Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ahh the spacing made that much better! It was easier to read. :3 anyways, perhaps you could have her learn a bit of sword fighting before she goes? She'll probably be targeted pretty hard since she's the only girl, maybe her father could teach her a few things to defend herself with?

He seemed more concerned with him being viewed as helpless than his daughter going off to war. Also, I feel that he calmed down waaaaay too quickly for a father who just had their oldest child disobey them and sign herself up for a life in the army where she could be killed, even though he ordered her not to.

Haha it's no problem. :3 Oh! one more thing! Kella's buds (to me) seemed way to passive about her joining the army. I know I'd smack one of my best friends upside the head and chew them out for being stupid. Especially if it meant they were going to be a single girl in a camp full of men. Just something to consider.

Loved it! I can see where you get inspiration from other books/movies, but then you add a lot of your own thinking. Wonderful. I don't have much more than that to say.
EDIT: Didn't realize the fourth chapter was on this page so I just read it...the foreshadowing...hmm. Well I looked up foreshadow in the dictionary because I wasn't completely sure what it meant. Figured that out. I'll have to think about what the foreshadowing is in this chapter...

ANNOUNCEMENT

To whoever still reads the updates for this novel:

As some or none of you may know, my laptop containing my War Maiden documents is not currently in my possession. A week ago, it decided to break on me and I had to take it to Best Buy so it could get fixed. Due to this unfortunate event, I will not be able to update Chapter Four for another month or so. Instead of not posting anything here at all however, I was thinking of posting events that take place later in the book. In the early stages of book development, I usually write major events or whatever comes to mind that I plan to put in the book at some point. I keep all of these writings in my notebook and, with my readers' permission since some might not like me to spoil some of the book for them, I would like to post what I have on here. I always love to hear your unbiased opinions on my work and wish to continue getting constructive criticism. If I do go through with this idea, I will have a spoiler alert warning on the posts for those who don't wish to read ahead in my book.

Well, I guess that's all. Thanks for reading and keep giving me constructive criticism, please! biggrin

Edit:

I finally got my laptop back! Though this changes a few things I am still stuck on chapter four so I think I will continue with my plan of posting other stuff for this book.

Archer and I exchanged thoughtful looks. The pond was located in the Forest of Emero and it was a place my grandfather had taken me and my sisters for fun. After he died, I showed it to Archer and then Kade when he came from Arethusa. We hadn’t been there in a year and it would be nice to go back just for the fun of it.

The two of us nodded in agreement and we all made plans to meet at the forest’s edge at dawn. From there, we would travel together to the pond where we would have a picnic, fish, and swim. Unable to wait for the next day, I headed home to tell my parents of my plans.

“The pond?” my mother questioned after I relayed the information to her.

“Yes Mother, the pond,” I confirmed. “You know, the one Grandfather used to take us to.”

“Well yes, I remember it, but why do you want to go there?” she asked.

“We haven’t been there in a while and we want to go again before we leave. Otherwise, it might be a few more years until we visit it.” I explained, just wanting her to say yes.

“What do you plan on wearing, dear? I’m only guessing you will be swimming.”

“I’ll wear what I wore last time we went.” I told her impatiently. “Please Mother, can I go?”

“I suppose,” she said with a half-smile. “But I want you back for dinner. You have to spend time with your family too, you know.”

“Of course,” I said, returning the smile, happy that she had agreed.
So, with my parents’ permission, the next morning, I woke at dawn to meet Archer and Kade on the outskirt of the forest. With me, I took a wicker basket made by my mother that contained a hand sewn blanket, two loaves of bread, a small jar of my mother’s homemade jam, a flask of water, and some eating utensils. All these items, plus whatever Kade and Archer brought, would be used for our picnic. It felt very strange to leave my bow and arrows behind when I was headed to the forest, but it would prove pointless at the pond, unless I wanted to try shooting the fish instead of catching them. A small smile crossed my lips at the very thought of attempting such a thing.

Just like we promised the day before, the three of us met where the village ended and the forest began. Like me, the boys were wearing the clothes they had worn last time we went; a short sleeved shirt and shorts made from fast drying cloth. The boys had brought along their own supplies for the picnic. Kade did not surprise me by bringing his old fishing rod from Arethusa. No doubt, he planned on catching us some lunch.

After exchanging our usual greetings to one another, we began our journey to the pond, supplies in hand. The silence that accompanied our walk was more a force of habit than a necessity. It had been a long time since any of us had entered the forest without the intention of hunting. More than once, at the sound of rustling leaves, I made a move to reach for an arrow. Each time I did this, the boys would look at me with an amused smile. I returned those smiles with a look that said, “Shut up.”

Our trip came to an end as we stepped into a clearing where a body of water sat peacefully in the middle. The surface of the water glittered from the rays of light shining down from the morning sun which was making its way across the cloud scattered sky. Nearing the edge of the pond, I removed my shoes and socks, allowing the cool blades of grass to tickle my bare feet.

“Ah,” Kade sighed with pleasure, doing the same as me.

It had been a while since he had last seen an actual body of water which must have been difficult after growing up with an ocean just outside his window. I could tell visiting the pond reminded him of home. Whether it brought good memories or bad, he did not let it interfere with his love of water and fishing.

