about melodramatics.
Surveying the room, Simon nodded tightly, adjusted his tie and walked out. Watchig him go, Edith sighed, "I think we're done here. You boys can have the remainder of the day, but after that, Hughes has work he needs to do."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:10 pm
Rep was numb. It was too much to handle, too many emotions shaken up together, if his brain was a computer it had lagged almost to a halt. More than anything he just wanted to give into the aforementioned melodramatics and just sob into Harrison's shoulder. But he couldn't even do that, denied by the awkward bandages and constant thrumming pain of his injuries.
And he couldn't just hold onto Harrison indefinitely, couldn't just immerse himself in the comfort of the guys who genuinely did need him because even that now had a time limit. Harrison would have duties constantly and then he would be off island, alone in the armpit of the world while Sasha had free reign of the island.
Right now the idea of being alone seemed like an unscalable cliff face, something he didn't think he'd be able to handle, and he didn't see it getting better.
When he heard the door click closed, he lost it, bringing the hand not still holding Harrison's up to his face despite the pain that accompanied it, sobbing bitterly. He felt Tracey stir, worried about tears messing with his hard work but Rep couldn't do anything about it.
"I didn't want this to happen Ace." he stammered between sobs. "I ..didn't want you to get dragged into it either."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:33 pm
Harrison curled his hand gently, trying to minimize the damage, but letting Rep pull him closer.
"Shh. Come on. It's not your fault. Don't start thinking that s**t. I wouldn't have done any different."
He knelt beside the bed, and rested his head in Rep's lap.
"You hear her? We got the whole day."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:49 pm
He needed a bit of time just to pull himself back together, to reassemble the fractured pieces of his dignity. He wasn't sure what he'd have done without someone there to hold onto.
Still shaky, weakened a great deal by the emotional exertion of the discussion, he ran a hand through Harrison's hair lovingly, he didn't need to see to know how it looked the same way he didn't need to use his eyes to know every scar.
The distress gradually settled into a deep sorrow he couldn't shake, feeling as if he'd lost another thread that tied him to stability with Simon's words. He leaned forward carefully, using his hand as a guide to very /very/ carefully plant an affectionate kiss on the fuzz that was Harrison's hair, his voice quiet and earnest as he said simply. "But I need forever."
The thought of explaining what happened to Jordan, reliving the things Simon had said to him made his gut twist again, and he realised there was a good chance in this case it would be something Harrison would have to do if Jordan didn't want him breaking down.
He sat back up again with a wince of pain and flopped back against the pillows. "And I want to see you."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
