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 Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 9:32 am
"Enough. No - too much, perhaps." It reached up one hand and brushed a tentacle aside so it could see her face better; so it could be reassured that no scar from the fragment's blade remained on her skin. "I was afraid for you," it admitted, looking away. "A creature that has been injured shies away from similar circumstances... I am, in the end, no better than those I heal. A scar of the body is easily mended, but scarring of the mind... I am at a loss, mia cara..." It rested its head against her shoulder again. "I do not wish to exist so, cringing away from potential pain and imagining the worst." It hadn't been this way before. They had been, in a sense, invincible. Dissipation had become only a temporary inconvenience. It had possessed courage and confidence - in itself, and in everyone around it. Invisible wounds were the hardest to heal.
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Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 11:23 pm
The intensity in its words had Riley's playful demeanor fading away. She moved in closer, laying herself gently against it as it poured its heart and fears out. It was she, that had instilled this fear into the plague doctor. Her death had done this. This irrevocable thing.
Her eyes dimmed, and crescented with sadness. She wrapped her arms loosely around its waist, and her fingers stroked nervously at its back.
I'm hurting you. Her voice was soft, and gentle. A far cry from what she usually sounded like. Has this irrevocably transformed our relationship in such a way that we are controlled, not by our strength, but by our fear? There was a tremble in her words, and her eyes glistened. Malodore, what must I do to rectify what has been lost? I have no more promises to make, no more assurances to give. All I have left is.. is my will to live. To return to you, time and time again. I must. But I can never promise anything anymore, for the world has stolen my stubborn naivety. Her eyes closed, and her brow tensed in anger. I don't- want to let it- steal you too-
Her head bowed inward and pressed, hard and demanding, against the side of Malodore's as her words failed her.
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 8:18 pm
"No... no, mia cara. It is not you." The plague doctor's words were a mere whisper; if they had not been so close, they would have been inaudible. "I would have allowed my heart to remain closed to you, otherwise - shut up away from everything. Touched by no one." As its fragment had been. It shuddered again at the memory, and felt foul by association. "I have... seen the cost of such a life. It is too high a price to pay." It breathed in and out, just once, attempting to calm itself. "This... all of this, this never should have happened. Not to us. I came here to learn, not to fight a battle ignored by everyone else in our world..." Its grip on her tightened, almost painfully. "And yet I cannot walk away. I know you cannot, either. We both know too much..."
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 9:16 pm
How can you say it is not me? Loving me has brought you pain. She couldn't help but think to its alternate version, as well. Where Malodore saw a high price to pay, Riley saw something different. The monster it had become without the morality it had cultivated and the love it treasured was..
Familiar. Horrific. Different. Terrible. Wonderful.
The guilt flared in her chest again, and she groaned, pressing her face into its chest.
You're right. She whispered, her thoughts unmuffled by her actions. We can't stop. But it really isn't fair. I only know one thing for sure, anymore. Her head lifted, widened eyes staring up at its face. I'm so lucky to have your love. Without you, these trials would have twisted me in ways I cannot express with words.
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:38 pm
"Pain is... inevitable," it said, slowly. "I know this. My kind, we gain our sight, our voices, in excruciating pain. We can see, but there is a price in pain to be paid. Perhaps it is a more profound lesson than I knew, though I am sure the elders did not intend it." It opened its beak in a smile so slight it would be easy to miss, the plague doctor equivalent of a grin gone wry or crooked. And still... "Loving you has brought me joy. Losing you has brought me pain. But you are here, now... I am here, now..." One hand came up to run gently down a tentacle, mimicking how one might run fingers through a lover's hair. " Io sono al di là di fortuna. It did not have to go this way." That last sentence, in its mind, encompassed so much - its fragment's memories and being. Its own being; its history. The Casa. The Insanity. The experiments to bring Riley back. So many things could have gone differently. So many stars had to align for just this moment to arrive...
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 11:41 pm
The layers of doubt, insecurity, and passionate fear were peeled away carefully in its claws, as it comforted her with the inevitability of their fate. It was something she'd already known, and accepted readily - if she had to die, a million times, just for a chance to be in Malodore's arms again the way she was now - if she had to suffer, and fight, just to have this one moment, there was never any question. No pain in the world proved equivalent to the idea of losing this tether, this string of red tying her heart to this world through the plague doctor. It was her reason for living. Where do you see yourself now, once you graduate? The question was disjointed from the conversation, except that it truly wasn't. She knew what Malodore's aspirations had been, before all of this. Now, she knew all of her goals had irrevocably changed, and curiosity concerning its plans bloomed.
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:01 pm
The question startled it, and for a moment it looked at her with confusion. "I, ah... hm," it managed. "I had.. always felt that graduation was far away. Infermiera Cricket has much to teach me still, after all... I suppose I should speak with her more about plans for the future," it said, slowly. "For my education. I do not wish to stop learning, not when there is more to know..." It shifted its wings, a little uneasily. "This place, this... this is home. I have nowhere else to go..." The thought of having to leave made it feel vaguely ill.
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 8:25 pm
The thought made Riley similarly ill, for opposite reasons. Malodore thought of this place as home, which meant it wanted to be here for as long as it could. As far as she was concerned, Riley was done with this place. She wanted to abandon it to its own chaotic destruction, and find a new niche to begin again.
But those plans did not mesh well. And she found herself unintentionally trying to make adjustments to her own life to amend the rift. Which meant..
