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 Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 1:47 pm
Mot flinched again, fidgeting with his hands as she attempted to calm herself. Poorly. "I-it wasn't no reason. I just.....wanted it." He said with some shame. Not to mentioned Hel had been ever so alluring at the time.
Mot yelped a bit as she lunged, quite caught by the collar. It took a moment to find words as she shook him like a polaroid picture. "I-If it is a-a-any consolation? I am a guy! Guys just.. have sudden needs.. sometimes." His brows were raised high, studying the frantic look in Riyo's crazed eyes.
"Why are you scared? Are your walls breaking?"
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 2:07 pm
Just wanted it? JUST WANTED IT? Now Riyo was both bewildered and disturbed.
The suggestion that it was in fact his gender's fault caused the ghoul to back off a little, releasing his collar before she sunk back into her chair. "S-sudden needs... Right..."
Walls? What about walls?! Riyo shot Mot a deer in headlights look. "No! Hell no!" Her hands began to twiddle nervously in her lap. Okay seriously, she needed to cool it. Just... Deep breaths. Yes. Deep breaths. It'd be okay.
The demon was silent for moments, staring down at the table as if trying to compose her thoughts. "If you want to know the honest truth, Mot... I'm afraid of it." Hopefully 'it' wouldn't need to be clarified.
"I never want to be that close to anyone. I couldn't stand it. I've heard people talk about it as if it was just a casual thing, but... It's never that simple with me." She admitted, almost looking ashamed to even be talking about it. "I didn't figure I'd ever have to worry about it because if my looks didn't put someone off, surely my personality would. Apparently such is not the case."
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 2:15 pm
Mot sat back down as he was released, readjusting his shirt as he saw fit.
"Afraid, huh?" Mot had been afraid too, but for entirely different reasons. It had taken a lot more than just desire to get as far as he did. Pure physical need alone had never been enough until he finally got over his insecurities.
"I see... so now that your personality alone doesn't detour.. someone.. I'm assuming you've thought about...?" He left the rest unsaid. "Well anyway.. I hardly know what I'm talking about. I've only done it once, and I ended up breaking someone's heart in the process."
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 4:10 pm
"No!" Riyo immediately retorted, arms folding over her chest. "Nope. Haven't thought about it." The more she denied it the truer it would be, after all. Totes.
Though, the mention of Hel being hurt by it took Riyo in another direction. Her expression softened as she thought about her friend. It was... Sort of surprising she hadn't heard about it from the valkyrie proper. "Well, you said it yourself Mot. You didn't want to string her along. I think it would've caused more problems for the both of you, though I couldn't say for sure. I know nothing about matters like this."
Tapping at the lid of her cup, the ghoul sighed. "I have a long list of things I would go back and change if given the ability." But it made her wonder. "... Would you take it back if you could?" She posed the question softly.
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 4:15 pm
"I'm not sure.. to say I regret it might imply I made the decision half heartedly. And I don't believe that's the case. However, if it would save her from hurting? Then perhaps." Mot drummed his fingers against the side of his cup.
"But then again, dwelling on the past won't change a thing. I'd rather learn from it than wallow in regrets."
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 4:20 pm
It was an on the fence answer, but at the same time it wasn't. He had told her all she needed to know, and the fact that he seemed at peace with himself bothered her.
No, not because she knew Hel was still hurt. She was sure of it, but that wasn't the point. Riyo had never been able to make peace with herself so easily. Never. "Now it's your turn to do me a favor." The ghoul said solemnly. "Teach me how to not 'wallow in my regrets', as you put it. Your ability to move on just like that fascinates me."
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 4:26 pm
Oh good! He could do her a favor like they had agreed. Mot smiled, but it faltered at her request. Much like she couldn't rightly teach him not to give a s**t, it was hard for him to pass on his ways of moving on. But he could try.
"Hmm.." He went quiet as he pondered his process, picking apart his own mind for an answer. "Up to that point, all I ever did was wallow. I was... just done sinking in that bog. It was a matter of survival. Move on, and live. Or wallow, and eventually drown in my own sadness. I was tired of drowning, Riyo. I wanted to live. I wanted to be happy. The only way to do that is to allow yourself to let go of all that chains you down, no matter how selfish."
He smiled.
"Take a page from your book, and remember not to give a s**t."
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 4:45 pm
Not give a s**t.
Like most things that came out of her mouth, it was easier said than done. Easier to give advice than take it. Do what I say, not what I do... As it was.
The cowboil's story resonated with her. It certainly did. Wallowing in sadness. Sinking to the bottom. Happiness at the expense of others.
"I've come a long way, Mot." Her voice was quiet. Red orbs transfixed on the cooling cup of coffee. "I've done all that was physically necessary. Said my farewells to the parent I never had, tore the company that was practically a tumor all these years into little tiny pieces so that it would never come back." All Riyo's recollections were very matter-of-fact. "I did it so I could start being okay with myself, because I never really have been." As confident as she tried to appear.
