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 Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:08 pm
“I don’t think I’m getting cold feet,” Paris said, though he paused a moment to consider it.
Did he want to get married?
Yes, of course.
Well, perhaps the “of course” should be amended. He’d never put much thought into marriage before, except to dwell on his parents’ divorce and later insist that he had no desire to put himself into a position to allow that to happen to him. He didn’t want to be hurt and he didn’t want to hurt anyone else in turn, Chris in particular. Perhaps things would have been easier if they’d just left them as they were, less risky with potentially less pain upon failure. That was the easy road—safe, too—and it was mostly what he’d followed for the last eight or nine years.
“That’s sort of what we were thinking,” Paris admitted, “the world being crazy and all. And I figured, you know, whether everything goes to s**t or not I’d want to be with Chris either way. I can’t really imagine anyone else. I don’t really want to.”
Paris shifted in his chair again and leaned against the table, an elbow propped on top while he fiddled with his drink cup.
“I don’t really know what made Chris decide he wanted to get married,” he continued. “He never really said, and I didn’t really think to question it since marriage and all that stuff is a pretty big thing for him, so I know he wouldn’t ask unless he seriously meant it. He got me a promise ring a while ago, at the beginning of September, and then before Thanksgiving he bought this,” he explained, twisting his engagement ring around his finger, “and I sort of thought he was going to ask, because he was acting all weird and saying all these sweet things and being all touchy-feely and stuff, and at first I was kind of scared because, you know, my mom and my old man got divorced, and my mom was only eighteen when they got married so I always thought I’d never want to. I didn’t want to end up like my mom and dad.
“But then I started thinking about it, and I thought… I’m not either one of them,” he said, lifting his shoulders to shrug. “And the world is pretty ******** up, and maybe it won’t last, but I can’t spent every day or all my life worrying about something that might or might not happen. All I can really do is focus on the here and now, and right now I know I want to be with Chris. I want to wake up with him every morning and fall asleep beside him every night, and all that gross cheesy stuff. I want to be Paris LeFay-Gallo. After everything… I… I’m happy with him. I like the way I feel when I’m with him. I always have. I know it might not always be easy, but there hasn’t really been a lot that has been, and I know everything might not turn out perfectly, but I’m not looking for perfection. I just want to have what I have with him for as long as I can. If that’s forever, then I’ll be happy to have it forever. If it’s only for a few years… at least I’ll have had it for that long, you know?”
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Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 1:19 pm
He smiled as Paris explained. "No. You don't have cold feet. You seem pretty sure." And that was sweet. Paris had been, for the longest time, someone who didn't believe in love. He had liked to go out, party, get drunk, and wind up needing a place to crash. Ladon sort of missed having Paris come over to pass out at his place to later wake up and spend some time with. It was exciting without Ladon having to go out to the club himself. Paris had a fun life, and while Ladon had been the type to pry and nag for him to get a settled lifestyle, he also got to enjoy a different, more wild world by helping Paris out. He'd always been too much of a coward to go out and do those crazy things kids his age did, and he often felt too old to do it. Then he wondered, just as Paris had said, why he was so concerned when he risked his life all the time.
Their lives were changing so much, and he wondered if he would miss the old Paris' ways to this new Paris. In the end, he knew as a friend, he would he happy that Paris was happy.
"You sure came a long way to the boy who was against marriage and love when I first met you." He commented, touching the rim of his cup and thinking to himself.
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Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 2:05 pm
Paris smiled and shifted excitedly in his seat. “Well, you know,” he teased, “maybe you actually rubbed off on me a little bit.”
He wasn’t sure what did it, whether he was helped along by other people or if it was a natural progression of his life. Paris didn’t think it mattered either way and so didn’t waste too much time trying to come up with an answer. What mattered was that it’d happened, and that he’d finally found some semblance of happiness and peace.
He knew he’d changed, he knew he was still changing, and that he might continue to do so for some time yet. But that was all the process of growing up, wasn’t it? He couldn’t stay sixteen forever. Time passed, and at some point he had to make the decision to grow with it or remain stuck at some point in his childhood, unable to move on.
In the end he’d decided that this was better. Forgiveness was much more fulfilling than hanging on to all the bitterness that used to make up his life.
“And you know what else?” Paris continued, still with the note of humor and good-natured fun in his voice. “You’ll be next~!” he playfully taunted, demonstratively twirling one of his fingers at Ladon. “You’re the one who was all about love and all that gross mushy stuff. If I’m going to commit myself to wedded bliss, it’s only a matter of time for you! Hell, you’ve technically been with Billy longer than I’ve been with Chris, right? Jeez, what’s taking you so long?” he joked, and then snapped his fingers as he said, “Snap to it. It’s a crazy world out there, Lady. Sometimes we’ve got to get a little crazy, too.”
