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 Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 4:57 pm
To: FlamingMenace @ Shinra.org
From: SpaceCase @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Repairs?
I don't care where the f*** they come from, so stop your b****ing and get the goods here. I've already sent out the crew, they'll be there shortly.
~ That Pissed Off Pilot
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To: [All Contacts] @ Shinra.org
From: SpaceCase @ Shinra.org
Subject: You F***ing S***heads
I want to know who the f*** thought it would be an amazing g**d*** prank to steal our probe prototype plans, along with my best damn titty mags! Which ever one of you slimy little c*cksucking worms did it, I'm going to f***ing find you, rip off your f***ing head, and s*** down your g**d*** neck. It took me f***ing years to stockpile all those mags, they're all limited f***ing edition lady-of-the-g**d***-month pieces, and I want them the hell back. The prototype plans would be f***ing nice, too.
~ That Pissed Off Pilot
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To: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
From: FreakShow @ Shinra.org
Subject: Hazmat Crew
Attachment: capture009.jpg
I do not know of any way to tell you what Lab I'm in, but I snapped the attached picture of a clean-up crew dispatched here to mop up the pieces of Bojarski. They had numbers on their suits, so I imagine the numbers cross-reference to a work order and lab number of some kind. The numbers clearly show in the image. One of the crew members seemed to be calling the shots, and appeared rather angry that Bojarski got so close to the containment cell. I could faintly tell it was a woman as she ordered he creature be "Processed." She called it "Experiment Red-12," if that alerts you of anything. The creature's entire cell was taken through the ceiling, then the cell was returned without the previous occupant. The crew left about twenty minutes ago.
~ The Freak on a Leash
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Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 8:50 pm
to: bratprince @ shinra.org
from: hojo @ shinra.org
subject: my extended leave
-----
In case you are wondering why things have been running so smoothly of late, and no sponge-zombie outbreaks recently, it's because I've been on my 2x paid vacation that I promised and subsequently withdrew funds for. I'm assume you have no problem with that as this digital copy of the signed letter of recommended recreational leave states.
I just thought it would be pertinent to avail you of what you allegedly signed and no one can prove never happened.
PS. Also there may or may not be a plague of sponge-zombies locked in one of the levels of the building. I suggest you not attempt to ascertain the veracity of this statement. I'll get around to looking for a cure or at least a gas that will only kill some of the staff alongside the afflicted...eventually.
Regards,
Prof. Kyoushirou Hojo
____________________________________________________________
To: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
From: Hojo @ Shinra.org
Subject: PS: I should clarify...
-----
Sponge-Zombies are not undead toiletries, but rather a strange breakthrough in science I discovered several months ago, leading to the creation of incredibly absorbent ambulatory deceased. This is a marked improvement on the previous manner of walking corpse wouldn't you say?
Ah, and they can propagate by budding, so try not to have your war-monkies dismember them too much.
Regards,
Prof. Kyoushirou Hojo
____________________________________________________________
To: FreakShow @ Shinra.org
From: Hojo @ Shinra.org
Subject: Oho, a tablet you say?
-----
And you're in a "jar" no less? You sound like quite an interesting creature indeed. I do hope you're in one of MY labs, because right now I'm just itching to poke such an interesting creature as yourself with all kinds of unpleasant seeming things, in all kinds of unpleasant seeming places.
And if you are in my lab, and you are what I'm increasingly suspecting, I may give you a reward for being a test subject, to make all this worthwhile....
We shall call it... ah, yes, a "playmate."
Looking forward to meeting you, tablet-wielding jar-beast.
Ta ta,
Prof. Kyoushirou Hojo
____________________________________________________________
To: SpaceCase @ Shinra.org
From: Hojo @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE: You F***ing S***heads
-----
I haven't the foggiest idea who you are, but if probes are your poison, you should come to my office, I have copious amounts of them in all manner of shapes sizes and uses.
Some can even be coaxed to fit into the intended space of much smaller devices, given adequate force and a pair of ear-plugs. Why just the other day I managed to gather the data I required using a 0 gauge probe that would normally have required a much smaller 20 gauge.