"But I still have so much baggage... And I'm afraid selfishness only excuses a small portion. All this work has uncovered more new issues. Things that had been certain before aren't anymore. I don't regret throwing my old life out... But I regret not doing things sooner. Before it got so bad... Because I don't have much to mold with anymore."
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 4:55 pm
Mot was honestly surprised to hear Riyo had done so much since they last talked. It was good, but it seemed such drastic changes brought on additional burdens. "It's like trying to fix a crack in the wall and finding mould underneath?" Mot said with a weak smirk. "Just keep soldiering on. Deal with the problems as they come.. Just don't let them consume you. Take a step back if need be."
He rubbed his temple. "Sorry, I always sound so vague when I talk. It's another weakness of mine I need to 'fix'." A sheepish grin was cast to the demoness.
"Healing yourself will take a while. Believe me, I know. It took me months to get to this point... I was an absolute mess not too long ago. Self doubt and the loss of my own worth plagued me."
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 5:51 pm
Yes, that was a good analogy. "Just like that." The ghoul sighed.
Riyo could've bitched at Mot simply because it was what she usually did when someone gave her semi-cliche verbal advice. But you know what? No. Not today. This had been progress. For once in the weeks after prom, this had been progress. She could almost feel herself getting a little bit farther out of that hole she'd spent years digging, just by talking about it.
"Self doubt is certainly a b***h." Her eyes turned upward to the boil. "But it's good that you're fixing yourself, or at least making an effort to. If you can have confidence in yourself and all the decisions you make, then I think you'll be better off. Even if some of the decisions were wrong to begin with." Strange to think now different Mot was from the reaper she'd met all that time ago. "You've really grown."
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 6:01 pm
Mot smiled, and then grinned. "Thanks, Riyo. That means a lot." Riyo didn't sugar coat things after all. So if she said he grew, he believed it.
"So, you think you can move on too? There's little I can do but tell you to keep at it, really." He scratched his chin. "I'd tell you I care about you and your future because I'm a friend, but that's a bit wishy washy. Just do it for yourself, because that's who matters most in the end. You'll have to live with what you do or don't do."
His eyes glanced to the side, where a disgruntled bus boil finished cleaning up the spilled coffee, and then down at his now empty cup.
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 6:23 pm
Mot's words surprised her. They surprised her in a good way, and it actually managed to crack a smile through that rigid face, if only for a few seconds. Do it for yourself, he said. Yes, he had indeed grown. If only the others could be so selfish.
"I'd certainly like to. I've already come to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could ever do to impress my mother." It was one of the core problems that had broken into the jagged little problems and ticks she had today. "But... I think about my father a lot. Or the lack thereof. I've never really forgiven him for what he did." Abandonment issues for the lose.
Though Mot seemed a bit preoccupied, it seemed. Looking at the coffee now being cleaned up. Had he already finished his?
Riyo grimaced, looking down at her own cup. there was still at least a quarter left.
Ugh. Whatever. "Here." Riyo popped the lid off hers and passed it to the boil. "You can finish mine."
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Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 6:34 pm
Mot nodded, happy that Riyo was getting past some of the issues that bound her. He understood, even if it wasn't to the same degree of abuse and neglect as Riyo. He'd had it easy in comparison, even if his own family left him with confidence issues. They had since been squashed, by his efforts and those of his friends.
"I don't think you ever have to either. Forgive him, I mean. It's just another thing you need to put behind you. I don't think we have to solve everything in our lives."
His smile perked at the offer. "Don't mind if I do." He happily polished off the last of her coffee, even if it was cooler than he liked. "This was nice. I'm glad we had this talk."
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Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2012 10:16 am
"No, I suppose not." The ghoul sighed. "It's just... Hard to sedate my morbid curiosity. An answer. Some kind of answer from him on why he left and why I wasn't good enough. Sometimes I feel like it'd be all I need to put it behind me." Riyo paused. "But most times I just want to find him and beat him to a bloody pulp." She held up a hand on either side and tilted her head. Thaaaaaaaaaats Riyo!
Looked like she at least knew how to make one person's day. Somewhat rewarding, considering all they really did was talk. "I suppose I am too." Being all nonchalant about it. "Next time, don't be a stranger." Look at her. Requesting that other people be more social. That was the kettle calling the pot black for sure.
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Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2012 10:22 am
Mot chuckled. "Well, if you ever run into him down the road, you know what you must do." Whether it was a talk or a punch, that was all up to Riyo.
"Hah! Sure, of course. I coud say the same to you. You're as welcome to call on me, too." Mot smiled and got to his feet. "I'm heading back to the school. What about you?"
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