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 Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:26 am
The boil would continue to surprise Riley as he painted a large, and detailed picture of what he thought a family left in Riley and Malodore's hands might turn into. His words were enough to actually make the visions viewable, but as soon as he brought in the boil, the Illithid, Riley's imagination shut down.
All of Calder's words went to waste on a ghoul who refused to think on them.
As I listen to you paint this image, Calder, I realize what you are really seeing is an ideal association based on what you hope you will have with Barth. And that is entirely possible. But.. well.. I know you think quite highly of Malodore. And perhaps you even believe, for some reason, I have the capacity to rear a scareling without completely corrupting every moral fiber within it. But you lack some very vital information that just.. it renders this entire conversation moot.
She let out a sharp sigh, and opened her eyes. Maybe, if there was a way to assure that any children I spawn with Malodore were guaranteed plague doctors, I would consider it. But there will be no Illithids born from my Fear in this world, Calder. Despite how absolute her words sounded, the tiniest inflection of desperation tinged her thoughts with color and fear. Besides, not everyone in this world has to spawn. Are you saying.. do you not think my company will be enough for Malodore?
There was that twinge of fear again.
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:33 am
He frowned at her, not getting what was causing her so much dislike at the idea. To then make it specific, he was just more confused, and his head turned and his ears pivoted as he looked at her.
At the question, as much as he didn't like to think of a family without scarlings, he did acknowledge that it just wasn't possible for some.
"Malodore loves you a lot. I don't think It would leave you. Though, I don't know if you asked if It wants scarlings or not. What did It say about it?" He had hoped to see a little Malodore one day.
Frowning, he continued. "Why don't you want a Illithid like you but you'd be okay with a Plague Doctor. Or that you'll corrupt it? You don't corrupt your friends. Why would you corrupt a little scarling?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:40 am
Calder asked the one question that Riley had been very, very careful not to think about until it was laid bare in front of her. It hadn't mattered, until the subject came up. And it had never come up.
With Malodore, anyway.
I. We've never. That isn't a subject we've come to discuss at this time in our relationship. It's just. It isn't. She rubbed her face with one hand in distress. It hasn't come up.
Of course, Calder's second question was the one she'd been very anxious to avoid. She hedged, trying to explain it as vaguely as possible. But in the end, it wasn't something she could run away from very easily.
We. Often. Kill our parents at birth. Calder didn't need to know that she'd been speaking from experience, but the danger was still present, and still very real. Illithid scarelings, emerging from pumpkins, have no sense of who they're trying to.. ah..
Did Calder even understand what Illithids were? She somehow doubted it.
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:45 am
"Ah, well, you should at some point. It's important after all to talk about these future things. We're not going to be students forever. We'll be graduated and adults." Calder was going to be a full stallion with a hunka-hunka demon for his bride.
At the explaination, Calder was just a bit more confused and a lot more shocked. "Kill? But they're just little things. How can a scarling take on a full adult an OFTEN?" How Often was Often? Why would a scarling do that? Why would a parent not put a cage around the pumpkin if the little one was so wild coming out?
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:52 am
Details were not something she was comfortable discussing, so as soon as Calder began asking, Riley's hands rose up in the air and waved frantically. You needn't concern yourself with the hows and whys. This is how things must be, and for that reason, I will not be having scarelings. And when the time comes.. for.. that discussion to be held.. Her skin blushed a hot, dark purple, I will explain it to Malodore. It will understand.
She chuckled nervously. But I don't think we have to worry about that for just a bit. Even if we are living together after graduation, there is always time to worry about such things later. After all, we're not even -
Her words stopped, and her fingers touched the smooth, cold band of metal that hung loose around her wrist. If she had a mouth, the expression on her face indicated she would have been frowning.
Calder, you seem confident in your relationship with Barth. I'm happy for that. Tell me, how do you find yourself in possession of this confidence? Was it something he said?
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:07 am
Seeing Riley flustered was oddly satisfying, but in this case it brought more concern than amusement. The topic was too dark and serious to be cracking a visible smile. Instead, he was dying to know the exact details of why Riley and Malodore couldn't extend their family.