And MY OH MY was that malboro displeased with my technicians afterward! Even with my auditory shielding and soundproof windows the screeching was impressive! Oh I could go on for hours about all the probes I've used for unconventional means at no detriment to the recorded data!
Ah, but I suppose I've wasted enough of your time now. Oh, before I stop, I should much like to inquire about these "titty mags" you mentioned... I can't say I've ever heard of them directly, but I assume from the name they are some form of bird. Are they particularly edible? Given the success of my chocoburgers and levrikobbler, I'm always on the lookout for new even more delicious avians.
Regards,
Prof. Kyoushirou Hojo
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 7:31 am
To: [All Contacts] @ Shinra.org
From: LovelessFan @ Shinra.org
Subject: Where is my book?
To whom it may concern,
Give. It. Back. Or else, some lowly janitorial staff will be cleaning your blood off the floor.
To everyone else,
Take Loveless, and your newest body odor will be burnt flesh.
~ Genesis R.
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 7:41 am
To: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
From: BombQueen @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE: All's Quiet.
------
My reports to you have always been quite on time, I would like to remind you. As for the 'Tennis Ball' incident, I have informed you that my Department has no control over the destination of experimental weapons technology after it leaves from our labs, and therefore we cannot be implicated in the regrettable destruction of the facility. Perhaps now that the other imbeciles are laying low, you would grant us the proper funding to do our research properly.
~Scarlet
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To: SpaceCase @ Shinra.org
From: BombQueen @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE: You F***ing S***heads
------
While the loss of your prototype plans are regrettable, given their potential application as a useful weapons platform, I must ask that you refrain from threatening my staff as to their whereabouts.
Also, I would also ask that you keep the details of your perverse collections to yourself, you crude little man.
~Scarlet
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To: FlamingMenace @ Shinra.org
From: RookieGurl1 @ Shinra.org
Subject: RENO!!!
------
Reno, what is all this stuff in my room?! Blueprints and... and porno?!
This is disgusting!
If this is about the helicopter, I told you I was sorry, Reno! I didn't know that there was a certain type of fuel or anything! So I'm sorry, okay? Now whose is this and how do I get rid of it?!
~eLEnA
-------
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 8:00 am
To: LovelessFan @ Shinra.org
From: Hojo @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE: Where is my book?
-----
Oh how terrible. Has the inferior child lost its story book? I forget what color was it? I believe I saw a book lying around one of the sealed levels. I wouldn't recommend searching for it though. In your condition I doubt you could handle even one ordinary sponge, nonetheless a spongy reanimated corpse...or fifty.
Come to think of it, there were only fifty before I went on vacation, they've had plenty of time to reproduce since then, I imagine level 13 is probably wall to wall and floor to ceiling with them by now.
I do certainly hope it wasn't that blue book you are looking for.
Regards,
Prof. Kyoushirou Hojo
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 9:51 am
To: FreakShow@ Shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: Seems useful, but not.
0x0x0x0x0x0
While the information you are sending might at first appear to be incredibly useful, the way the system is currently configured renders it useless. Hojo's filing system is so convoluted that it's impossible to find anything, so I'm not even going to try and Scarlet's... The less said about that, the better.
If I had access to this data, do you honestly think I would be talking to you instead of cleaning out the undesirable elements?
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord.
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: hojo @ Shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: As a matter of fact, I did sign that form.
0x0x0x0x0x0
Wonderful. Just wonderful, and to think I was enjoying a month without some freak of nature popping from the woodwork and eating half of the useless employees while endangering the rest.
When you return, if we all survive this plague you've unleashed upon us this time, we are going to rebuild your labs so that whatever monstrosities you create stay within your labs without any chance of escape instead of spreading through the entire building. I am currently in the process of reworking the building's security system to stop the spread, If a single competent employee is harmed in this, I will fry you myself, do I make myself clear?
A marked improvement indeed. I'll order pest control to use fire and restore materia only, no reason to accidentally create more of the walking dead.
I think you and I need to have a long talk about what is acceptable to have in the main building and what should be as far away from me as possible.
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord.
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: LovelessFan @ Shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: Book?
