Welcome to Gaia! ::

Thank you, it's nice to know we can work this out.

redface What you calling us friggin adorable for? sweatdrop Jeez you're making me blush. sweatdrop

Aw well congrats! Hope all goes well!

No problem, I'm glad I could help a little. ^.^

Your relationship reminds me of my own in some ways, actually.

My guy and I initially met because we hang out with the same group of guys, who are all straight. At the time, he wasn't out (although I was), and I never suspected he might not be straight. Except...then things happened between us.

At first, we were still just friends (with benefits), and it was kind of awkward because neither of us wanted to let our guard down, emotionally speaking. We were both scared to bring up the possibility of anything romantic because we each didn't want the other person to get weirded out. We talked about video games, music, girls, work...anything but sexuality or our actual feelings for each other. razz

On top of everything else, none of our friends knew what was going on, so we were on edge all the time making sure that we didn't accidentally let anything slip.

Anyway, it took a while, but it sorted itself out eventually. Gestures that were initially hesitant and clumsy became easier each time, and now don't even really require thought. We just kind of... had to force ourselves through the awkwardness in order to build up the necessary level of communication between us. Being able to be open and romantic with each other definitely wasn't something that came naturally to either of us, especially considering the "bro" dynamic that we started off with.

He's still an awesome guy to hang out with and party with, but now he's also my guy. Best of both worlds, for sure. whee

Anyway, congrats to you two for almost two years together! That's awesome.

I am straight, myself, though I do feel that I have a bit of special insight into the situation, because this is very much how it happened with my wife and I. She identified as a lesbian from a very young age and continued to do so until we spent an absolutely bewildering (for her, that is) week together for a convention and visit to Disneyland. We've been together ever since, and I'm hearing many of the same sentiments echoed, right down to the "Not attracted to any other men."
I think what you have is great and I hate to be discouraging, but it's been two years, and it's still that awkward? That does sound extremely difficult, indeed. Things must be feeling rather insurmountable at this point. Of course it was the same way with her, but this took a matter of months rather than years to work itself out.
Just because this is something that hasn't been broached yet, I feel I should ask... Do you love him? Two years is actually when most of the endorphins wear off, so a sort of time of testing may be upon you. Knowing that you love him and the variety of love is romantic is pretty important, as is being sure that he feels the same way and that both of you are communicative.

Insurmountable is a way to put it. It seems like losing him is the biggest fear I've ever experienced (even more than when I thought I had gotten a girl pregnant) and I've been feeling it alot lately as our anniversary approaches. We knew each other for 6 years before getting together for the 2 so we've been through alot of life drama before.

I don't know, I mean I've been prone to saying 'I love you' way too soon before in past relationships (only to find it not that emotionally difficult to leave them) and I didn't want to make the same mistake, especially with a relationship as possibly life-changing as this one. We used to only say 'I love you' if it was followed by 'man' or 'bro', now we don't say it at it all,walking on eggshells and whatnot. I do care about him though, the type of care I'm still trying to sort out. Okay, that's probably a lie. I'm probably just scared of whether or not he feels that way. The fact that I waited so long to say it, afraid of ruining everything, is probably proof of how special he is to me. Deep down, I really think I do feel for him that way, I just don't have the balls to out and say it.

You would think that after so long of doing so little as a couple, we would've drifted by now. But in a way, it feels more like with each passing day, we keep getting over a new hurdle, and it's like it feels like I'm falling for him over and over again.

You're scaring me, man. You're really scaring me ;n;.

Like I said, I really don't want to discourage or scare you. It seems to me like this relationship is really good for you and I'd really rather see it succeed.
Really... I don't know what it means that you are both so self-restrained after this long. Obviously you're both taking it seriously, but it seems to me that it rather goes without saying that your relationship would be a lot better were you each more... Comfortable being in it.
Rather than view your second anniversary as a time of trepidation or the demise of your relationship, you could instead try viewing it as a golden opportunity, one that you just might not get again.
I recommend a classic, grand romantic gesture. Frankly I'm terrible at these myself, though I did once hear a very charming one where a girl talked about how she hand painted boxes and filled them with candy and hid them and did a little scavenger-hunt type thing with her boyfriend one year when she didn't have the money to buy him a more traditional gift. I'm not saying that's the route that you should go, nor do I know what your financial situation is but I do think that you should do something out of the ordinary. I think that if you want it to be permanent (and it certainly sounds like you do), if you can afford it, you may want to go the route of some sort of jewelry. It can be as tastefully manly as anything you can imagine, but it should be something lasting that could be worn, something that would remind him of you, and it should be an unmistakably romantic gesture... And it should also come with a confession of love.
I know this is out of the ordinary for the two of you, but I think that may be just what you need. If both of you keep yourselves so tightly bottled, I fear that after those endorphins are gone you may just find yourselves... worn out.
When I think about how scared you must be by saying it, I remember my wife, literally almost sick with fear when trying to tell me. Believe me when I say that I know what it is that I suggest, but if it's still this hard to say after two years, it's pretty clear to me that time won't make it any easier.
You certainly don't have to take any of these suggestions, but I can't shake the feeling that if you don't do something special and sincere, you may find yourself regretting it for a very long time.
And in the hopes of lightening things just a bit...

;u; Thank you.
That sounds scary as ********, and I'm getting all embarrassed and uncomfortable just thinking about it but I'm gonna try because I think he's worth it.
Yes I can, god damn it scream !

1. Thank you
2. I think it's a bit late to get tickets to something good now but I could probably do something equally awesome.
3. Normally, this is where I would say "I'm not even sure if I do love him yet", but honestly at this point, it's starting to get obvious how I feel, ain't it? And I'd be lying if I said that that thought doesn't scare me every waking moment of my life. The thought of him leaving because he feels like I don't care about him enough is beyond something I think I can handle.
4. I will. I won't let what I have get away from me because I couldn't open my damn mouth.
5. Thank you, really. For telling me your story, for the advice, and for the support. It really helped.