So you'll be staying here, then? Her voice was quiet, and careful. It betrayed little. Even after you've graduated?
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:11 pm
"I am not sure," it admitted. "I wish to learn, and this place has offered me more learning and acceptance than anywhere I have ever been... not that I am well-traveled, but. I cannot - do not wish to - go back to the Casa. Though Armida loves me, Corvilla cannot be my home..." It shook its head. "I want to stay close to my friends - no, my family. Family of my choice, not anyone else's. The thought of us all simply blowing away to different corners, like leaves in the wind..." It fumbled for one of her hands, twining its claws through her fingers with almost painful tightness. "I do not wish to ever leave your side, of course. Yet all these others I have come to care for..." It sighed, raggedly. "The world changes. I know this. I wish to... to guide those changes myself now, a small amount. I wish to learn and grow and set off on a path of my own choosing. I would wish the same for those I care about, and yet my heart cries not too far..." It looked up at her. "And... and you, mia cara? I think... I think that... that home can be a person, not a place..." It reached up its free hand to trace along her cheek.
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:44 pm
The thought of blowing away to a far corner sounded strangely delightful, to Riley. Her delight dissipated the moment she realized just how far those corners promised to take her from Malodore. It wished to stay close, to be close, and all she really wished was to stay close to it. Even if that meant..
Her eyes fluttered closed when the touch of its claw brushed against her cheek. She lifted her hand, pressing it gently against the back of its own, and her shoulders lifted and fell in a light, uncertain shrug. I don't know what I want, anymore. I thought.. but I guess.. I need time to find a new place in this world for me. The old one was ripped away, leaving me homeless and alone. Though, I was not that way for long, thanks to you.
Her eyes opened again, and in them, a spark of the emotion Riley felt for the plague doctor shone through in her eyes. This place is not my home. Perhaps it was, once upon a time, but now.. it's not. Her hand tightened within its claws. The only home I know now is you. You are my home, Malodore.
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 6:46 pm
" Tu sei mio," the plague doctor said quietly. Though a smile was not visible in the curve of its beak, its tone lightened to indicate its amusement. "I am quite sure you can coerce the world to give you any place you desire, mia cara. What was taken from you were only chains." A flicker in its memory indicated Riley's own words, her worries about the hive finding them. Her family. Her father. "Freedom is a great and terrible thing, is it not?"
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Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2013 11:53 pm
Convince the world.. the words that, with ease, Riley once assumed to be her birthright. Words that held nothing but questions now, furthered by the reminder that those same chains that held her captive - chains she was, in fact, glad to be rid of for all the reasons Malodore's memories reminded - were the chains that she used to pull the world towards her. Chains that were now broken, lying useless and leading nowhere.
A great, and terrible thing. It was a perfect phrase for how she felt about the subject at that moment. Had I been given the chance, the choice, to give it up to keep you safe, then yes. I would have chosen it without question. But in this way, I was never given a choice. It was never my decision to die. And somehow, with the choice itself ripped away from her, the end result felt hollow, less meaningful.
And in that hollowness was left a great void of confusion.
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Posted: Fri Mar 08, 2013 5:48 pm
A lump rose in its throat, quite unbidden. "If I could have possibly spared you that, I would have," it said, swallowing hard against the threat of old, old tears. "That place... it was a disaster. Terrible. What I saw there-" The plague doctor shook its head, its eyes sliding closed. Memories flickered in the darkness, all framed from its perspective, cradled in Riley's petrified tentacles and arms. The shockwave devouring the Isles. The Phoenix, high and boiling and terrible. The feeling of terrified loss - the feeling of being alone as every being around it writhed under a mental taint the plague doctor could not sense. It heaved a sigh and leaned its head against her own, touching bone to flesh. "But the only way is forward... and if I had to move without you at my side, mia cara, I would not be able to continue at all."
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Posted: Fri Mar 08, 2013 7:29 pm
Riley wanted none of those memories. She'd seen it all, and saw it again, but as soon as they started to bubble into Malodore's conscious thoughts she closed herself off tightly and buried herself even deeper into the plague doctors hold. If there had been a way to change things, Malodore would have done it, at any cost. She knew this already. Never, not once, had she doubted that fact.
But now, she couldn't decide whether she would have wanted it this way, or not.
Regardless, nothing mattered but that truth - the only way was forward. She nodded when she heard it, and felt the touch of mask against her forehead. It was comforting; it was right. It was what she wanted, what she needed. And it was the only sure thing she had left.
It was more than enough.
I feel the same. She stated with a certain frank honesty in her tone. That blessing has not been revoked from us, thankfully. Death, fear, pain, all these things have come and gone, and yet.
As her fingers brushed along the sides of Malodores claws, she slid them through and intertwined her hand with its own, pulling it up to hold it between the two of them, against her heart. The only miracle I need is that I have never lost you.
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Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 3:22 pm
The plague doctor stilled, focusing its attention entirely on their entwined fingers pressed close to her - feeling her warmth, the reassuring rhythm of her heartbeat. It wondered if she found its chill as comforting, the silence of its own body to be somehow beautiful in the same way it found her heartbeat, her breathing to be music. It was silent for a long time. Then, at last, it chuckled, the sound weary but oddly content. "I... do not know where to go from here, tresorina. But somehow, being here with you, like this... it ceases to be frightening and begins to be intriguing." (On the floor, Luce perked up; after a moment, she realized the endearment was not for her and laid her head back down.)
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