0x0x0x0x0x0
I assume that your copy of Loveless has gone missing again? If it does not turn up within the next five hours, you are welcome to the copy that has mysteriously appeared on my coffee table. If the culprit is someone important, I would prefer that they remain alive until I have enough time to find a replacement, you may do what you want to them after that.
I would also prefer it if you would limit the bloodshed to the assigned rooms, as the janitor staff is overworked enough.
Good luck, Godspeed, may you find it in one piece.
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord.
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: BombQueen @ Shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE: RE: All's quiet.
0x0x0x0x0x0
If you would hire competent employees instead of taking anyone who comes in from off the street, maybe I would consider adjusting your budget to allow for research instead of funneling most of it into damage control.
Speaking of which, do you happen to have something in your labs that is capable of speech/operating a tablet? I was originally going to use it to find out what was really going on in the labs, but thus far it has provided nothing but useless information. If it is in your labs, I would like it released, then disposed of. Now.
Also, a report on the status of your current project would be appreciated before you decide to randomly announce it in the middle of the next board meeting without warning me first. I do like to have some idea of what my executives are up to, especially if there is a possibility that it involves explosions shaking the building when I am trying to work.
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord.
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: [All Contacts] @ Shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: Zombie Plan.
0x0x0x0x0x0
It has recently come to my attention that Hojo is on a temporary leave of absence and has kindly left a horde of mutated zombies locked in one of the floors, but neglected to inform me which floor. While it would be too much to hope that an idiot does not release them into the rest of the building, I would like you all to be very careful when opening doors that haven't been used recently and carry fire and/or restore materia at all times until we're sure that the menace has been dealt with. We do not currently know if whatever was used to create them is contagious, I assume Hojo will gleefully inform us in an hour or two after the first bite, so if you are unfortunate enough to stumble upon these sponge zombies -as he put it- and get bitten, kindly stay there and get eaten.
Also, please be aware that the security team can tell the difference between a random zombie attack and a vicious killing. This is not an excuse to ruthlessly murder random employees if you have not already been given permission to do so or to take out your superior because he annoys you/makes you do work/you don't like him. There will not be any punishment if this does happen and there's no proof to the contrary, just know that I will know and will be watching you.
Try not to let the zombies out, stay alive and in one piece. Keep the bloodshed to an absolute minimum.
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 9:58 am
To: Hojo @ Shinra.org
From: SpaceCase @ Shinra.org
Subject: A**hole.
I remember now why I greatly f***ing dislike you. I should have just left you off the damn send list. The legal department has graciously shoved their heads up my a** to inform me that I should pursue company property (the blueprints) before personal.
The plans did not pertain to your f***ing sick perversions of a**l rape. The prints are for a deep space exploration satellite, which I designed myself. Putting my babies aside for now, (and swallowing my g**d*** pride) I just need anyone with possession of those plans to stuff their a** in a small damn handbasket and ride it all the way to hell. If that is you, I will f***ing laugh hysterically while I jettison you from the g**d*** air lock after we f***ing launch.
~ The Pissed Off Pilot that Hates You
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To: BombQueen @ Shinra.org
From: SpaceCase @ Shinra.org
Subject: Go to Hell.
Now listen here, little f***ing girl. Aside from the mags, I will threaten your team as I see fit. Those damn plans were not Shinra's g**d*** property. Those belonged f***ing specifically to the Space Division. You can f***ing defend yourself as you see damn well fit, but have you ever had a 30 story rocket shoved so far up your a**....
...Dear God, what the f*** have I done?
~ That Pissed Off Pilot Needs to Send An Emergency Email
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To: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
From: SpaceCase @ Shinra.org
Subject: Oh F***, What Have I Done?
I'll get right to the f***ing point. I expect that the Weapons Department will be asking very f***ing soon about extra funding for a new project. STOP ALL FUNDING FOR 30 STORY a**l G**D*** d***o ROCKETS. I f***ing refuse to be held responsible for this.
~ That Pissed Off Pilot
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To: Hojo @ Shinra.org
From: FreakShow @ Shinra.org
Subject: Dat FreakShow.
