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 Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:02 am
"Violence does sometimes."
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:03 am
"I've just... been so lonely and... and I get so angry..."
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:12 am
I shouldn't have left him alone. Then, immediately after the thought, a sharp swell of anger. I'm not his ******** minder. Nobody is. And the weary frustration struck a suddenly familiar note, sliding through into recognition.
"Nobody's holding your leash," he said. "Next time, hand it to someone who wants to take it."
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:20 am
He sagged. It all sounded so ridiculous when said out loud. But what could he do? He wasn't the only broken person on the island, but he was certainly doing a job of alienating himself from anyone. He didn't mean to, it just... happened.
Someone to hold his leash. His face reddened. That wasn't what he wanted, he knew he needed to hold his own. He HAD the tools, he used to be a finely tuned optimism machine. But it had all run out. He tried to concentrate on his duties, his hobbies, their plans, but he never seemed able to keep his mind on the right things. And then he'd lose control in one way or another, and... things like this happened.
"What Gran would think of me now..."
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 4:24 am
"I never knew your Gran. I couldn't say." Jordan rubbed his thumb over the band of Ferros's ring, taking careful, deep breaths to let himself calm down. Would his parents have been proud of him? He wanted to think so.
Parents ... Ferros trailed off, sounding troubled.
What?
I don't remember. If I had parents.
I'm ... sorry.
Don't be, Ferros said, and the sense of him warmed soothingly. It is what it is.
Jordan wasn't sure that that was all there was on the subject, but he couldn't pursue it now. "Would you be proud to tell her what you've been doing?" he asked instead, on a hunch.
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 11:36 am
"I'd... I'd tell her I was a soldier," He mumbled. After a moment, he laughed uneasily. "She would tell me she'd be surprised I wasn't 4F."
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 12:04 pm
"4F?" Jordan let himself lean against the doorframe. He wasn't coming in, but neither was he leaving right away.
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 12:13 pm
"Old term from like... World War two," Jerry sniffed, shaking his head, "Means you're not fit for being drafted."
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 12:14 pm
"Flat feet and the like, huh." Jordan studied Jerry and turned that thought over in his head.
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 12:16 pm
Jerry fidgeted again, but the initial wave of wooblies seemed to have passed. "I'm sorry. You probably hate me."
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 12:41 pm
"No," Jordan said. "I'm not real happy with you right now, but I don't hate you."
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 1:41 pm
Jerry pursed his lips. "It... it wasn't about Rep. It... it wasn't anything personal." He clarified as though that made things better.
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 1:46 pm
"I didn't really think it was." Jordan rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I don't know what I expected you to say," he admitted, then, more quietly, "But I couldn't sit there and wait for him to wake up any longer."
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:10 pm
"I... I didn't mean to hurt you. Anyone. It just... I knew what I was doing, I wasn't... I mean... but it just kept coming and I'd been cycling through instruments for days and days and trying to write but my brain just... everything was sour notes, already written, too... pointless. And it's all been..." His hands balled again, "And then Rep texted and... and he didn't want me to hold back and so... so... so I didn't. At the time it... it seemed ok. And then there was all this blood..."
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Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 12:56 am
Jordan flinched slightly. All this blood. There would have had to have been, wouldn't there? The injuries - he closed that line of thought off and shoved it away, shaking his head. It would have been easier to deal with if it hadn't been Jerry, in a way; he could have been angrier.
There were probably a lot of people on the island who would take a not-so-secret vindictive pleasure in what had happened, and say that Rep had deserved it. Maybe he had, but Jordan felt sick again at the thought. Too personal. Too close to the whole thing, while not being involved at all.
"I understand, I think," he said, and exhaled, pushing off the doorframe to stand straight again. "I'm - I need to get back. Are you - " he hesitated, didn't ask the stupid question. "Get something to eat. And some rest," he said instead.
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