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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:01 pm
Ferros angled his head slightly. "Jordan reached for me, and I was there," he said, sounding confused. He didn't remember the time before bonding clearly - it had been a long, dark, silent dream. But he remembered the sensation of stretching in the darkness, knowing with instinctive certainty that someone was calling him, someone he'd been looking for.
His eyes flickered in a blink again. "I will die," he said. "Not now. Not for a long time, I hope." He fell silent for a moment. Then he said simply, "I love Tracey."
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:09 pm
"No one ever asks me if I want anything. It's always just choices already made for me. I was ******** tricked, I could have had a weapon that was like me, where it wouldn't leave me so ******** different. But no. I got stuck with who I got stuck with. "
There was something enraging even about the fact Ferros said he would die, enough to make Rep point at him in accusation, perhaps because the idea of Ferros dying was bound up with the idea of Jordan - and that hurt too much to bear. "You could ******** choose not to. You get a ******** choice. We don't. I can't say oh maybe I won't die today, maybe I'll keep ******** going."
His hands clenched into fists. "And you don't ******** love him. You just think you do. You things can't really ******** love, not really. You aren't even the same ******** species!"
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:16 pm
"I will not have another hunter," Ferros answered, drawing himself up straight and proud, his eyes flaring and then dimming. "I will not. I don't know where humans go, but I am going there too. When the time comes." Hurt lurked under the surface of his voice, badly hidden.
He searched Rep's eyes, looking for both consciousnesses he knew were looking back at him, and for once, he knew what to say. "I feel for Tracey what Jordan feels for you," he said, very quietly.
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:30 pm
"That's your problem then. You still have the choice, even if you choose to be stupid and try and follow where you can't. You are just a fake thing, wherever humans go, wherever Jordan ultimately goes, I'll be there, because I'm human. But you won't."
Tracey's hurt silence was somehow more telling than his usual snarky comments, not sure what to say, hurting to see Ferros hurt and without a voice to comfort him. He held to his last comment most of all, like a lifeline.
Rep however, balked at the very idea, the line of similarity drawn between the emotions hitting the rawest nerve, the very thing he'd been worried about the entire time. "So what you are saying is that his emotions are just a delusion, just some ******** side effect of you."
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:33 pm
"No," Ferros said, not moving. "I did not remember Tracey until I saw him. Heard him." His eyes flickered briefly in apology. Forgive me. I love you.
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:36 pm
"Maybe not ******** consciously, whose to say it wasn't some weird ******** weapon vibe, some ******** new age cosmic fated pull or some s**t. It's too coincidental, too weird." he closed his eyes and shook his head before glaring back at Ferros. "I don't want you near him."
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:40 pm
"You know what he feels," Ferros said, as steadily as he could manage. "As you know what you feel. If the bond is as close." His rumble notched down, the soft steam-hiss that accompanied it pausing for half a moment. "If it is not, how can he make you feel anything?"
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:48 pm
"I barely ******** know what I'm feeling half the time." he snarled. "It was complicated enough before without having someone else's emotions getting tangled up in mine. I don't like this. It feels like infidelity, part of me going off and doing its own thing, thinking its own thing and me ******** allowing it. I'm already stretched as far as I can be without getting jealous." There were so many mingled emotions it was hard to pin one down and inspect it or apply words to it.
Tracey didn't fend him off as he turned his sharp attentions on him, recoiling only at the intensity of the emotions for Ferros that the fallen angel carried. It was terrifying and abhorrent to him, contrary to all his feelings for Jordan and Harrison. The more he looked, the more lost he felt, as if his head was suddenly much much too small and he was claustrophobic. In that moment of panic he didn't want a weapon at all, he wanted the silence of his thoughts and the clarity to know his own mind. He lowered his head into his hands.
"I'm not okay with this."
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:52 pm
Ferros didn't turn away, his red gaze steadying. "Are we part of your souls or are we separate?" he asked. "Is it me loving him or is it you loving Jordan? It has happened, whether or not you are okay with it." His claws flexed, and he held his head high.
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 4:02 pm
"I don't know. I used to think weapons were like. Part of us. Some important bit of our souls that were always missing, that were why we saw all the ******** up s**t other people couldn't. But when s**t like this happens, I start to doubt that. I was okay with the first thing, but the idea of you guys being separate." He shuddered and shook his head again. "No. I don't want that at all." It made something that he'd accepted as an augmentation of himself into something violatory and wrong.
The defiance hadn't fully crumbled though, he didn't like the stubborn way the dragon seemed to have dug his heels in, as far as Rep was concerned there was nothing inevitable about it. "Then you will just have to deal with it having happened in the past tense, because I am not letting him near you again."
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 4:09 pm
"I am not whole without my hunter. He is not whole without me," Ferros said calmly. It wasn't something he had to put any consideration into. They'd settled this long before the first time they'd been forced separate again. It was why they'd pulled themselves closer, deliberately blurring the edges between human and weapon.
A flicker of a blink. Ferros met Rep's eyes, proud and stubborn. "I am not so far away," he said, speaking to Tracey. "I had accepted, already, that once would be the last time. I am still here."
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 4:14 pm
"He was just fine without you before." Rep said. "Maybe he just thinks he needs you now." He'd fallen apart without Tracey, an embarrassing collapse of function. He wasn't used to being dependant and he hadn't even thought about it at the time, but now it just felt sinister.
Tracey was focused only on Ferros, unable to do anything to relax Rep, certain any reason he tried would be met by accusations of manipulation.
Rep snarled irritably, wishing violence was some viable alternative in this situation. "Don't make me have to make it that you are far away." he threatened.
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 4:17 pm
At that, Ferros flinched visibly, his eyes dimming again. "Don't hurt him," he said, uncertain even as he said it who he was referring to, Jordan, or Tracey, or both, the two anchor points of his core, equally as beloved in different ways.
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 4:23 pm
The flinch as far as Rep was concerned meant one thing, power. An effective threat and weakness he could exploit.
Tracey said almost incredulously.
<you and myself then.. I don't know.>> Again his expression faltered before he seemed to steel himself.
"Or what?"
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Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 4:25 pm
Ferros unfolded himself from the floor, standing up. He looked at Rep quietly for a long, silent moment. "Or you will have hurt him," he said.
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