Ah, Hojo. Allow me a moment to relish the time between us. Moment over. Go to hell.
Yes. A "Jar" meaning one of your containment cells. The glass in here is quite curious. Acts more like a semi-permeable membrane than glass. Curious design. Very intuitive. Sometimes I do wonder, though, why did you not use actual glass? Seems more practical to not allow any limbs freedom; but I suppose you are the type to let interns and community workers get mauled at every chance.
And if by "playmate" you mean female companionship, you can forget it. You neutered me, remember?
~ That Freak On A Leash
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 10:09 am
To: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
From: SexyKnowsBest @ Shinra.org
Subject: Report, Resnort.
Could someone please inform me as to why I cannot remain in my office undisturbed for at least five minutes? If it’s not the odd noises from downstairs that sound that seems unsurprisingly like bloodthirsty zombies (I believe that is what the email said…I hardly ever read them all the way through), it’s the idiotic employees that come bursting in here as if they own the place.
Please note that the aforementioned employee has now expired and I will send whatever report you wanted once it is disposed of. I’d apologize for the blood that just happened to splash everywhere, but we both know I’d be lying.
- Sephiroth
To: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
From: DotDotDot @ Shinra.org
Subject: Report, my a**.
There will be absolutely no report sent until I can have my username changed. I don’t know the creature that is responsible for this, but I will have their head on my desk by lunchtime. Currently I have a list of a few suspects that I will be more than happy to pursue investigations upon so that you are left undisturbed.
Until then, consider me on that vacation time that keeps getting promised yearly and never seems to make its way to my calendar.
- Tseng
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 10:32 am
To: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
From: BombQueen @ Shinra.org
Subject: A new project
Attachment: rocketbprint.img
------
I have recently had an epiphany as to a successful weapons platform. Thanks to the certain... influence, of your ever-so-lovely Head of the Space Division, I would like to propose a new blueprint to you.
A giant rocket-type bomb capable of going into space before specifically delivering its payload. Naturally, this would have to be on the... large side. A twenty to thirty story rocket would suffice, in my guess.
I will of course have to add other... modifications to it, as well, courtesy of the Space Head's suggestion.
On another note, the alleged "competency" of my employees is beyond my control. With our current budget, we are unable to hire more skilled workers. As for having an employee with the cognitive ability to operate a tablet, much less owning a tablet in the first place, I have to say that I haven't the slightest clue what you are talking about. Without proper funding, I cannot pull myself nor my workers away from their research long enough for a thorough search. I will inform them, and on the chance that anything is found, I will surely report it straight to you.
As for a zombie attack, if/when the floor this supposed "outbreak" has been contained on is ever revealed, I would enjoy being among the first notified of it. I have quite a few types of new explosives that I would just love trying out on the so-called "undead."
Oh, P.S. - Do disregard whatever that vile man is telling you about this new project. His head is so far in the stars that he honestly has no idea what he is talking about.
~Scarlet
------
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 11:08 am
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: SpaceCase @ Shinra.org
From: FlamingMenace @ Shinra.org
Subject: Heh.
0x0x0x0x0x0
Yo~.
Enjoy your smokes and alcohol, man, you deserve it. You weren't there when I stopped by, so I just left them where I thought you would find them. Ruf' sent me out there for a routine check of our other aircraft, and I thought I would kill two birds with one stone.
Sorry to hear 'bout your mags going missing, plans can be remade but those beauts are hard to find. Maybe they'll show up somewhere completely unexpected, you never know.
Hope you find them~.
!~Reno, not involved at all~!
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: LovelessFan @ Shinra.org
From: FlamingMenace @ Shinra.org
Subject: Missing Something?
0x0x0x0x0x0
You know, I thought I saw something that looked suspiciously similar to your copy of Loveless up in Rufus's office, why don't you go up and take a look. Give the Prez a piece of your mind while you're at it.
!~Reno, Just trying to be helpful~!
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: RookieGurl1 @ Shinra.org
From: FlamingMenace @ Shinra.org
Subject: What?
