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Theme: Is it better off alone?

The mind left pondering
where are we wondering
everything changed as what we used to know
just trying to keep up with the flow
but times changed and played a different tune
like a wolf howling to the moon
or greed of things they inherit
on how they bear it
like the cake
that are half bake
if that's what gonna take
only showing up once a year
just for a damn cheer
but know nothing, only the things you hear
thinking its past fact
knowing how you react
so its best to keep your mind in tacked
of the things you backed
waiting for the moment it attacked
then see whats really an act
of the things they analyzed
till the day they realized
what they saw with their eyes
missing out on the potential
blinded to things that were essential
of the things they prejudged
and these petty grudge
so quit trying to nudge
where were you on the days I never budged
why do you even care
or was it a dare
your like smoke fading into the air
just to make it fair
your emotion never fazed me
it only grazed me
emotions drifted away
only the final stand that sway
don't convince me to stay
word with no meanings are left to say
but there is another day
to build up the words we lay.......

beats i used to write this (Nujabes~ part 5 instrumental)
theme: you are... for who you are

times of getting used to
like the clouds changes in the surrounding of blue
written in a book of raps
every time my mind relapse
reminding my self before it collapse
for each day time ticks for a new dawn
trying to see through this tunnel for what is beyond
just to see if the grass is really greener
as my senses become keener
just so i can understand this contemplation
experimental thinking for the imagination
picking up the possibility
like a ripple affecting reality
finding one true way from the mentality
as the door open more choices
of a thousand voices
that fades out into the static
yet its only made out of plastic
compared to the golden path
rewarded by the aftermath
quit clinging to the past
cause the things you do will always last
but i never said to forget
before you might regret
when you blindly changed
as if your personality rearranged
are you really your self
or was it the wealth
the world seems like its based on popularity
witch doesn't seem fair to me
where is the clarity
when people does not understand who you are
so i set my distance from a far
like the built up of tar
that stay in your lung, every time you stay among
as if they say hold your tongue
every time you try to be unique
i guess the future really is bleak
with no verity of color, so it only getting duller

Its only an equation for that mental persuasion
noted out on the invasion
feeding the mind like inflation
leaving only a clue
to find whats really true
as only facts sticks like glue
but whats really dire
I mean, your will of fire
of the things you desire
as it stay lit in the center of your chest
that drown out the thoughts of the rest
are you doing it for the best
if so... put it through a test

A few lines, ill finish this later when I have a pc

Just going to speak up like evaporation
And let it fall in place as if it was precipitation
Marking my own path for the exploration
through my will of fire's determination
Still,
stray thoughts won't stop me
From the advantages that set my mind free
Or the things I made to be,
through the catalyst that made me see
Like a solus key
With the teeth of many combination
Made by an unique imagination
Just to open a box for the occasion

its been ages and yet I keep hitting the same problem when I talk to people in rl and keep hearing the same thing over and over. I think its better written down...

J. Cole~In the morning (The beat I used)

your reading level may be at any rate but the requirement is fifth grade to open the gate
guessing you never really read a poem, call it a nursery rhyme
the problem is, this is the most simplified shyt I'll ever rap
Just to keep this wound sterilized and minimize, once the thought is injected
for now its rejected like a wall waiting to fall,
brick by brick just to see what tick
on this contraption. unaware my words are the distraction
while the image projected is an abstraction for the separation of my spit and meaning
One day I'll see you at the cafeteria of what's cooking with my criteria
so here's a toast cause life is a living jail made of plenty of things that fail
and the only when your dead your allowed to bail
as those who live will tell the tail.
well my bad, I talk like this to control my schizophrenia, by the focusing on the era(error)
where you need to snipe the full meaning of what is said
though its zoomed in Like a camera scope, just to make sure its not giving false hope
but nope, its taken on by the perspective and how down to earth your mind, thirst
This Shyt right here is a key to understand how my mind works
I'm not saying it has it perks but expect to be misunderstood
which has better impression if your eyes are closed
like your brain is in the process of melting waiting for it to be finish smelting
for the blacksmith to finish bonding the two different materials
making all your questions, variables at the same time rhetorical.
cause when I put down five lines its entwine into a rope with extra strength to cope
likes the flames that pierces the sky and dims to a point where you can hold it in your hand
as you inhale looking up, waiting for one shot across your vision.
it lights up your eyes like a forth of July, forgetting your worries and why as if fills your euphoria
just maybe you will be found in this world but the only one that knows your place is "what reflects off of your iris.
So here is where I put these lines to rest.

Time to place my negativity down somewhere
Knowing by comparing it others makes mine like air
But I'm just to show your pain can be there to share
Maybe later you might look at it at by a lighter situation
For the day where i feel numb and losing myself for feeling nothing
only when s**t was inflicted and argument conflicted I start to feel something
sadly i can't find my own happiness
like feeling under the pressure from the bottom of the ocean abyss
while being stuck in the darkness
only to see a small hint of light from those next to you being flushed away by the underwater current.
Days i wonder why i suffocate myself with carbon dioxide to kill my worries like pesticide
hence why i was never sober Though its just another cover
Its like a shark swimming in open waters going frenzy alone
knowing you put some sriracha sauce on everything and got used the spice
as days or maybe years pass it became cold like ice
if Life is a privilege then everyone is on the edge
waiting for wave of euphoria to tip you over to cliff dive
all that is waiting for me is to drive
finding more places where i can grow old about
having my depression regulated to a certain amount.

I think i have gotten better.

i finally recorded my self for the first time

Edit, March 31, 2018* Okay....it has been sitting out long enough to reveal this.
Put the volume up by 3-4 clicks from mute and put it behind a door. Part 2 hidden conversation.

Ebola Virus....In my own theory, its cause by global warming

Reason for thinking: Location can be set as the perfect warm weather witch is a cesspool for bacteria to reproduce. environment's sanitation may take part as well. plus allowing bacteria to adapt and grow stronger to a point where (i think its possible bacteria turned virus or parasite.)

what backs up my theory:
when scientist look down a microscope to look at bacteria. they sometimes microwave it to be warm to produce more bacteria