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 Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:35 pm
I'm sorry! Please, papa, you're h-h-hurting my ear!
Are you sorry enough, Sasha? Are you? If you do not shut the door to the coop, Sasha, this is what happens. Do you see?
I see, papa. Please, please don't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
Deep in her mind, her own childish voice intertwined with Rep's. She paused, her hair damp with sweat and clinging to her neck, her cheeks, her forehead. Sasha's teeth were bared as she stood over him.
Pathetic. Yer nothin' but a burden. Never wanted you.
Let me.. let me help you to bed, papa.
Get away from me, stupid b***h. Take yer fancy ********' whistle n'get away from me.
Do you want some .. some w-water? Papa?
I said get away from me!
Using her foot, Sasha forcefully nudged Rep onto his back. Any resistance would be met with a harsh slap of the flat edge of Nona's blade against his arm. Black, black, black - so much absolute fury, pure and unadulterated, dark and unfiltered. There was no way to escape it, no way to contain it - and in truth, she didn't want to. There was a split second of clarity, a single moment that she saw the truth of the man she stared down at. A moment that he was not a substitution for the man she'd done everything for, the man she'd wanted approval from. The man that had failed her every day of his miserable life - and she'd been too stupid, too blind and weak to realize it. The blame had always been so willingly shouldered by Sasha, so eagerly taken in stride.
I'll do better, papa.
You say this all the time, stupid girl. You say you'll do better, and you never do. It is so hard to love you, Sasha.
I'm sorry, papa. I'm sorry.
No more. No more apologies. No more blame, no more. Focus. Focus.
Once she had Rep on his back, Nona's blades were crossed and rested against the redhead's neck. Her body was tense, taut as she put her weight on the Nona's blades. She felt something give.
Give.
Give.
Snap.
There it was. She felt the weak, weak shield give way.
Unrelenting, Sasha pressed in harder, the sharp edges of Nona's blades pressing against the soft, soft skin of Rep's neck. Sweat rolled down her cheeks, her jaw, her chin. Her voice was a low, guttural snarl.
"You have my attention now, Rep," she growled, "You have all of my attention now."
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:32 pm
He hadn't expected pleading to work, it was why it had always been his last resort, it simply made you look more pitiful, more hateful, easier to polish off to remove that embarrassment. In his life, pleading had only ever made things worse. But he'd had to try.
A shallow gasp of surprise was all he managed as that last thread of divinity, the shield, fractured and gave under the blades, even his guardian angel couldn't save him here. It was so cruel, to have to taste hope and a future, only to be reminded that there was always a catch. He was naive to hope otherwise.
Under the weight of the blade he didn't move an inch, he didn't dare, able to feel his pulse straining against the razor sharpness. It was difficult to breathe, every single breath seized desperately and carefully. He could feel every inch of the threat, his neck had always been sensitive - a bonus when it came to affection, traitorous now. The kiss of a blade didn't compare to the other sort. His mouth felt suddenly dry and even the simple act of gulping before he spoke made the pressure turn to a bite along the edge. He was sure he could feel the warmth of blood on his skin.
What could he say? Everything he said made people angry, everything was either read too far into or never read far enough. All he could shoot for was honesty.
"I'd..say I was sorry for doing this to you. But..I'm ..I'm not. You fought back. You won." he eyed her fearfully, the very picture of power, tense, vicious, intimidating. His voice was careful and even - he didn't care if he made sense. "And even if you kill me right here and now, I guess I'll still feel vindicated. That I was finally enough for someone to see how ******** stupid all of it is. To say no."
He took a few shallow breaths, trying to find the words and not crack again, closing his eyes in the hope that would somehow stop him from crying in front of anyone again. He'd done so much of it these last few days, more than in over twenty years.
"I just wanted to know..I wanted to know that people like you. That they could fight back. That it was her who failed herself." Again he didn't specify who he meant.
He clenched his hands against his sides and could hardly speak the words. "That it wasn't me."
He tried to steady himself before adding in a distant sort of way. "Do what you want. You'd be doing me a favour. You'd only be hurting the people who were stupid enough to care about me."
"I didn't mean to hurt Jerry, I didn't mean to do any of the s**t I did. But it happened."
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 4:17 pm
Sasha was panting softly as she leaned over Rep, precariously placing her weight on Nona's blades as she stared down at him. The sight of his blood had quelled the beast just slightly. She wasn't sure if his words were meant to soothe her or to inflame her, and it took a moment to sort those emotions out. At this point it about Sasha. It was about Rep. It was about coming to an understanding.
Or was it?
Her chest was tight as she tried to put her thoughts in order, watching the blood slowly trickle down Rep's neck with a predatory glint in her eyes. Who was he to push her, to get her to come to terms with the inner strength that had been so buried beneath fear and a need for approval that she'd almost forgotten it even existed? Who was he to urge her on, to bring her to the edge of control just to push her over the precipice, sending her tumbling into the dark, black abyss of unrestrained rage? Who was he to put the lives of Jerry and the others in peril?