0x0x0x0x0x0
I honestly do not know what you are talking about. I most certainly did not steal anything from anyone, then plant evidence suggesting that you are the real culprit and it most certainly was not in retaliation for melting the engine out of my 'copter.
I don't blame you for it at all. Which is why I can say: have fun trying to get that back to who it really belongs to. Maybe if you're really, really good and try really, really hard, the real thief will take pity on you and put everything back where it belongs.
Heh, fat chance of that happening.
!~Don't mess with my baby, b**ch, Reno~!
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
From: FlamingMenace @ Shinra.org
Subject: Zombies.
0x0x0x0x0x0
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say boss. You don't want us to do anything about these zombies, do you now? Because that just ain't happening unless I get another flamethrower, and some post-its.
Already have a tennis ball machine. Thank you for offering.
!~Reno, currently unmotivated~!
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: DotDotDot @ Shinra.org
From: FlamingMenace @ Shinra.org
Subject: Yo, bossman,
0x0x0x0x0x0
Like your email? I fixed it for you~. the one you chose was just lacking that certain special pizazz, so I spiced it up a little. You like?
You know I love you, right? So please don't kill me and feed my body to the zombies like I know Rufus is telling you to do.
I'll do whatever you say for a month, promise~. For real this time, yeah?
!~You are the god of my pants, Reno~!
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 11:15 am
To: Hojo @ Shinra.org
From: LovelessFan @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE:RE Where is my book?
I have stared at this blinking cursor for the last hour wondering how to respond to your delightfully helpful message. Finally, I have the answer.
Go die in a hole.
~ Genesis R.
--------
To: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
From: LovelessFan @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE:RE Where is my book?
I do what I want. However, Angeal has informed me that it is best to appease people sometimes so I'll grudgingly keep the bloodshed to an acceptable level.
And that better not be my copy.Â
~ Genesis R.
--------
To: SexyKnowsBest @ Shinra.org
From: LovelessFan @ Shinra.org
Subject: Weird Noises
Sephiroth, are you hearing weird noises emitting from underneath your office? I am and it's irritating my ears.
That reminds me, what are the company standards on amount of bloodshed again? It has insignificantly slipped my mind.
~ Genesis R.
--------
To: FlamingMenace @ Shinra.org
From: LovelessFan @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE: Missing Something?
Unfortunately Angeal firmly says I cannot assassinate the President of Shinra. Nonetheless, I will have Loveless back. Or it will be your head first for giving false information.
~ Genesis R.
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 11:34 am
To: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
From: RookieGurl1 @ Shinra.org
Subject: Zombies?!
------
A-are we being for real about these zombies? Like, walking dead people who eat people alive? That kind of zombie? I-I don't know if I'm qualified for that kind of w-work, sir.
*eLEnA*
------
To: FlamingMenace @ Shinra.org
From: RookieGurl1 @ Shinra.org
Subject: please please please
------
I get it, I get it! I won't touch the helicopter again! I'm sorry, I was just trying to help!
Just please help me get rid of this stuff, I heard it was that scary Space guy's and I don't want him hurting me! Please, Reno I'll do anything you want me to!
*eLEnA*
------
To: DotDotDot @ Shinra.org
From: RookieGurl1 @ Shinra.org
Subject: creepy noises
------
Um, hi, Tseng, sir. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've been hearing some really scary noises coming from one of the upper floors sometimes. Do you know if it's those zombies that people have been whispering about?
Because I'm really scared if it is, and I don't know if I'm qualified to handle such a work environment. T-that doesn't mean I wouldn't do something about it if you ordered me to, sir, I just... don't really want to... get eaten.
But I would definitely take care of the problem if you asked me to, sir!
But, um, if it comes to that, could Reno or Rude possibly come with me...?
*eLEnA*
------
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 1:21 pm
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: SpaceCase @ shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: Language. Watch it.
0x0x0x0x0x0
...Why am I not surprised?
I'm not holding you responsible for her asking, but I am holding you responsible for giving her the idea in the first place. However, considering that she would have gotten it sooner or later, I'll just thank you for getting it out of the way now.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to come up with a list of logical reasons as to why this shouldn't be approved on top of the normal everyday paperwork. Kindly allow me to express my gratitude by reminding you that the planes in Junon need to be inspected for safety, and I would prefer it if you would do it personally, as the Junon crew is half-morons, half-idiot pranksters.
