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 Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 4:11 pm
With a small nod, Ona'raha moved away at a quicker than normal walking pace, giving his daughter a bump on the shoulder with the flat of his head. The two of them shared a quiet word or two as they turned to head back to the festivities.
Only Eeva risked a glance back, her eyes bright with optimism.
And once they were gone, Poa took a clumsy step forward - almost tripped - and then flinched at the sound of his name. He looked rather wretched, to be true. His eyes seemed flat and dull and his long face was tipped downwards in shame. "Kalanu." His voice cracked, forcing him to clear his throat. "I, uh...I..." He swallowed and risked a glance up - as if confirming that it was her.
"I'm sorry." The apology burst from him and for a horrible moment he thought that tears might come with it. Thankfully he managed to keep that at bay. The twist of emotions in him at that moment were indescribable. A strange mix of relief, joy, shame and grief. He had wanted to see her so badly and had feared it, too. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being an idiot. I'll understand if you don't want to see me again." His tail curled around his hind leg.
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 4:33 pm
Kalanu was kind of surprised to hear him apologize, even if he was careful enough to word it that he was sorry for hurting her, not the choice he had made. But what really set her off was what he said next about not wanting to see him again. She could have laughed or cried or both.
"It'd be easier if I never wanted to see you again," she said, finally admitting out loud why she was still as upset as she was and apparently emboldened by her confession, "I didn't say it but I didn't invite you to come back with me for no reason."
She couldn't say it then, knowing he could still chose his clan over her, and she couldn't say it now, knowing he already had. She loved him and she still refused to say that out loud.
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Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 2:24 pm
He risked another look at her, his ears back in his mane and gave a small nod. "I know...and...well..." He swallowed. "I guess I was...afraid." There he'd said it. Big, brave guard, Poa Subiani. He was afraid of change. Afraid of leaving his family behind as if he were still a cub. But he wasn't a child anymore and he'd never even wanted to be when he had been small. He'd wanted to be grown up so that he could help protect his clan.
But Ela'wadiyi was one, even if it was seperated out. Defending one clan was the same as defending another. And his family did have others to rely on...
"And I was stupid." He added after a moment. "I...shouldn't have said no, Kalanu..."
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Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 2:46 pm
She didn't like putting herself out there like this again, especially after last time when Poa gave nothing of himself, even when swiftly rejecting her. Maybe he would have if she had stuck around longer, but he hadn't stopped her then, either. Love wasn't supposed to be scary, was it?
Then he said something that confused her. He shouldn't have said no.
"What do you mean?"
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 4:11 pm
He shifted awkwardly again, looking down at his paws. "I mean...I shouldn't have said no. To...going with you. I didn't even think about it. I just--I was afraid and I blurted out the less scary answer." Well, it might have been the less scary one but it had certainly been the saddest of the two. "I didn't even--what I mean to say is..."
He paused and drew in a deep breath. "I never expected this. To ever face the possibility of leaving the clan. I..." He trailed, closing his eyes briefly. He'd never expected to find a friend who would be special enough. He'd never planned to seek a mate and find love. And when it happened he'd been totally unprepared. And then for it to be discovered outside of his own clan.
Why couldn't all the people he loved be together in one place?
"I mean...if you were to ask me it again I would say yes." He finally choked out. "I can't be happy without you because I love you."
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 8:49 pm
For all their outward differences, Kalanu and Poa had many similarities. As he stumbled around finding the right way to say what he meant, Kalanu's mind considered each statement and worked her way ahead of him in so many directions she had to force herself to look down at the ground and tell herself to stop overthinking it. And her eyes stayed on the ground until he said his answer would change if she asked again and that he loved her.
"R-really?"
She looked back up, stunned- and it took her a second to realize what a stupid answer she had given him now. That wasn't what you said when someone told you that. Her heart was beating very fast as she tried to figure out what she was supposed to do next. What she wanted to say was hindered by the heartache she had suffered going home alone when they last parted but eventually it won.
"I love you, too," she said, near tears and practically leaping over to him and nuzzling her face into his mane, her insecurity pushed aside by her need to be there beside him now.
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Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 6:07 am
His fur prickled with surprise as she leapt towards him, her face burying against his mane. His heart was pounding and his head was spinning from all the thoughts swirling around inside of it. But this was right. At last something was right. His whole life had been spent mostly alone, guarding the borders against the world - except the world had never come close. He realised, then, that he'd never been truly happy. Not until Kalanu had come by and he'd learned to accept her friendship and even enjoy it, too.
And without her, that happiness he had found had faded, leaving a painful hole in his chest.
He hooked his chin across the base of her neck and eyes closed, breathing deeply. "I won't leave you again." He promised.
And this was a promise he intended to keep forever.
/fin??
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