He was nobody.
<He is nobody, dove,> Nona urged. <He is nothing. You are in control.>
Control. Laughable. Sasha didn't have a grasp on herself. She liked the sight of terror in his eyes, the sudden metallic scent of blood on the air. She enjoyed this power she had over him. His apologies weren't enough. The pressure on the blade grew heavier as she leaned harder on the weapon. Sasha exhaled, the sound hissing between her lips. Sasha didn't let up on the blades - if anything she pressed harder against his very fragile, very normal neck.
"You're an idiot. You didn't mean to hurt him, but you did," she hissed, gnashing her teeth as she finally pulled away. Sasha was trembling horrendously as she took a few steps back, still clutching Nona in white-knuckled fingers. Sasha wanted to fall on him again, hack and rip and tear and shred. She couldn't. She'd gotten what she'd wanted from him. She'd seen him afraid, humbled and bleeding.
"You'll give me my flute," Sasha growled, visibly shaking. "You'll apologize to Jerry." Sasha started to pace, nerves laid bare.
"I need to think about whether or not I should put my neck out for you, whether I should side with you on these weapons. Right now? You aren't worth it." One wrong word, one uttered, offensive phrase and she'd be on him again - and next time she wouldn't stop until he was unresponsive.
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 4:43 pm
It wasn't enough.
That was the only frenzied thing he could think of as breathing went from difficult to almost impossible, just waiting for the moment when the blade went too deep and nothing remained to do but bleed out.
He didn't understand why she relented, breathless and trying to regain some sort of composure as she stepped back from him. Too close, it had been too close. He coughed and sputtered as he rolled onto his side, hands at his throat as he tried to assess the damage. He was cut, and fairly deeply, but not fatally.
There was a war in his mind as the world seemed to come back into view. Self disgust overwhelmed him at letting himself be defeated by a woman, conflicting directly with the idea it had been what he deserved.
"The flute is under my bed in my old room. 197. Its dry under the bed." he snarled, the tinny scent of blood making him impatient and worried. He wasn't sure how fast his self healing even was any more. "******** hell." he said, eyeing his dripping hand. The blood reminded him of Rin. Someone else he'd screwed over for gain. He'd have to apologise to her too. "And aye. Jerry."
Still, it was hard to be civil and cowering, his dignity had been obliterated, she had gotten a look in the moment right into the heart of him. Embarrassment twisted into anger again. "Yeah you don't owe me anything" he snapped sarcastically, covering his shock and still racing heart with a front of anger. "Not like I ******** did anything for you."
He couldn't shake the sense of injustice, couldn't shake that uncomprehending confusion. He spoke without thinking, "******** fair isn't it man? A place where I shoot some people with a net and lose everything, and yet, because of what you are, you could kill me. And no one would care."
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:41 pm
Sasha had been prepared to walk away. If he'd just kept his tone even, his expression composed. She'd have let him leave. When she felt more in control of herself, she'd have approached him again, and perhaps they'd have been able to talk things through. Almost like adults. Not with anything closely resembling mutual respect, of course, but perhaps they'd have come to an understanding, some sort of recognition of boundaries. Sasha had been moving towards the training dummy already, Nona hoisted in the air.
And then Rep spoke.
The tiny slivers of control that Sasha had been able to gather, those tiniest threads of composure, shattered. Snapped. There was a moment of utter stillness that came over the intermediate as she lowered her weapons, limply holding them in her hands. Her shoulders dropped; her entire demeanor exuded something that looked suspiciously like defeat - or an emotion similarly reasonable, similarly human. What couldn't be seen was the taut, dark look that slowly mangled Sasha's expression, contorting her features into something alien, inhuman. Her shoulders slowly rolled back, fingers tightening once more on Nona's hilts. Sasha finally lifted her head and slowly turned on her heel.
She took the few steps necessary to carry her back to his direction, hefting back a foot before slamming it into his lower back. It connected with a nice, resounding, sick thud - the pointed toe of her shiny new shoe making impact where a kidney might be located.
"You just can't shut up, can you, Rep? You just can't learn your place. Even when you're down on the ground - even when I've giving you an opportunity to shut up and get out of my face, you just," Sasha paused, landing another kick to his back, "can't," another kick, harder this time, "do it, can you?"
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:07 pm
He regretted the words as soon as she paused, mentally kicking himself for his own stupid mouth. He really couldn't shut up could he? Words were the bane of his existence, if he was mute he might never have another trouble again.