When Riley tried to brush the details off and instead move to something else that was just as concerning, he decided to set aside the scarling details for just a moment and think about it.
Setting the magazine aside, he gave the question some thought. "Confidence how? That Barth loves me or that I'll be with him forever?" It seemed sort of the same question in the end now that he thought about it. "Well, I'm not exactly confident, Riley. Barth says he loves me, and that makes me very happy, but I've been with enough boils who have showed up, said they loved me, even kissed me, but left the next day. Even if words are a serious thing for demons, your kind has a layer of deceit they take pride in."
He paused a moment, feeling that tingling ache when he remembered all the ones before Barth that made him feel ugly and unwanted. Just monster trash not good enough for anyone.
"Barth is handsome and comes from a demon family. They had a sort of standard, and he already has two ghouls on his tail. In the end, I can never know if he will ever decide to be with Lilith or change his mind and go through with his engagement with Siddie. It's bothered me for a long time that he'd go with a demon ghoul." But that was before.
"But that's the risk with love. There are a million 'What Ifs' in the future I can't prepare for that might happen, and the only thing I can put faith and hope in is that Barth loves me every time he says those three words. That in the end, out of all the 'What Ifs', there is that one that will be me and Barth living together forever. It's that one scenario that I would fight hunters and creatures to get, and with all my heart, I put faith that those three words are true whenever he says then or when he's next to me. That he wants my company and that I'm needed. In the end, I put all my faith in him and our love. That's all I can do. It's not confidence. It's just hope."
He smiled, somewhat sadly, before looking up at Riley. "Don't you feel the same way about Malodore after everything you two have been through?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:33 pm
Calder proceeded to tell Riley more information than she ever could have asked for - but she was never one to turn away information. In fact, half of what he said was new to her, and she ate each morsel up carefully, keeping each name under consideration. Barth was more of a player than she'd previously expected.. a fiancee to Siddie, a ghoul named Lilith on the side, and yet Calder was already thinking about scarelings with him? She had to admit, Barth was winning certain bonus points in Riley's book for his impeccable juggling abilities.
I'm glad you feel that way, Calder. It means you're strong in the face of adversity. Especially since you're smartly aware of the rather delicate nature of demons and deceptiveness. I'm afraid I know nothing about your relationship with Barth, but I've never heard anything to make me believe he feels otherwise - I'm sure your hope, and trust, is founded. What I was most curious about, however, is whether he.. hmm. I suppose, what I'm looking for is if Barth is on the same page as you? In terms of.. well.. She closed the magazine in her hands, and held it up lightly. You seem to be preparing rather fervently. The reason I ask this isn't to question your relationship with Barth. It's.. actually..
She put the magazine down, and fingered the bracelet carefully again. There was a long pause, before she began anew. I love Malodore. Her quiet, reserved voice barely whispered out. And it loves me. But it loved.. her, as well. Things are.. complicated. And I don't know if we're at the same place in our relationship. With my recent demise and rebirth, it makes things.. complicated. You talk of scarelings and castles. I can barely manage to see anything past graduation anymore. And I'm not used to that, you see. Her fingers twisted anxiously. I've always known every step ahead of me. Until now.
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:44 pm
"I can't speak for Barth. I try and talk to him as much as I can. Jack knows he doesn't say much and doesn't bring up serious topics out that often. He's easy going and he prides himself on his.....uh...well, his way." He was a sloth demon after all, and while Calder wished for more talking or movement at times, part of being with Barth was accepting that was what he was. It was also something Calder loved in that he could be there for him and tend to him, be needed, but other times he grew frustrated by the lack of energy or enthusiasm.
When Riley started to talk about the past, Calder listened with focused interest. It was strange considering Calder only consoled Malodore and gave him advice about his relationship with Riley, but never really had the chance to ever hear the other side.
'Malodore does love you very much. I've talked to him many times, and you have always been on his mind. If you're not sure about your relationship, and if that's making you uncomfortable or unsure, you need to sit down with him and talk it out. As for not seeing ahead...'
