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 Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:52 pm
Well good goddamn. Look at this mother ******** baller s**t right here. Robert beamed a smile down at her, and bent in to rub his nose against hers, before handing her a candy cane. "I know." He murmured cockily. "I love you, and all children. Because I'm Santa." Mother ******** Santa, he said to himself in his head because children.
Then he gently lifted her off his lap, and one of the elves took her hand to bring her back to her mother. Robert let out a jolly laugh and waved his hands, ready for the next child.
He was the best ********' Santa ever. Are you watching this, Clarice? Are you watching?
+4 cheer
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Nothing Yet rolled 2 6-sided dice:
4, 4
Total: 8 (2-12)
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 11:23 pm
She was so covered in glittery accessories -- glitter-coated, rainbow butterfly necklaces looped over her neck, sparkly gel bracelets, shimmery plastic flowers clipped in her hair -- that she left a glistening snow of tiny confetti behind her. It was her own girlish winter wonderland, in a way, and it was all over her. On her bright green shirt, on the googly-eyed kitten on that bright green shirt, on her rainbow leggings, on her once-matte Mary Janes.
Her attire was a stark contrast to the girl beneath. She was pale, thin, with long dark hair and wide brown eyes, a crooked smile and a walk that lacked confidence. What she was not lacking, however, was the sugar-rush and the unequivocal look of excitement on her face brought on by too much gingerbread and a real visit with Santa.
As soon as she crawled up on Santa's lap, she nearly wiggled herself right back off before she got herself together. She'd been waiting all year for this! She couldn't be a bad girl this close to Christmas!
"Santa," she began, hands clenched into fists that shook with anticipation. "I knoooow yooou know I been a reaaaaaaal good girl, so, Santa, what I want..." She leaned in close to his ear, giggling as she felt her secret Christmas wish bubbling to the surface.
"...is a pony."
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 11:37 pm
Robert's heart wanted to burst and melt with the cuteness of the tiny glitter factory that wiggled on, off, and on his lap again. He clutched the precious cargo in his giant hands, turning his head when she tried to whisper in his ear, and opening his eyes wide. How was he going to promise this tiny little bundle of sweetness that he would get her something he was pretty sure her parents wouldn't do?
Well, maybe they could. He just assumed, based on how she dressed, that she didn't live on a farm the way he had.
"Well, sweetheart," He hedged carefully. "Ponies need to live on farms, and have lots of room to roam. Maybe we can get you a My Little Pony, though?" He smiled warily. "That sound good?"
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 11:56 pm
Her heart pounded in her ears. Hadn't she been all the way good? She guessed not. A toy pony was only like....a bajillionth of the size a real pony was, so...she was only a bajillionth of the good she needed to be.
Santa knew how good she'd been, and if this is what he decided, she'd just have to go with it.
"Oh, okay, um. Yes, Mister Santa! A My Little Pony will be okay!"
She couldn't stop nodding, but all of that nodding was making her a little dizzy. When she moved to get off of his lap, she wobbled a bit too much, lost her balance, and smashed her hand down to steady herself.
In the worst possible place.
Not realizing what she'd done, she walked back to her mom in her unending cloud of glitter.
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:05 am
"OH SWEET MOTHER OF FFUUUUUUUUHHHHAAALAALALALAA... LA LA LA LA. NEXT."
Robert's voice was two pitches higher as he said this.
Total: 6 cheer
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Bilious rolled 2 6-sided dice:
2, 3
Total: 5 (2-12)
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:10 am
There was a sudden gasp as Robert commanded the next child come up, and his only warning was a keening, high pitched noise before a colorful blurr with pigtails suddenly launched herself at the Hunter-in-disguise. "SANTA OH M'GOD OH M'GOD-!!!"
Children:
2: a hyperactive child races toward Santa with manic glee...
Results:
3: nobody expects the No-such-thing-as-Santa Inquisition (1 Holiday Cheer)
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:18 am
Robert was still reeling from the last child's damage, so when the little girl came running up to her, the first thing he did was cross his legs and cover his junk to keep her from jumping on his sore jewels. He caught her in his arms and picked her up, setting her carefully on his knee and holding her feet with his other hand so she didn't accidentally kick him either.
Other than all the safety precautions, he was still all smiles. He pulled on one of her pigtails and grinned.
"BA-HO-HO-HO LITTLE KID, IT'S ME. SANTY CLAUS. Whatcha want for Christmas? Don't say a pony."
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:23 am
"Santa oh m'god ummmm ummmm" She fidgete in his lap, eyes sparkling as she thought and studied his face, "I want one of those furbies to scare my bwother with and-" She frowned, sitting up to scowl into his face. "Santa, how come you got elastic on your beard?" Suddenly the scowl turned into a borderline angry squint as she reached up to give the beard a pull...
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:27 am
Furbies were ******** frightening as s**t. "They still sell those guys? Christ I thought they were like, banned or some sh-DON'T TOUCH THE BEARD KID. I MEAN UH. HO HO HO. SANTA WILL MAKE SURE YOU GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT AND MORE MERRY CHRISTMAS KID HERE'S A CANDY CANE."
Robert stuck the candy cane on one of her pigtails, and picked her up off of his lap before she could rip his beard off. THE ILLUSION MUST NOT BE RUINED.
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:30 am
The girl looked nonplussed as she was put down, fishing the candy cane out to suck on it contemplatively, "Don't forget my Furby, Santa, or I'll tell on you!" She jabbed his knee and ran off.
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 12:40 am
Goddamnit why were kids so brutal. Robert rubbed his knee, and his smile began to feel forced.
"NEEEEEEXT."
Total: 7 cheer
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Carhop Cavalier rolled 2 6-sided dice:
5, 5
Total: 10 (2-12)
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 1:16 am
When Santa called, the small youth immediately came forward, sneered at the elves, and put himself in Santa's lap, staring at the man with complete judgement in his eyes.
This wasn't Santa. He smelled like meat and cheese. His throne was a throne of lies.
But he was going to get his damned candy cane.
"Okay 'Santa.' I want a skateboard signed by Tony Hawk. Think you can do that?"
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 1:28 am
The attitude on this kid severely lowered his cuteness level. Couple that with it being a little boy, and Robert was feeling just a little snarkier than he had with the other girls who'd come to ask him for their Christmas wish. Still, the kid wanted a pretty cool gift, and Robert knew just how to get it to him.
"Yeah. I think I can pull it off. Check it - this is what you do. Get your parents on the computer while eBay is open. Someone's gotta be selling that on there. Otherwise, I can just get you a really cool skateboard. But me and Tony Hawk, man, we got into a real fight last year, we never talk anymore. He was jealous of my shredding skills."
Robert took two candy canes, and gently stuck the tip of each in the kids ears. "MERRY CHRISTMAS HO HO HO AND SH...TUFF."
He bounced his hip hard, and the get popped right off his lap.
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 1:32 am
The child flipped Santa off as he was bounced off, but skipped to his mother anyway.
Santa had given him a new way to piss off mom and dad.
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 1:36 am
Did.. did that kid just.. flip him off? Robert's fingers itched to give him a two finger salute, but no, no, he had to be good..
"Neext..." The word growled out through clenched teeth.
Total: 10 Cheer
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