Walk away he thought as she lowered the weapons. Walk away, keep walking. But her hands clenched and she turned back to him. For the first time he considered running, but was far too slow in rallying his own thoughts. He had no idea what she would do until the first bloom of pain took his breath away. ********, he'd almost forgotten how pain, undampened by the effect of the shield felt. He cried out roughly just once before biting his lip, fighting back on giving her the satisfaction. There was some sense of defiance and dignity left in denying her that much at least.
It was all he could deny her though, as he knew better than to uncurl when people were putting the boot in, there were a lot worse places to be kicked than in your back. Even if right now, back seemed ******** horrible enough.
"I.." he stammered between kicks, voice growing more ragged and vicious the more she kicked. "FINE. ********. I'll go. I'll GO." He wasn't sure if he was just soft or if it was Nona making her kicks stronger than he remembered in the past. The kick to his kidney had made him want to throw up. He was getting soft. "I'll... I'll ******** shut up."
"Just stop. I'm on the GROUND, I'm ******** UNARMED." he said, shivering with the pain. "PLEASE."
He panted, side of his head against the ground, glad only that she didn't have his own experience of the most efficient places to kick someone when they were down - glad that she had to be new to cruelty.
"What more do you ******** want from me?"
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:01 pm
"What do I want from you?"
Sasha gave a low, harsh bark of laughter. She didn't answer, instead using Nona's hook to urge Rep onto his back. The point was sharp and honed, almost audibly crackling with energy. Nona was a low, constant hum in the back of Sasha's mind, radiating approval and a sick sort of giddiness that kept perfect time with the same emotion that throbbed in Sasha's chest. He was begging for her to stop.
She wouldn't. He'd wasted that chance already. In truth, there was some small, sane part of her that realized that she would be no better than him if she killed him, if she let him bleed out here on the training field.
"I don't want anything from you, Rep. Nothing. You seem to be incapable of keeping your mouth shut," her voice was thick, the knot in her throat tight and insistent.
"Maybe I should just... I don't know, Rep. Cut your tongue out? Is that what you want?"
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:14 pm
On his back he was even more anxious, hugging himself as defensively as he could manage, but not resisting her, aware that all it would take would be any sign of resistance to potentially throw her back over whatever precipice of anger she was on. Instead he said nothing at all, short of a surprised wince of pain as his back screamed its protests under him.
It was almost instinctual the way he found himself distancing himself from it all. When he was cornered and couldn't find a way out, he tended to step out of himself. He'd done it in the famine hive, he'd done it when the war horseman almost killed him, he'd done it in the past and it was his only option now. He could still smell the blood somewhere, feel the ache of the injuries but it no longer felt like him.
A voice snarled roughly, strained and uncertain. "No."
He hardly even registered as himself.
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:35 pm
Sasha just wanted to be left alone. That's all she wanted the last time she'd given Rep a few simple instructions that he just hadn't been able to handle. It was so simple. So, so very simple.
"Get up, shut your mouth, and leave. Me. Alone. I don't.. I don't have the patience to tell you again, Rep. Just. Go."
Last chance. If he didn't leave now, if he didn't go away, she wasn't going to be held responsible for what she would do. Sasha was growing tired, exhausted, even. The adrenaline was wearing thin. There was a tinge of desperation in her voice; each word was enunciated carefully, the flat edge of Nona's blade tapped against Rep's cheeks as she spoke - one, the other, back to the first. She stepped back, and tightened her hands on Nona's hilts before turning back towards the training dummy.
Just go.
<He isn't a bright one, is he?> Nona's voice was low, hissing, furious.
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:45 pm
It took him a few long moments to even realise what was being said to him, but as soon as he did, he pulled himself out of the haze, finally daring to get up, his every muscle protesting.
He eyed her for just a moment, as if thinking of making the stupid decision to say something else, before he seemed to think better of it. He shook his head and limped off as hurriedly as he could from the training fields, hand pressed on the gash on his neck. It would have mended already if Tracey was all right. As it was, he had blood all over him again. Every step sent agony up and down his back but he refused to linger and let her change her mind.
<< I miss you >> he thought, with a pang of longing
He probably should have headed to the infirmary, but all he could think in the chaotic mess of his mind was that he needed to find Harrison, to tell him he hadn't managed to get the permission. It was important, he'd probably be worried.
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:06 pm
Sasha was silent and still for a long, long time. She was half-expecting Rep to open his mouth again, to spout off something derogatory. She was almost waiting for it. When nothing but a long, steady silence yawned, Sasha hazarded a glance over her shoulder. She watched him slowly, painfully heft himself to his feet. When he limped away, Sasha exhaled loudly. The urge to crumple to her knees almost overcame her. She fought it, instead desummoning Nona briefly before retrieving her phone. She quickly pressed send, moving to resummon Nona. Sasha knew she would have to talk to him again, she would have to give him some sort of response. She'd told him she would. It would be on her terms. Turning back to the training dummy, Sasha continued to work out her frustrations, the lingering remnants of the rage that had dulled to a quiet, boiling simmer.
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