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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 10:43 am
Her tone may have been cheerful, but Mot felt it was patronizing. He felt belittled, like she was talking to a scareling or someone beneath her. "I will not lighten up." Mot grumbled, leaning away from Hel.
The conversation was making him feel sick. "Try to what, Hel? What exactly are you asking of me?" He asked bitterly.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 10:47 am
The ghoul pulled her feet off of his lap, but didn’t move aside from that, and just continued to smile at him.
“Just try to be the best you can be, in all matters and to those who you think are worth it. Just try. That is what I am asking of you, Mot. It is not as complicated as you are making it out to be.”
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 10:49 am
"Well it IS complicated! I don't get it, Hel. Don't I always try my best? You keep assuming I just give up all the time, and that is insulting!" Mot tried not to yell, but his voice was raising steadily.
"I will not agree to any of your stupid terms! This is ridiculous!"
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 10:58 am
Hel’s voice, on the other hand, remained calm. “You give up a lot. You are giving up right now, and you are raising your temper. Also, do not call my values stupid, Mot. Have some respect.” She paused.
“I just want a promise that you will try to be a good friend, and that you will not give up on this unless there really is…no hope. I do not think it is unreasonable, and I am not expecting the world from you. You are always telling me to calm down and think, so take your own damn advice. If anything Mot, this is the least you could do for me, and it is all I am asking from you.”
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:07 am
Maybe he was giving up. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was mad because she was right.
"You never fail to make me uncomfortable, Hel. Whether or not you try to." Mot furrowed his brows, his posture deflating. "It never feels natural to be around you, and I always end up feeling pressured. I thought myself a good friend.. I always believed I was.. Yet here you are saying I'm not... so if you're saying I need to promise to be a good friend.."
Mot huffed and stood. "Then I promise nothing. You are who you are, and that's fine. Me and you are like oil and water. You do nothing but ruffle my feathers, and all I do is disappoint you."
"If you want it straight, then here it is. I give up. Be free, Hel. Don't ever concern yourself with me."
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:24 am
The ghoul tilted her head, listening to him. Her expression remained rather impassive, though at the end, it turned a bit wistful. They’d never get along, huh? Not even as friends. Mot couldn’t make a simple promise to her, and she truly wasn’t expecting that much of him for once…but he didn’t even want to bother. Well then.
The ghoul stood as well, and rested her hands on her hips, staring up at him. “You are putting words in my mouth. I never said you were not a good friend…in all honesty, Mot, you have not even been a friend to me in a long time. I have always supported you, Mot, even if I did not always agree with you. I have always tried to lift you up when you were feeling down. I have always tried for you, even if it was not right, even if it was not just, because I cared…and I just…wanted that same conviction in return. The golden rule, they say. Treat others the way you want to be treated…but…” She sighed, rubbing the back of her neck.
“I understand.” She fell silent for a moment. “…Maybe it is me.” She smiled a bit. “Because I am more than certain if Lizzy asked this of you, Mot, you would be falling over yourself to make it happen.” She trailed off for a moment. Maybe she had been a bit hopeful they could be friends…because now she was really faced with the action of permanently cutting someone out of her life…that was a bit…frightening.
One last chance…she waited to see what he had to say now.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:29 am
"Then you agree. I am a terrible friend." Mot said in return, his eyes looking more hurt than before. "I don't help my friends when they need me. I don't support you when you need me."
Mot huffed and cast his gaze aside. Bringing up Lizzy was a sore spot. "I doubt Lizzy would ask anything of me. I'm no better to her than I to you. Don't think you're the only one I have neglected."
"Stop trying to make me change, Hel. It's pointless. I don't know how to adress a problem unless it is right in front of me. How was I supposed to realize I was needed? A real friend would know without asking himself."
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:43 am
“…Ya. You are a terrible friend right now. Because you are not trying.” She trailed off, watching him, silently listening to him.
“…If you know you have been neglecting her, then that is the problem. Address it. Stop running away from it. Do something about it. If others mean something to you, Mot, then do something about it!” The ghoul raised her voice now, stomping her foot. “Stop sitting on your a**! How is anyone supposed to know that you care if you do not say or do anything! Try, Jack damn it, try! If they do not want your help right now, then let them know that you will be there for them, no matter what, no matter when, whenever they are ready! Just try, just let them know!” She swept her hand through the air, getting animated as she spoke.
“How do you know when you are needed? You ask…and sometimes…sometimes even when someone thinks they do not need someone…more often then not they do. Someone pulled through for me when I did not want them to…I was mean, and harsh, and I said a lot of awful things to that person and I tried to harm him, but he stuck through it for me…and now, coming out the other side of it…I am so, so grateful and appreciative for it.” The ghoul relaxed, her shoulders easing up from how tense they were.