He paused. "Are you afraid that Malodore might not be with you after graduation? Is that why you can't look ahead and think of the future? That's not a good thing, Riley.' If she focused on the past and who she once was, then it would be harder to look ahead. "I can't begin to understand how it is for you, to not know who you once were and wanting that back, but you are still Riley. You still react and feel and touch the same in the body than before. You're making your own history again. I hope Malodore isn't making you feel bad in trying to make you remember it all perfectly and be exactly like before.' Calder had warned Malodore about that.
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:52 pm
In a rare, and never to be repeated moment of honesty, Riley curled her legs up and rose her knees to wrap her arms around them, staring at Calder intensely. I'm not afraid Malodore won't want to be with me forever. She murmured, her words coming in more of a rush than usual, because it was unclear why Calder was the first to hear of her real fears, but she didn't want to tuck her thoughts away as she usually did. Just once..
I'm afraid of making plans for the future, because I don't think it will be me experiencing it. Malodore will live with Riley, and they will return to normal. She narrowed her eyes, just slightly. And I'll be forgotten. Like I never existed. Have you ever considered what it would be like to stop existing, Calder? It's not a pleasant fear.
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:16 pm
Never had he seen Riley in such a state, and it was distressing to say the least. Why was it that she was telling him when she was surrounded by so many friends?
Setting the magazine on the table, he took a breath. "When I was growing up, no one wanted me around or to play with me. I only had my parents. Sometimes I wondered if it mattered that I existed. Sometimes I didn't want to. But things get better. I made a lot of friends and I love someone. I'm different from who I once was, from the person I was before coming to Amityville. If Barth met the past me or the me now, yes, we would be different. BUT, I think it's through our time together that we fell in love."
He turned to her. "Riley, you are the only one here. You can only be the one experiencing anything. Your feelings are true. This..." He gestured to her. "Is not another Riley experiencing them. Even this doubt is you. If you love and fell in love with Malodore not from past experiences or because you were told, but because how you feel now, from what you two shared together as THIS Riley, then you have something special. Then YOU here deserve to have a future with him. The Riley from the past isn't coming back, and she doesn't need to, because we all are different than the person we once were. What matters is how you feel now as you."
He smiled to her. "So the question remains, dismissing what you feel is expected of you, that you should be someone from before, does this Riley here now, as you..." He pointed to her chest as best he could between her raised knees. "..deep in there, love Malodore and want to be with him forever?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:36 pm
If Calder thought seeing Riley in distress was disturbing, he was going to have nightmares about what came next. It was obvious, by the look on her face, that she appreciated the way he talked about who she was now. Maybe it didn't answer any of her problems, but it made her feel better to know someone was on her side. Her side.
So she reached out and hugged him.
Riley couldn't have known how awkward and odd hugging Calder was, for her. As far as she knew, he was just another person who knew her - perhaps they'd fought in the past, but he was here, and his advice was sound. Additionally, he always seemed to be affectionate to others, and she saw no reason why he would find a hug from her disturbing. But more importantly, she felt like she needed to hug him. It was important, because it was her decision. The past was set aside in place for something she felt was right.
It was short, and not very clingy. When she pulled away, her expression looked worlds lighter than it had been a moment ago. Of course I do. I never want to give up what I've found with Malodore. Nothing matters more than that. Her eyes crinkled at the sides. I, too, am determined in the face of adversity, just like you, Calder. Perhaps that was part of the reason why we had such a troubled past. Two strong personalities often butt heads.
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:45 pm
The hug was not expected, and he tensed in her hug, ears back and eyes wide as she held him. While this wasn't the same Riley from before, his body was just used to expecting some sort of violence from the demon most of the time, and here he was in the predator's hold. However, once his brain caught up and told him be was being hugged, he breathed out and smiled, listing one hand awkwardly to touch her back. She still smelled like flowers under a hot sun.
When she pulled back, he dropped his hand. "I guess that could be why, and thick skulls sure help with head butting." To which he took a fist and lightly tapped his one thick skull. "I'm glad that you feel that way for Malodore. I couldn't see him with anyone else, even if it's with a Noodle Head like you."