Thank you so very much for adding to my workload. I hope that you're enjoying the pressure of being a department head very much.
~Rufus Shinra Evil Overlord
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: SexyknowsBest @ shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: I would like to know as well.
0x0x0x0x0x0
Probably for the same reason that I cannot get a single bit of work done without the building collapsing in on itself. But yes, it probably would be best if you stayed in your office considering that they reproduce by budding, which Hojo implied to mean that if you sliced parts off, they grow from the missing pieces. Let someone less sword-happy deal with it.
Consider your paperwork waived in favor of allowing you to get some actual work done for once. I trust in your capability to deal with troublemakers. Of course, I'd like you to keep deaths within the ranks to an absolute minimum, if at all possible, I'd prefer there to be none at all, but we both know that that is impossible.
...Please tell me you at least had the body disposed of properly. And yes, kicking it into the hallway is not disposing of it properly. I believe we've had this discussion before.
This is why there isn't a carpet in your office anymore.
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord.
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: DotDotDot @ shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: And what a nice a** too.
0x0x0x0x0x0
Don't bother investigating, this has Reno written all over it. Unfortunately there seems to be something blocking me from changing your username to anything but a few choice names that are would please you even less than your current one. So I'm afraid you will just have to deal with it until he loses interest, or you threaten to remove his spleen through his nostrils, whichever comes first.
Fortunately, I know firsthand that the Turks are loyal, and that the main troublemaker is currently being kept busy and out of the building, for the most part, so I will waive your paperwork as well. However, if you feel like assigning it to Reno anyway, and ensure that it gets done, I will have no complaints.
I believe that you taking your vacation now would be for the best, considering Hojo's latest screw-up. If the situation proceeds as I predict it will, I will probably be joining you while the zombies sort themselves out. I would absolutely hate it if I lost you, or any of my Turks to the horde. Take as long as you need, and don't come back until the building is mostly zombie free.
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord.
0x0x0x0x0x0
To: BombQueen @ shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: No.
0x0x0x0x0x0
I don't care what you have to say about it.You are not building this unless you can write a 10000 word report on why we need it, what uses it has and what it could double as during peacetime, and on the off chance that you actually do write that report, the answer is still no. We have enough giant weapons laying around, if it really comes down to it, we'll use one of them.
We are not building another useless rocket. We are not bombing anything in space. We already own the world, so kindly focus on building weapons that can target a small, specific groups that rebel against us, not another useless five-story high robot.
Perhaps I would be tempted to increase the budget if you would produce results I am interested in instead of over-sized machinery. I am sure that once you turn your efforts on something worthwhile, instead of participating in 'see who's the biggest' contest, your funding will go up, and everyone would be happy.
Considering the comments made, if you and your crew are not aware of it, either some rebel faction is hosting something in your labs, again, or it's in Hojo's. I'm betting the latter because we haven't had an explosion in a while.
I'll do my best to keep you informed, but try not to bring the building down while we're still inside it.
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord.
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To: FlamingMenace @ shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: You'll do what I say and like it.
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No, I do not currently have any plans to send any Turk after the zombies, I believe that honor is reserved for grunts who are nothing but cannon fodder in the first place and therefore will not be too terrible of a loss.
If I see you in the halls with a flamethrower without a very good reason, I will take pleasure in assigning you to Icicle Inn when summer comes around. And then approve your request to work in a thong. Post-it notes you may acquire on your own.
I thought I told you to get rid of that. Perhaps I wasn't clear the first time, or any of the subsequent times, but we do not declare war on parts of the building, nor would we use sporting equipment if that was the case.
Need I remind you that you promised to behave this week in return for being allowed off of the lower floors.
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord.
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To: LovelessFan @ shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE: RE: Where is my book.
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I only ask that you refrain until the zombie menace has been dealt with, then you may resume carving a bloody path through the lower floors if you so wish, as long as you try not to kill anyone important.