Three pairs of shoes sat discarded in the grass by baskets of picnic supplies while their owners neared the pond. As I took the first few steps into the water, scaring away a frog in the process, the boys removed their shirts. I stopped a moment to dig my toes into the soft, muddy bottom, smiling as memories of past visits resurfaced. The peace was disturbed when Kade pushed Archer into the pond, probably causing most of the fish to flee. Laughing, Kade dove in and resurfaced a few feet from shore only to be tackled by Archer. I shook my head at the two but could not hold back an amused smile as I waded farther in. Ignoring the rambunctious boys, I continued to walk through the water until I could no longer touch. There, I started floating on my back, drifting slowly towards the center of the pond. In the distance, I could hear the boys splashing around, wrestling with each other. Closing my eyes, I allowed my mind to go completely blank, my heart rate slowing as though I was asleep. It was good to relax after all that had happened and before all that was to come. With little chance of relaxation at the training camp, I wanted to get it wherever and whenever I could.

The distant chirp of a bird in the trees made me realize how quiet it had suddenly grown. The sound of Kade and Archer splashing about in the water could no longer be heard. I stopped floating on my back and looked around, searching for the boys. When I didn’t see them, my heart rate quickened. What if they had both drowned? They were good swimmers but could something have happened to cause both of them to go down? There was only a moment in which I could worry about this before something grabbed my shoulders from behind. I let out a short scream of surprise and was pushed under water. Whoever was holding my shoulders kept me under for a few seconds before finally letting go. I resurfaced, gasping and spitting out water. There was a great deal of laughter coming from behind me that was easily recognizable as Kade’s. I spun around to find him and Archer floating before me. Since Archer was closer, I judged he had been the one who dunked me. My suspicions were confirmed when Kade said, “Nice one, Archer.”

Archer was flashing a mischievous smile at me. I returned it with a fake one, already plotting my revenge.

“Come on, Kell,” he said, swimming a bit closer to me. “You have to admit, it was a good one.”

“You’re right,” I said giving a false laugh. “It was a good one. You know what else is a good one? This!”

Without warning, I lifted my hands out of the water and pushed down on his shoulders hard. A wave of satisfaction swept over me at the look of surprise on his face as he went under. After a few moments of submersion, he came back up and I prepared myself for his retaliation. Archer launched himself at me with such force that we both went under water. We came back up, gasping for air, and started to wrestle while Kade cheered us on.

It was like we were kids again. There was no war, no training camp we would have to go to. No enemies that we would have to fight. There was only the pond and the woods and us. It was heaven, but it was not reality.

Once we had worn ourselves out in the water, we swam back to shore. There, we lay on the soft ground, laughing as we tried to regain our breath, letting the sun dry us. As our breathing returned to normal, we all sat up and started setting things up. Archer and I took out the supplies for the picnic, laying out the blanket and such, while Kade prepared for fishing. I watched from the corner of my eye as he dug into the damp earth near the shore, searching for juicy worms to be used as bait. I was suddenly reminded of our last trip to the pond when Kade first taught us how to fish. I had enjoyed catching the various fish and releasing them, but I still preferred hunting, where I could actually see what I was getting.

After placing our shoes on the edges and corners of the blanket to keep it stationary, Archer and I headed for the trees, in search of good fire wood as Kade dropped his line into the water. It wasn’t long before we got a fire going, using flint rocks Archer had brought along, and a pile of extra wood we had collected. I sat back down at the edge of the pond and drew into the soft dirt with a stick, waiting for Kade to get a bite.

Growing bored of drawing pointless swirls and fish into the ground; I set the stick down and pulled my knees to my chest, watching as Kade focused on the waters. Having finished setting things up and taking care of the fire, Archer sat beside me. He looked down at the stick I had been using before picking it up and drawing with it himself. My gaze turned to him as he drew a square about the size of my hand in the dirt. Then, he drew two horizontal and two vertical lines inside the square, turning it into nine smaller squares. With a glance at me, he made an ‘x’ in one of the corner squares before offering the stick to me. I smiled as I took it from him and drew an ‘o’ in the center. We went back and forth, playing a game we had not played in years, until Archer got three in a row, ending the round. He drew another nine squares and played again, this time starting with me. While it had not been my favorite game as a child, I enjoyed playing it by the pond since it proved to be an excellent way of passing time.

Just as Archer was about to draw another nine squares for our tenth round, Kade shouted, “Hey! I got one! It’s huge!”

Archer and I scrambled to our feet and ran to Kade as he reeled in his fish, watching him fight to bring it to shore. After a few minutes of watching Kade struggle, I turned my attention to the water. Just as I was scanning the surface for Kade’s catch, it jumped out of the water, then splashed back in, only a few feet from us.

“Did you see that?” Kade asked excitedly. “I’ve almost got it!”

Once again, the fish broke the surface, much closer this time. I licked my lips, almost able to taste it in my mouth. Almost there, I thought. Almost there. We all cheered as a beautiful bass flopped onto shore, Kade’s hook stuck in its mouth. Kade picked up the fish and took out the hook. Then, he held up it up for me and Archer to see.

“Look at that,” he said with his usual cocky smile. “We’re eating well today!”

“Yes, yes, good job fisherman.” I said, smiling.

“Now you get the honor of gutting it.” Archer handed Kade a knife. “Have fun.”

“I will,” Kade said, taking the knife.

While he went to find a flat rock to gut the fish on, Archer and I went back to the fire. As I added a few more sticks to the fire, Archer took out a spit he had brought to cook the fish on. Once he had set that over the fire, ready for the fish, we sat down together and waited for Kade.

Thank you whee My dad said we might be able to send some chapters to an author he was talking to on facebook. He said she should be able to give me some advice on how to get published and stuff.