Welcome to Gaia! ::

Sasha wasn't sure how to feel about that comment. Part of her was flattered, in all honesty. It was twisted - she'd been nothing but horrible to him, and yet here he was.

Feelings unchanged.

"I hope they do, someday."

She was inwardly shocked at how calm he was being.

Sasha didn't feel guilty over what she'd found in Wash. They shared something that no other hunters on the island did - and while they were in a larger group of people who had shared heinous things in the lair, none of them had seen the things that she and Wash had. None of them had been there when he'd accepted his fate, prepared to lay down his life for her own.

It was something special. Something that was theirs.

But there was something in Jerry's eyes that had her narrowing her own, the corners of her lips tugging down at the corners. She didn't look away from him. She forced herself to own that hurt and that pain she'd caused. Maybe he didn't deserve it.

Then again, there was no telling what could have or would have happened if he'd accepted her rather forceful advances head on when she'd been in his room after the last mission. There was no way for her know, and there was no sense in living in the past. Not anymore. That was one painful lesson she'd learned.

"Well."

Sasha cleared her throat. She wasn't sure where else to go from there.

"Well, I'm certainly not expecting you to pat me on the back and assure me that everything is going to be just fine, Jerry."

Sasha pursed her lips.

"I.. hope that we can be friends again. In the future. I'm.. well, I'm hardly in a position where I can demand friendship from you. I don't know what you mean when you ask if I'm done with you."

She had so many things she wanted to say.

You need to fix yourself before you can make someone else happy.

The ******** woobles, Jerry. The woobles and the weebles.

You are too unpredictable.

She said none of them. She really had no room to talk. While having Wash in her life had provided her with a reliability and constance that she needed, Rep provided her with an outlet for that irrational anger that sometimes rose in her throat, hot and sour - that bitter, putrid seething hate.

Jerry was just..

"I wasn't going to beg you, Jerry." She lifted her chin. "I've done enough of that in my life. Begging for attention. Validation." A pause.

"No more. And.. I wasn't what you needed. Not as I am now. Maybe before all the truths were laid bare, maybe then I was."

"You are so caught up in your own little pity party that you can't take a moment to pull back and realize what is going on. With me, with everyone involved in this mess. You can't just fix something like this," she gestured between them, then at herself. "All I needed - all I wanted was to come into my own. After the bunkers, after Antarctica. I just wanted to find myself, to come to terms with the fact that there was more to my life than what I'd believed. That I had family out there that I'd never met. That I had… that I was something special - not just a simpering little follower who dreamed that music could cure the world, that it was the answer to anything. That it wasn't just a crutch - because that's what it was to me, Jerry. My whole life."

Sasha leaned across the table.

"And there you were, always there, trying to help with your music. Your smiles. And I needed something else from you. I needed someone consistant, not likely to burst into tears or song or someone who wouldn't disassociate on me. You think I'm this little bird. That's what everyone thought. s**t came crashing down on me faster than I could understand. And there you were, always lurking, always needing. Reminders to shower, reminders to shave, reminders to change your <******** clothes, Jerry. Brush your hair. Brush your teeth."

She slashed her hand through the air.

"I came home to you after my promotion. You were covered in blood and gore, and I tried to do what I could for you. I tried to be there for you, but I couldn't. I couldn't, because I was angry."

Sasha shook her head, her entire body tensing.

"And then the torture, Jerry. The torture. Do you know what they did to us there? They stuck.. they stuck worms. Into Otto. And then they were going to do the same thing to the rest of us, but I couldn't stand to see - so I volunteered to go next. And Wash - he respected that decision. But they took me up to an arena, and I had to fight while they laughed and jeered down at me." She couldn't even stand to talk about it.

"And I came home, and you were there yet again. Needing. I didn't want to smile. I didn't want to laugh. I didn't want to listen to your music. I just needed time. Space. A chance to figure out where to go from there. But you couldn't give me that chance, and so I forced you out."

She let out a harsh little laugh.

"But oh, the box. The box, Jerry. I was ready to give us a chance. I wanted you to be there when that box was opened. And that point - that point right there - was when I realized that you couldn't even look after yourself - so how could you help me figure out where the ******** to go next? How could you help me when you couldn't even help yourself? There had to be a change. Something had to give. It felt right. It still does."

Sasha leaned back in her chair.

"So, Jerry, you can sit there and be mad at me. You can accuse me of all that you want. But maybe you can stop and think about how ******** up things have been for me. And maybe you can think about how, for the first time in forever, things are finally making sense to me. I feel like I have direction. A purpose. Something I haven't had for a long, long, long time."

"Maybe there was a time that I did like it. Probably because, in some sick and twisted sort of way, it reminded me of him."

She sighed heavily, shaking her head.

"I am happy. I didn't mean for things to happen this way. With Wash. But they have. And I'm glad. I just."

Sasha made a rough sound in her throat.

"I need you to remember that he cares about you too. He still wants to be your friend. Your moon. That hasn't changed. And me, I .. I don't know. Maybe you and I can never be friends. Maybe you won't ever be able to see things from my perspective - and that's fine. But I am happy. Content."

"He is. He's sacrificed a lot, and I know people judge him when they learn the truth. But Wash is not the type of man to make a frivolous choice."

Sasha lifted a hand to tuck a few wayward strands of hair behind her ear.

"I do want us to be friends, Jerry. You have to believe me when I say that."