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 Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2013 4:34 pm
No, you did help, in a way. You helped me see a bright side to continuing a fight that I was starting to think was pointless. Her expression lifted in what would have been a sad smile. Have you ever wondered if, perhaps, there is someone out there, or even in here, She tapped her chest. That could be a better you, than you?
She sighed, and rolled her eyes. That sounds so ridiculous. I'm sorry. Truly, I don't know how to explain this. It might be best to just leave it alone.
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Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2013 4:59 pm
Amrita stared at Riley, the confusion fading away to surprise. It wasn't that she was surprised such a thing would come from someone like the Demoness, but she was surprised that everything that was being said made sense to her. She understood what she was being asked, right down to her core. What's more, she found herself agreeing with the idea.
"I don't have to wonder, I know." Amrita murmured before she could stop it, the shock still evident on what was left of her face. Her head shook briefly as if clearing her own thoughts. "It doesn't sound ridiculous because it isn't ridiculous. I get it, I do." Her free hand came to rest on her own chest in a mimic of Riley's gesture. There she looked conflicted, her lips pressing into a thin frown.
"It's a scary thought."
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Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 11:16 pm
Riley looked pleasantly surprised to hear that Amrita felt like she could understand the problem she was struggling with. She chuckled, and laid back, resting her head on the couch. There was no sense hiding such things - nothing bad could come from this particular truth exposed.
My brain is a very complicated thing. She started, her face lifting in amusement. Or I should say, the only part of me that's really me is my brain. This is me, in here. She tapped her skull. Everything else is just.. it's equivalent to clothing. And so, memory is far more real to me than it is to a typical brain. It's.. a thing. A physical thing. And it's still there, Amrita. She tapped her skull one more time, but this time, the taps were slower, and more poignant. She's still in there. Trying to get out. And for the first time, Riley admitted her true fear. I'm afraid if she succeeds.. whoever I am - whoever I've become, will be gone.
She was afraid of dying. No, that wasn't it. She was afraid of never existing in the first place.
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Posted: Sat Aug 03, 2013 9:33 am
Amrita listened carefully, half interested and half terrified about what she was being told. Riley was just a brain, her flesh was clothing; it was shockingly similar to her own problem in that her core was her, but her flesh was just clothing. Was Riley some sort of Vetala, or were Mindflayers just similar in a strange way? She wanted to ask, but she couldn't make the words form. Instead she continued to listen, hoping that the similarities would end and ease her own mind.
"I understand being just a meat suit..." She murmured to show that she was listening and that she really did understand some of it, at least in part. The similarities did end there, more or less. Having themselves as a being trapped in a meat suit was where the line was drawn, and yet...in some strange way, she still felt there was another her there too, eager to get out. Trying to get out...but instead of being a previous life lived, it was from a dream. What Riley was explaining to her seemed to be a terrifying concept though; two being essentially occupying the same space, and yet they can not co-exist, and are at odds for control. She didn't know what advice to give or what to say, and all she could really do was think back on what had already been said.
"But you are still considering letting her win? Is that the choice you're trying to make, and why you asked me if I'd want her back?"
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Posted: Sat Aug 03, 2013 9:26 pm
It's not as much letting her win, as much as it is an acceptance of my own right to be here. I was a mistake. A creature born out of necessity. A body that lived, while the mind slept, needed another to take care of it. And that's me, I guess. She was only conjecturing, and never really understood who or what she was. But that was how she felt, at the moment. As if she'd been created as a temporary bandage, meant to keep the body alive until the wound had healed.
Then ripped off and discarded, never to be thought about again.
But I'm not so sure I feel like giving up just yet. Her eyes crinkled with faint amusement. I kind of like it here, you know. Riley had a very rich, full life. A life that's mine, now. This would be easier if I had nothing to look forward to. But you know I do.
Her eyes peered at the ghoul in front of her, penetrating with a glance. And your choice? Have you made it, yet? Without saying it, Amrita had been obvious - she was struggling with an issue so similar, it was sure to have brought her to the same crossroads. The only question left was whether she was ready to cross it, or not.
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Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 3:01 pm
"Ah...that's toughie." Amrita acknowledged, scratching her cheek thoughtfully. "That's not really fair to you though...being forced to exist and then threatened with a sort of death." Or like being handed the keys to a new house, and the previous owner returns after a few months saying no, just kidding, get out. "I don't blame you for wanting to stay, she had it really, really good and besides...she died. I can't really give you a straightforward answer though. I'm jealous of the old Riley, but I respected her immensely and I owe her a great debit...but at the same time, as I've already said, she died. You're the new tenant, and though I don't know you very well, I still think you deserve some sort of chance at life." She shrugged, unable to come up with anything else to say.
The question was turned back on her, and it hung in the air for a couple heavy moments, unanswered but focused on, until she was ready to break the silence.
"...No, I haven't. I've thought about it, but..." Amrita shook her head, pointedly looking away from that penetrating gaze. "I think I'm too scared to choose. If I change, I could lose everything and everyone that's become special to me. I'd be content and happy, I think, at least for a while, but I also think I'd be alone. But if I stay how I am now...I'll be unhappy, but at least I'll have my friends." The ghoul sighed.
"I don't suppose there's a way for either of us to meet our choices half way? Get the best of both worlds?" As she suggested it, she realized something: in her situation...there kind of was.
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Posted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:36 pm
But as far as Riley was concerned, she couldn't see a compromise. So she shook her head. I cannot fathom a way. Perhaps I - we - she and I - are too stubborn and selfish to share. Certainly Malodore would be our greatest challenge..
Even as she said it, she felt the curling claws of jealousy tense around her heart.
No. Not that. For now, all I can do is continue to assess the situation, gain input from outside sources such as yourself, and when ready, make an informed decision. She nodded thoroughly. That is the scientific way to approach the problem. Whatever the answer turns out to be, I will be sure of it.
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