"So you'll talk to Mal then - about the future?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:58 pm
Noodle head.. Riley frowned at the nickname. She hoped that didn't stick.
We already did, briefly. At least, we spoke of generalizations. Where we want to be, after we graduate. Her cheeks darkened slightly at the subject. Being together was obvious. But it mentioned wanting to stay close to Amity, so it wasn't far from all of the people it cares for. I hadn't actually expected to stay nearby.. Her urge to flee was still high. But leaving Malodore isn't an option. It's happiness comes first.
She fidgetted with her hands slightly. That is as far as the conversation went, for the most part. Details aren't - like I said, I'm not sure we're both - it's not a simple thing, to discuss, so early after my return, it's just -
She took in a sharp sigh, and stopped trying to explain herself.
This is why I was curious about how you and Barth.. communicate.
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 10:21 pm
"Well it's good you at least brought it up to start thinking about it. That's a start, and it's better to have mentioned it to start getting those ideas forming. We'll all be graduating soon, and the last thing anyone wants to have is to be in a panic. Leaving the school, when it has been like my entire life, makes me nervous enough. I want to feel better knowing I have a plan and a destination to settle into without feeling lost. The world is scary when you think we'll be adults and all." He shivered. "But I'm starting to think of it as a good fear. That it's new, but I can plan for it. That it has a lot of possibilities." Like a home he and Barth picked out, a way of life to help around with finances, a career, and a family.
As for communication, Calder just flared his nostrils and huffed. "Barth doesn't communicate well, that's for sure. The key to him is bringing stuff up, and keep asking. I don't want to make all the decisions for him or else it wouldn't a future we build together. So I tend to buy magazines, show him pictures, and tell him what he would like and what is even possible. Showing him that I've been interested and looking into it makes it easier, and to keep pressing it without being too much of a Nagging Nelly. In the end, like with everything, it's slow going, but we get there. The main part is figuring out what you might like first and thinking about it, then you two can share ideas and thoughts. If Mal has already thought of living nearby, then he's probably already thought about more than just that."
Riley still seemed unsure, and taking a few magazines, Calder set them beside her. "Take these and just...just look through them. Just starting to daydream and thinking about it will make you think about what you might like. Keep them on the table when Malodore shows up, and ease into the conversation. It's just best to think of the future because seeing a place to go to after graduation makes it all less scary. At least for me. It doesn't make graduation feel like the end, but just another step leading to a home."
He though about it and smiled. "I'm not very good at ...um...demon decor. Barth likes very fancy things and I don't know half the things he has that makes his room so pretty. Maybe sometime..you could me pick that stuff out so I know where to go find them and what looks good together. You know, since your room is so pretty." Calder's room was just wicker baskets and moss. Even he got alarmed when Barth let him pick out nice clothes online because he often felt he was asking too much. His kind didn't use seeds as much as they just traded. He didn't even know where to begin in furnishing the home he'd pick out with Barth.
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Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 1:24 pm
Regarding the boil carefully, Riley started to realize something that she was sure her old self could have never noticed. While she'd never been close with him, it seemed as if he had everyones best intentions at heart, and he tried so very hard to make sure the relationships around him were progressing in a healthy and fruitful manner. He even tried to convince her to have scarelings - a futile endeavor, but still one that was based on a desire to nurture relationships.
Calder was a little bit of a love guru, wasn't he?
I'm glad you came to talk to me today, Calder. She murmured with a sense of appreciation she hardly expressed. You seem to know much when dealing with matters of the heart. She picked up one of the magazines, and waved it gently. Thankfully, I know much when dealing with matters of style. I'd be glad to help you through any design choices when you're picking out decor and desire it to be a little more comforting to the demonic eye. Her expression lifted, wrinkles showing at the corner of her eyes. It'd be fun.
Whether or not she would take his advice on daydreaming was left untouched - she felt it more important, and easier, to discuss her appreciation and her acknowledgement.
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