“…I do not think it is pointless, Mot. You are the one who does. You are your own limitation...and look at me...still trying to help you overcome it...Jack...” She rubbed her face. "...Even after all this time, I still believe in you...that is why I have a hard time giving up and giving in."
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:50 am
Why had he given up on trying? Didn't he used to be a good friend? What had happened since then? Why didn't he want to try anymore. "If I try and help anyone now, it would only be because you insist that I do. That seems shallow."
"You're a better person than I am, Hel."
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:55 am
“…Ugh, do not say that, Mot. If I am a better person than you, then Halloween is <******** ghoul released another breath and quietly made her way over to the grim. She paused before him, pondering what to do for a moment before she took his hand and held it between her own, and that was all she did. She just held onto his hand firmly. “You have to start somewhere, right? Besides…I am sure you do want to help others…I think you do want to be there for them…maybe you just do not know how.”
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:00 pm
Mot managed a small smile, but it faded quickly. "It's true though.. You always give it your all... you'd end your own life for others, where as I see no point in doing so." He frowned.
His hand was held. He held back, even if it was gently. "I don't know how.. don't know when. If a problem isn't obvious, I'm oblivious. And I'm just tired, Hel... I don't want to try anymore."
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:14 pm
“I am just stupid Mot, that is all.” She grinned lightly up at him. “…Maybe I make you uncomfortable because I am so decisive, and you are not, huh?”
She squeezed his hand a bit, staring up at him. “Then crawl into a hole and die, Mot.” Despite how harsh this statement was, Hel said it softly. “If that is how you truly feel, then why bother existing anymore? If you are tired of everything, then I am sure there is some way to end it, or you could just go to the Haunted House and let a Hunter capture you and weaponize you. You would not have to do a thing or lift a finger. Someone would use you to harm your own kind like a tool, and you could just simply be. You would not have to think, or worry about the consequences, because why would it matter? You would just be an object.”
She shook her head a bit. “…Just be warned, I would try to stop you if you dared try though…and I would not rest until you were back, one way or another.” She laughed a bit. “I am a b***h. I would apologize, but I would not really mean it.” She squeezed his hand again. “Mot. No one can tell you what value to place on your existence, or what to do with it. That is all on you. Find what makes you happy. Yes, it is hard, but if it was easy, it would not be worth it. Yes, you are going to fall and stumble, but you can get back up…and lean on others. Your life is a blank slate right now…and you can do and be anything you want, as long as you put your mind to it…how is that not exciting?” She grinned.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:27 pm
Hel's advice, harsh and maybe a little over the top. What scared Mot more? He considered it. Crawling into a hole, or letting a hunter do away with him. It seemed so easy.Things lately were just so hard, that he wanted something to come easy for once.
Become an object. Even if he was a useless object.
Even then, Hel insisted she'd try to stop him. Why? Why go to such lengths when Mot clearly didn't want to fight for himself or even others anymore? He did't even know why he felt this way.
"It just.. isn't." Mot replied softly, his gaze flat, eyes lidded. "If it's a blank slate it has no potential, nothing to work from."
"I don't know what makes me happy, Hel. Nothing seems to lately. I take a step forward and fall back a few feet. There is no point in moving forward if all I do is sink."
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:57 pm
“Do not think like that, Mot. I think that is where this is all stemming from. A blank slate has a lot of potential. It can become anything. It can be whatever you want it to be without influence from anywhere else.”
The ghoul hummed a bit. “You do not know what makes you happy, huh? Well…what use to make you happy? You know…I will tell you what I want. What is going to make me happy, and is dreadfully simple.” She smiled a bit. “After I graduate from Amityville, I still have no idea what I want to do. I think becoming a Trick or Treater is an option. Just a possible option…but what I am really looking forward to is owning my own little stone and wood cottage somewhere…and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. I will work whatever job I need to, because I want it…I am also looking forward to spending time out on the water with Mac after we graduate. He wants to become a ferryman…and I offered to help him out with his cargo…and I am really looking forward to that.”
She tilted her head. “…I know, Mot. I know. It feels like…why even bother trying, right? When nothing good happens anyways…when the odds seem clearly stacked against you…but please, start looking at it like this. Why bother not trying? So either you do not try, and you get nothing, or you do try, and get nothing…well…try it a different way. If you get nothing, try it another different way…whatever works for you. Whatever makes you happy. It does not need to be big…it can be very small as well.”
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:24 pm
What made him happy before? He didn't even know that, and it scared him.
Hel's dream was a nice one. Simple, and plausible. A cottage, a possible career in Trick-or-treating. She'd even thought of a collaboration with Mac. She had it together. Mot was envious.
"I don't know.." Mot rubbed his neck and sighed. "Maybe I'll try. Maybe.."
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