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Despite the pain, Tsui immediately objected to the notion that this was her fault, though her reasoning was more practical and maybe a little big selfish. "I... didn't do anything to Ares, or Leto. I wasn't even awakened then... I don't even think I was IN this city then... if you're going to preach about individual actions and agendas and now they shouldn't be pushed onto everyone as a whole... then maybe you should think the same is said for us!"

It was a two way street, it seemed. Tsui, personally, as either a civilian or Senshi, had done nothing to make Ares or Leto the ones they were today, and even if Remarque was right about a lot of things, she knew she was right about that. She managed to pull herself to her knees, trying to hide the pain but unable to wear the same mask that Remarque could put on. "Still, that's no excuse... could have been better than that. Could have tried to rise above it... and be different..."

World was would have and could haves, Tsui figured, but Tsui didn't have the time or patience to consider how different things would have been had there been no Blood Moon Court, or a Queen for their court to follow. She wouldn't have minded having a leader, but if the Moon Queen had simply popped up now, Tsui hated to admit that she wouldn't have welcomed her with open arms. Did that means something was wrong with her? Was Remarque right?

"Look, I'm sorry... for whatever assholes in my court did to yours, okay? I wasn't there... and if I was, I'd... probably have done something stupid, because I wouldn't have known better." Tsui hated this feeling; she wanted to be angry, resilient to Remarque's words and what his Court stood for. But, she found herself envious of them... even if Ares was just using them for her own ends, at least they had a leader. She felt jealous, but she didn't want to admit it. "What I wouldn't give to have a leader that gave a s**t about us..."

Her words were bitter, and soft, as though she didn't want to say it outloud but unable to keep it to herself. Something compelled her to say it aloud, and admittedly, she... did not regret her words. Why regret speaking the truth?

When Remarque approached her, Tsui rose her arms to defend herself. It was the natural thing to do- after all, they were both enemies and given how far she must have pushed him already, she wouldn't have blamed the other senshi for striking her again. After all, she had caused her own allies to hit her at times, and in retrospect she deserved those hits, as abusive as it had sounded. Tsui was a very stubborn and prideful person, only listened to thinks halfway then did whatever she felt was right- others be damned!

So if Remarque would have hit her, she wouldn't have been too angry with him and in fact she almost welcomed it, if only to solidify the fact that they were meant to be enemies. It would have given her a reason to get angry again, rise up and be rid of this crushing doubt within her.

Yet, his gentle touch, combined with his soft, pleading voice, took her completely by surprise, and there was no where for her to go. Her back was already against the wall so she could step out of his touch, and she couldn't bring herself to push him away. What was he doing? Why was he still trying to lure her to his side? After what she said? What she's done.

She allowed for some of that frustration to be heard, but she didn't immediately reject him, nor pushed him away, despite herself. She spat, "Why? How do you know there's a happy ending... or if I'm even worth saving? If... if my Queen's already abandoned me, what makes you think Ares will want me?"

She was almost beside herself- what the hell was she doing? She knew she should have just said no and not thought about it, but... she casted a sidelong glance at the mirror nearby but didn't break out of his hold. What if he had a point? What if he was right? "And... what about the knights? If asked, would... she consider saving them?"

Her mind jumped to her allies, to one night in particular, and it hurt to think about her. But, what if there was a chance? She had half-listened for far too long... even if it meant lending her ear and mind to the enemy, she wanted to know both sides before making a decision. She fought her conscious, as she looked back at Remarque, her tone a harsh whisper, as though angry at herself for even asking, "If I begged to her, would she listen?"

His gesture did not go without a reaction, and Tsui's fists tightened slightly, despite the soothing nature of that stroking thumb, as if she didn't want to believe that she was getting such treatment from someone who was throwing her against the wall just moments ago. She knew she shouldn't listen to him, but the damn snake already had her ear, and she couldn't deny the sliver of hope and desire she felt at his offer.

She was ashamed to admit that she was longing for some kind of purpose, though would it have been worth giving up her free will? But, Remarque and others had already proven that it wasn't brainwashing, that it wasn't anything at all like she once thought it to be. Would having a purpose, a reason for fighting in this war, be worth giving in to someone else's desires and whims?

After all, Tsui said it herself that she was nothing more than a grunt, and what good was a grunt without a leader to follow? What had the Moon Queen done for her, besides abandon her? What did it matter where her loyalties had lied in the past when she didn't remember it? The past... was the past, and Tsui cared little for the past.

Her own queen had abandoned her... what would that supposed 'queen' care if Tsui abandoned her? Perhaps it was time to give her so-called leader a taste of her medicine and let her know what it'd feel like to be tossed aside like garbage? Someone else's garbage was another person's treasure... and Tsui would not allow herself to be anyone else's garbage anymore. She gave a sigh, and she gave a nod of her head. She couldn't bring herself to say anything... what could she say?

It was so tempting... to see if this utopia existed.

He had called her a 'good girl', as though he were addressing a dog or a small child, and honestly, how else was Tsui suppose to feel? She felt small, fragile, exhausted, and she didn't want to fight anymore. If her enemy had been pure evil, had there been no grey area, perhaps she could have continued the fight. But it was all too complicated for her to wrap her head around, despite her own experiences, despite seeking out others for knowledge.