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Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 7:43 pm
While Paris was teasing, Ladon was serious and somewhat startled. He HAD been with Billy for a long time, but in that time a lot of things had happened. A lot of things that had proven to each other that they were working for the same cause and would give up their lives for each other. It just seemed as if there was nothing better than that, but there was still marriage. Having been unsure of himself for a while until he was more certain when being with Billy, he knew he wanted to be with him. The man gave him the security that no one else could, and had stuck by him when he was at his worst.
They already lived together for some time. It just never came to mind. For him, gay people just didn't get married because he had it set in his mind it was for traditional boy girl relationships. He didn't even associate with other gay people until he met Paris and Zac, and even then they were on a world of relationships in general that he had no part in.
He wondered if Billy thought about it.
Worried, he looked back up at his friend. "Do you think so? We never talked about it. We've just been....living." Living together. What if he was dragging his feet on something Billy wanted?
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 8:59 am
“Oh… um…” Paris hesitated, suddenly concerned that he was making light of something he shouldn’t be.
He knew marriage was a serious thing, or at least it was to most people, and he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t a serious thing to him. Considering how vehement he’d once been against it, accepting it now and looking upon it with so much happiness seemed to him to be proof enough that this was a very serious thing. And considering Ladon had always seemed to him to be ten times more serious than he was about everything… Paris started to wonder if his teasing had become a bit insensitive, and he made a point of trying to rein it in.
Instead, he tried to look at all this objectively, as something very mature and adult instead of the playful childishness he’d previously been responding to it with.
“Well, Chris and I didn’t really talk about it. I mean… we did,” he said, “… sort of… but not a lot. I think it was just sort of this thing that clicked in our heads at the same time and it was like we came to the decision together without really having to get into the whys or hows or what-fors of it. Like we were on the same wavelength or whatever, I don’t know. But, I mean, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk about it. Um… it doesn’t mean you should either, actually, but…”
Paris trailed off for a moment and sat in silence as he tried to figure out what he was trying to say, realizing at he did so that his mouth had been running for quite some time without him actually thinking about the words that came out of it.
“God, first I was that friend who got so involved with their boyfriend they stopped spending so much time with their other friends, and now I’m that obnoxious ‘why aren’t you married yet~?’ friend,” he concluded, looking quite disgusted with himself. “I’m awful. Lady, seriously, smack me or something when I’m this awful.”
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Posted: Thu May 23, 2013 12:09 pm
He shook his head meekly. "You're not awful. I never really thought about it. You're just excited about the wedding, and I'm happy about that. It's just...." He wasn't sure now that he was thinking about it. ".....Billy and I are always busy. He's working very hard to support us even if our apartment isn't great at all. I'm finishing getting my Diploma, and then I'll have to find a job too. I was pretty bad at my last one. I try and help by keeping they place nice and having dinner ready and a lunch for him, but he's always so tired. I feel bad he's taking care of me sometimes when I've been such a pain at times." His mood swings had decreased immensely, but every once in a while he'd feel nervous and paranoid in a dark bedroom or get upset after a patrol to the point of being frustrated with everything, including Billy who didn't deserve it.
"I don't think we could afford a wedding either, but I hope he doesn't think I don't want to. We just never talked about it." Their situation was grim at times. They were two guys who had strange hours, only had high school diplomas between them, and lived in a s**t apartment. For trying to save the world, they got very little reward.
Thinking about Chris and Paris, he felt jealous of his friend's good fortune even though he felt terrible that he did. "I ...hate to ask this of you, but do you think Chris could find us better jobs? It doesn't even have to be big since Billy and I don't even have degrees in anything aside from graduating, but I hate to see Billy so tired all the time. It makes me worried." He worried that one of these days Billy would try to patrol after work and wind up being too tired to pay attention and get hurt.
It was a horrible thing to ask of Paris, but Chris' family had a yacht, summer home, and a very nice living situation. Billy and Ladon were just struggling to get by most months, and Ladon knew that Billy wasn't the type to ask anyone for anything. "I mean you don't have to do it. I know you are handling your wedding and have a lot to do and I shouldn't be asking something like this now. Just...maybe later." He looked at his cup embarrassed to even make the request.
Quiet for a moment, he did look up. "Billy did give me a ring a long time ago."