If it is, then I most sincerely apologize for I have no idea how it got here or why it is on my table.
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord.
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To: RookieGurl1 @ shinra.org
From: BratPrince @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE: Zombies!?
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Hojo says that they are, and considering some of the other monstrosities that have spawned in his lab, I believe we will all benefit from erring on the side of caution. Whether or not they are actually the living dead has not been confirmed, but it's best to take whatever Hojo says at face value and keep a fire materia handy in case of emergencies.
I do not attend to send the Turks in to deal with the threat, as I said to your coworker, this job is better left to the grunts, who are both expendable and easily replaceable. Just do what Tseng tells you, and you'll be fine.
However, he's currently on vacation, which leaves Reno in charge by default, so I would appreciate it if you would confirm your orders with me before following any command that comes out of his mouth.
Do your best, Turk. I'll be watching.
~Rufus Shinra, Evil Overlord
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 2:45 pm
To: [all contacts] @ Shinra.org
From: Hojo @ Shinra.org
Subject: Our "fearless leader"
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I just thought I should correct the misinformation handed out by our president.
To be brief, my vacation has just ended. I have returned from over a month of being absent, just recently...
And also those zombies he mentioned have been festering in there for most of that time.
Oh yes, and I believe I shall be volunteering for cafeteria duty some time in the near future. Expect much MUCH deliciousness and the possible intestinal pathogen sometime between now and... well if I give that away, then you'll all know when to avoid the cafeteria won't you? Hahahahahahahaha.
Regards,
Prof. Kyoushirou Hojo
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To: FreakShow @ Shinra.org
From: Hojo @ Shinra.org
Subject: Oh its you is it?
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I see, I see. Forgive me for not immediately knowing each and every of my test subjects simply by their preferred manner of speech. Semi-permeable membranes are the backbone of biological science... well, no I suppose spinal columns are, but they are typically encased within semipermeable membranes at any rate.
As for my memory, I daresay it's foolish to expect me to remember all the parts I've removed from all my lovely friends in the science dept.
Shame, though; I had plans on obtaining a positively comely specimen in the near future, and since space is such a premium in this building, especially with much of it being filled with corpse-meat now, I was hoping to bunk her with you. Oh well, I suppose she'll have to stay with one of the other specimens.
Curious, how exactly do you manage to type with digits so useless as a dew-claw on your limbs?
Regards,
Prof. Kyoushirou Hojo
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To: SpaceCase @ Shinra.org
From: Hojo @ Shinra.org
Subject: Pity.
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And here I was thinking there was someone who could truly appreciate a good piece of equipment. I must say I'm intrigued by the thought of what might be living outside the confines of our miniscule rock.
Do come to me first if something should by some chance, take you as a host or some sort of incubation vessel. I'll put survival above all else during the extraction.
Toodles,
Prof. Kyoushirou Hojo
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To: DotDotDot @ Shinra.org
From: Hojo @ Shinra.org
Subject: I wonder...
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Have you given any thought to allowing my lab to physically augment some of your staff? Surely you could do more if your team was a little more durable.
On a side note, I'm not sure if you're aware, but there seems to be a mark on your forehead. You should really think about cleaning that off.
Regards,
Prof. Kyoushirou Hojo
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:21 pm
To: Hojo @ Shinra.org
From: FreakShow @ Shinra.org
Subject: RE: Oh its you is it?
It is a bit cumbersome, but I'm using a type of Levitate ability on what appears to be a pen that came with the tablet. The device refers to this object as the "Stylus." I discovered this ability while toying about with some recreational objects placed into my cell. I assume this happened as a side effect of a few of your drugs. Pity that the great Professor Hojo doesn't even know what his own chemicals do. It's amazing that Shinra keeps you around, what with your lack of knowledge. While it remains perfectly understandable that you wouldn't know all of your test subjects with ease, the least you could do is be knowledgeable of the chemicals in your facility. Who knows? Perhaps you injected one of my friends in here with a frenzy serum. Just goes to show how inadequate you are.
P.S. You misspelled "it's" in your subject line.
~ The Freak on a Leash
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