The more she learned, the more she hated this war. The more she wanted to just shut off her mind and allow someone else to take control. She was nothing more than a grunt, and a grunt needed a leader, to tell her to do things. Everything she did on her own? She messed up. Bad. Maybe this was the only way.

She allowed Remarque to pull her along, stepping closer and closer to the mirror and wondering exactly what she'd see when she passed through. Would she see anything at all or was it that instantaneous? Would it hurt? Would she feel anything at all? She had only gotten a glimpse of Ares during the ambush but she couldn't recall any defining details besides her blazing crimson red hair and the choking smoke. Would smoke await her on the other side? She wanted to bombard Remarque with all of these questions, as they drew closer and closer. Soon he would be in it, then herself... and then, she would have nothing to worry about.

No more dropping out of school and disappointing her family and girlfriend. No more job to worry about blundering and ruining another man's livelyhood. No more battles, no more dragging others into her own messes. With Ares in control, it would all be on her, not Tsui. Her hands would be clean, as well as her mind and conscious.

Remarque had begun to step through, and then, it hit Tsui.

If she passed through the mirror, she'd never see her family again. She'd never see Maddy again, or her mom, or her baby brother who wasn't even born yet, or Micah the rat. She'd never see the few friends she had. They would not recognize her, would they? And those that did, they'd never forgive her. Pasiphae, Ganymede, Kallichore... the list was much, much larger than she once thought, and tears were beginning to burn her eyes again. She'd become their enemy- they'd be forced to fight her. Would they? Or would they refuse and instead get hurt?

She'd become an enemy of the knights, and that was what caused her to dig her heels into the ground and finally begin to show some resistance. What would happen to Sutai? What if she forgot to ask Ares to spare the knights when she converted? The thought of never seeing Sutai again made her gasp, and she grabbed her own wrist to try to pull herself free. She couldn't. She couldn't abandon Sutai to that- she'd never forgive herself! Or worse, she'd forget Sutai...

She's hurt Sutai. She'd hurt her friends. She didn't want that. She'd betray their trust, all their hard work, all their kind words and efforts, only for her to betray them! She couldn't go through with it.

Nor would she. She began to try and pull out of Remarque's grip, not knowing if he could hear her as she shouted. "No... What am I doing? I... I can't... go with you..."

This was a mistake. This was a terrible mistake, and Tsui knew a LOT about mistakes in her year long run as a White Moon Senshi. Facing opponents that were completely out of her league with little thought or care to her well being was only the start of it. Isolating herself from others so that they wouldn't slow her down or they wouldn't get hurt was another. Even being part of the White Moon itself was considered a mistake in Remarque's eyes (and in some part, Tsui's). But this? This trumped them all.

Tsui fought against Remarque's grip, but he was strong, and he was determined. Though part of him was submerged in the mirror, pulling from the other side, Tsui could see him, hear his desperation, and to hear someone with such self control resort to expressing such feelings hurt her, so much that she almost considered giving in and going in with him.

But his pleas were drowned out by the thought of how Sutai would react, to know that she simply walked through the mirror and surrendered without a fight? How would the others react, to see their friend go down a path where there was no turning back? Tsui suspected that Ares would suppress these feelings and memories when she surrendered, but that wouldn't change the fact that she would hurt them. And that was something that Tsui couldn't live with or bring herself to do. She shook her head, apologizing to Remarque, as she tried to muster her strength for one last pull, all the while knowing that there would have only been one way out of this situation. To rid herself of this temptation this night.

"I'm sorry, Remarque... I... want to trust you. Maybe I'm stupid, but I believe you... more than I should, but..." She pulled and pulled, and when Remarque wouldn't give, she pressed a boot against the side of the mirror, trying to avoid the glass, and hoping that would be enough to give her the leverage she'd need to break herself free. All the while, she tried to explain to him, fighting tears and hating herself for being brought this far again. Was that all she was good for now? Crying? She wouldn't accept that, just as she couldn't accept herself walking through that mirror. "There has to be a way... for our Courts to coexist... your Court shouldn't fear us... we're not the monsters your Queen claims us to be, just like you're not the soulless husks that people in our Court think you to be. Neither one of us should have to give up our ways to exist together... and even if I have to butt heads with a few of my own Court members, then I'll do it on my own accord... and not Ares!"

She felt herself moving backwards, bit by bit, and only when she was able to see her own hand again, with Remarque's own wrapped tightly around the wrist, did she summon her white aura and prepare her Glorious White Tiger. She had never done the attack to an inanimate object before, and given Remarque's grip on her wrist, she could have easily just thrown herself into the mirrorworld and had ruined everything. But, she had to try. "Now, let go... I'm about to use my attack, and... I don't want to hurt you. Okay?"

Would he let go? Should she had given him a chance? Now wasn't the time to second guess herself, and before even giving him a chance to talk, or perhaps try his own attack against her, she made her move. "Glorious White Tiger!"

White aura engulfed her hands and wrists, and she slammed against the mirror, the sound of glass shattering comforting to her as she leapt backwards, though her landing was no where near as graceful for one who claimed to be the Senshi of Tigers, nor a gymnast. Her body hurt all over, and she looked up at the mirror, in hopes of seeing it shattered and broken, and not herself looking through the other end. Did it work? Did Remarque get hurt in the process?