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Posted: Sun May 26, 2013 11:22 am
“A long time ago?” he wondered. “Ladon, you’ve only been dating for… what? A little longer than me and Chris, right? Two years? That’s not—”
He stopped himself before he could finish. It wasn’t a long time, really, not in the grand scheme of things, and not to most people. But then he wasn’t most people—though he would never get into to what made him so different from a normal person; he’d long ago decided not to talk to Ladon about those things. After what he’d been through two years did seem like a long time. Maybe it was like that for Ladon, too. He might not have been through exactly what Paris had been through in two years, but who was Paris to minimize Ladon’s struggles?
Two years probably felt like a long time to him, too.
Instead of continuing on that vein of thought, Paris brushed it off with a smile and went for the topic he could look at a little more light-heartedly.
“It’s really cute how you think Chris can help,” he teased, “especially since he doesn’t even have a job. I mean, he volunteers and stuff, but he doesn’t get paid to do anything. And his mom just stays at home and runs charity things, and his Dad’s an admiral in the navy, but I’m pretty sure the navy doesn’t pay well enough for the yacht and the beach house and… everything else. Um… they really just kind of sit on all their old money and watch it grow. I don’t really get it.”
He didn’t really like to think about it too much either. Looking down at his ring, he considered again how much it must be worth and suddenly felt oddly self-conscious, moving his hand to hide it under the table.
“But, I mean, I can see what I can do,” he said. “I’ll ask Chris. He’s got plenty of relatives who might know of something. And… I can ask my mom, too. She’s a lawyer. Maybe she can see if there’s any office work that needs to be done, or…”
One might expect that Chris’s parents and grandparents and their money would be the thought the gave Paris any sort of inspiration—with the sort of wealth they had it was easy to imagine they could accomplish anything, whether or not it was true—but it was the thought of his mother, and invariably his father, that gave Paris pause.
“Let me talk to my mom,” he said a little more determinedly. “I might have something, but… but it’s kind of… sort of a personal thing. I mean, I wouldn’t mind… but I’d have to get her permission.”
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Posted: Sun May 26, 2013 6:16 pm
Ladon was surprised that Chris was having any problem finding a job, and then felt both ashamed for making that conclusion without being sure. He just assumed Chris had the easy life what with how he had a lot of things provided to him by his family that they would in turn know of plenty of places for Chris to work. Didn't high-brow people mingle with other people who had money and yachts and - oh, he was making such a fool of himself!
"I'm sorry! I just thought that - uh - forget what I thought. It was stupid to ask. I'm sure you and Chris will have a hard time starting out. I shouldn't have assumed anything or asked you anything when you have a lot on your mind already."
He placed his hands in his lap, feeling warm about the ears and sure he was flushing a bit as he took deep breathes. Even though Paris was his friend, he always felt one little thing would send his friend running away forever. Now that Paris was happy with Chris, a boy who could take care of him, he wondered what Paris even needed him around for. Before, Paris needed a place to crash and sober up, but now he didn't need that anymore. Was that why it had been so long since they talked to each other? The thought of them drifting apart twisted inside and made him feel worse.
Wanting a distraction, he glanced at Paris but only managed to get as far up to his chin before stopping. "Your mom? You...never talked about her before." Paris hadn't been big on talking about his family ever with Ladon and, worried about pushing buttons, he never pressed it too hard.
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Posted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 4:19 pm
“Oh, it's not that he has a hard time finding work,” Paris amended. “It's more, like... uh... he doesn't need to. I mean, he helped me out by taking some hours at my dad's shop back when Dad first got sick, so it's not like he's never worked a day in his life, but...”
He shrugged awkwardly and looked down at his beringed hand beneath the table, feeling rather silly and foolish. He didn't want to feel bad for his good fortune because it wasn't really something he'd asked for or had any sort of control over, so he knew it wasn't really anything he could be blamed for. It was just a thing that had happened in his two years of knowing Chris. He certainly hadn't expected it, nor had he really wanted it. It just... came with the territory, he supposed.
He simply had to adapt.
“Mom?” Paris wondered, lifting his gaze back to Ladon. “Well... I guess I just... it was a complicated thing. She left when I was ten, so...”
Paris didn't know why he hadn't bothered to talk to Ladon about these things before. He was sure he'd at least mentioned bits and pieces here and there, probably in the usual light-hearted, careless or sarcastic way he talked about such serious things when they affected him as much as his mother leaving had. But he realized he'd never spoken about his family in depth, neither about his mother's absense or his father's death, and he could only excuse the omission because of how painful each circumstance had been.
It wasn't a trust issue, he was sure. It was simply a matter of self-preservation.
“When I was little things were... a lot different. I was with her all the time, unless she was working or something. Definitely Mommy's baby. But... she and dad had some problems. She wanted to go off and go back to school, leave Destiny City, but he was comfortable where we were and wanted to stay. And there were always arguments about... well... me,” he rambled. “Dad had a hard time accepting that I was... different, I guess. So eventually Mom left and they got a divorce and for a while I was just... really bitter about it. She's back now, though. She moved back last summer, and... now I've got a baby sister. Lilah. Isn't that crazy? Mom didn't ever marry again, but she's got this friend and they decided they wanted a kid, so... I don't know, it's kind of weird.”
Paris tried to smile, but it ended up looking at little lopsided, not because he felt an overwhelming sadness or any lingering bitterness, but because he wasn't sure what to feel.
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 12:23 am
Ladon had little idea about Paris' home life, but as they talked, both of them stayed pretty clear from the subject of family. Looking back, he realized how guarded their conversations might have been, and what little they shared with one another. While Paris was Ladon's closest friend, he sometimes felt he didn't know anything about him - and that scared him. It also scared him that they didn't enough, know enough, and that they could allow such large gaps in time together when he once had Paris come over almost all the time when they were both single. Well, Ladon was single and Paris was just not committed. It made him want to lock his friend up in his apartment and keep him there. Would Billy take Paris away even more than he felt he was being now, and was it fair being this selfish when Ladon had been the one wanting Paris to find someone nice to be with and love?
Part of him wanted to pout like a child and say he wasn't selfish at all, but he knew better.
Right now, he had to try and learn even more about Paris in hopes they continued being friends and being there for each other. The more Paris talked, the more he wondered if the fact Paris never said anything to him was because he didn't want to share it with him because they weren't close friends. Then again, Ladon was guilty as well.
"I didn't know. I mean, I guess you didn't want to share if it was hard, but..." He tried not to take it personally. "...I'm glad your mom came back into your life and congrats on your sister. Is she coming to the wedding too?" He would have liked to meet her.
His mind wandered back to weddings and he wondered about his own mother, making him feel another sharp twist in his stomach.
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Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 2:52 pm
"Mom'll be at the wedding even if she isn't all that excited about it, but I don't know about Lilah. She's still a baby," Paris said, and made a face as if he found babies disgusting. It was mostly an exaggerated reaction; they were alright as far as young humans went, but certainly not within his age-range comfort zone.
And sometimes they smelled. Paris was really not fond of dirty diapers.
"Hey, you haven't really told me a lot either, and you kept me away from your mom," he countered, the tone of his voice still far more teasing than it was truly hurt by any past negligence. It wasn't as if he'd been a real fan of moms back then anyway. "Why's that? Ashamed of me, or ashamed of your mom?"
He didn't sound or look particularly upset by the first option, as he'd had a long time to get used to the fact that he made certain people uncomfortable and didn't always make the best impression on parents even in the event that people his age weren't bothered by him. Some people had a lot of thoughts and a lot of opinions and seemed to think they knew how he should think and feel and dress and behave better than he did. It made for a lot of tense situations and complicated interactions, which were only exacerbated by the fact that he was still not entirely sure he always understood how he felt himself.
He certainly wouldn't blame Ladon for it (well, not too much) if that was the case, even if, deep down, it might hurt at least a little.
"If it makes you feel any better, I haven't introduced you to my mom yet because she's kind of... self-involved, maybe. Like me, I guess," Paris said. "I mean, she cares and all, and it's not like she doesn't try, she's just not the mom type. And she's young. It's kind of embarrassing having a young mom when everyone else has modestly dressed, respectable mothers."
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Posted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 6:04 pm
Ladon went quiet, moreso than he had already been, and felt a sick twisting in his insides that made him feel judged under a topic he didn't expect to turn on him. Frowning, he looked at his cup, the hot chocolate now cold as he tried not to make Paris feel bad about why he hadn't brought up his mother.
"My mom is the motherly type. She's very...involved, and is very protective of me." Was at least. He didn't know how she felt about him now.
"When I got my apartment, it's because I left home. I haven't talked to my mom since." It had been over a year and he hadn't talked to her aside from leaving a present at her doorstep for Christmas. He didn't want her to worry or think he was dead, but he couldn't bring himself to talk to her ever since he ran out that night leaving her a note that he would be fine on his own. She probably hated him, thought he was selfish, or cruel for leaving him.
"Can't really show you to a mom I don't see." He admitted, forcing a smile as if it was a joke.
His eyes, which had been down, glanced up at Paris. "I'm glad you and your mom are doing well now. I'd like to meet her when the wedding happens."
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Posted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 1:21 pm
“I'm sure Mom'll probably want to meet you,” Paris said.
Instinct told him to pry more about Ladon's mother, but it seemed like an awkward, painful topic, and the conversation had already turned to enough of an awkward, painful direction as it was without him doing something to potentially make it worse. In the end, he decided it was probably best to leave the subject of Ladon's mother there. If Ladon wanted to talk more about her, he would.
“Mom's asked about you before, but I never really cared to introduce her to my friends when she wasn't around all that much back then,” he admitted. “It took me forever to get around to introducing Chris to her. I actually don't think they met until dad di—”
He broke off the sentence before he could finish, unable to voice the “died” even though it wasn't exactly a secret. Even a year later, it was still a very painful topic, and as he was trying to avoid painful topics, it seemed pretty foolish to get into it now.
Paris forced his smile to widen and pretended as if he hadn't just been about to say something depressing, drumming his nails against the table.
“Anyway, I'm just utter crap at this sort of stuff, and besides, I kind of liked it just being you and me, no nosy parents and stuff,” he said. “I kind of miss it. Things were so much less complicated. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm really happy with Chris and I really want to get married and do that whole gross married-couple thing, and if you're really happy with Billy then I can be okay with that, but... God, all this makes me feel so old sometimes, and it wasn't even that long ago. Do you ever feel like that?”
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Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 11:46 pm
He smiled at that. “Yeah. I feel like I aged 5 years in the past 1. I complained about a back ache just last Wednesday as if I was some old geezer.” Mind you, it had been because he had taken a landing from a building a bit too hard and it threw a few kinks in his back. He had to remember that despite his power ups, he wasn’t invincible. There was now a hot water bottle and some heat packs in the apartment, but that wasn’t the only thing that made him feel old.
“It’s hard to remember that I used to be some dumb kid in Meadowview. No boyfriend. Not even really thinking about boys before, and not really thinking of the future. Then I got an apartment, met you, met Billy, and got my GED on my own. Had to figure out what bills were and how to figure out how to get furniture and who to call about a broken heater. I feel as if I should be in my 40s with kids.” Not that he thought about kids at all. It was funny, but sometimes he joked that the ferret was their child at times with how energetic and small it was.
Sighing, he set his arms on the table and started to feel tired just thinking about it. “Remember when it was just you and me? You would come back from a party and crash at my place, and we’d talk all night. It was nice.” He felt younger then, but happy. He was happy now, but…”Everything is complicated now. Not bad. Just….complicated. I remember when I thought a quiz in Algebra was a big deal. Man, I was stupid. As if homework and kids at school were even important.” Now he had to think about protecting the planet and not going blind.
“Now we both have guys and you’re getting married. You seem to have gone so much farther. I’m still figuring out my relationship at times and about…things.” That sex book his bought came to mind, and he felt a warm blush creeping on his features. He set his face on his hands for a moment before looking up with a weak smile. “I guess crashing at my place is out forever these days.” He said with a little laugh, but felt a twisting in his chest. They both had guys now, but he still felt as if he wanted to cling to Paris and keep him for himself. How mean was he to think of that? To keep Paris from being happy.
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Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 11:29 am
“Hey, just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I can't have sleep-overs,” Paris countered teasingly.
People often said marriage changed a lot of things, but Paris didn't really expect married life would change anything about him or about his life that hadn't already been changed over the last two years. He'd grown up a lot due to a mix of fortunate and utterly distressing circumstances, and while he was sure he still had a bit of growing up to do, Paris assumed things would begin to level out now that he was settling down and finding a place for himself in the world. Maybe he could begin to enjoy his family and friends the way he should have all along.
Sometimes Paris felt guilty for spending so much of his time with Chris these days when there were other people in his life whose company he also enjoyed. Part of him was a little afraid that married life was only going to make that worse, but another more stubborn part of him insisted that he would get better at being more inclusive, whether or not he thought it was often easier to deal with things on his own rather than involving other people in his mess.
“You know all that gross married-couple stuff means barbeques and fancy dinner parties with friends,” he said. “And if Chris thinks I'm going to stop cuddling with my friends just because he put a big rock on my finger, he's going to be pretty surprised. Besides, he and I aren't always together. He has baseball and I have dance, and most of the day we're at school in completely different classes. If I want to come crash at your place afterwords, what's going to stop me?”
What did stop him? Guilt, probably. And a lingering discomfort over the whole Ladon-Billy affair. But that anger was steadily dissipating.
“Chris doesn't have to be my entire life just because we're getting married, even if he is a pretty big part of it. Okay, a really big part of it. Like, huge. I don't really know what I'd do without him, but you get the point. I can do stuff without Chris and you can do stuff without Billy. The only difference is I'll get half of Chris's stuff if we ever break up,” Paris joked, grinning broadly again.
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